Chapter One: I'm Sorry…

They say I was courageous, escaping the hooded men. They say it was brave to leave him dead on the side of the road. It should have been me leaping to catch the shower of bullets. I should have died with him. I shouldn't have left him there, bleeding on the ground.

He should have been the one to live. When I came back, i had to tell his best friend he died. I had to tell the person he's been friends with his whole life that i had let him die. that I had left him to bleed out on the side of the road. I can't bring myself to stop thinking about the day i let him die.

I had gotten into an investigation without the chief's permission. I had gotten us stuck in separate cells waiting to be tortured. He knew this, so he picked his lock when we were unsupervised. He came to me. He said we needed to escape. I feared for my life. I agreed. It was going well, until we were running down the dirt road leading towards the city. Ten men with machine guns found us, and aimed their guns at me. They opened fire, but he jumped in front of me before any bullets could hit me. He collapsed on the ground. I fell with him. i hugged him to my chest, screaming, not from being hurt, But from the pain of him dying on my lap. I screamed his name, demanding he not leave me. demanding him to live. The men let me sit, watching the light fade from the love of my life's eyes. then they came and pried me free of his dead body. I screamed bloody murder at them, thrashing to get free of their grip, and return to him. A tall, muscular man in a mask walks out from the shadows. He speaks in a low voice to the men. "She is useless without the psychic! I gave you direct orders to let no harm come to him! Dispose of her!" I thrashed harder in the hooded men's arms, trying to be next to my love's side when i died. I promised him i would stay by his side my whole life, and i was not willing to break that promise so soon after our wedding. The men dragged me out the gates, and threw me to the ground. I screamed for the man i just watched die, bringing my heart with him. One of the men shot me in the leg five times, but i couldn't feel it. i hurt too bad from losing him. i hurt from watching Shawn die. I screamed for hours on end before the police found me, and brought me to a hospital.

A voice breaks me out of my trance. Gus. "How could you stand to even be in the same room as me after I come back and tell you I let your best friend die?" i ask, without even having heard what he said to begin with.

"It wasn't your fault Juliet. He chose to save you." His calm voice makes me more angry with myself.

"It was my fault! I got him in that mess in the first place! I was the one who let him die! It should have been me, Gus! I Should have bled out and died on the side of the road!"

"Juliet. Calm down. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known the men would find and shoot at you."

"No! Gus! You don't understand! i'm the one who convinced him to come with me to the base!"

"Shawn must've known how dangerous it would be when the chief gave you the case."

"She didn't give me the case, Gus! She told me not to investigate, but i investigated anyways!"

"It was Shawn's choice to come, Juliet."

"No, it wasn't! i told him i was going with or without him, knowing he wouldn't let me go alone! i wanted him to come, Gus! It's my fault he's dead!" I feel tears stream down my cheeks.

"First, of all, Juliet. Don't blame yourself. Second, i was told to tell you the funeral is tomorrow. 11:00 Am."

I don't answer. i just nod my head, and lean against the window.