"Fifteen-love!"
I am the umpire.
"Out! Fifteen-all!"
In tennis, of course, which other sport would have a counting as strange as fifteen thirty and forty? See? NONE. It's been ten years since I've graduated from umpire school. I've seen many tennis games in my life, but this year, the tennis played by these youngsters…is not tennis. Well, it is tennis but the way they play it, you'd think it were a game of life and death. Woah. You wouldn't believe the craziness of tennis played by junior high schoolers.
I feel intimidated by some of these teenagers. Some of them don't even look like one. Like that captain-guy, of what's that school again? Seishun Gakuen? Yeah, he looks like a teacher. Geez, I was shocked when he went onto the courts as a tennis player. I almost wanted to tell him to get off the courts. I was too scared to. He looks scary! I know, I know, I'm a thirty-plus-year-old man and I'm scared of a junior high student. But hey, if you were me, you'd be scared too. I mean, that guy looks like a statue…and looks so old and cold. He looks like a nice captain though, but not one I would want. Too serious.
Then there's that school's vice-captain person. Some guy by the name of Oishi. He must really like food. That guy has a bowling ball for a head…with two strands of hair in the front. He's a worry-wart. He's worse than my mother. And his partner, that cat-like guy. Is he really a boy? Honestly, I can't tell between the boys and the girls. Some of them look like girls, the boys, I mean. Then there's that first year…that short person-thing. He's so arrogant… Well, I guess that come with being a freshman regular. Hey, I would be too if I were that good. Anyway, almost everyone in the junior high tennis teams is weird.
There's a boy, son of some super rich guy. What's his name again? Ato….something. never mind. I'll probably remember it later. There's something wrong with him and his school, I swear! I mean, he just raises his hand and as if on cue, everyone in his school cheers his name. As in, all AT THE SAME TIME! I wonder how long it took to practice till they got to that sort of synchro-ness… He's just weird. Who has a WHOLE school cheering for him? The people are just crazy, or hypnotized, or brainwashed. Maybe I should call the police to nab that Ato-something person. He's like a dictator, in a way. His match with that captain-adult-like guy was…rather…uh, would amazing and unbelievable be the right words for it? That captain-adult-like guy almost destroyed his arm during the game. He must be really dedicated.
Oh yes, there's another match with an arm injury related thing. That unseeded school with the bandana guy. And that fire-burning-duo-personality guy they were playing doubles against each other. And that fire-burning-duo-personality guy, I think he broke his wrist? Who can hit a ball that hard? Are they human? And and, that creepy-smiling guy and his triple counters. They go against the law of physics! What kind of ball can stick to the ground and not come up? It doesn't bounce! Did they do something to the tennis ball? Cause I'm willing to bet that no NORMAL tennis ball or human can do those kind of things. Crazy spinning tennis balls and tennis people. I think they're driving me crazy. Am I crazy? Never mind.
WHO BREAKS THEIR WRISTS IN TENNIS! Wait, did I say that already? Hmm, oh, no, I haven't. Ok, add that in to the earlier part.
I think there's some guy with those, one-way glasses. That durian- headed guy and his data book-thingy. He was a few millimeters off from getting an in. Who has the ability to calculate to THAT kind of accuracy? And his percentage thingy…it's scary. What with his, the chances of that guy hitting a cross-court is 87% thing? Geez, I think he's a computer. Maybe he is, as in, a robot. I should probably report him to the authorities. They can disqualify his team of weirdos and I won't have to see them, EVER AGAIN! YAY! Oh, wait, we don't have technology that is that advanced yet…right? Darn, I wish it was….Never mind. Stupid people. Stupid umpire school. WHY DID I EVER CHOOSE TO GO TO UMPIRE SCHOOL? WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEWHERE WHERE THE PEOPLE AND STUFF THEY DO ARE SANER! Like go to clown school or something, or be an astronaut …at least there is nobody in space. Except maybe the aliens….they would probably be more normal than those junior high freaks….yup, definitely more normal.
If I remember clearly, there was one student from some Yama-school that smoked…Isn't he underaged? He can smoke? 15-year-olds can SMOKE? Maybe that's why his hair is grey. Either that or he's really old. But his muscles are so developed! And h doesn't have a single wrinkle…so maybe he's not old. Just, more uh….smokey…than the rest. Wait, isn't underaged smoking illegal? He was probably held back for a mere 10 years or so. He's scary…
I think I'm going insane. I should have gone to clown school. I would probably do better there. Better as in, not go insane. ARGHHHHHH! Oooooo! Look! That shorty over there is beating the other tall guy! Cool! Stupid scary guy he's playing against. That Sana-person guy. He's like the captain-adult-like guy, scary. Except he's worse. Did you hear him laughing? That evil laugh. He's probably going to become the next Hitler or something. He SLAPPEED one of his teammates! SLAPPED! Thank goodness I'm not on his team. I'll b scared out of my wits. Oh! Look at that pretty butterfly go! Fly away, little one. Fly away! Huh? Oh, I'm the umpire. I'm supposed to count the score. Everyone's looking at me….they're waiting for me to announce the current score. What was it again? 15-love? Oh, what the heck!
"15-love!"
They're all returning to tennis! That means I got the score right! Yay! I'm talented. I'm glad I went to umpire school…wait, I just contradicted myself, didn't I? Well, deal with it! I'm talented in umpire-ing and I like being talented in something. Like those crazy people are talented in tennis. What with their wrist-breaking, going-against-the-law-of-physics tennis and all that stuff.
"30-love!"
I'm talented, cool… Hahahahaha…look at that pretty cloud…it's in the shape of a tennis racket! Hello cloud-shaped-like-a-tennis-racket! Hello little butterfly! Hello little bumble bee!
"40-love! Game point!"
I have never felt more ALIVE! Woohoo! Ahh….I feel….I feel… YOUNG AGAIN! Hahahahaha! I-
This fanfic has been cut off due to the insanity of the umpire. He has been sent to the Mental institute to recover. Please pray for him as he might never regain his sanity because of junior high tennis. May he recover well. AND CRAZY JUNIOR HIGH TENNIS PEOPLE!
End