Leia was in her office, alone. She could feel the heat of the afternoon suns on her skin, while she read this impossibly long document. Her finger slid over the datapad screen over and over — the time seemed like was passing in slow motion...
There was so much silence in the room that she could hear her own paced breath. Her stomach turned, her head spinned. It was so hot! She thought, getting up to pick a glass of water.
She drank slowly, silently. Her throat was the only sound to be heard, a careful sound, the cold water refreshing her troubled stomach.
She was like that, lately. It must be this heatwave... The temperatures were very high at the beginning of this year.
Leia looked at her desk. A little messy, she could admit, and smiled when sat her eyes on the holo of her, Ben, and Han. He was eight years old, now he's already ten. The time really flies.
They're laughing at Han, who slipped in some kind of oil that was on the Falcon's floor. He didn't fell out, but that way was even more funny to them. Chewie took the picture, unnoticed, and it ended up being one of her favorites.
Oh my goodness, he's already ten.
She thought it, again. It was hard to believe. But at the same time she was proud of her grown up, pretty responsible and sweet boy.
They both are.
That insisting feeling of nausea was still there when she turned to the big window of the room, looking for the breeze that messed her meticulous hair up. The wind smoothed her face while she walked over the balcony; her hands crossed in front of her waist, like she was hugging herself.
A deep, mournful sigh escaped her lips while she noticed that strange (but not so unfamiliar) feeling. A sigh so deep that made her body curve over her arms, almost reverently and shamefully.
— I am pregnant again.
She said in a whisper, maybe she would believe it if she said it. And she was all alone, after all. Or, actually, maybe not.
Leia walked over the wooden floor of her home, tossing her shoes off and letting them there. Oh, she was so tired. Emotionally and physically. Her mind was about to explode with so many assumptions.
She was in her thirties. Her husband in his forties. Her son was ten. Oh, Kriff, why is this happening?!
She was so busy with her own thoughts that she didn't even noticed Ben coming closer to her, running like a crazy boy, and coming fast for a big hug. He jumped over her waist. She caught him, automatically, and held him up on her arms.
— Hello, there! — Ben said, trying to impersonate someone very adult. Leia laughed.
— Hello, little bandit. How was your day?
— It was GREAT! We learned about ancient history and the Clone Wars, and everything! It was like... — he waved his hands, mimicking na explosion. Her mom smoothed his dark and curled hair, and kissed his cheek.
— Thats good, Ben. Ancient history was one of my favorite subjects when I was your age... I can tell you one of the stories your grandpa told me before you go to bed. Now... Where's your dad?
— He told me to delay you the maximum that I could. — Ben smiled. A crooked smile like his father's.
— Very interesting. Now... — she put her son down. He was getting heavy, and Leia figured that maybe her days of lifting Ben in her arms was passing so she enjoyed every single time.
— Can you please help us with the dinner?
— Yes, mommy.
Leia glanced at the clock and then at Han. — I'm going to bed.
— Already? Are you okay, sweetheart?
She wanted so badly to say "No, and there's nothing you can do to help me." But she simply murmured. — Yes, I am.
Han gave her a suspicious look and kissed her lips lightly, then went to the living room to play with Ben. The boy was energetic, throwing his ships on the walls and jumping on the couch. Solo mentally noted that he should take Ben to the park at the weekend, unless he wanted Leia to scream at him about their son's need to be outside.
Leia... She was acting like she was trying to hide how upset or tired she was. Han knew that. He knew almost every little piece of his wife's complex personality. He knew, also, that pushing her to talk wasn't a good thing, so he continued to play with his untired son for a long, good time. It calmed Han down, and his kid loved to play with his dad, pretending to be scoundrels running from the bad guys (Jabba, of course, who his amazingly strong mother fiercely defeated).
— Alright, Ben. Go take a shower, it's getting late.
— Ughhh, but I bathed yesterday! And I barely played outside today!
— I knoooow! It's an unfair rule, but if you want to sleep in that bed of yours, you must take a shower, go, go... — Han Solo smiled and tapped his son's back to hurry him up. He ran to the stars and closed his bedroom door.
Solo sighed and went to their room. Expecting to find Leia asleep, he entered the bedroom without making any sound. Leia was sitting on her computer, the dim light of the device illuminated her face on a blunt tone.
— Hey. — she greeted.
— I thought you might be sleeping.
— I tried to. — Leia smiled faintly.
— Ben's bathing.
— Good... Did he complained about it? — she asked.
— Always... — Solo answered with a short laugh. After a moment of silence, he continued. — It's a bit late. I'll get him to bed and...
— No, relax. I'll do it. I've promised him to tell one of my father's stories about the war.
— Okay, then.
Leia left the room, a little dizzy and lightheaded, and went to her son's room, where he jumped on the bed, with his star-themed pants and no shirt. His dark curled hair falling up, and down, up, and down...
He was the cutest thing in the world, she thought while observing her beautiful boy, quietly enjoying the feeling of flying for just a second.
He looked at her eyes and smiled, his chubby cheeks reddening, suddenly. — Are you going to tell me a story, momma?
— Yes, baby. I promised, didn't I?
— Yeah. — he stopped and kneeled on the bed, moving closer to her. She ran her right hand over his face, straightening a lock of hair behind his ear. Ben quickly returned his hair to it's place to cover what the boys from school called "his huge ears".
— They're bothering you with this again? — she asked with concern.
— No, mom... It's just... They are right.
— No, they aren't! Ben... Look at me. — she touched his chin lightly and he stared at her big brown eyes. — I am impossibly short. Your father is tall as hell, and he has a scruffy hair since he was your age. And how about Chewie?! Chewie is covered with fur! — Ben laughed at his mother's tone. — Ben... We all have our weirdness. We have to embrace it, to make fun of it... If... If our life wasn't funny it would just be...
— True? — Ben smiled at her, timidly.
— Yes! And that is unacceptable!
— Okay! Okay, mom! — he laughed and hugged her tightly. She kissed the crown of his head.
— I love you. — Leia whispered.
— I know. — her son responded, slipping his hands over her waist. His expression changed ever so slightly, and he looked at her again.
— Mom?
— Yes?
— Are you alright?
— I'm fine, just a little tired. Now go brush your teeth, I'll tell your story.
— But I've already brushed my teeth!
— Yesterday. Nice try. — she made a motherly face to him, a face she'd developed for occasions just like this.
He ran, and came back in no time. Leia nestled him in her arms and told him about his grandfather, Bail Organa. A great viceroy, a great man, and a great father.
He listened attentively and was mesmerized by all the action he'd experienced. The shipps, clones, the lightsabers and the fight — good against evil. She told him about the politics as well, and he yawned, embracing her further and telling her to continue.
— It's late, little bandit. You have to sleep eight hours at night If you want to grow up.
— Yeah, I know... — he made that cute face for her, and she almost brought him to her bed, but she had to give him limits, so...
— Mommy, I'm feeling weird.
— Weird? — Leia asked, fluffing his hair.
— It's like... A fog. In my mind.
— Hmmm... — she definitely understood that feeling, and perhaps she was the reason he felt this way. Their connection was so deep and beautiful, indeed. Maybe too deep...
— There's something I can't get. — The boy said, closing his eyes and furrowing his brow in deep concentration.
— What is it sweetie? — she was asking even though she knew the answer. Leia wanted to hide this for the longest she could, it was so very new and terrifying, but her son seemed to feel the growing life within her body. She shivered when he opened his eyes.
— There's a light. Very small. It's close and it feels... Warm.
— Oh... Really? — she asked, her voice betraying the knot in her throat. Ben's little fingers reached for her hip as he caressed her back lightly.
— Are you afraid, mom?
— Afraid of what?
— Of the light.
Ben caught her completely off guard and she just smiled weakly, fighting the tears she wanted so desperately to pour. Leia kissed Ben's forehead and felt his confusion. — I think I'm a little afraid of how you will feel about this light, kid. — she said simply, knowing that he would not fully understand but somehow be satisfied with the answer.
Ben Solo was the most sensible human being she'd ever seen. He said nothing, just squeezed her hand reassuringly and closed his eyes.
— Good night, mommy.
— Good night, son. — she whispered, letting the tears trickle down her eyes. Leia looked over her shoulder and found Han's eyes, amazed and concerned in a locked gaze. She walked towards him and then closed the door behind them. She tried so hard not to cry but she couldn't trust herself — not at this moment.
She kept thinking of how Han would hate this and how she was not happy with it. Her son was so young and needed so much care, and...
Leia looked at her husband, starring at her, patiently waiting for her to look at him.
— Ben is...
— Fine. He's fine, Han.
— Look, I understand that you have your concerns about his bloodline end everything, but... Look at him! The boy is the sweetest thing in the world. — Solo said, holding her hands.
— I know that. He's... Perfect. Unique.
— So what's the matter, sweetheart? — he asked almost begging her to talk. Han looked deeply in Leia's eyes and saw that look. That frightened look he saw just one time in his life. He didn't blink, just read her deep brown eyes and then, after a long moment, he touched her arm. — Are you...
— Yes.
Her voice was even deeper than her worried gaze. She avoided his eyes for a second, afraid to see how he would react.
When she looked at him she saw the same concerned face. Han sighed softly, almost smiling. Leia felt her stomach twist.
— Oh, Leia... — Solo just held her tightly for what it felt like a lifetime. She silently cried in his arms, and he didn't smiled or felt panic... He just held her.
— I am sorry, Han, I...
— Shhh, it's okay. I'm with you here, I'm not going anywhere.
— I know. — she whispered, a little more calmly.
They went to their room. Han walked to the bathroom and Leia sat on the bed. Both hands on her face. She was feeling terrible.
She felt emotionally drained and fiscally... Well... Pregnant. Sick. Hating all smells around her. Sore. Irritated and underneath all that she had the motherly urge to take care of herself to keep nurturing the little mistake growing in her womb.
— I'm a terrible person. — she said, out of nowhere.
— You're not. You need time. I need time, too. — Han said, sitting at her side.
— Uhhhh, I'm going to be sick. — She got up and walked around, breathing heavily and smoothing her abdomen.
— Calm down. The world isn't ending.
— Yes it is. Yes it is, Han. Our son needs us and we're having another one. Another person who will need us to carry through life, to teach and love and... I don't think I can do this.
— Leia... — he touched her hand and she avoided him.
— Don't. Please. I have to handle this by myself.
— No you don't. Look... This is fifty percent on me, sweetheart.
She looked at him for a second, then ran to the bathroom, but she ended up vomiting on the bathroom sink. She was definitely feeling terrible.
— Go take a shower. I'll clean it up. — Han said simply. She slid her clothes off and he couldn't avoid to gaze at her stomach, already showing the softest of swells. She caught his eyes and sighed.
She took a long shower, seeming to want her thoughs to go away with the flowing hot water. But her hands reached for her ribs, her hot skin breathing into life as she emerged on her feelings. Oh, Force, why so invasive and revealing? She always thought... Leia felt scared, but warm. Very warm and safe as she reached for what was within. The tiny little thing forming there, already so kind and loving. How the hell it could have that, Leia didn't know, but her feelings never lied. Not like that.
Part of her was already so in love with the idea of a little baby in her arms. But she was too rational to listen to that voice.
Still... Looking at her almost flat stomach, she felt her heart pound a little faster. The water continued to fall over her neck, hot and heavy, massaging her tense muscles. She felt Ben, sleeping, and then closed her eyes and reached for what was inside her once more. It was so small and so bright, and it felt so, so innocent and sweet like a perfume, vague and exotic, like her own and Han's at the same time, but very unlikely Ben's. It was something else, someone new. Leia was terrified but her heart was melted, already.
Han sat on the bed and waited for her. This morning the life was so much simpler! He thought. Maybe be was thrilled, maybe not. He didn't knew yet. Solo didn't cared about it for now, he just wanted to make sure Leia was alright. The door opened and his hazel eyes met hers.
Leia could see the lines over his face, caused by the old time worries and for the more recent ones, but his mouth still twisted in the same crooked smile she loved so much. Han wrapped her in his arms and looked tenderly at Leia's face. She was so afraid and yet so confused... His hands ran gently over the slightest rinkles at the side of her eyes, wet with tears. She laid her head on Han's chest and the time seemed to stop.
— Maybe you're n...
— No, Han. It's here. — Leia replied, her voice muffled by his shirt.
— What do you wanna do? — he asked and she turned to look at him with a concerned expression.
— Cry. — She almost laughed. Han sighed softly and kissed the crown of her head. She would be alright, he was sure.
They're wrapped in each other's arms, listening their heartbeats when Leia felt his presence, concerned and sleepy. — Is everything okay?
Ben asked, getting close and being pulled in the hug by his father.
— Yes, Ben.
— So why is momma crying? — he asked simply. Leia held a lock of his hair between her fingers and whispered.
— It's... A little complicated, my love. We'll talk about it in the morning. But I'm okay. — She kissed his cheek for a little more than a second and smiled reassuringly. — Dad will put you on bed.
Han gave him a little smile who said "your mother is right, trust her", and then disappeared with the boy on the other room. Han wanted to tell him right away but... He didn't know. He had to make sure Leia was okay first, and by the way, she wasn't.
When he came back he found her at the balcony, wrapped in her robe.
— You know. I feel bad because I'm not thrilled about this. — she said, still looking forward.
— You don't have to. You are a human, and it was a big, enormous surprise.
— I know, Han. But... I don't know.
He laughed quietly and wrapped his hands around her waist. — When was the last time you had a big, enormous surprise after all, sweetheart?
— When you bought this house, maybe. Or when Ben broke every single plate of this house in the same moment. — Leia laughed and turned at him.
— Maybe this is just a beautiful, big and enormous surprise that we'll laugh about later.
— I hope it's not so big and enormous, then... — she joked and he wanted to marry her all over again.
— I love you.
— I know.
— We'll be fine.
— I hope.