A Small Comfort

Hey Erwin... what happens if that dream of yours comes true?

"Like little kids... The way they scream and flail." His earlier words surfaced as he was now standing before the bed, the quiet ringing in his ears. The silence; it was loud, it was suffocating.

Like little kids, huh. Images of despairing, tearstained faces surfaced unbiddenly. Levi grimaced. No child should have to witness such sights. No one should have to face such decisions. But, that was the shitty world they lived in. That was their harsh and ugly truth.

Looking down, he didn't know what to feel. The emptiness he felt was endless, and yet at the same time, there were too many emotions swirling around, all trying to get to the surface at once. Unbearable, it was. But, that had never been an excuse. They had to move forward—make it all count. They had to move onward and give meaning to their comrade's sacrifices.

"I'll make the choice."

Levi moved his stance and swallowed, the old and wooden floor creaking under his weight. He couldn't do much more than stare, he couldn't do much more than stand there; while the gravity of it all pulled at him, clawed at him, nails digging deep into his flesh. He was fucking tired, and it hurt. Of course, it hurt. Pain, it was nothing new to him. It was familiar. It was so fucking familiar. And he would rein everything back in, he would put everything back in place. He only needed a moment. And then... Then—

A creak of the floorboards had him looking, dragging him away from the thoughts buzzing through his mind.

He was greeted by the sight of Hange standing in the door opening. A small bouquet of white flowers in one hand.

"Here," she held them out to him. And he couldn't help the small smile.

The flowers got a place on the drawer next to the bed.

It was a small gesture, though as little as it may be, there was not much else they could do. "It's nice, this place."

They stood next to each other, in silence, lost in their own thoughts. And once again, Levi could only stare down at the bed, dry-eyed, aching and tired. So fucking exhausted. And yet, he knew, if he had the chance, he wouldn't be able to sleep.

"We should go back." It was him who at last, broke the silence between them. He felt Hange flinch next to him. He knew. His voice; it was rough, it was too loud. Too loud in this quiet.

And Levi took a step forward. It felt like his joints had stiffed; moving seemed difficult all of a sudden.

He stretched out an arm, and his fingers wavered above the green cloak. "We've to go, Erwin. I'm sorry we have to leave you here." He paused for a moment, throat dry. "But I'll be back. I promise." To his relief, his voice stayed steady. Then, his fingertips grazed the material, and he took a step back.

The sound of grief had him turning his head. Hange was watching him, eyes wet, a hand clasped over her mouth.

And Levi wished he could do more, but at this moment, the only thing he could do was reach out and clasp a reassuring hand over her arm. At least, he hoped it was reassuring. What the hell did he know about comfort? Not much. He knew pain. Yeah. That's what he was familiar with and—

"Yeah, we should go back."

Once again, it was Hanges voice that pulled him away from his thoughts.

Levi swallowed. It was time.

After one last glance towards the bed, Levi turned around and followed the new commander of the Survey Corps outside and into the sunlight, and toward the responsibilities that were awaiting them.

Farewell, Erwin. And thank you.

I wrote this small fic in dedication to episode 55.

Once again, they did a perfect job of adapting these painful chapters. The lack of music, the incredible voice acting... 10/10. I also watched it when the subs were not out yet, and I didn't need them. The sound and animation, it said everything. It was such a great episode. In my opinion, one of the best.

All the mistakes are mine.