Self Appeasement
Breath. Breathe. BREATHE.
Somehow screaming the thought in her head only made the action even harder. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed in quick gasps, her cheeks heated as she forced herself to sit down onto her bunk. All she had to do was breathe and recite the code she told herself, just remember the core tenants of the Jedi and this dark feeling would be purged from her.
There is no emotion, there is . . . His face when he smiles at her which makes that same blush creep into her cheeks. That burst of excited happiness at getting him to smile at her would almost make her forget herself until her stern Jedi personality came back to it's senses and she would fervently rebuke him.
No emotion. No emotion. No emotion. No emotion.
His face. His smile. His strength. His kindness. His funny personality and the way he treated her like she really was his princess.
Bastila felt her face flush red at the thoughts and shoved them away angrily, there's no way she should be thinking these dirty things about him of all people. He was a former Dark Lord, a repressed Jedi, former Master to the current Dark Lord Malak and . . . and . . .
He was attractive.
Her body suddenly turned to a blazing inferno and she threw herself onto her bunk with a groan, pushing her stiff pillow on top of her face angrily. She bit the soft substance and resisted the urge to groan in annoyance. Her mind and her body were slowly turning against her, turning her to a hormone driven teenage girl. It wasn't like her to have such a childish crush at this age and on him no less, it wasn't right. It stood against everything she had been taught.
Sure she had been told about the nature of sexual reproduction and the hormones behind it but Bastila never thought she would have to do anything about it. Especially not at this age! For Force's sake, why hadn't anyone told her about this!? She grew frustrated and threw her pillow down to the floor, why was it so kriffing hot in here?
It felt like a deep coil of tension had formed in her stomach. A deep buzzing had settled in her . . . Lower regions, an ache that demanded to be satiated. By the Force her heart was beating at a hundred miles an hour. Every part of her was buzzing and vibrating with a feeling she had never felt before, a deeb throbbing in her groin.
She could have sworn she had read about this before when she was a teenager. When she had been hungry to learn about what was happening to her when she hit twelve years old. The word eluded her for a second. She thought hard, trying to recall the word that described her affliction.
Arousal. It came to her in an instant.
By the Force she was aroused. What the hell was she supposed to do about this? Reciting the code seemed useless for the first time in her life and asking somebody for help was completely out of the question. Her groin suddenly flared up and throbbed angrily, demanding her immediate attention and fulfillment.
"Bloody kriff it all," Bastila hissed and slapped her hand down onto her lower regions, as if attempting to hold back the swelling feeling of want building inside of her. Her vision became blurred and her heart rate spiked. Not meaning to, a small moan escaped her lips and pleasure flooded her veins.
Her pupils dilated and she breathed in tightly. Pleasure. By the Force that felt . . . Good. Her brow crinkled and her lips tightened to a thin line, unsure.
What are you doing Bastila? Giving into pleasure like this is of the Dark Side, it was selfish and wrong and the feelings she had for Revan weren't even supposed to exist or take control of her like this.
She breathed in deeply and exhaled violently. Yes, these were simply an emotion brought upon by the Dark Side and could be resisted just like the rest of them, she had done it for years after all. She breathed in deeply again. She was Bastila, savior of the Republic and star Jedi protege. She could handle these petty emotions.
Straightening, and suddenly feeling far more confident, Bastila did her best to ignore the throb in her gut and strode out of the women's dorm with a sure and unhesitant stride.
That confidence lasted approximately ten seconds. As soon as she walked into the main room of the Ebon Hawk she saw Revan standing there playing with the Holo Projector. Bastila felt her groin flare up at the sight of his handsome face but ignored this and refused to let her weakness show.
Revan looked up at hearing her presence and smiled wildly, "Hey Princess."
Oh Force that smile of his sent all of the feelings she had just pushed away ram right back to the forefront of her mind. Her groin exploded with desire and Bastila was left helpless. With only a squeak in response, Bastila promptly turned around and sprinted right back to the women's dorm.