DISCLAIMER: what do you want again? oh that's right...degrade me a little more by telling me i DON'T OWN THE X-MEN!! like i don't know that by now? well, fine. just to spite you i'm going to have a big party and invite them ALL. so ha! ;P
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This may just be a one shot, still not sure. Probably though. Not all the X-Men are crazy, but which ones? You'll hafta figure that out as you read! mwahahaha!
SUMMARY: What if all the X-Men were nuts? (well, most of them anyway) What if Xavier's was a mental institution? Read to see crazy mutants act all...crazy!
~*~*~
Crazy Like Me
~*~*~
Bobby casually came down the stairs, stopping in his tracks when he heard someone talking in the rec room. He quickly went into the room, eyes wide with shock at what he had found.
Beast was sitting on the coffee table, rocking back and forth with his large, blue-furred hands covering his eyes. "Purple people aren't real, purple people aren't real, purple people aren't real..."
Bobby slowly appraoched Beast, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."
"AHHHHH!!!!" Hank shrieked, promptly falling off the coffee table onto his ass. "Bobby it's you! Did you see them?!"
"Who?! Where?!" Bobby immediately iced-up and got into a defensive position. "I already gave back his Lucky Charms!!!" The boy nearly sobbed. "I swear!!!"
Beast leapt to his feet, eyes scanning the room fearfully...but mostly due to his paranoia. "No, not Lucky the Leprachaun....the p-p-purple people!!!"
"Hey, like, what's goin' on down here guys?" A voice came from behind, and it was Kitty.
"AHHH!!!!" Beast yelped again, this time jumping on Bobby's back and making the two of them topple over.
"Oof! Get offa me Hank!" Bobby groaned, scowling at the skittish mutant.
Hank smiled sheepishly and got to his feet. "Hello Kitty." He waved innocently.
"What are you guys doing? You have to be in your rooms by now ya know. Professor's rules." She pointed toward the stairs, rolling her eyes. The loonies all had a curfew, but some of them had to be in earlier than others due to their specific mentality. Some of the patients were insomniacs and had a later curfew, then took their meds and got some sleep.
Hank and Bobby both bowed their heads shamefully and walked sadly up to their rooms.
"Behave you guys! You wouldn't want the Prof. to hafta like call in a lock down now would you?" Kitty called after them. She heard a depressed, 'No' as they went up the stairs, then she turned into the kitchen to check if some of the others had gotten out of their rooms.
~*~*~
Speaking of depressed, Jean Grey was in the kitchen, staring into a now warm glass of milk. "The milk is warm! It hates me too!" She cried mournfully.
*BAMF!*
Kurt appeared in the room beside the refrigerator, swishing his tail behind him. He was hopping up and down, strapped completely in a straightjacket. "Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!" he sang.
Jean looked up, her eyes incredibly depressed and dull. "Kuuuuuurt," she whined. "you do realize you're one of the reasons we're not allowed to go on big field trips anymore right?"
Kurt laughed maniacally, hopping his way toward Jean. "Nope!" he said cheerfully.
Jean rolled her eyes. "We can't do anything...life is dull..."
The kitchen door suddenly swung open, making Kurt jump even higher than he already was.
"KURT!" Kitty yelled angrily, coming through the door. "You were supposed to be in your room 3 hours ago!"
He just laughed, swishing his tail back and forth. "Why is that Kitty?" he questioned playfully.
Kitty sighed. Nightcrawler had to be one of the most difficult patients to work with. Because of his teleporting ability it was very difficult to make him stay in his room, or anywhere he was supposed to be. A straightjacket didn't even help at all, though luckily he couldn't teleport out of that. This was why Kurt had to normally be heavily drugged. "C'mon Kurt, it's time for your meds."
Nightcrawler started to hop around the island counter where Jean was seated, still staring into her glass of milk. "No, no, no Kitty! No meds! No meds for Kurty!!!"
Kitty smiled, standing in the doorway. "Meds? Did I say meds? No Kurt, I meant sugar, you want some sugar?"
"Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!!!" The blue elf boy repeated happily, now jumping up and down infront of Kitty. He stopped for a second, staring at her. "This wouldn't be a trick now right?"
Kitty wrapped her arm around the boy, leading him out of the kitchen. "Of course not!"
"OKAY!" Kurt said happily, walking off with Kitty and having no clue that he was about to receive a large dose of sedative.
Kitty glanced back at Jean as she was leaving. "You have one more hour 'till your curfew!"
Jean let out a depressed sigh. "Of course...one more hour...one more second...what does it matter?"
~*~*~
Outside beside the pool were Logan, Rogue, and Scott.
Logan sat on the edge of the diving board, his feet just touching the water. He had his arms crossed, and a scowl on his face. "I do NOT like swimming!" he yelled, then turned to the side as if talking to someone, he grumbled, "Leave me alone! You like the water so much, YOU go in!!" Logan growled, kicking at the water.
Scott sat in a lawn chair on the side of the pool. He pointed at Logan and laughed. "He's talking to himself again! Hahahahahahaha!"
Rogue glared at him. "Oh, SHUT UP Scott!" she rolled her eyes and kicked over his chair.
Scott landed in the grass with a *thump*. "Hey!" He stood up and began to wipe off his pants. "Oh. My. God!"
"What!?" Rogue snarled angrily.
Scott's eyes began to water and his lip quivered. "There's grass stain on my pants!!!" He started rubbing at the tiniest speck of green on his khaki pants. "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." Scott continued mumbling to himself. He then closed his eyes and started counting the bricks along the side of the pool. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5...6, 7............12, 13...."
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Oh no, not again. Now he's gonna hafta count them all 3 times."
Scott stopped counting for a moment to glare at Rogue. "YOU NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!" he yelled, then went on with his obsessive counting.
Rogue stood there, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.
Storm walked over to the pool area, staring at the three patients who were currently unsupervised. Rogue was among the least in need of help, and Scott and Logan being near the top of the 'mentally insane' list. Thankfully, most of this could be controlled with the right meds. Ororo walked over to Logan, putting a hand on his shoulder as she watched him argue with an invisible person at his side.
"Stupid fuck face..." Logan grumbled at his side. "I toldja I didn't wanna swim...shut yer mouth...grr..." he unsheathed his claws, striking at thin air by his left.
Storm seemed unphased, she'd seen this act many times before. "Logan, have you taken your meds today?" she asked him with a soft motherly tone.
"Meds?! I need 3 pills.....3 pills....morning, afternoon, night...3 pills!" Scott shouted as he walked around Storm and Logan, still counting the bricks along the pool.
"He told me not ta take 'em...poison...it's poison..." Logan grumbled, shaking his head side to side as he stared down at the pool. He glanced back at Storm, sheathing his claws. "He said it was poison....poison...not me, he said it."
Ororo took Logan's hand and guided him to his feet, she watched Scott go by them again, then finally stop counting.
"3,426!" Scott announced proudly. "3 times I counted them, 3 times...3, 246...that was one time, one time....3 times is more..uh huh...it's more. 3 times."
"Alright Scott, Rogue, come on, time to take your meds, all of you." Ororo told them, keeping watch as she gathered them all and started walking back to the mansion.
"AH DON'T NEED MEDS!!" Rogue snarled, turning to glare at Storm as they walked back. "Ah ain't nuts like these guys!"
Scott stuck his tongue out at Rogue, then did it again, and again.
Logan abrupty pulled his hand away from Ororo and shoved Scott to the ground. "Eat dirt! Haha!"
Rogue giggled and began skipping towards the mansion. "La, la, la, laaaa!!!!! It's beautiful out!"
Ororo sighed as the girl skipped off. She helped Scott off the ground and turned to Logan. "That wasn't very nice."
Logan just jutted a thumb to his side at his imaginary friend. "He made me do it. It was Fred. Drop Dead Fred!!!!" He just laughed hysterically and started chasing after Rogue toward the mansion.
Ever since Logan had watched the movie 'Drop Dead Fred' on tv, he insisted that his imaginary friend was Drop Dead Fred. Ororo looked at Scott who was about to burst into tears because he had gotten dirty. "Here we go..." she sighed.
A/N: I changed my mind...I will write more if I get some reviews, if ya want me to. ;P. it's gonna be mostly plotless and insane though, just ta warn ya. Please Review!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This may just be a one shot, still not sure. Probably though. Not all the X-Men are crazy, but which ones? You'll hafta figure that out as you read! mwahahaha!
SUMMARY: What if all the X-Men were nuts? (well, most of them anyway) What if Xavier's was a mental institution? Read to see crazy mutants act all...crazy!
~*~*~
Crazy Like Me
~*~*~
Bobby casually came down the stairs, stopping in his tracks when he heard someone talking in the rec room. He quickly went into the room, eyes wide with shock at what he had found.
Beast was sitting on the coffee table, rocking back and forth with his large, blue-furred hands covering his eyes. "Purple people aren't real, purple people aren't real, purple people aren't real..."
Bobby slowly appraoched Beast, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."
"AHHHHH!!!!" Hank shrieked, promptly falling off the coffee table onto his ass. "Bobby it's you! Did you see them?!"
"Who?! Where?!" Bobby immediately iced-up and got into a defensive position. "I already gave back his Lucky Charms!!!" The boy nearly sobbed. "I swear!!!"
Beast leapt to his feet, eyes scanning the room fearfully...but mostly due to his paranoia. "No, not Lucky the Leprachaun....the p-p-purple people!!!"
"Hey, like, what's goin' on down here guys?" A voice came from behind, and it was Kitty.
"AHHH!!!!" Beast yelped again, this time jumping on Bobby's back and making the two of them topple over.
"Oof! Get offa me Hank!" Bobby groaned, scowling at the skittish mutant.
Hank smiled sheepishly and got to his feet. "Hello Kitty." He waved innocently.
"What are you guys doing? You have to be in your rooms by now ya know. Professor's rules." She pointed toward the stairs, rolling her eyes. The loonies all had a curfew, but some of them had to be in earlier than others due to their specific mentality. Some of the patients were insomniacs and had a later curfew, then took their meds and got some sleep.
Hank and Bobby both bowed their heads shamefully and walked sadly up to their rooms.
"Behave you guys! You wouldn't want the Prof. to hafta like call in a lock down now would you?" Kitty called after them. She heard a depressed, 'No' as they went up the stairs, then she turned into the kitchen to check if some of the others had gotten out of their rooms.
~*~*~
Speaking of depressed, Jean Grey was in the kitchen, staring into a now warm glass of milk. "The milk is warm! It hates me too!" She cried mournfully.
*BAMF!*
Kurt appeared in the room beside the refrigerator, swishing his tail behind him. He was hopping up and down, strapped completely in a straightjacket. "Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!" he sang.
Jean looked up, her eyes incredibly depressed and dull. "Kuuuuuurt," she whined. "you do realize you're one of the reasons we're not allowed to go on big field trips anymore right?"
Kurt laughed maniacally, hopping his way toward Jean. "Nope!" he said cheerfully.
Jean rolled her eyes. "We can't do anything...life is dull..."
The kitchen door suddenly swung open, making Kurt jump even higher than he already was.
"KURT!" Kitty yelled angrily, coming through the door. "You were supposed to be in your room 3 hours ago!"
He just laughed, swishing his tail back and forth. "Why is that Kitty?" he questioned playfully.
Kitty sighed. Nightcrawler had to be one of the most difficult patients to work with. Because of his teleporting ability it was very difficult to make him stay in his room, or anywhere he was supposed to be. A straightjacket didn't even help at all, though luckily he couldn't teleport out of that. This was why Kurt had to normally be heavily drugged. "C'mon Kurt, it's time for your meds."
Nightcrawler started to hop around the island counter where Jean was seated, still staring into her glass of milk. "No, no, no Kitty! No meds! No meds for Kurty!!!"
Kitty smiled, standing in the doorway. "Meds? Did I say meds? No Kurt, I meant sugar, you want some sugar?"
"Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!!!" The blue elf boy repeated happily, now jumping up and down infront of Kitty. He stopped for a second, staring at her. "This wouldn't be a trick now right?"
Kitty wrapped her arm around the boy, leading him out of the kitchen. "Of course not!"
"OKAY!" Kurt said happily, walking off with Kitty and having no clue that he was about to receive a large dose of sedative.
Kitty glanced back at Jean as she was leaving. "You have one more hour 'till your curfew!"
Jean let out a depressed sigh. "Of course...one more hour...one more second...what does it matter?"
~*~*~
Outside beside the pool were Logan, Rogue, and Scott.
Logan sat on the edge of the diving board, his feet just touching the water. He had his arms crossed, and a scowl on his face. "I do NOT like swimming!" he yelled, then turned to the side as if talking to someone, he grumbled, "Leave me alone! You like the water so much, YOU go in!!" Logan growled, kicking at the water.
Scott sat in a lawn chair on the side of the pool. He pointed at Logan and laughed. "He's talking to himself again! Hahahahahahaha!"
Rogue glared at him. "Oh, SHUT UP Scott!" she rolled her eyes and kicked over his chair.
Scott landed in the grass with a *thump*. "Hey!" He stood up and began to wipe off his pants. "Oh. My. God!"
"What!?" Rogue snarled angrily.
Scott's eyes began to water and his lip quivered. "There's grass stain on my pants!!!" He started rubbing at the tiniest speck of green on his khaki pants. "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." Scott continued mumbling to himself. He then closed his eyes and started counting the bricks along the side of the pool. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5...6, 7............12, 13...."
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Oh no, not again. Now he's gonna hafta count them all 3 times."
Scott stopped counting for a moment to glare at Rogue. "YOU NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!" he yelled, then went on with his obsessive counting.
Rogue stood there, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.
Storm walked over to the pool area, staring at the three patients who were currently unsupervised. Rogue was among the least in need of help, and Scott and Logan being near the top of the 'mentally insane' list. Thankfully, most of this could be controlled with the right meds. Ororo walked over to Logan, putting a hand on his shoulder as she watched him argue with an invisible person at his side.
"Stupid fuck face..." Logan grumbled at his side. "I toldja I didn't wanna swim...shut yer mouth...grr..." he unsheathed his claws, striking at thin air by his left.
Storm seemed unphased, she'd seen this act many times before. "Logan, have you taken your meds today?" she asked him with a soft motherly tone.
"Meds?! I need 3 pills.....3 pills....morning, afternoon, night...3 pills!" Scott shouted as he walked around Storm and Logan, still counting the bricks along the pool.
"He told me not ta take 'em...poison...it's poison..." Logan grumbled, shaking his head side to side as he stared down at the pool. He glanced back at Storm, sheathing his claws. "He said it was poison....poison...not me, he said it."
Ororo took Logan's hand and guided him to his feet, she watched Scott go by them again, then finally stop counting.
"3,426!" Scott announced proudly. "3 times I counted them, 3 times...3, 246...that was one time, one time....3 times is more..uh huh...it's more. 3 times."
"Alright Scott, Rogue, come on, time to take your meds, all of you." Ororo told them, keeping watch as she gathered them all and started walking back to the mansion.
"AH DON'T NEED MEDS!!" Rogue snarled, turning to glare at Storm as they walked back. "Ah ain't nuts like these guys!"
Scott stuck his tongue out at Rogue, then did it again, and again.
Logan abrupty pulled his hand away from Ororo and shoved Scott to the ground. "Eat dirt! Haha!"
Rogue giggled and began skipping towards the mansion. "La, la, la, laaaa!!!!! It's beautiful out!"
Ororo sighed as the girl skipped off. She helped Scott off the ground and turned to Logan. "That wasn't very nice."
Logan just jutted a thumb to his side at his imaginary friend. "He made me do it. It was Fred. Drop Dead Fred!!!!" He just laughed hysterically and started chasing after Rogue toward the mansion.
Ever since Logan had watched the movie 'Drop Dead Fred' on tv, he insisted that his imaginary friend was Drop Dead Fred. Ororo looked at Scott who was about to burst into tears because he had gotten dirty. "Here we go..." she sighed.
A/N: I changed my mind...I will write more if I get some reviews, if ya want me to. ;P. it's gonna be mostly plotless and insane though, just ta warn ya. Please Review!!!