Theodore Periwinkle hated his name. With good reason! His parents must have been smoking something really off when the time came for them to name him. Theodore Engelbert Mortimer Periwinkle. TEMP. How messed up was that? So when he was old enough to start using his name publicly, filling out job applications and such, he changed it. Well, tweaked it. Slightly. Shortened it, you might say. And he had been Ted Perry ever since… in all the ways that mattered. He never bothered changing it legally because the paperwork was annoying. He hated paperwork. And forms. And bureaucracy.
That, of course, is why he ended up working for the IRS.
Now, you may wonder at this career decision from somebody who hated the whole idea of big government. It, as many things are in the life of a young, average, slightly socially awkward guy with a head for numbers but no especial talents or ambition, was about a girl.
One day back in the sixth grade, Ted had met a girl named Katie. She was new at school, and he was smitten at first sight of her. She was so pretty, and smart. That first day, during lunch, she sat in on the boys' arm-wrestling contests and beat every single one of them. She was a gymnast, and se proved her superior condition on the boys through force of arms (or, in this case, arm.) Ted was awed, but as usual was too shy to even talk to her.
Growing up, Katie got prettier. Somewhere around eighth grade, Katie stopped growing up (at about 5'7") and started growing out. In polite terms, she blossomed. Magnificently. By the tenth grade she was the most popular girl in the high school they went to… including all of the senior and junior girls. She modeled, part-time on weekends. She went to all the parties and still managed an A-minus average. Of course, that all meant that she had her pick of all the boys, and Ted wasn't even on the reserve list.
But Ted was sadly still hopeful. And like all truly pathetic lost souls, he ended up following her around like a puppy dog, without her even noticing him. He went to the same college, and had even followed her here, to work for the IRS.
But sadly, the story of Katie ends there. I apologize for all of you who were rooting so hard for Ted to get the girl… he doesn't. You see, working for the IRS, the beautiful and intelligent Katie met some very wealthy, powerful people. And one of those wealthy, powerful people asked her out and last Ted had heard they'd been married on some private yacht in the Mediterranean.
No, the IRS was the grindstone which taught Ted many of his most-needed lessons. He worked there one measly year, and decided it wasn't for him. He wanted to go back to college and make his own way, to have a little adventure. Nothing could have prepared him for what he'd encounter, at the age of 23, at UC Sunnydale.