Chapter 1 The uncomfortable realisation

Alex was standing in her apartment, Maggie was looking at her with a exasperated look leaning on the table willing Alex's mind to work quicker for the penny to drop, but she was just staring at the blank expression on her girlfriends face. "Don't be ridiculous Maggie, Mon-El is gone, Kara is devastated, the only person that seemed to be able to console her right now is Lena, she has brought the small smile back to Kara because she was so upset by her part in the whole Daxamite invasion, you know how Kara is she couldn't stand seeing her like that and it snapped her out of it. Caring more for others feelings than her own, as normal". "Shit Danvers your gay dar is not just on the blink it is no existent, think about what you just said! Lena is the only one that was able to console her, she is the only one that got her smiling, she is spending more and more time with little Luther and is happier every day" Maggie's raised voice and annoyed look gave Alex pause.

Alex stood for a minute thinking about her little sister, she had been through so much and had lost so much that loosing Mon-El seemed to be the last straw, she was broken and distant and threw herself into being super girl, her sister the gentle, nervous, shy, sweet Kara had been gone for weeks. She was just starting to return to her and she was so happy to see her back, slowly at first after the statue unveiling, John has said Lena's words had made her smile, then a little more every day, she had been spending time having lunch with the CEO and the occasional dinner and she had even come to games night last week. Alex's heart had broken when her sister seemed to withdraw, she remember those early months when Alex had thought that Kara was the worst thing to ever happen to her, and how after a mutual friend had died and the two worked together to solve it they had become close. The lack of closeness hurt Alex but she knew that the end of the world feeling, emptiness and sorrow was felt so much more deeply by her sister. If it hadn't been for Kara's enormous heart, strength and courage Alex know that the depths of the emotion that Kara felt would have killed just about anyone else, human or alien, the only person that came close to her level of loss and emotion was John and he had hundreds of years on her little sister. The thoughts pained Alex and her normal authoritarian stoic outer shell started to crumble.

Seeing the love of her life crumbling before her, not that she hadn't seen it before stopped Maggie in her tracks, she had been pushing too hard over the last few days to make Alex see something that she hadn't wanted to, once again shattering her bubble. A pang of pain hit Maggie and she softened her face and drew the mighty Alex Danvers in for a loving embrace. "Kara isn't Gay Maggie, s – sh she just isn't and I can't, I won't try to make her something she isn't I have don't that to her before, made her hide, hide who she really was, not except all of her and I can't do this to her, I can't .. I can't make her think she is something or has to be something that she just isn't, again". Tears slowly running down Alex's face and cascading onto Maggie's soft skin in the nape of her neck told Maggie there was more to Alex being so stubborn than she first realised, that there was something there that hit deep in Alex causing her pain.

After what felt to be a incredibly long period of time Maggie lifter Alex's face up and gave her a small kiss on the lips before leading her to the sofa, she knew a explanation for this uncharacteristic outburst would be hard for Alex and as it was connected to Kara it would be very difficult indeed. Gently and with none of her normal brash tones Maggie looked at Alex and said "what do you mean sweetheart, what do you think you have done to Kara that causes you this much pain?" Alex looked away slightly and took a deep breath "I don't think I know I caused her pain, I hurt her deeper than anyone could, because I am her sister and should have known and excepted her but I didn't"

After a few more steadying breaths and lots of encouragement Alex managed to begin to get the story out. Alex had been so convinced that Kara's powers would cause her to be taken away or hurt that she like the rest of the Danvers family has suppressed all of Kara's Kryptonian needs and heritage, that even after she had decided to become Supergirl she had continued to limit her little sisters efforts and refused to let her tell people close in fear they may hurt her. She then explained how coming out to Kara had been a revelation, that Kara not only understood the pain of hiding, the loneliness in never being able to be herself but that Alex had come to realise she had helped to create this void, this distance in her little sister and she had vowed that she would never do that again.

After a brief moment of interruption from Maggie to comfort Alex, Alex had held up her hand and silenced her to continue. Alex had then explained that although she had never been comfortable with intimacy in her life until she fell for Maggie, to help her sister fit in she had pushed her towards a variety of Boys in their younger years, knowing that sexual exploration was normal for a person of Kara's age and people would think she was not normal if she didn't show interest. Each attempt had consequences; Kara's first Kiss had sent the boy to hospital, as had a few more after. After moving to National City she had pushed Kara toward James, Adam and Mon-El, wanting her to be happy and each relationship was its own disaster.

Confused as to how this would have been anything like the previous statements Maggie drew her eyebrows into a frown and went to speak before again Alex silenced her and took a very deep breath before finishing the story. This was the hardest part for Alex as it showed her in less than favourable light. After a afternoon of mickey taking by her and Maggie one afternoon with Mon-El and Kara's relationship finally hitting the consummation phase the sisters had been called away. There had been something off while they were fighting some rogue alien and Alex had noticed. Once all was done and Kara was about to take off he had grabbed her by the arm to talk. Kara had eventually through a lot of blushing and stuttering explained what was wrong.

She was Kryptonian and on Krypton children were engineered and houses were joined based on societal need and betterment of the people, that there was a complex matrix that designated who people would be bonded with and that this was a forever bond not like marriage on earth. She had explained that love or fondness grew over time out of mutual respect and intellectual stimulation but that Kryptonians didn't need physical expressions of love. Sure there were tender moment's hugs, occasional kisses and affection but not sex.

Few Kryptonian marrages had resulted in deep love and deep passion that had resulted in physical forms of effection, it had even happened between her aunt and uncle, and that Clark had been a natural birth to the house of El, however he was accepted as the pairing had been matched and bonded. Although there were a few other Kryptonians that engaged in sex and had natural children without matching and bonding this was frond upon in society and that it lowered the status of the house. Kara explained that the closest term for her on earth was Demi-sexual but that didn't really express what she truly felt, there was no desire for sexual intimacy and although she was drawn to and was emotionally and intellectually stimulated by the person and not the package, sex was not something she desired.

Kara had become very unhappy when she explained the Damaxites were very different and they wanted nothing more in life than to experience pleasure and the planet was full of debauchery and open relationships. That because of the expectations from her friends and Mon-El in true Kara Fashion she has submitted to the consummation. She said that this did not feel right and that having sex with the Daxamite, that any union between a Daxamite and a Kryptonian would have been frowned upon. That she had dishonoured the house of EL, and that now she felt she would lose Mon-El, her link to the home she had lost however tenuous the link was too, because she couldn't do that again.

Alex explained that in this moment she realised she had been pushing Kara to eath customs and not once had she asked about how things happened on Krypton, again making Kara something she wasn't something less than she was. How she had unintentionally broken her vow and again had hurt her sister by not accepting, asking or understanding that she was kryptonian too. "so you see Maggie, even if Kara is drawn to Lena, I can't push her that way she will try to make me happy and this will be the third time that I have damaged the heart of my sister, the second most precious one I hold, so no I will not speak to her about her feelings for Lena, as I know the connection will never be physical and getting her to see the mutual attraction would cause hurt"

Maggie saw Alex crumble once more, she embraced her love in her arms and soothed her as best she could, the pair stayed wrapped together for a long time until the sound of both phones going off interrupted their embrace. They looked at their phones and both had a message from Kara. Kara - Alex: Alex it's your turn to bring food I am hungry where are u? games night is starting! Little Danvers – Maggie: Soyer put my sister down your late again.

The two women smiled at each other and prepared to leave, hungry Kara would not wait.