Title: Jell-O Wrestling
Rating: PG-13, a little bit of smut at the end but nothing graphic
Words: 1912
Notes: Written for Mara Celes in the Jack/Daniel ficathon.

Request: absurd (rather than dark) humor, what they do with their free time in the mountain
Restrictions: Sam-bashing, PWP

Daniel turned the corner, walking a few feet before stopping by a door. He was going to ask Sam how she was doing with figuring out that alien device they found on P4Q-243, and invite her for a coffee break. He knew she'd probably stay overnight at the mountain, working, as they had a few days of downtime.

He opened the door, a greeting on his lips. The words died when he found himself looking up Jack's enlarged nose. He was playing with the magnifying glass again.

"Daniel!" Jack exclaimed with a wide grin, setting the magnifying glass aside.

Sam's head shot up, and she stared at Daniel. Her cry held a world of relief. "Daniel!"

"Uh, hi guys," Daniel said with a blink, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Daniel, please, you've got to get him out of here," Sam pleaded. "He's driving me insane—sir, please, i don't /i touch that!"

Jack lay the alien device down, looking hurt. "You don't have to sound so desperate, you know."

Sam looked imploringly at Daniel, saying with her eyes, "See what I mean?"

"I was going to invite you for coffee, but it looks like a bad time," Daniel replied.

"No, now's the perfect time," Carter disagreed, standing from her stool. "I could use some coffee."

"What is it with geeks and coffee?" Jack muttered under his breath.

"You don't have to come, sir," Carter said graciously. Jack only grinned at her. She tried again, "Really, we wouldn't mind at all. In fact, you'd be absolutely bored. It really is for your own sake that you don't come with us."

"Why, Carter, it almost sounds like you're trying to get rid of me," Jack teased.

"With all due respect, sir, I am," the woman deadpanned.

"Well, that's not nice," Jack said, frowning. "Fine. I'll go find Teal'c. At least i he /i appreciates my company, unlike certain astrophysicists I could name."

With that, the colonel flounced out. Sam and Daniel looked at each other.

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

"Ohhh, Teal'c!" Jack sing-songed, striding into Teal'c on-base quarters.

"O'Neill," Teal'c acknowledged from his position on the floor.

"Hope I didn't interrupt anything," Jack said, plopping himself down across from the Jaffa.

"I was completing my kel'no'reem," Teal'c intoned. "What is it you wish to tell me?"

"I'm bored," Jack whined.

"Then find a way to entertain yourself," Teal'c suggested. He closed his eyes again, effortlessly slipping back into kel'no'reem.

With a very put-upon sigh, Jack began to wander around Teal'c's room, picking things up and then putting them down. He came to Teal'c's TV, and the large stack of VHSs and DVDs. Jack considered them, then selected the Star Wars DVDs, which he still hadn't seen, and popped them into the DVD player.

He grabbed the remote, and sat down to watch.

Daniel and Samantha sat in the commissary, holding steaming cups of coffee. Sam blew carefully on hers while Daniel sipped and winced.

"Hot?" the major asked sympathetically.

"No," Daniel replied with a grimace. "It just takes my taste buds a while to adjust to the bitterness."

"Army coffee," Sam said, smirking. "You got to love it."

"If it weren't the only coffee here—"

"Psst."

Daniel glanced at Sam as a SF slid onto the bench next to him. The nametag read, "Hatchet".

"Can I help you?" Daniel asked politely.

"You two look like you'd be interested. Tomorrow, at five, Level 15," the man said, pushing two face-down pieces of copy paper over to them. Then, with a furtive look, he slipped away. Daniel again traded looks with Carter and picked up the top sheet.

JELL-O WRESTLING!

You know you want to.

Entrance Fee $5

"Jell-O wrestling?" Sam asked incredulously, peering over her flyer. "Is he serious?"

"Well, there's really only one way to find out," Daniel said.

Teal'c came out of kel'no'reem and was deafened.

"O'Neill! What are you doing?" he shouted to be heard over the loud sounds of blaster fire and spaceflight.

"Watching Star Wars," Jack yelled back.

An X-wing raced across the screen, followed by three TIE fighters. Jack was watching the end of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, with the volume turned all the way up.

"Are you not deaf?" Teal'c inquired loudly.

"Some time ago, buddy!" Jack replied, straining to be heard over the sound and music.

"We are doomed," Teal'c said softly, under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, O'Neill!"

Samantha and Jackson walked down the hall, talking in hushed tones. They reached Teal'c's door and opened it, only to stumbled backward as a wall of pure sound hit them. Heads turned in their direction as the music spilled out from the room, and the hall was vacated quickly.

"What is that?" Daniel yelled into Carter's ear.

"It sounds like…Star Wars!" Sam exclaimed.

Suddenly the music drew to a close, leaving the room and hall almost painfully quiet. Daniel peeked into the room, seeing Jack staring at the TV, mesmerized, and Teal'c playing chess with himself. Two earplugs were stuffed into his ears, indicating how he was able to concentrate.

"Wow," Jack whispered, the sound loud in the eerie silence. His ears were ringing.

"Jack, what were you doing?" Daniel asked.

"What?" Jack shouted, not hearing Daniel over the loud ringing in his ears.

"What are you doing?" Daniel repeated, raising his voice.

"Geeze, no need to shout," Jack said, frowning. "I was just watching Star Wars."

"And did you have to have it so loud?" Daniel asked.

"What?"

"Did it have to be so loud?"

"Well, no," Jack replied, sticking his pinky in his ear to try and dim the ringing. "But the beginning was a little boring, so I turned it up. It got better after that."

Sam and Daniel exchanged glances, and Sam handed the Jell-O wrestling flyer to her CO. "Did you know about this, sir?"

Jack looked over the flyer, eyes lighting up. "No. But this is a great opportunity for some team bonding, don't you think?"

The room chilled. When Jack said the words "team bonding", even inanimate objects trembled in fear. As it was, Sam and Daniel couldn't help but look at the colonel in apprehension. Team bonding over Jell-O wrestling? They could almost see the bubble over Jack's head that said, "F3aR m3h!"

"Are you sure we shouldn't report this?" Sam asked nervously.

"And ruin the fun?" Jack said gleefully, carefully folding the paper and slipping it into a pocket. "When and where?"

"Hatchet said tomorrow at five, Level 15," Daniel supplied. Sam shot him a venomous look.

"Tomorrow at five, then," Jack said. He tapped Teal'c's shoulder. "Hey, T."

"Are you finished?" Teal'c asked. As much as he loved Star Wars, watching it that loud was asking for trouble. Jack handed the Jaffa the flyer. He read it, and raised an eyebrow high.

"Tomorrow at five, Teal'c," Jack said with a smile. He walked out the door, shouting over his shoulder, "Don't forget!"

"Think we could skip?" Sam inquired hopefully.

"And ruin his fun?" Daniel replied dryly. "See you tomorrow at five."

The next day, Jack knocked loudly on the door to Sam's lab, then entered without waiting for confirmation. Daniel trailed in his wake.

"Carter! Time to go! Team bonding, and all that," Jack said, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

"Sir, this is really important—"

"You are not getting out of this, Major," Jack interrupted. "I can make it an order if you like."

"No, that's alright, Colonel, just give me a minute to finish up," Sam said without looking up.

"Daniel said that, and I was waiting an hour," Jack complained. "I'm giving you five minutes before I pull the plug."

"Yes, sir," Sam said absently.

Jack stared at the clock, counting down the seconds, smirking when five minutes passed and Sam still hadn't stopped. He strutted over to the power outlet and pulled three cords out in quick succession.

"Hey!" Sam yelled indignantly, glaring at her commanding officer.

"Team bonding," Jack reminded her sweetly.

Sam slapped her safety glasses onto the table, standing. She crossed her arms over her chest staring accusingly at Jack, then at Daniel. She asked, "How did you let him rope you into this?"

"He distracted me and then made me promise to go," Daniel said. "I didn't even know what I'd promised until this morning." The archeologist shrugged helplessly. "I wasn't at my best."

"You looked fine to me," Jack inserted with a self-satisfied smirk. "In fact, you were very vocal about just how fine you were."

Daniel blushed hotly and glowered angrily at Jack.

"Let's go get Teal'c," Jack said, breaking the tense silence. He rubbed his hands together. He couldn't wait to see Daniel covered in brightly-colored Jell-O!

The large, black truck rumbled into the garage. After the engine shut off, the two doors opened simultaneously. Jack was still grinning insanely, whereas Daniel has a mildly disgusted look on his face.

"No, Jack, I swear I still have Jell-O in my hair," Daniel said vehemently. He wasn't whining. He wasn't.

"Relax, you were in the shower for a half-hour," Jack replied. "Man, I wish I'd had a camera."

"Thank goodness you didn't," Daniel muttered.

"Aw, but you kids were all so cute playing in the Jell-O," Jack teased. "You were especially cute when Carter decked you."

"Carter can beat half the men in the mountain," Daniel groused, scratching the back of his skull. He followed Jack into the kitchen, shedding his jacket and throwing it on the back of a chair. "I'm going to take another shower."

"I'll make some coffee," Jack said.

Daniel headed for the bathroom, turned on the water, and undressed. He slipped into the warming water with a sigh. He still felt the slimy, slick red Jell-O sliding over his skin. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling. And people enjoyed that?

Well, Sam obviously had, judging by the way she'd fought almost every round and won most of them. And the way she'd done it all with a smile.

In any case, he wasn't going to try it again any time soon.

He was so lost in contemplation that he didn't hear the door open. However, when the shower curtain moved aside to reveal Jack's dark eyes and bare body.

"I thought you were going to make coffee," Daniel said, eyes drawn invariably southward. Apparently where all Jack's blood was heading too, by the looks of it.

"It's brewing," Jack said, voice low. He stepped in the shower, and Daniel moved to make room for him.

"What brought this on?" Daniel asked, shivering as Jack's hands grabbed the soap from his.

"Besides the fact that you're unbelievably sexy when wet?" Jack asked back. "You're also unbelievably sexy when you're Jell-O wrestling."

"That's an—mmph," Daniel began to say, cut off as Jack turned his head and kissed him.

"No more talking," Jack whispered huskily.

And there wasn't any more talking. But there was a lot of moaning, and gasping, and even a smidgen of screaming, too.

Later that night, Daniel was stretched out on the bed beside Jack, his head resting on Jack's chest, one of his legs between Jack's.

"Have a good day?" Jack murmured into his hair, yawning.

"Surprisingly, yes," Daniel said, trailing a hand down Jack's stomach and up again.

"Hm," Jack said, sounding content. As Daniel was drifting off, the colonel added, "Wait till you see what I've planned for tomorrow!"

fin