A/N: Yes, I know, an unnecessary evil. But, it is required for the first chapter of a fanfiction. This story centers on the Hogwarts staff and students finding a computer, and thus finding fanfiction. Including slash pairs, straight pairs, theories, message boards, the list goes on... If you want me to write about a funny couple, or theory, by all means, suggest it to me.:) Note: If you haven't noticed, this story is going to be very AU.
Disclaimer: I don't own the wizarding world of Harry Potter. It's the brainchild of JKR.
A Hello From The Fandom
By DerangedHedge
Chapter One – Featuring Our Very Own Fanfiction(dot)net!
Harry and Ron came across it first as they were hiding from Peeves and a very angered Mrs. Norris.
"I think they've passed…" said Ron, as he took deep breaths of air and looked around the empty room as his eyes landed on the shiny casing of a monitor, "What the bugger is that thing?"
"What's what?" asked Harry, still peering out the doorway, checking if the corridor was clear.
"Harry! Lookait!" Ron spoke very fast, whimpering. "It's… It's a… I dunno what the bloody hell it is, but it sure looks like it's been eating too much of Dumbledore's lemon drops." His mind was stumbling over itself. "Knew I shouldn't have taken one…" He added to the thought pertaining to lemon drops.
"Ron, shut the bloody hell up! D'you want Mrs. Norris to find u- BLOODY HELL!" Harry was cut off his last sentence as he turned around and glimpsed it itself. "It's a computer!"
"A what?" questioned Ron, who had clearly never heard of the term before.
"Computer. Y'know what I'm talking about… Dudley used to have one, before he smashed it to bits." Harry headed over to it and bent down to press 'Power'.
But before he could, a shrill shriek followed by a "Don't touch it!" came from Ron. "You don't know where it's been!" he went on, like it's been somewhere 'dirty'.
"Ron, pull yourself together, mate. I'm just pressing a button..." Harry grinned, and pressed in the small circular platform.
A small whirring noise emitted from it, and the screen lit up. Shifting some, "I know this is going to be something bad…" moaned Ron.
It had one program running, stated the welcome screen, as the computer logged in. A bright white desktop met them first, and then the box popped up, a long list of stories and links embeddened in it.
Harry read over them, "Ron… These… They're about us!" Appalled, he tried to exit out of the program, but it wouldn't let him. "Bugger! Close you!" He found that, though he had clicked the mouse button repeatedly, the sodding window would not close.
"…That's disgusting!" said the other boy as his eyes traveled further down the page.
Summaries of all kinds appeared before his eyes…
Wat happens when Ron losses his mind, and only harry can help him get it back? Ron/Harry.
as the second war ensues over hogwarts, dumbledore and mcgonagall find they have many things to tell each other.MMAD
Draco & Hermione fall in love, but are to scarred too admit it to they're friends. DM. R&R Thnx!
"Hermione and Malfoy!" Ron nearly screamed as his eyes fell upon the last one. "Merlin! Who do these people think they are!"
"Where d'you see that one?" asked Harry, quickly scanning over the others. "Ahh! There's stuff about my parents on here!" That particular though burst Harry out of his oblivion.
Half impressed, half deeply scarred, the boys clicked on a link that didn't look too out of their levels of comfort.
Five minutes later, they pressed the 'back' button quickly.
"Oh God… That's… That's ridiculous! What's that wanker on!" exclaimed Ron, "Writing about Hermione and I in such a… weird way. That's bloody insane!" Inside, however, he had different thoughts. Ron secretly offered cheers to whoever wrote it, and was thinking about trying out some of the ideas later.
"How d'you think 'they' know about us?" Ron demanded. "I reckon we have just about every charm on this place to make sure 'they' don't know!"
"I dunno, mate. But they obviously found out some way. I mean, look at this… Six thousand five hundred and forty-two pages about our kind. This is all insane… Has to be a dream of some sort."
"Maybe Trelawney's fumes got to us again. I saw a third-year faint just last week." Ron rubbed his head. "…So, how in Merlin did Ickle Diddykins manage to get this," he motioned to the computer, "out the window? The fat lump can't even make it to the kitchen without taking a nap on the couch first." He grinned, his fiery red eyebrows shooting beyond his hairline.
"Oh, believe me, it was rather shocking." Harry laughed, "He must have been pretty mad to actually get off his fat arse in the first place."
Ron turned his attention back to the site after having a brief catfight over the mouse. "Honestly, Harry, when are you going to learn that I've lived with two very anxious women all my life?" Clicking on some random buttons, he scanned the page.
That's when the boys found the characters list.
"They have Snape!" Harry howled gleefully, moving the mouse towards the name on the drop down list.
"Oh, see if there's any about Malfoy and him!" said Ron, animated. "I've always thought something was going on there…"
The boys spent the whole night in the room, fascinated by the whole concept of 'fanfiction' as they learned to call it. By morning, Ron was rather close to actually calling the machine by its correct name; whilst Harry had read more things about more people then he ever wanted to know about.
"Honestly, who wants to read about Dumbledore and McGonagall getting it on?" He asked as the first rays of the sun peeked into the small crevice of the window.
"C'mon mate, it's getting late. Hermione and the rest of the lot are going to start wondering where we've been if we keep here too much longer. Besides, we've still got to get to the library to start studying for the Potions exam." Groaned Ron, not wanting to leave yet.
"Yeah… Ron, are going to tell Hermione about this?" Harry asked the question that they had been avoiding all night.
"…She'll freak out." Ron beat around the bush. "…Then she'll tell McGonagall or something…"
"So we're not…?" Harry wasn't quite sure if it was more rather a statement or a question.
"Yeah. At least for now… Not like it's going to disappear or anything…" hoped Ron. He had had entirely too much fun to go back now.
"Yeah. I guess." croaked Harry as he gathered up his invisibility cloak. "C'mon, we've still got to get to the common room to get the rest of our books and stuff." A bad feeling had already sank into his stomach.
A/N: And thus the first night of the computer ends. Ron still hasn't managed to get the name right, and undoubtedly both boys will be scarred for life. Will Hermione find out about it? And if so, will she tell the "proper authority"? Also, what happens when Fred and Angelina come across it next? Chaos ensues…
Longer chapter next time. Woohoo!
Leave reviews! Even if it's one word! Like 'Banana' or something… Anything. :)
Also, if you want any couple/theory/whatever to be featured in this story, review with the suggestion, and I'll get back to you.