This occurs sometime after Hawke helps Aveline confront Donnic on that ridiculous quest. The companions are simply enjoying a lovely drink at their usual spot, but Hawke's mind is in shambles.
I wish I could claim ownership of the idea of Dragon Age, but if I did… I would probably be rich. And I'm not. So, I don't.
The drink in front of me tasted like piss. Worse than piss. Maybe it was just the bitter taste in my mouth. I took a look around the table of my companions, laughing and enjoying themselves at the Hanged Man.
It was Aveline's sort of engagement party. I was truly happy for her. Traveling from Ferelden and losing her husband, even if he was a Templar, made her stronger than ever. I think of her as one of my most beloved friends, and helping her declare her admiration to one of her fellow guards made our friendship deepen. So, I tried to smile that night. I truly did. If not for myself; for her and Donnic.
I took a sip of the piss in front of me to keep my mind from rambling.
"Are you sure you are ready to take on this fiery red-head?" Varric called out, slapping Donnic on the back. "She will be quite a handful. I promise you that!"
"Indeed. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't…" Isabella chimed in, rambling about their wedding night or some nonsense.
Merill asked a question about what exactly her statement meant, making her naiveness more evident than ever.
The table laughed and Donnic gently took Aveline's hand.
"I assure you, I am most certain of this woman and the life we will lead," he spoke, in a solid voice.
I felt Ander's arm around my shoulders slightly squeeze and I know he is thinking of our future. I feel my gaze dart across the table involuntarily at the one who truly occupied my mind.
"What about you, Anders? When are you going to gather enough of that manly courage and finally officially claim Hawke, once and for all?" Isabella exclaimed, taking another swig of her drink and throwing a wink across the table.
"I assure you, I have no thought of ever letting her out of my sight," Anders replied, not missing a beat, and buried his nose in my hair.
I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cringe, as I forced a small smile. I felt an unfamiliar blush creep up my neck, as I heard a throat clear from across the table. It almost sounded like a growl. Only one man was capable of such a sound that would pierce through my heart.
I slowly opened my eyes and instantly my breath was taken away. The look that Fenris sent me across the table was a wish of death, itself.
We hadn't talked comfortably in some weeks. And never alone. Ever since that night.
He slowly turned from the mantle over the fireplace. I caught myself staring at his wide chest, and fought the urge to drag him back down onto the bed and run my hands over his bare chest.
"Hawke… I cannot…"
"Fenris? What do you…"
"I can't do this. I CANNOT! The memories, the pain. It's too much."
I stood up, ignoring his pleading eyes, and rushed over to him.
"Fenris. Fenris, please."
I placed my hands on his arms, and I felt him pull away and grab his armor and weapon.
"I'm sorry," he said, not looking me in the eye. Then as he swiftly dressed himself, he finally started for the door. Stopping just before turning the handle, he said the words that would haunt my every thought for the next month.
"This never should have happened."
I felt my heart drop down into my stomach as I sank to the floor. I sobbed myself to sleep that night and many nights afterwards.
The feeling of Ander's hand across my thigh brought me back to reality with a gasp. I stole a glance across the table at Fenris' narrowing, breath-taking green eyes, and another feeling bubbles inside of me.
Why the hell should I care what he thinks! Anders loves me. More than loves me. He truly cares for me and does not hate me for what I am. We are both mages and he understands my struggle. And he doesn't push me away. He doesn't make me cry.
"Fenris. You must stop your brooding. Don't your eyebrows ache from being drawn together all of the time?" Isabella exclaimed, draping her hand lazily across his chest.
I felt my blush deepen as I realize he does not remove her hand.
"I'm afraid I must be going," Fenris abruptly stood from the table.
"Already?" Isabella whined.
"You really can't be leaving now? We haven't even bought the third round of drinks!" Varric shouted.
"Nontheless, I am leaving," he mumbled, throwing a slightly-apologetic glance towards Aveline and Donnic.
"Fenris, wait!" I bursted without thinking.
My mind rambled trying to find an excuse for my outburst.
"I… I was thinking about hunting slavers… on the Wounded Coast tomorrow if you would… accompany me… and others." I desperately tried to get his eyes to connect with mine to no avail.
Fenris simply grunted and walked out of the Hanged Man without another word.
My heart plummeted with his response and I felt Anders lean close to my ear. "Let's leave as well. I can tell you wish to go home."
I nodded, smiling up into his face, silently thanking him for his suggestion.
"I'm afraid we should be going as well," Anders announced as we both stood.
"Congratulations, Aveline," I whispered in her ear as we hugged goodbye.
"Thank you for coming, Hawke. And thank you. For everything. Without you, I would not have this happiness," she replied with a rare smile.
"Anytime, Aveline." And I meant it.
Anders took my hand and we set out towards Hightown.
"Why did you never mention this expedition to me?" He asked after we went from Lowtown to the edge of Hightown.
"Hmm… what?"
"Your expedition. To the Wounded Coast tomorrow. I wonder why you never mentioned it to me."
"Oh, I… I just remembered it actually." I wasn't a lie.
I felt a twang of guilt, wishing I cared for Anders as he did for me. Shortly after the night with Fenris, I finally gave in to Anders advances. It was like all of my strength was drained from my body and I needed support. That support happened to be Anders' arms. It's not like I did not love him. I did. I do. I do love him. But when I think of that night with Fenris… His hands on my back, his breath upon my neck…
Suddenly I felt myself slam against the wall of a nearby building and Anders towering over me. My arms were trapped at my sides with the surprising strength of the mage, and I felt my mouth gape open at the intenseness of his gaze.
"I demand you to tell me what you are thinking, Mariah Hawke," he commanded, his breath hot against my cheek.
"Anders… I."
My thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of his lips along the length of my neck.
"Mariah," he whispered huskily, into my ear.
I closed my eyes, and tried to concentrate on not losing the strength in my legs.
A sound like the rustling of armor forced my eyes to flicker open as I gazed across the square to someone leaving around the corner. A flash of white hair stole my breath away. Fenris. He had seen.
"What is it?" Anders asked, hearing my gasp. He turned his head to try and find the disturbance, but still held onto my waist.
Fenris. Let him brood. Let him bury himself with loneliness. It shall serve him right. Maker, I hope he feels the pain he has inflicted upon me.
I pulled Anders' head around and crashed my lips upon his. His shock quickly wore off, when he pulled my body closer to his with a moan.
I dug my hands into his hair, imagining Fenris' silver strands that were slightly too long.
I could almost hear Fenris growl "Venhedis" at my tongue darting into his mouth.
His lyrium tattoos seemed to carve themselves into my own flesh as his touch was carved into my memory.
I hated him for making me like this. For completely losing control. I hated him for never leaving my thoughts. That hate made my passion border on madness as I kissed Anders like my life depended on it.
Anders pulled back, breathing heavily, with a completely astonished look on his face and asked "Maker, what was that for?"
I simply took his hand in mine and lead him to my mansion with a determined stride.
To be contined!
Holy crap. That took me awhile. This really didn't turn out the way I was imagining it but… hopefully everything will come together in the next chapter. I have always loved the thought of the love triangle between Fenris, Hawke, and Anders. We shall see who shall win Hawke's heart! Cough. Cough…. It's Fenris. :)
Any comments whatsoever would be most appreciated. I'm hoping to post a new chapter soon. Hopefully with some feedback, I can see what the readers are thinking so far!
Thanks for reading!