An assortment of ficlets and drabbles originally posted on Tumblr, some from meme prompts and some inspired by other fics. They include all kinds of pairings and genres, so please read the warnings and pairings on each part.
Riario is a construction worker facing blatant objectification by his own personal fanboy.
Pairing: Leo/Riario
Rating: Teen? for language
WARNINGS for this story: Verbal harassment, verbal sexual harassment, OOC, Do NOT act like this, this is not acceptable behavior, playing an old trope for laughs, Humor, Crack
NOTE: This ridiculous ficlet was inspired by a mental picture from a scene in Meridian-Rose's beautiful drama I Have Something to Say which is part of her glorious Immortals AU and you should go read that instead of this blatant crack.
"You know, there is something very wrong about this," Alfonso said conversationally as he sat down beside Riario for their quick morning coffee break. "You two are doing it all backwards."
At Riario's blank, uncaring look, Alfonso helpfully elaborated and pointed, "You and your harasser. You do realize it's usually the other way around."
Riario scowled as he recognized the man coming down the sidewalk. Every weekday for the past two weeks, Riario had been the victim of the man's unwanted torment. Their construction site was just around the corner from the art gallery where the man apparently worked, at least according to Alfonso's gossip.
While Riario knew the reputation of construction workers as ungallant cads who screamed out unsolicited and sometimes filthy things at unsuspecting women walking past, the company that employed him was generally not that bad. He'd heard Alfonso call out to a few pretty faces, but they generally ignored him and Alfonso kept right on working.
This, though, was beyond the pale.
"Hey, hot stuff! When you're done pounding, I've got something you can nail!"
Sure enough, the catcaller was right on schedule, taking time from his walk to work to stand outside the safety fence, waving and grinning at Riario. Riario pointedly turned his back on the verbal attack, but Alfonso gave the guy a thumbs-up at the last taunt.
"Come on, sexy, wouldn't you rather find a nice stud for yourself? Then you can get to the screwing!"
Alfonso laughed and shoved an entire snack cake into his mouth while Riario pretended to ignore them both. He believed the man would get the message if he ignored him hard enough. Either the messenger never arrived or the man had shot it right off because he never seemed to catch on. The harder Riario ignored him, the more inspired he became get a reaction.
"You should play along," Alfonso said through the cake crumbs. "Maybe that would shut him up."
"I doubt that feeding him any kind of attention would result in anything but reinforcing his negative behavior."
"Huh?"
"If I talk to him, it will only act as positive reinforcement of a bad habit, and then he'll never change," Riario explained.
Alfonso eyed the man. "If you're interested in that kind of thing, he's not bad."
"It's awful hot today, construction guy. Shouldn't you take off some clothes to be more comfortable?" the guy shouted hopefully. Riario shuddered, and Alfonso cheerily flipped off the yeller for him.
"He's leaving now," Alfonso reported. "He looks a little heartbroken."
"Like that matters to me. His pestering is tedious."
"Eh, I'm telling you, if you'd actually confront him, he'd go away, like with bullies."
"And did that work for you? When you were bullying smaller children on the playground?" Riario hadn't known Alfonso as a youngster, but it was a likely guess.
Alfonso grinned. "Naw, it didn't work. Just made me want to hit them harder."
The idea took root with Riario, though, as he finished his morning's work. They were nearly finished with the front of the property, and his job would take him inside the next week. He should then be free of the annoyance of the man appearing right around coffee break and again during lunch.
Riario felt harassed and although he'd certainly never acted that way to women, he doubly vowed to be more respectful to every human being because no one deserved to be belittled and made to feel like meat.
But, he wondered if Alfonso might be right, that a little dramatic display of his own might shut up the man once and for all.
Riario timed it perfectly after lunch. He finished eating and climbed up on the second level of scaffolding right above the street, where they had finished their actual work days before, and waited.
Sure enough, right on schedule, the man came rushing around the corner looking concerned for once, glancing at his watch and clutching a large takeout cup.
Riario took a deep breath, reminded himself this was for vengeance, and stripped off his T-shirt. He did it quickly, still shocked at his own boldness. He couldn't look down to see if the harasser had even noticed. Riario kept his eyes on the sky, ran his hand down over his chest and abs, looking like he was caressing his own hard, muscled body, then picked up a bottle of water and shook it over his head, letting it run over his face and downward, over his chest, his peaking nipples, his contracted stomach down to the waistband of his jeans that led to his...
Sproing—the sound reverberated up to where he was standing, the unmistakable noise of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable surface, much like a body striking a metal object. He opened his eyes and peered down into the street where his stalker was lying on his back beside a lamp post. The coffee had spilled all over his front and he was blinking blearily, metaphorical birdies flying in circles around his head.
From somewhere below, Alfonso couldn't stop laughing, couldn't catch his breath as he tried to yell for the crew to come and look. Riario felt a terrible pang of guilt and swung down from the scaffolding against all safety regulations to run to his side.
The guy was sitting up, holding his head, and groaning.
"Are you all right?" Riario had to ask, not sure if he should touch the man as he knelt beside him.
"Unnnh," was all he said.
"Perhaps we should call an ambulance?"
"Give him mouth-to-mouth!" Alfonso hooted from behind him, the rest of the men crowding the fence and laughing uproariously.
The man had the audacity to blink up at him and grin. "If I pretend to be unconscious, will you do it?"
"You are fine," Riario said disgustedly, but the man's hand whipped out and grabbed his arm as he started to rise.
"I'm Leo, and you are the fine one."
"So I've heard you say. Although that was one of the more polite things you've shouted."
"Sorry about that," Leo said, sounding not the least bit apologetic. "So is mouth-to-mouth off the table?"
"You need help," Riario said, getting up and dusting off his knees.
"You work good with your hands. Think you could fix me up?"
"I could fix you permanently." Riario didn't know the picture he made, hands on his hips, shirtless and glistening with sweat and water, until Leo grinned brightly.
"May I draw you?"
"No."
"May I keep watching you work?"
"No."
"May I take you out to dinner to apologize for acting like a brainless cretin?"
"No."
"Go out with him, Girolamo, and put him out of his misery." Alfonso made a vulgar motion to go with the suggestion.
"Your friend seems smart," Leo said, still clinging to hope.
"Speaking of brainless cretins..." Riario stuck out his hand and Leo took it without question, letting Riario help him to his feet. Then he took a dramatic stumble toward Riario, making him grab his arms quickly to stabilize him. From Leo's grin, he realized the stumble had been deliberate, but he didn't let go. "If I agree to dinner with you, will you leave me alone?"
"Depending on how things go, I can't promise that. If all goes well, I might get even more obnoxious."
"Perish the thought," Riario murmured and Leo shivered.
"You've got an unbearably sexy voice. I've never heard you speak before."
"Are you sure you didn't concuss yourself?"
"I've got a hard head. Come on, one dinner?"
"I feel as if I agree to this, I am problematic to everyone who has ever endured an unsolicited catcall or wolf-whistle."
"Have you ever noticed how many expressions have animal references? I, for one, have never heard a wolf whistle," Leo said and Riario wondered if he were always that nonsensical or if he'd actually injured his head. "But I was pleasantly surprised by how many sexual innuendos one can make based on construction and building terms."
"Yes, and I do believe you've managed to shout most of them at me."
"I'm sorry. It was your beauty that moved me to inspiration."
Riario raised an eyebrow. "And now you are blaming the victim?"
"If I promise to change, will you go out with me? Please? One dinner?
"One, and you quit acting like this in public."
"Deal, I won't call you a sexy beast in public. But I make no guarantees about in private."
"Kiss and seal the deal," Alfonso's voice called out.
"Do I need to show you the range of the pneumatic nail gun again?" Riario asked in the quiet, conversational tone that the crew knew meant was his deadliest threat. Alfonso audibly gulped and walked away, shooing and yelling at the crew to get back to work.
"Tonight, I'll swing by at quitting time," Leo winked as he walked away then yelled back. "Leave the shirt off but wear the tool belt."
Riario didn't know what he was getting himself into.
The end