Colonel Roy Mustang of the Amestrian army was knee-deep in procrastinated paperwork on the day that Edward Elric flounced into his office and dumped the largest book he had ever seen onto his desk, sending unsigned and signed papers alike flying everywhere.
Perhaps, though, this was an unfair judgment on Roy Mustang's part. The book that the young alchemist had brought in was not in any way the largest book the Colonel had ever seen, though it may have qualified for the title if the book had been presented to someone else. Mustang had seen numerous books of such stature in his lifetime of alchemic research, and indeed had long been of the opinion that the lifting of such books was in part responsible for his physical fitness.
As to the second of his judgments- the sudden, unconscious labeling of Edward's particular style of walking that day as "flouncing"- was perhaps brought on by the peculiar expression of deep self-satisfaction on the boy's face, replacing his usual bad temper.
"Hey, Bastard," came the familiar greeting.
On any other day, the Colonel would have greeted the boy in turn with a smirk and a jab about his height. However, on this day (why did the boy always choose the worst days), the mountain of paperwork had done a number on him, and the Colonel was left with barely enough energy to give his youngest subordinate a look of deep disappointment. This particular expression, usually so powerful, was off-put by the telltale signs of misery and exhaustion that remained on the Colonel's face.
"Fullmetal," he managed, "is there any way that this-" and here he gestured helplessly to the tome now decorating his desk, "can wait?"
The boy in question just grinned down at him, eyes gleaming so victoriously that the Colonel actually straightened in his chair, visions of a restored Alphonse suddenly going through his head and hope sparking in his heart. After all, why else would Edward voluntarily come to see him?
Edward laughed briefly at the Colonel's sudden serious expression, and Mustang would have called that laugh a giggle if it hadn't been for the undertones of a smirk. He started to get worried.
"I present to you," Edward began, gesturing dramatically to the book in front of them, "The Full Rulebook of the Amestrian Military in Relation to the Chain of Command."
Mustang's eyes widened- for several reasons. First because he had never seen that particular rulebook, and had never imagined that there were so many rules referring specifically to the chain of command- were there really so many exceptions? Secondly because he had never imagined that Edward Elric of all people, would show the slightest interest in such a book, much less read through it to find whichever rule he so obviously wanted to display. And thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, because the Colonel was acutely aware that the full rulebooks of the Amestrian Military could be accessed from only two places- the Fuhrer's office, and the State Library. Seeing as it was unlikely that Edward had taken the book from the Fuhrer's office, it only remained that he had taken it from the library.
Mustang was quite sure that you were not allowed to take that particular book out of the library.
Either unaware or unconcerned about the crimes he may have just committed, Edward cheerfully opened the book to a page marked with a bookmark. That, at least, Mustang could commend. One does not dog-ear important volumes such as this one.
"Would you like to read it yourself, or shall I read it for you?" Edward inquired, that frustrating grin still on his face.
"Read it yourself," Mustang sighed, barely resisting the urge to run a hand over his face. "You obviously want to."
With a barely-concealed wriggle of glee, Edward faced the page he had opened and read one sentence: "The spouse of the Fuhrer may, with certain limitations, hold a military rank of Major General, should he or she choose."
Mustang blinked in confusion. The passage should hardly have elicited such a response in the teen. It obviously didn't pertain to the boy himself, and unless Edward wanted to gloat over the possibility that Madame Bradley could order Mustang around should she so choose, he didn't particularly see why the passage pertained to him…oh.
OH.
He was not going to let Ed know that he had realized what the boy was getting at, because he knew that Edward would just take it as confirmation, and so report back positively to whomever had put him up to this- most likely Hughes.
And so it was with an entirely innocent expression that he asked Edward for the significance of the particular rule he had just read.
Edward smirked at him, and Mustang felt a sudden sinking feeling that he had betrayed more than he had wanted to.
"I was just thinking," Edward said, his knowing smirk reaching a level that Mustang would have been proud of, "that if there were, theoretically, someone who wanted to be the Fuhrer, and that, perhaps, there were a woman in his life who would marry him, if not for the fact that she needs to remain by his side in the military, and so can't marry him because of the fraternization laws, that maybe this bit of information could be useful to such a person. Not that we know anyone like that, of course."
Edward was positively leering at him now, and all Mustang could manage was a weak "Of course," in return.
Satisfied in the results of his venture, Edward turned around and headed towards the door. "Well, I'll leave you to cry into your paperwork now. I've got to catch a train in ten minutes with Al- Winry wants to do some upgrades to my automail. Would you do me a favor and return that book to the library for me? They'll be looking for it." And with that he slammed the door.
Suddenly acutely aware of the fact that almost his entire team- Hawkeye excluded, she had been out for a few days with the flu- had witnessed the exchange, Roy Mustang was having a difficult time coming up with something defensive that he could say without sounding defensive. He settled for glaring at them until they stifled their grins and went back to their own paperwork.
Still, he thought, as he put the old tome on the ground and gathered his papers together, a small smile barely visible on his lips, it's something to think about.