Once upon a time...

Red got really bored...

This is the result...

SLIGHTLY SCREWY FAERIE TAILS by Red. (Robotic Chickens)


Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Snow Black.

Sirius: Hey! I'm not going to play a princess!

And this princess lived in a beautiful land, far, far away. The queen of this world was a very vain woman named Albina.

Dumbledore: I think, Miss Narrator, you have the character genders mixed up.

AND the queen had a magic mirror that would tell the evil queen, Albina, anything she wanted to know. So everyday she would ask the mirror...

Dumbledore/Albina: ::annoyed:: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

Wormtail/Mirror: You are, queen Albina.

So, for many years, this worked just fine, until the beautiful girl, Snow Black came of age, and became more beautiful than the evil queen, Albina.

Sirius/Snow Black: I'm just a hottie, agree? ::scowls and swats at a dove cooing on the well he is sitting on::

((Cut to Queen's room))

Dumbledore/Albina: ::more annoyed:: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

Wormtail/Mirror: Snow Black, my queen. ::shows image of Snow ?Black shooing pidgeons away::

Dumbledore/Albina: WTF?! I AM THE PRETTIEST OF THEM ALL! ::shocked::

Wormtail/Mirror: Uh, no sir--mam---it... you're not.

Dumbledore/Albina: You...You... cockroach cluster!

The evil queen, Albina, was very angered by this revelation. She called for her most skilled huntsmen, Sir Snape.

Sir Snape: You called, my queen?

Dumbledore/Albina: ::mocking:: You called my queen... Yes, Sir Snape, I want you to kill Snow Black and bring me her pure heart in this box.

Sir Snape: Yes ma'am. ::turns away:: SAILOR SNAPE POWER-- MAKE-UP!!!

A Passing Bystander: Oh boy. ::sweatdrops::

So, Sailor Snape heads off into the black forest to find Snow Black. Meanwhile, Snow Black has taken cover in the forest, even though she has no way of knowing the evil queen has sent Sailor Snape after her.

Sirius/Snow Black: Isn't it beautiful out here? I'll have to find some shelter. ::ignores the towering hippogriff following him/her::

Snow Black finds a small little cottage in a bright and cherry clearing in the Black Forest. Even though it's considered trespassing, she goes right on in and makes herself at home.

But meanwhile, the seven dwarves have finished their day's work in the energist mines and are coming home.

Harry/Doc: Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's home from work we go!

Dopey/Neville: Duh-uh.

Ron/Sneezy: AH---Ahh---AHHHHH--- ::someone puts a finger undr his nose:: ::he smiles and starts to walk again:: CCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Harry/Doc: Come on, Sneezy, we need to get home.

They come upon their cottage, and walk in, to find Snow Black sleeping with his/her long legs and sneakers hanging off the bed.

Dopey/Neville: Duh-uh...isn't that a guy in a dress?

Harry/Doc: No, dumbo, it's a beautiful princess.

Sirius/Snow Black: Who you callin a princess, shorty?

Harry/Doc: You.

Sirius/Snow Black: Oh.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Black Forest, Sailor Snape is trudging around, looking for Snow Black. He stops to ask a passing hippogriff, who runs away, having sighted his nose and hair. Or nosehair.

Then again, back at the ranch--err... castle, queen Albina is moping in front of her mirror.

Dumbledore/Albina: This isn't wokring. Sailor Snape has no clue where he's going. I'll have to do some transfiguration. Mirror, mirror... I mean... Bippity...bop-- oh screw that...

The Queen Albina emerges several hours later dressed as an old hag with almost as long a beard as usual. He/she/it holds a poisoned pork-bun.

The queen begins tromping off into the Black Forest. However, the dwarves have come to like Snow Black and have taken her in.

But low and behold, the elves must go back to work in the energist mines the day the queen comes for a visit.

Snow Black is sweeping the front walk when the queen appears.

Dumbledore/Albina: Hello, doll.

Sirius/Snow Black: ::raises an eyebrow:: Are you blind?

Dumbledore/Albina: ::Holds up the poisoned pork-bun:: Here you go, a present.

Sirius/Snow Black: Ya*ay! Pork-bun! ::quickly scarfs down the poisoned pork-bun and falls dead asleep on the ground::

From out of nowhere, as soon as Queen Albina disappears, Sailor Snape comes running into the clearing.

Sailor Snape: Oy! What a beautiful princess!

A passing birds passes out.

Sailor Snape: Uh-oh...my watch says it's lunch break and those pork-buns are wait-ting!

Sailor Snape climbs into a nearby tree and begins eating his pork buns.

The dwarves come back to the clearing.

Harry/Doc: OH GOD! Someone has drugged Snow Black!

Malfoy/Bashful: Musta slipped her a roadie or somethin.

Sailor Snape munches his pork buns.

Doc, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey, Sleepy, Grumpy, and Sleezy put Snow Black into a glass coffin.

Sleezy/Fred: Why'd it have to be glass? Do you know how much that thing cost?!

Sleepy/George: Now we have to wait for the prince to come and kiss her.

Snow Black twitches convulsivley, but suddenly stops.

All of a sudden, astride a large gray hippogriff, Prince Charming comes riding up.

James/Prince: Ohh...this....is.....buum....pppy...

Harry/Doc: Oy! Dad! Come kiss Snow Black!

James/Prince: I'm straight, you idiot... I'm not kissing him!

Harry/Doc: But...it's our beautiful princess.

James/Prince: ::Scowls:: I beg to differ.

But Doc manages to convince Prince Charming to kiss Snow Black.

James/Prince: God give me strength. ::bends down::

Sirius/Snow Black: NO! STOP! I'm just faking it! Don't kiss me!!!

Snow Black jumps up, ripping off the dress, grabs Prince Charming's hippogriff, and rides away.

James/Prince: ::gets down on his knees and begins praising god:: Thank you, dude!

The dwarves gather round Prince Charming and begin singing "Hi-ho, hi-ho" song until he goes mad and elops with Sailor Snape.

They all live miserably ever after.

The End.

No characters were injured during the filming of this, except Madam Narrator who had her tongue bit by Sirius.

Cept that wasn't part of the story.

I dun't own them, you dun't either.

RED (C) 2000.