Captain Kakashi's Evil Eye
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KURENAI!" yelled the entire nursing home as they put an enormous cake in front of the aging Kurenai. The cake had so many candles that it was going to burst into flames at any minute. Everyone in the nursing home that didn't have a connection to Kurenai then left since they didn't really care that it was her birthday.
"Wow!" said Kurenai happily to her remaining friends. "That was so nice of everyone to surprise me like that!"
"So, how old are you today, Kurenai?" asked Asuma even though he knew the answer very well.
"Twenty-nine!" Kurenai answered.
Everyone cheered and agreed that they were also that age.
"Blow out the candles!" urged Gai.
"But where's Kakashi?" Kurenai said, looking around.
"He refused to take his medication again so he won't be along for a little while." Sighed Asuma.
"Oh very well…" said Kurenai. She thought of a wish, sighed, and then picked up a blow dryer. She turned the blow dryer on and blew out all the candles that way.
"YAY!" cheered Asuma and Gai.
They all worked together to take the candles off the cake.
"So now that you're eighty—" started Gai.
"Twenty-nine!" Kurenai interrupted.
"Oh right…" said Gai slowly. "Now that you're twenty-nine, what are you going to do?"
"Hm…" Kurenai said. "Well, I'm going to treat myself! I'm going to buy one piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it a week later!"
"Good idea!" said Asuma. "We'll come with you and make separate purchases with coupons for coffee!"
Just then, Kakashi walked in. "Did I miss anything?" he asked. He was the only one who was not confined to a wheelchair, AND he had a patch!
"Only Kurenai blowing out her candles and saying what she was going to do on her birthday!" said Gai.
"Oh, okay." Said Kakashi. "Then I didn't miss anything."
"Hey!" said Kurenai.
"Will you be joining us?" asked Asuma.
"No." said Kakashi, looking out the window wistfully. "I have a long voyage ahead of me and I must prepare."
The three of them gave a collective sigh.
"Kakashi…" Gai said, wheeling over to his old rival. "I'm sorry but… you're just…not a pirate."
"WHAT?" said Kakashi, gasping dramatically as he almost stumbled backwards and broke his old hips. "Of course I am! I am Captain Kakashi and I have had SEVEN Evil Eyes!"
"No you haven't." Gai said, shaking his head.
"Why do you think I wear this patch?" Kakashi said, feeling like he had proven a point.
"Originally because you didn't want to wear your forehead protector anymore when you quit being a ninja but still wanted to cover your Sharinganed eye, but eventually it turned into an obsession once you began to believe you were a pirate." Asuma explained flatly as if he had explained it many times before.
"That's not true." Said Kakashi. "I have always been a pirate. I have never been a ninja."
The three not senile teachers shook their heads at each other.
"Very well, Kakashi." Said Kurenai. "You stay here and prepare for your voyage. We're going out to do more important things."
"Come on guys, get your coupons." Said Gai.
The three of them wheeled out of the room as Kakashi was left at the window being wistful and dramatic, forever to be under the impression that he was a pirate.