Sherlock Gets... Catty.
It was an average day at 221b Baker street. Average is boring. Sherlock was bored. He lay on the couch and stared at his floral patterned wall all sexy like. John, his faithful companion on many an adventure walked into the room. "John. I'm bored. Fix it." Said Sherlock. "Sherlock, you need a hobby. I mean one other then fighting crime. One to keep you busy between gruesome murders." "Maybe your right Jawn." "Jawn?" Asked John. "Sorry, i've been reading a lot lately." Said Sherlock, then he stood up and walked to the fridge to make some tea.
The next day
John returned from his long day at the hospital and fumbled with his keys to their flat. A force pushed him into the door, his keys fell to the floor dramatically. "John." Whispered the voice huskily. "Meet me near the milenium eye in one hour." And then the pressure was gone and John was alone.
In one hour he stood by the famous eye sore of London, that massive iconic ferris wheel. He stood at the rail and sighed, which nefarious character of their past would he be meeting here tonight, more likely then not at gun point. "Hello again Jawn." "Jawn?" Asked John indignantly, turning to see Mycroft leaning on the rail next to him. "Your blog is not the only blog I follow. God JOHN YOU ARE SO CONTROLLING." John rolled his eyes, he hated the way mycroft PMSed. Mycroft had actually been born a women but had gotten a sex change for some unknown reason. While he no longer had women parts, he still had ovaries and PMSed regularly.
"I have a problem John." Sighed Microft, running his hand through his obviously thinning hair. "this isn't easy to say but" A dramatic pause "I'm in love with Sherlock. I've been in love with him ever since i was a little girl, thats why i had to get a sex change, it was the only way to keep my hands off of him." "Wutt." Said Jawn, expecting some sort of joke or trick. "No, this is for srs." Confirmed Microft. "And now that im going bald he may never notice me or return my feelings. It doesn't help that you two have become so close. I feel threatened and the only way i can be sure that my brothers affections will return to me is by turning you into a cat. Everyone knows cat are lovable and adorable, but never an item of sexual desire.
Then Microft pulled out the lazor he had been concealing in his pants (John just thought he was happy to see him) and zapped John turning him into an even bigger pussy then he already was.
Later
Microft returned John to the flat and explained to sherlock that Moriarty, with the help of Loki, had developed weapons that could change the form of people. Hence why John was now a cat. Unfortunately, as a cat John could not contradict Microft and tell Sherlock what had really happened. Then microft left and Sherlock held john and cried. "It's not fair that your a cat and im not. I wish i were a cat. Cats are never bored!" Then sherlock had an idea. "I'll just turn myself into a cat. We can be the first pair of crime solving cats. John tried to mewl his disapproval but sherlock paid no heed.
Soon the were both curled up in a basket a perfect, more or less happy pair of cats. unfortunately for sherlock, he had gotten the potion wrong and turned himself into a lady cat. And he was in heat. Who could blame John, a healthy male Tom, for suddenly noticing how incredibly sexy Sherlock he was. Sherlock's coat was shiny, and her tail long and sexy. [explicit sex scene] "Wow john, that was amazing!" Exclaimed Sherlock (in cat), satisfied for the first time in his life.
Just then Jimmy Morious burst into the room. "Sherlock, Jawn. I have some terrible news!" "My name isn't Jaw-" "you guys are brothers!" "WHATTTTT!" They both howled. Then Microft burst in, Lazar in hand and zapped Moriarty from behind. He turned into a giant bald lizard and scuttled away. "Now you know the terrible secrets, wait, you guys both look... heated and tired. You didn't... WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!" John tried not to look to proud of himself. "You know what Sherlock? I'm done. I don't love you anymore. Here be humans again" He zapped them and they turned human. "Microft out." Then microft sasheyed away.
2 months later.
"John." Said sherlock, emerging from the kitchen. "Remember that time we..." "How could I forget?" Thought john. He said "Uh yeah why?" A blush crept across sherlock's oddly pointed face. "I am pregnant john, with your child." "What? but your a guy!" "Ah, but i wasn't when we... you know. I think i still retain my cat ovaries inside of me." John nodded, that made perfect sense. "Will you..?" "Yes" Said john. "I will stay with you and we will raise our child together." Sherlock nodded and they made love on the couch, in human form.
16 years later.
Their son, Lestrade, grew into a beautiful boy. One that the ladies wanted and the guys wanted to be. Yet through his childhood, he could not shake the feeling that something was different about him. He could just hear, really, really well. Like a bat.. hmmm maybe he could use that.
"Lestradious!" Yelled his father Sherlock, using his pet name "Take out the trash" "Yes dad" Said Lestrade, rolling his eyes. Yes. He had two dads. Whatever. [explicit sex scene] He just wished they would tell him about his surrogate mother, but whenever he brought it up they looked like they had seen a ghost. He went outside onto the street with the garbage and placed it down. His life was so boring, why did nothing interesting ever happen? Thats when ALL OF THE Avengers ran down the street. "OMG the Avengers!" yelled Lestrade. He chased after them, maybe they would let him join. He was more special then two of the existing members, at least he had a super power. And with his parents being who they were, he was way smarter then average.
He caught up with them and made his request to join. "What's you power kid?" Asked Tony stark all sassily. "I can hear really, really good." ALL OF THE AVENGERS of them looked down at him impressed. "Well." Said Captain America "Your in. What's your super hero name." Lestrade thought for a moment and then said "Bat Eye." "Wait what?" Said Bruce banner "That doesn't make any sense. "I can hear as well as a bat. Duh." "No but that doesn't awnser my question." Said Bruce, getting a little green around the edges. "Well if you love the question so much why don't you just marry it" Said Lestrade. Then he and Tony stark high fived.
"Now, were looking for a man named Sherlock" Said Thor sounding like Shakespeare in the park. "Oh" Said Lestrade "Thats my dad. Why do we need him?" "You'll see." So Lestrade led ALL OF THE AVENGERS into their small flat. "Dad, these men need to talk to you." Both Sherlock and John came out. Lestrade face palmed as a bad 80's laugh track played in the back ground.
"Sherlock. We have searched galaxies to find you. Loki has teamed up with this great bald lizard to destroy the world." "EHRMMERGERD" Said Sherlock. "Exactly." Said Nick Fury. [explicit sex scene]
ALL OF THE AVENGERS and Sherlock, John and Lestrade met on an open field to meet Loki/Moriarty's (who got fused together in a tragic wormhole accident) army. As soon as they appeared ALL OF THE Avengers went to work. Bat eye heard them coming and then they all did some stuff and it was like PEW PEW PEW but Loki/Moriarty's army was too strong. All would have been lost had it not been for the wonder twins! They emerged from sherlock's body after having masquerading as Sherlock's ovaries for 17 years. "So that;s how we had a baby, it all makes sense now." Said John in awe as the wonder twins kicked ass.
THE END.