New two-shot!
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: T
Words: 2, 128
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any characters within Naruto.
Just Not your Day
-{ Chapter 1 }-
It was supposed to be a normal day. Get up, eat breakfast, go to the gym for a few hours then the coffee shop; before heading home and working on her paper on Dioxin. Routine was her thing. Her friends called her the mom of the group, but hell, someone had to be with their asses almost always landing in hold-in.
Now stuck in a tree, god knows where; and staring at the beautiful person shooting her a rather stupefied look from below, her day couldn't have gone any more off-routine.
"Sakura you whore, if you don't open this door right now your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it!" Screeched the her lovely blonde of a friend; Ino Yamanaka.
Letting out a depressed moan, the pinkette begrudgingly dragged herself out of her perfect, gorgeous bed to knock the harpy at her front door into next week. Trudging to the entrance of the apartment, she hoped Ino could feel the death vibes she was sending her through the white door. Throwing open said door, she glowered.
"Ino, why are you quoting Bob's Burgers to me at," Sakura glanced at the clock on her stove. "five in the flippity fucking morning on a Saturday." Growled out the petite girl, clad in her Batman PJ bottoms and black tank.
"I've got the shit!" She replied without hesitation.
Sakura was about ready to slam the door in her face. "Ino, god dammit I don't want your weed."
The blonde stopped her excited jitters for a split second. "Huh? Nah, Sak that shit's expensive, Shika grows some top notch stuff. I mean the tickets!"
The pinkette, could only stare wide eyed as Ino whipped out two front row seat tickets to the largest boxing match in Konoha since the beginning of time. "Fuck me..." She whispered out as she marveled the laminated pieces of paper like they were gold. "Where'd you get these, Ino? They sold out last week! You better have not done something illegal or I swear to God,"
"Semi-legal?"
"Ino."
"Kiba knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy, mmmk? Now, no more questions and bask in the glory of your bestest friends awesomeness." She finished before waving one of the blessed tickets in front of Sakura's face.
Sakura eyed her with disdain, wanting to say no. But the urge to swipe the ticket from her best friends hand was greater.
"Hah, I slay." The blonde murmured to herself as Sakura handled her ticket with an extreme carefulness. With a sudden intake of breath, Ino continued, a guilty grin now resident on her face. "Although now we kinda owe Kiba a favour; and trust me, that is not a position you want to be in for too long." Sakura's gaze shot to hers, practically burning holes in her blonde bomb-shell of a friends head.
"That's why you're here at five AM isn't it."
It was more of a statement than a question.
"Yeaaaaaah, about that..." Ino drug out.
"Ino."
"We kinda, sorta have to go with him to Kanawaki to get his damn Indian cigs." Rushed out the blonde so fast, Sakura barely caught it.
"Why the fuck do we have to go with him!"
"Because he's a god damn piss-baby and he's afraid to go by himself, you know him! If he gets stopped by the feds the jigs up, and two pretty girls being there with him will make it a hell of a lot easier to con his way out of a huge ticket or jail, Sakura, jail. His sister will kill us if he gets put behind bars!"
"His sister loves me."
"Not after Kiba's dumb ass gets thrown in jail because you didn't feel like helpin' a brotha out!"
"Ino that makes no fuckin sense!"
"Don't question Inuzuka logic, Sakura, they can always hear you it's scary."
"Oh my god, FINE." She relented.
"Thank you!" Replied Ino sweetly, as if the argument had never taken place.
Sighing regretfully, the pinkette resigned herself to a rather abnormal day with two idiots she, for some reason, was good friends with. Running a hand through her cropped pink locks, she asked the obvious question.
"So when do we leave?"
Ino glanced at her watch, "Mmmm, twenty minutes."
This time she actually did slam the door in the blondes face.
"I'll be in the car waiting!" Shouted Ino from behind the door, surely waking some neighbors up in the process.
Sakura puckered her lips and closed her eyes in attempt to calm down before hurrying to get dressed and shower in under fifteen minutes.
The drive to Kanawaki is three, uncomfortable, grueling hours; locked in Kiba's old green Nissan along with Ino and Naruto.
"So how'd you get roped into this?" She'd questioned her long-time whisker scarred friend as she threw her purse into the back seat next to him, Ino riding shot-gun and Kiba at the steering wheel.
"Sasuke ditched me at Bulkbarn because I wanted to buy seventy-five packs of beef ramen for twenty bucks. Only Kiba was willing to come pick me up..." Grumbled out the pouty-looking blond.
"Wait, why were you at Bulkbarn at this ungodly hour?" Asked the pinkette dubiously.
"It's a long story." Naruto replied, puffing his cheeks out.
Deciding not to continue on the subject of what her friends did in the night, Sakura settled in for the long ride to muthafuckin' Kanawaki of all the damn places, so Kiba can get his cheap ass Indian cigarettes that make you cough up a lung; for eight bucks a carton and sell em' for fifteen like it's actually good quality tobacco.
Yay.
"One-thousand five-hundred and thirty-two bottles of beer on the wall one-thousand five-hundred thirty-two bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, one-thousand five-hundred and thirty-one bottles of beer on the wa-"
"SHUT UP, NARUTO."
"Ok, but aliens though."
"Dude."
"Ok, but just hear me out."
"NARUTO."
"Kiba...?"
"Uh huh?"
"Why do you... have a dildo... in your car..."
Queue the car almost swerving off road.
"EXCUSE ME?"
Sakura let out a sigh of relief when Ino returned to the car after dumping all the cartons into the trunk.
"Still can't believe you made Ino do it..." Muttered the pinkette as she shifted into a different position for the umpteenth time.
"Hey, I like to play it safe, ok?"
Ino let out a sarcastic snort from the passenger seat. "Kiba you are the most paranoid dealer I've ever met."
The tattooed boy sighed. "Ok, now the hard part..."
"You mean the hard part wasn't listening to Naruto for three hours straight?" Mumbled out Sakura as she clicked her seat belt back into place.
Kiba looked pained at the thought of another three hours of that but put it to the back of his mind, focusing on the more stressful side of the ride.
"No, avoiding all the damn cops stationed right outside of town. Like, man, a dudes gotta do what a dudes gotta do to make a living. Why they always gotta bust my balls?"
"Didn't know you had a pair." Snorts and giggles.
"Can you guys please let go of the dildo thing..."
"Nah." The rest of them chorused.
The drive out of Kanawaki was rather tense. No one spoke unless needed, only the dull drone of Kiba's car present to break the silence. It was almost stifling; the un-noisiness of her usually loud friends. A large sign supporting a blue and white theme spelled out 'You Are Now Leaving Kanawaki! Come back soon.', scarily enough, there were cops stationed right outside the small town, had they been there upon their entry?
One of the officers stepped outside of his vehicle, signaling the old Nissan to stop. He seemed awfully familiar...
All four of the cars occupants held their breath.
"Well if it isn't my baby cousins best friends!"
"Oh Kami please..." The pinkette whispered out as the one and only Shisui Uchiha approached the shitty thing Kiba called a car (she's my baby guys don't insult her).
"Heeeey, Shisui..." They all mumbled out.
The older Uchiha squinted at the group of teenagers. "So you guys take a trip out to Kanawaki?" He questioned skeptically.
Kiba tried his own against Sasuke's older cousin. "Who? Us? Nah, man, sir, officer we were just passin' through! Yeah, uh... We were in Ame! Yeah, Ame..."
Oh my Kami they were so done.
She may as well write her will now.
First, Naruto could have the rest of her ramen. Kakashi could have her limited edition copy of Icha Icha for his lonely nights (which were most of them). Sasuke could have her expensive ass hash (so he could lighten the fuck up) that she'd stowed away in her cupboard.
As Sakura continued her inner-monologue of certain death, Naruto nudged he side.
"What?" She whispered out harshly, hopefully not heard by Shisui who was still speaking to Kiba.
"This is exactly what you're here for, Sak! Work ya pretty pink magic!" Whispered back the blond almost excitedly.
Sonuva-
"Why me? Why not Ino!" Exclaimed the flustered pinkette, she was not pulling any moves on Sasuke's older cousin of all people.
"Ino's just here because Kiba's a wimp; so she does all the dirty work for him because she's got more balls than he'll ever have. Literally." He responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
She was not aware of this.
Wait-
"Are you calling me a hoe, Naruto Uzumaki, what would your mother say!?" She exclaimed in an outraged whisper.
"You two okay back there?" Asked Shisui, side-eyeing them from the front of the car.
"GREAT."
"JUST FINE AND DANDY SIR."
Shisui could barely contain a smile at the antics of his baby cousins oh-so-obviously guilty friends. Ah, the hilarity of youth.
Naruto shot Sakura look as if to say now! Oh kami, oh kami.
Summoning all the courage she could, the pinkette promptly pushed herself out of comfort-zone. Sighing cutely, she pouted in a semi-dramatic manner; just the way Ino'd taught her by whispering the word prune. Sakura looked down at the ground before looking up and fluttering her lashes slowly, all doe-like.
Okay.
Okay, she could do this.
"Shisui, we were really just heading back from Ame and Kiba knew this short-cut to get us back quick because I need to head to, uh.." Panic, panic oh dear kami where could they be headed to so early? "my.. Aunt's funeral!" Oh my fucking kami, Sakura Haruno, you can solve algebraic equations not even some mathematicians can solve, hoe, and that was your answer? Oh dear kami did she even have an aunt?
Queue Ino dying in corner.
"Yeah, and Ino knew the perfect florist who sells these beautiful flowers that only grow in Ame; and I really wanted the perfect flowers for her ceremony, you know?" Ino shook her head vehemently to the statement, flashing Shisui a sad, semi-guilty looking smile.
He's never gonna buy that kami help them all...
The older Uchiha nodded in understanding his eyes sympathetic, seemingly saddened by the news. "I'm sorry for your loss, I can't believe auntie Atsuko died, gosh she seemed to be in perfect health two weeks ago..."
The entire car froze.
"Right, well, uh... not a lot of people knew but um,... she had cancer..." Sakura feigned sadness, even summoning tears to her eyes to give them a watery effect.
Shisui seemed surprised by the small tid bit of information, but still buying in to it... she really, really hoped.
"If you don't mind my asking, but what kind of cancer?" He questioned, shooting Sakura a challenging look.
Easy! This was the young Haruno's area of expertise! Hmm, lets see; lung cancer? No she'd of been the hospital two weeks ago if so... Oh, oh! Leukemia... mmm maybe not. Everyone within the car was absolutely silent.
"Ass cancer!" Exclaimed Naruto in a sudden bout of panic when Sakura seemed to be thinking too long.
The entire car, including Shisui, turned to give the blond a disbelieving look.
Motherfucker.
"Well then! We kind of need to be on our way to arrive on time, so if you would please..." Ino interjected before any more questions could arise because of Naruto's dumb ass. Shisui nodded and everyone sighed in relief.
"Would you mind of we tagged along? I'd like to pay my respects, auntie Atsuko was always so sweet to Itachi and I whenever we'd see her. It really is such a shame that she passed..." Spoke Shisui, his voice ladened with sadness.
Kiba shot Sakura a dumbfounded look.
"Great! we'll be right behind you guys the entire time."
Shit.
"Siri, find funeral homes in Konoha."