I own nothing. ONE-SHOT ONLY! Enjoy. Slash and past self-harm.

"What are you doing, Barney?"Marshallasked staring at me.

Looking up from my desk I stared at Marshall and Ted for a moment before shaking my head and going back to packing. There was too much to explain and too much anger for me to even talk.

"Come on," Ted said smiling, "You're going to have to tell us what happened at some point."

"Do you want to know what happened?" I asked glaring at them, "Go ask Arthur what is going on and leave me alone."

"Dude, tell us."

"I said get out. I meant get out now."

Ted and Marshall looked at me one last time before leaving. Shaking my head I tried to ignore the feeling of being abandoned. I knew that I was the one to send them away, but I hoped they'd put up more of a fight.

They were supposed to be my best friends, but I couldn't bring myself to explain what was happening. I barely understood what I had myself. I couldn't just let it happen though so I did the only thing I could think of.

Sighing I packed the last of my things and left the office. As I hailed a cab I looked back at the building and felt a wave of sadness which I didn't have the strength to push away.

"Barney," Ted said running out as I closed the door to the cab, "Tell me that Arthur is lying."

I stared into Ted's eyes for a moment before I told the cab my address. He drove away leaving Ted standing on the sidewalk to stare at me. I thought that I would have had enough time to get to my place before they found out what happened.

There wasn't going to be enough time for me to pack up my place before everyone was there, but I didn't have time to waste. I had to get out of there before I had second thoughts.

When I got to my place I saw that no one else was there which I counted my stars for. This was hard enough already. I got to my apartment and started to pack everything up instantly.

I had been packing for almost ten minutes before I heard knocking on the door. I stared at the door for a second before shaking my head and going back to packing without any other thoughts.

"Barney," Ted yelled banging on the door, "Open up or I'm coming in myself."

Without saying anything I went to the door and opened it expecting to see everyone, but only being greeted by Ted. Calmly I motioned for him to come in and started to pack my things again.

"What are you doing?" Ted asked glaring at me, "How could you do that?"

"I thought the reason was pretty easy to figure out," I said softly, "They needed the money and it was this or your building."

"So you just quit like that? Barney, that job is everything to you."

"I'll get over it."

"Fine, let's not talk about how you quit your job to save my project. Let's talk about why you're packing your home up."

"Ted, drop it."

"Not until I know what is going on in that head of yours, Dude. The second I think I've figured you out you pull a stunt like this. Just tell me what is going on."

Feeling the anger build up in me I slowly turned to Ted and stared at him. As I moved closer to him I could see that he was getting confused and slightly scared by what I was doing.

I grabbed the edge of the table and flung it into the living room. We continued our staring game until he rested a hand on my shoulder. I quickly pushed his hand off of me and punched him in the jaw.

"Don't touch me," I said firmly, "I'm sick of people touching me."

"Barney," Ted said rubbing his jaw, "What are you talking about?"

"Leave, Ted. Just make the smart choice and leave."

"Not without knowing what is going on with my best friend."

"Marshallis your best friend. We all know that. I'm just the guy you all pity so I get to hang out with you all. I know that, Ted. You can stop lying to me now and just leave."

Ted stared at me before crossing his arms and falling onto the couch. Sighing I realized that he wasn't going to leave until he had his answer. I didn't have the heart to tell him what was going on in my head though.

While he sat on the couch I started to pack again. He couldn't stay here all day, people would notice if Ted went missing for a few hours. He had a girlfriend and his friends they'd notice something.

It was an hour later when another knock came to the door. Before I could answer the door Ted was there taking a pizza from the delivery boy. Shrugging I went into my bedroom and stared at my bed.

"I've had so much happen in this room," I said knowing Ted was behind me, "I just wish it was with the person I wanted. No matter how many different people went through my room I couldn't stop thinking about that person and then I'd have to see them everyday and they never knew what was going on. Not that they needed to. I know nothing will ever happen."

Turning I looked at Ted and saw sadness in his eyes and knew that it was reflected in my own. I started to slowly unbutton my shirt knowing that he was going to look away.

My shirt and tie fell from my body revealing more then I had let anyone I care about see in a long time. Ted wasn't going to see what I needed him to see though. He was going to see what he wanted to.

"Who is it, Barney?" Ted said softly, "Who do you want?"

"It doesn't matter now," I said staring in the mirror, "None of that matters now."

"It matters to me. Whether you believe it or not I do care about you, Barney. You are my best friend. I just want to help you."

"No one can help me anymore, Ted. Haven't you figured it out by now? I'm too broken for anyone to fix."

"Why does this sound like you're giving up?"

"You still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what? What are you trying to tell me, Barney? You're talking in circles and I can't figure any of this out. Tell me what is going on. For once let someone in. Whether you like it or not you need someone. Let me try to help."

Turning so I was facing Ted I quickly grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. As I kissed him I tried to pour all of my heart into it to show him what I had been hiding.

It didn't take long before I was pulling away and pushing Ted out of my room and apartment. I got him into the living room when he rammed me into the wall and stared at me.

"What are those?" Ted asked looking at my chest.

"You know what they are," I said calmly.

"I want you to tell me."

"I tried to cut my heart out. I've tried a few different times actually."

"Tell me why."

Looking at Ted I tried to break free from his grip. I hated that he was getting this close to me and I just wanted to runaway. He was stronger then me though. I couldn't get away.

"Tell me why," Ted repeated softly.

"You say that I don't have a heart or a soul or whatever," I said calmly, "I thought that I'd prove you right and maybe it would help."

"Help what?"

"Help get you out of my mind. I can't stop thinking about you. Why is it that you can't love me like I love you, Ted?"

Ted stared at me for a moment before resting a hand on my cheek. He smiled softly and kissed me gently before pulling back. I looked at him in confusion and waited for him to talk.

"I do love you, Barney," Ted said smiling, "I have for years. I just didn't do anything about it because you were always with a different girl every few hours. I have on thing to ask though."

"What it is?" I asked softly.

"Are you really leaving me?"

"I can't afford this apartment anymore. Hell, I don't want to keep this place. I don't have anywhere else to go, Ted."

"Come with me, Barney. You're already letting me in. Don't close down on me now."

"Do you really want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, you can live with me and it will all work out. You just have to let me help you. You have to talk to me."

Smiling slightly I hugged Ted and buried my head in his chest. I felt Ted press a kiss to my head and mutter that he would try to fix everything for me. That it would all be okay. And for the first time I believed that it might be.