Being Who we are meant to be
Verse: Nikita
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Alex/Birkhoff
Song: Shipwreck by Starfield
Summary: They were being who they were meant to be. The broken girl and the man who watched.
Seymour Birkhoff had several faults to his name; most of which he was proud of. But sitting at his computer at gone two in the morning because of his addiction to energy drinks was not one of his better ones.
Deciding that if he was going to be awake he might as well do something fun. After twenty minutes though trawling through the internet didn't hold the same sheen it had once done when it wasn't a taboo thing to do back in Division.
He could only get away with it because no one else knew what to look for once he worked his magic. Slumping back and glaring at his computer for failing to amuse him during his sugar high, Birkhoff thought over the many things he could do to ward off the boredom.
Nikita and Michael were yet again crashing at his place, but with a shudder he refused to barge into their room for a surprise movie.
He never needed to see that much of Michael ever again.
As he twirled his thumbs he glanced around the and thought; a soft tune escaping his lips before he decided clicking his tongue sounded more interesting. He could screw with Division but without someone else to admire his work it would be pointless.
He had already read several classified records and he wasn't in the mood to learn useless facts again.
What he needed was someone to annoy and like a light bulb finished flickering it came to him. There was one person he had come to enjoy annoying; Alex.
He didn't know if it was due to the fact that only had a handful of conversations or because she only knew him as the genius and smart ass Birkhoff instead of the broken youth who caused trouble to be noticed like the others did.
A small part of him, that he choose to ignore, admitted that it was because the young woman was attractive and didn't always look at him like his was some sad case. Sometimes she smiled at him and tired to hide that he didn't make her laugh.
With a new spring in his step he lent forward and clicked merrily on his keyboard. With a final flourish of key hitting, he looked up and felt a moment of disappointment to find himself looking at a dark apartment. The couple of times he had grown bored and peeked in on Alex she was still up at this time of night.
She would yell at him and threaten to hurt but that one time she admitted that it was nice to hear another voice besides those who wanted her for a mission.
Before he went to disconnect he heard a faint click; Birkhoff grinned as Alex limped into view, flicking only one light on. As quickly as he opened his mouth he quickly shut it when he saw that Alex was struggling to remove her jacket and when she did, Birkhoff drew in air between his teeth when he saw the large scratches and bruises covering her back and arms.
He had no idea she had been out on a mission and realised he had no reason to. They weren't friends in the real sense and half the time she spoke to him was because of Nikita. Birkhoff wondered to himself as Alex grabbed for a glass but hissed at some hidden injury.
How had she ended up fitting into this world; she was a good spy, he couldn't deny that but she was also so innocent. Granted she was perfect for the role as Nikita's mole but still it seemed a harsh choice considering what she had been through.
And it wasn't even the first time he thought that; back when it all spilled out he had taken a look at Alex and thought that Nikita was more cold hearted then he first thought.
Not true of course but something in her had died long ago if the girl used as a slave was the best she could find.
No wonder the girl was damaged.
The thought that she might look up and find him watching didn't bother him; he was studying something new and it was filling his boredom with something he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
Alex finally filled her glass with water and after sipping half the water she suddenly threw the glass into the sink. Birkhoff jerked at the sound of breaking glass and watched as Alex gripped the sink, holding on for dear life as though it was her only anchor.
He knew they all had breaking points and he was wondering if Alex had finally reached hers, had she been pushed too far to find her way in the storm of her life.
Had she finally become the shipwreck.
The sound of the grunt caught his attention before the fact that Alex turned her attention to her fridge and began to hit it.
For what ever reason Birkhoff felt he should leave her alone, stop watching her break down but he couldn't. He couldn't lift his finger to disconnect.
He reasoned it was because it would mean boredom until he finally slept; the truth was that he felt someone should watch as that young woman broke apart. Even if she never knew.
Birkhoff cringed when he heard something snap and Alex let out a scream, cradling her hand to her chest. He guessed it wasn't enough that the world damaged her, she had to add some herself.
He lowered his eyes at the first sob and only lifted them when he heard her crumple to the ground, sobbing and holding her hand.
How had Nikita thought this girl could be of use to her, he would never know. She wasn't this warrior type, she wasn't the woman who could shut down after a bad mission. She was a broken girl; one that was breaking more with every passing day.
He wanted to say something; to break this moment but when she gripped her hair with her good hand and cried with everything her heart was breaking over he couldn't do it.
what would he say; buck up kid? It will get better? They would be hollow words and she would hate him; he hadn't earned the right to see this. Hadn't offered her enough to be someone she could talk to.
Frowning Birkhoff glanced towards Nikita's room and wondered had she. She had swooped in a broke this girl because of orders.
She had left her to the wolves and then returned with an escape into something that Alex should have been kept away from.
Revenge wasn't what Alex needed; it wouldn't fix any of them.
They would all have blood on their hands and it would never wash away.
He looked back and found the sobs had lessened, but she still clung to her hair. Still clung to the anchor that was slipping further from reach every day.
Would he say something to Nikita? No, he had no right because he wasn't that guy. He had his place. He was there to watch and make things.
With a sigh Birkhoff watched Alex as she sat in silence glaring at something only she could see.
He was being who he was meant to be and Alex was being who she was meant to be. Disconnecting Birkhoff lent back in silence and darkness, thinking over what he had seen.
Was it right? No it wasn't but he wasn't the man who would rock the boat. He would follow Nikita and Michael; he would be the lap dog who was all bark and no bite.
He was being who he was meant to be and Alex would be who she was meant to be.
Birkhoff the man who would always watch and Alex the girl who would always be broken.
The End.