I try to touch him
every day and hour
I can see them
the girl always smilin'
and he frowning at my pathetic
jokes I try to interest him with
It's painful to watch
them kiss, laugh
with him being so far
away just inches from my grasp

Sometimes I wonder
if it's the stereotypes
or maybe just fear
that make him
believe her
and run away
from me

I know it's no
use to wait
tears too salty
and my mouth dry
when I have to say
goodbye 'cause
he wants a stable life
not an adrenaline filled one
with the girl being able
to fulfill this dream
way better than me

I wish I could
one day
change myself enough
for him to believe
he could be happy
with me
that he'd response to the
touches and pleas one night

My hair's too
greyish tough
voice too masculine
character traits too
complicated
to even name

Maybe it's just
not meant to...
but I can't, don't
want to stop dreaming
things I'll never have
'cause it's helping
in some twisted kind of way
Therapy
that even alcohol or cocaine
could never provide

In dreams, I can kiss
his eyes and whisper
iloveyouiloveyoulove
till my voice's as broken
as my head
and no one's staring
wanting him only for
herself

In dreams, it's only
our apartment
roses on the bed
light dead and he wanting
me
nothing more or less

In dreams though
he's a zombie
a made-up fantasy
I'd never really like to meet
All of his thoughts about me
just like my real ones of him
obsessive, dangerous, vital

Not his at all

Sometimes, I wish
I could make him
feel what I do
but then I awake
from the dreams
and know it's just no use

He wouldn't be then the person
I learnt to love, admire
and hate to loose
Every decision he makes
combined with things I'd never
willingly change

Even when I bleed
with crystal tears while hearing
him declare his love
to her time and
time again
I know it's just the way
he is and always has been
with me excluded from the picture
from the beginning

Because in his world
friends always
stay just friends