Hi, everyone! I am really sorry for such long delay but I was really busy with my senior year. I finally graduated this summer J Also I want to let you guys know that I am rewriting everything. Once I finished rewriting them, I will delete them and replace them with new one. That'll be all. Happy reading! Hope you enjoy it.

Summary (Two-shot): (Lucy's) Experiences on self-harm addiction, cynical mind, and process of healing

Warning: OCC Lucy, Self-harm, suicide-related

"Hey? Are you okay?"

Concerned voice ringed in my ears as I looked up to see his face. Onyx eyes stared into my eyes. I smiled warily as I responded, "Yes, I am okay. Just thinking. "

Unconvinced by my reply, his eyes start to analyzes my appearance. His eyebrows furrowed as he bluntly checking me out in order to make sure that there are no newer scars on my skin.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Natsu. I am okay"

"Lucy..."

"Jesus, Natsu. I know you are worried but I promised. Didn't I? "

Worried look flashed across his face at my mention of that promise. I sighed. I guess that I couldn't blame him for worrying. Who wouldn't if you knew that your best friend is struggling with depression and self-harm? I can still remember how it started like it was yesterday.

It was Saturday morning. I was following my morning route like always. I would wash my face after getting out of my bed. Looking in mirror, brown eyes of my reflection looked dull. I felt so tired. So tired of my father neglecting me. So tired of feeling like crap, no matter what my friends say.

My face didn't look cheerful like I hoped. I managed to hide it for so long. It didn't happened in instant when my mother died. It was slow. Little by little, depression tore me down. I didn't know it was happening until I started to notice that I couldn't do certain things without large amount energy. Things like putting on makeup or getting out of bed. I am still functional in many ways but it is getting harder and harder.

I picked up razor to shave my legs but unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention. I grabbed the wrong edge of razor. It cut my skin. It was paper thin line but deep enough for my thumb to bleed like waterfall. It surprised me and thrills me. There was no pain but intoxicating feeling lingered. I was addicted in seconds. I sent a year, cutting myself. I would spent all night until two clock in morning to spill my blood on bathroom floor. Scars on my arms, stomach, and thighs weren't visible at first but it got worse.

White, thick, uniformed lines were the evidence of my decaying mental health. Nastu was the first one who noticed it. Even though, I wore long selves and leggings. He noticed it.

He would ask me questions such as " What are you doing after home?"

"Are you going to be alone?"

"what were you doing when you are in bathroom?"

"Did you cut yourself?"

"Why did you do it?"

"Please Lucy. Tell me. Tell me "

His voice was so desperate and tired. So I promised him that I would never do it again but that doesn't mean I got better in instant. I struggled for days before I entered this hellish cycle of loving and hating Natsu. He was amazing friend but I want to push him away. I know if I continue to self-harm or even try to kill myself, whatever the results were will affect them.

I hated it.

I want to die so badly but I know that it won't solve anything.

I know that.

All I can do was to watch my friends move on as I decay into the husk of nothingness.

I resent them for it.

How can I move on when I feel like my feet had been frozen to this spot?