So Jusenkyo Smarter Than Me?
Summary and Author's Notes: Ranma gets fed up with the Kuno siblings' advances and finally tells them something he should have thought of before. Why fight harder, when you can just be smarter? I actually came up with this at 3am while I was in the shower. Had to write it while it was fresh on my mind. I know I need to be working on "Pyromancy" but I left the flash drive I'm writing it on in the car. Sorry for the bad-joke title, but that's typical of some Ranma episodes.
Ranma stepped outside the Tendo Dojo with a sigh. It had been a rough day. Nabiki had already found some new scheme to try and shake him down for cash, Soun and Genma were behaving like they usually do. Shampoo and Mousse had already run through the house earlier, Shampoo looking for Ranma's affections, and Mousse chasing after her. Thankfully, the two didn't stay long as a scream from Akane's room had lead to the blue haired girl and her 'pet' pig chasing Happosai down the hallway after the old lech had tried to sneak into the youngest Tendo daughter's pantie drawer and Shampoo found herself with the lecherous martial arts master face-planted into her chest. Shampoo had tossed the old man across the hall, which landed him on Nabiki. This lead to all five of them chasing after the old pervert.
Ranma decided to sit this one out, rather than chase after the old man. "I'm beginning to think chasing after him is only encouraging his bad habits," the teenager sighed, leaning against the wall with his hands behind his head. He glanced around, he hadn't taken time to look at a clock, but judging by the position of the sun, it wasn't even seven o'clock yet. At least it was a Sunday, though, so there was no need to go to school. "It's too early for all of this," he groaned. "Ah well, if I stay out of it, I have a better chance of avoiding any cold water this morning. At least the weatherman said there's no chance of rain today."
"There you are Saotome!" a voice rang out. Ranma groaned.
"Ranma, Darling!" a second voice rang out. Ranma opened his eyes and turned his attention toward the two offending voices.
"NOT these two?" he sighed underneath his breath. Approaching him were the Kuno siblings, Kuno Tatewaki and Kunou Kodachi. "Oh, this is JUST what I needed today." He frowned. He wanted to avoid his girl form as much as possible today. He had the feeling that if it were even physically possible Ranko might actually be menstruating today if he changed into her. If it WERE possible, he certainly didn't want to be stuck in that form for the entire week while waiting for her to ride it out. Maybe it was just his bad mood that was making him worry, it's not like such a thing had ever happened before... But it wasn't something he wanted to chance.
"Were are Akane and the Pigtailed Goddess, Soatome?" Kuno, the older brother, demanded.
"They're not here," Ranma answered flatly. He'd tried to show Kuno that he and the red-haired Ranma with a braid were one and the same, but the Kendo practitioner was too thick in the head to get it. Likewise, his girl form had told Kodachi that she and Ranma were one and the same, but the flighty socialite only took it to mean they'd been sleeping together. The results had won unwanted affections and hatred from both of them; Kuno thinking he was destined to rescue the 'Pigtailed girl' from the spell that the 'Evil Sorcerer' Soatome Ranma had placed her under, and Kodachi determined to wrench Ranma from Ranko for good. However, Kuno was also in love with Akane, having declared long before Ranma and Akane were engaged that if any guy from their school were to date Akane, that guy would have to beat the heiress to the Tendo Dojo in battle. Granted, both the Soatome and Tendo families would be in better shape, financially, if Ranma married Kodachi and Akane accepted Kuno's hand, but neither of them wanted that! "Look, today's not a good day, can't you two come bother me some other time?" Ranma growled, turning to walk away.
"Ranma, Darling, don't walk away!" Kodachi, the younger sister, pouted. Ranma froze, a chill running up his back.
"Why would they not be here at this hour?" Kuno insisted, "Soatome, I challenge you to a duel right here and now, release them."
Ranma rolled his eyes and groaned. Suddenly an idea hit him. "Why didn't I ever think of that before!?" he thought as he balled a hand into a fist and smacked it against the palm of his other hand. He turned back and faced them. "LOOK," he exclaimed, "WHY DON'T YOU TWO BACK OFF ALREADY!? Kodachi, I have no interest in you, alright! I have enough crazy women chasing after me claiming to be my fiance because of one stupid rule or another, without some psycho socialite deciding she's my self-proclaimed fiance, as well! And as for you, Kuno! Not only is Akane not interested, but neither is Ranko! Both of you need to back off and leave her alone. She's not my girlfriend, she's my twin sister. She and I cross-dress as each other to avoid unwanted affections from stalkers such as yourselves! She's not even interested in looking for a boyfriend, but if she were, she'd probably pick Ryouga. In truth, she's a lesbian, and I have enough trouble fighting her off for Akane's affections without the rest of you getting in the way. So, just turn around and go back the way you came!"
With that, Ranma turned and walked off in a huff, leaving the Kuno siblings standing dumbfounded. What Ranma hadn't realized was that Akane and Ryouga had returned from chasing Happosai and were standing on the other side of the wall, both blushing and eyes as big as saucers.
"Did Ranma just...?" Akane asked.
"Yeah... Yeah he did," Ryouga nodded.
"I think I'm gonna' go lie down now," Akane said, blushing even brighter.
"Yeah, you do that," Ryouga said, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."