The Day The Earth Went Sue
A/N: Just something funny I wrote spur of the moment. I figured that since the TDTESS fandom is growing it would be funny to write a parody in which the Alien gets invaded, by Sues that is!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Day The Earth Stood Still or any of it's characters etc. I'm just a fan, trying my hand at writing like everyone else. No intentions to offend any KlaatuxOC authors. It was just something that came to mind and I had to write it.
He was straddled in the bed, laid out in a cold almost gloomy room. His body trembled and the Alien was full of quite the anxiety. The humans - the ones who had shot and captured him - had just offered Klaatu a drink of water of which he had requested. They asked him his name and he told them, and within moments, they had him in some large, almost endless in it's size, interrogation room. They sat him down - he was clad in medical garments - and from there they attached to his head wires that would track his state of mind.
Beside him sat a man, dressed in a fine suit, middle-aged with glasses. He began to speak to Klaatu.
"I'm going to ask you a series of questions." he began. "Are you single?"
Klaatu's mouth opened but no words escaped. The man seated near him knew he didn't comprehend the question.
"Are you single?" he asked again, this time with less patients.
"What is the meaning of this question?" Klaatu questioned, suspiciously.
The man sighed, slouching slightly in the chair and removing his glasses. He took a few seconds to rub his temples and Klaatu immediately knew that he was troubled.
"Listen," he said at last, eyeing the Alien mindfully. "I imagine that you've studied many things about our planet…about our species."
"Yes?"
"But there are still things about us that you still don't know."
"I doubt that."
"Just," the man rested his hands on the table, folding them together. "Listen. It's for your own good that you know."
"Know what?" Now the Alien was growing weary himself.
"For one thing my friend, coming down here in a tall, attractive male body was a HUGE mistake on your part."
"And why is that? This body was efficient."
"Oh it's efficient alright." the man said, nodding inauspiciously. "Efficient in attracting Mary Sues."
"A Mary Sue? I do not know this term."
"It isn't a term." said the man. "It's a title…a title of a creature that makes many shrill."
"And why is that? What is this creature you call Mary Sue?"
"A Mary Sue my friend is a unnaturally beautiful woman. They typically range in the ages sixteen to twenty five. The younger they are, the more hot headed and rebellious…or as I call them, fan girlish. The older they are the more coil, and intelligent. They often have extraordinary features, features so flawless until if you had a microscope you still wouldn't see a wrinkle on them. Often they even have extraordinary talents or gifts. They can come from abusive homes, and often have dark, depressing pasts…"
"Why?"
"The more for 'you' to have a reason to comfort them."
"I will not let a Mary Sue stand between me and my mission."
With that said, the man began to express pity upon Klaatu, patting his shoulder gently in sympathy.
"I wish it were that simple." he told the Alien. "But you see, Klaatu, you'll be…let's just say, hypnotized by their alluring beauty and desirability. Not to mention the deep compassion and sympathy you'll give them. You'll find yourself doing and saying things that you normally wouldn't."
"How is this possible?"
"I wish I knew. I wish I knew."
Suddenly, a large bang came against the doors. Klaatu searched the room, growing suspicious as the banging continued. Then came the ringing of the man's cell phone. He answered it quickly.
"What?" Klaatu heard him speak. "Oh my God. They're here already? They must have known about him before we. What? The Military couldn't hold them off? Oh my God….Oh God. Okay, okay. Alright, I'll tell him."
Klaatu watched with widened eyes as the cell phone was put away and the man turned to utter a final sentence to him.
"I'm leaving you now." he said, grimly. Klaatu was so bewildered until he hardly knew how to react.
"Where are you going?" he demanded, watching as the man frantically gathered his things.
"You're on your own." said the man and with that he left.
The banging continued and suddenly the doors of the interrogation hall flew open. Then, in that horrible instant, Klaatu was swarmed by countless unreal women and girls. One of them, who ran up to him, had hair of such a vibrant gold until he wanted to vomit at the sight of it...or was it green?
"I know you're very intelligent." she purred in his ear. "But I would very much love to teach you the ways of our planet."
"And I would like to tell you how badly I've been mistreated." said another.
Klaatu cringed, feeling helpless and overwhelmed by the giggling, annoying Sues. He wanted to kill them, destroy them and flee…he wished so very much that G.O.R.T. was available…Yes, G.O.R.T., he could've easily wiped out this terrible swarm of Sues, but the robot was unavailable.
The hours went by, and at last the Sues faded away. They had drowned Klaatu in a great pile of paper; paper that had their names and phone numbers on them.
The man with the glasses, Regina Jackson, Helen Benson and everyone else stepped cautiously back into the room.
"Where is he? Where's the Alien?" Regina asked.
"Oh my God!" Helen gasped, pointing to the far corner of the room. It appeared that Klaatu had crawled from beneath the pile of phone numbers and had cowered into the corner, sitting and holding his knees as he rocked himself back and two.
"Is he alright?" asked the man with the glasses.
"I don't know." said another man. "He looks shocked."
Klaatu's wavering eyes eventually cast back upon the humans before him.
"If I had known that such a fowl thing existed in this world, I would never have come."
"Well," Helen began, "Why did you come to begin with?"
"It doesn't matter." said Klaatu. "After my experience here, I hope this planet is demolished."
The End.