Sian knew why she'd been acting the way she had, why she wasn't spending as much time with Sophie, why she was trying to push her away, why she was so close to losing her best friend, but she had been too afraid to admit it.
Sophie and Sian had been best friends since their very first day at primary school, and they were now in their final year of college where Sian was studying music and Sophie was studying business. They had always been close, spending as much time together as possible they'd even planned to go to the same university when the time came. But recently over the last couple of months Sian had been acting differently, she'd tried opening up and talking to Sophie about what was going on with her, but each time she had lost her nerve, she would change the subject and then usually find an excuse to be somewhere else.
She could tell she was hurting Sophie by what she was doing, she gave no explanation for her behaviour and she was probably making her feel like she had done something wrong, that she hated her. Finally though, she had decided enough was enough, she had to tell Sophie everything, even if it meant she may lose her forever.
So now on the bus to Sophie's house, Sian was ready to bare her soul. Making her way to the front of the bus as it approached her stop, she gazed out the window hoping for Sophie to not throw her out and hate her after she told her how she felt, how she thought about her all the time, how she found her the most beautiful thing in the world, how she was completely head over heels in love with her.
The bus pulled up and Sian stepped out into the sharp winds, wrapping her leather jacket around herself tightly as she made her way to the Webster's. Standing in front of the house she hesitantly knocked lightly on the door before leaning back on the wall. Moments later the door opened as she pushed herself away from the wall quickly to be greeted by Sally.
''Oh hiya Sian.''
''Hi Salleh, is Soph in?'' Sian asked hopeful.
''Sorry Luv, she's out but she shouldn't be too long if you want to come in and wait, I'm just putting the tea on?''
''If you don't mind, I really just need to talk to her.''
''Sure Luv, come on in, you can wait in Sophie's room if you want.'' Sian stepped through the front door. ''Is everything alright between you two? We've not seen much of you lately.'' Sally said making her way into the kitchen.
''Err yeah, everything fine, just been busy… college n' that.'' Obviously Sophie hadn't mentioned Sian acting weird lately. ''So, where is she?''
''Oh she's just off out with some Ryan lad from college.'' Sian suddenly felt her heart ache a little. ''Do you know him?''
''Oh right… yeah… err… well I know who he is, not well though… just cos he's in our year really. Anyway, I'll just wait upstairs then.'' Sian said making her way upstairs as she felt her eyes getting watery and not wanting Sally to notice.
She entered Sophie's room immediately feeling at home. She's spent more time at the Webster's than at her own house, nearly every day after school, most weekends, she'd become one of the family. She made her way over and sat on the edge of Sophie's bed placing her bag on the floor by her feet getting lost in her thoughts. Ryan… of all people she could have gone out with… Ryan! He'd been trying to get Sophie to go out with him since they started college, and now he's succeeded. Sophie had always told Sian she wasn't interested in him, that he was far from her type, but clearly that must have all been a lie. Come to think of it, Sophie had never really said what her type was, that was probably just another way of her disguising the fact that she actually did like Ryan, but why bother lying about it.
Looking around the room, Sian noticed the photo of her and Sophie which was taken in a photo kiosk during their visit to Southport the previous summer, feeling herself smile at the memory, only for it to disappear seconds later as she remembered the more recent times they spent together. She had started to be a total bitch to Sophie, never giving her the time of day anymore, she acted as though she never gave her seconds thought, when the truth was she gave her every thought of every moment of every day, and that was the problem. She was afraid that if she continued to spend so much time with her, Sophie would begin to notice how she'd started to look at her differently, how she shivered any time Sophie touched her, how when she spent the night, she couldn't help but stay awake a little longer than Sophie just so she could take in her beauty without the Brunette noticing her staring.
''Urrrgh… what am I even doing her?'' Sian sighed out as she thought about the situation she now found herself in. 'Finally building up the courage to come here and tell Sophie everything, how I feel, how I want her, to tell her that I'm bloody well in love with her, and now I'm sat waiting for her to get back from being out with a lad, well fuck that!' she thought to herself. She stood up from the bed picking up her bag before rustling around in it, quickly finding what she was looking for, her back up plan, she placed it on Sophie's desk next to her computer, before making her way out of the room and downstairs.
''Everything alright Luv?'' Sally asked from where she was sat on the sofa. ''She's not back yet, but you're welcome to stay for tea.''
''Thanks Salleh, but I gotta go…'' Sian stated, her voice cracking as she opened the front door making her way out of the house and out of Sophie's life.
''Mum, I'm home!'' Sophie called as she kicked her shoes off and relaxed down on to the sofa feeling pleased with herself.
''Hiya Luv, want a cuppa?'' Sally called from the kitchen.
''Yeah please.'' Sophie answered as she grabbed the remote changing the channel on the tv.
''So, how'd it go?'' Sally asked walking into the living room carrying two mugs of tea.
''Great, everything's sorted for Friday, it's gonna be amazing!'' Sophie replied excitedly taking one of the mugs from her mum and slouching back against the sofa.
''Sian was here.''
''What… when?'' Sophie asked quickly turning her head to her mum.
''Earlier, but she didn't stay long… she seemed a little upset when she left.'' Sally said placing herself down on the sofa next to Sophie.
''Why, what happened?'' Sophie asked sitting up quickly.
''I dunno, she just said she had to go.''
''You didn't tell her where I was did you?''
''No course not, I just said you were out with someone from college.''
''Did you say who?'' Sophie asked in a high pitched voice, hoping that her mum hadn't told Sian she was with Ryan.
''I may have…?'' Sally said scrunching her face up in regret knowing it wasn't the answer Sophie was wanting to hear, as Sophie closed her eyes slowly, bringing both her hands over her face.
''Muuuuuuuuuum…'' she grumbled from where her face was now buried in her hands. Sophie knew that Sian couldn't stand Ryan, neither of them really could, but she knew that Sian really wouldn't like him now and she wouldn't understand, not yet anyway.
''I'm sorry luv, I just didn't think …'' Sally said feeling guilty.
''It's not your fault…'' Sophie told her as she took her phone out of her pocket and dialled Sian's number. She hated the thought of the blonde being upset, especially if she had been the one to cause it.
''Arrrgghh!'' she groaned as the call just rang out. Throwing her phone down next to her she let herself drop back against the sofa placing her feet up on the table in front of her.
''Eh, feet young lady!'' Sally warned as Sophie sighed loudly, removing them again as she pushed herself up from the sofa and grabbing her phone, before making her way upstairs.
''Come on luv, everything will work out fine.'' Sally called after her as Sophie continued walking giving her mother no response as she made her way into her bedroom. Slumping down on to her bed kicking her shoes off in the process, she glanced over at the photo of her and Sian, before looking to her phone and dialling Sian's number again, letting it ring for a full minute before finally giving in.
''Why won't you just answer?!'' she groaned. This had been happening for the past few weeks, she'd phone Sian and rarely get an answer, or when she did, she'd have Sian telling her after only a couple of minutes that she had somewhere to be or something to do.
As she threw her phone down on her bed, something on her desk at the opposite side of her room caught her eye. She pushed herself up from her bed and walked over to her desk, picking up the light blue envelope with ''Soph'' written on it. She instantly recognised the handwriting and it made her smile. She carefully tore open the envelope and removed the contents, unfolding the piece of paper and scanning her eyes over it, feeling her heart sink as she read the four simple lines.
Soph
I'm going back to Southport to live with my dad.
Call you soon. Love you.
Sian -x-
She was leaving, and she hadn't even waited to say goodbye in person. She left some heartless note and expected Sophie to accept that as a proper goodbye. Also, she'd call her? She'd call her?! After weeks of Sian having ignored or cut short the Brunette's phone calls to her, Sophie highly doubted that part of the note was true, and she felt angry at what the Blonde was doing.
Sophie started noticing a change in the way Sian acted around her a few months back. She'd catch her just staring or not listening and on a few occasions Sian had even flinched when Sophie had touched her. She hadn't really thought too much of it at the time, she thought that maybe Sian just had a lot on her mind with college and applying to universities for next year, but Sian always said that nothing was wrong and never wanted to discuss the uni applications, even though they had both agreed that they would try and get into the same one so they could stay close. It had hurt Sophie in the beginning to think that Sian no longer wanted to spend time with her, that they had possibly somehow grown apart… that was until just a few weeks previous.
*Flashback*
''Well that's 90 minutes of my life I'm never getting back?'' Sophie said as she stretched her arms out in front of her.
''Come on Soph, it wasn't THAT bad.''
Sophie looked over to the blonde next to her with a look of disbelief on her face. ''Sian, it was a tyre rolling around killing people… You're actually telling me you liked it?'' she asked raising her eyebrows.
''Yeah.'' Sian responded trying to suppress the grin that was tugging at the corners of her mouth which didn't go unnoticed by Sophie.
''You can't lie to me Powers, I can see right through you.''
The Blonde merely shrugged at the suggestion of her lying. ''I'm not, I'd say it's one of my favourites, definitely one to watch again.'' she replied desperately trying to keep a straight face as she noticed Sophie's expression and she seen the Brunette moved slightly closer to her on the sofa.
''Take it back Powers.''
''No.''
The Brunette moved even closer. ''Don't make me do it.'' she threatened as she raised her eyebrows and a smirk appeared on her face.
''Don't you dare Sophie.'' the Blonde replied as she realised what the Brunette intended to do. ''You know I hate being tickled.''
''Then admit you didn't like the film.'' Sian opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated for a moment before a small grin travelled across her lips.
''I'm afraid I can't do that.'' she said before she was suddenly pushed backwards on the sofa, the Brunette straddling her while tickling her relentlessly making her squeal and try to wriggle free from where she was pinned down.
''Stop…'' she breathed out, struggling to speak as Sophie continued to tickle her. ''Sophhhhhh…'' she squealed making the Brunette giggle at her friend trapped underneath her.
''Admit it!'' Sophie said not halting the onslaught for a moment.
Neither girl had ever been the kind to give in easily and Sian wasn't about to start now. Taking a deep breath, she quickly jolted upwards and spun around taking Sophie by surprise as they both fell straight on to the floor with a thud, Sian now on top of her friend.
Still a little startled, Sophie breathed out a laugh as the Blonde placed her hands on the floor either side of the Brunette's shoulders and pushed herself up slightly. ''Jesus Sian, if you wanted to be on top you only had to ask.'' Sophie said jokingly.
For a moment they just stayed in the same position as they looked into each other's eyes, the smiles slowly disappearing as Sian leaned in closer again, her eyes glancing to Sophie's lips before back to her eyes seeing her do the same. Just as their faces we're close enough that they could almost feel the others lips on their own, the front door opened making them both jump. Sian quickly removed herself from Sophie and fixed her clothes before she picked up the fallen cushions from the floor and fixed them back on the sofa, just as Sally walked in.
Later that night when they'd gone up to Sophie's room to get ready for bed, Sophie had noticed the Blonde acting weird. They'd had plenty of sleepovers and were never shy around one another, but Sian chose that night to get changed in the bathroom while Sophie stayed in her room. The Brunette also only had a single bed, and having been best friends since they were tiny, they'd never thought twice about snuggling up to one another, but that night Sian seemed hesitant in joining Sophie in the small space, eventually doing so only when Sophie asked her what was wrong, even then keeping a distance between them.
A few hours after they'd both given into sleep, Sophie stirred in her sleep and felt her hair be brushed away from her shoulder. She was facing the wall and Sian was sleeping behind her, or at least she had been, but now Sophie could feel her soft warm breaths against her skin. She was about to turn around and let the Blonde know she was awake, before she stopped herself when she heard Sian whisper.
''You're so pretty.'' The Brunette smiled. Sian was always telling her that, always making her feel beautiful, especially when they got dressed up for parties and nights out. ''You're perfect in every way I can think of, and I love you, so much.'' Sophie frowned slightly, something in the Blonde's voice, even in her whisper didn't sound right. ''I wish I could say this to you when you're awake, I wish I had the guts to have kissed you downstairs tonight and tell you how much you mean to me, but I can't and I don't. I'm afraid of what this means and what will happen when you find out… I wish I didn't feel this way, cos' it hurts so much.''
Sophie heard the Blonde sniff back her tears. She wanted so badly to turn around and comfort her, but she was frozen. She couldn't really take in what she'd just heard her best friend admit, and she also didn't want to freak her out by suddenly announcing she was awake and had heard everything.
She felt the mattress move beneath her slightly before a set of warm lips touched her shoulder, and a swarm of butterflies erupted in her stomach at the contact. A moment later, the Blonde turned to face the opposite direction and the room was filled with silence, apart from their breathing.
The next morning when Sophie woke up again, having found it difficult to get back to sleep after Sian's confession. She rubbed her eyes as she turned in her bed, and frowned when the space beside her was empty. Sian was always the laziest out of the two of them, and never got up before the Brunette, sometimes even needing to be tickled to get her to move.
Sophie didn't know how long the Blonde had felt the way she had, how long she'd liked her more than a best friend, how long she'd loved her as she'd confessed the night before, but what Sophie did know was that it couldn't possibly have been as long as she herself had been in love with the Blonde and she was ready to tell her that.
Moving from her bed, she picked up her dressing gown and made her way downstairs to find Sian. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she heard her mum and dad in the kitchen and walked in. ''Is Sian down here?'' she asked as she walked over to the fridge to get herself a drink.
''She came down a little while ago sweetheart. Said she had to get home for something. Everything okay?'' Sally asked, as Sophie frowned.
''I honestly don't know. Can I talk to you guys about something?'' she asked as she took a seat at the table across from her parents.
*End of flashback*
That morning, Sophie had a long chat with her parents and told them everything. She told them about her feelings for Sian, about the almost kiss before Sally had interrupted, and about what Sian had confessed the night before when she thought the Brunette was asleep. Surprisingly to Sophie, her parents didn't seem that shocked by anything she told them. They'd always known the girls were close, and had recently recognised regular moments that the girls would have, even if they themselves hadn't realised they were having them.
Sophie also decided that morning to put her plan into action, and set about ensuring that when she told Sian how she felt, it was special and showed the Blonde how serious she was about wanting to be with her.
Over the following few weeks, she arranged with Stella for the Rovers to be decorated especially how she wanted, and for a band of her choice to play there. She also invited a bunch of her and Sian's friends from college along with her own parents and Rosie, as well as Sian's mum.
The band she'd asked to play was Ryan's band, and although neither her nor Sian were that fond of the helmet haired lad, she had to admit he could sing and therefore, she knew the song she wanted to use to help her relay her feelings to Sian would be translated well.
After Sian had been to the house again, leaving the note and getting out of there before Sophie had returned home, the Brunette had tried relentlessly to get hold of her. She phoned her, text her, she even messaged her on Facebook, and got nothing at all in response. Of course she understood that Sian was afraid of what she was feeling, so was Sophie. The difference, was that Sophie believed that the Blonde was worth facing her fear, she believed that the possibility of them being together was worth taking the risk and she was ready to jump straight in at the deep end. Now though, she was also beginning to question whether she was doing the right thing. The Blonde's actions would make it seem like she didn't think the same and Sophie was beginning to think that she could end up having her heart broken.
After speaking to her mum again and telling her about how scared she was, she decided that it was all still worth taking the chance. There was no one she could ever love more than Sian, and if making a fool of herself was the sacrifice she had to make to show the other girl that they were meant to be, then she was more than willing to do so.
The long awaited Friday arrived and everything was ready. Sophie just hoped that Sian's mum had been able to carry out her part and get the Blonde to the Rovers. She knew that Sian probably wouldn't want to show up if she thought she'd see the Brunette, so she'd had a couple of their friends tell Sian that Sophie had gone away with Rosie on a modelling job for a week.
Sophie had went to the Rovers earlier than everyone else to make sure that everything was set, and Becky had given her a drink to calm her nerves and told her that Sian would be a fool not to want to be with her after all the effort she'd made for her.
An hour later and her parents arrived, along with a few of her friends from college, as well as the regulars that were already there for their after work drinks. Ryan and his band were ready to go and were having a drink while chatting to a couple of girls at the bar.
The doors to the Rovers opened again, and in walked a middle aged woman, followed by a slightly glum looking Blonde, wearing a penguin beanie, the very one that Sophie had bought her the previous Christmas after she'd fallen in love with it in the store. From where she was standing in the far corner, Sophie watched as the two newcomers made their way over to the bar and ordered a drink, with the Blonde glancing around the pub, noticing everything was decorated in red and purple, her favourite colours, which brought a smile to her face. Her mum had told her they had to come for a drink at the Rovers tonight for one of her work colleagues, and if she was planning on going to live with her dad for a while, then going out with her mum to the pub was the least she could do.
''Okay guys, we're gonna be doing a few songs for someone special tonight, and we've been told this one is one of her favourites.'' As the music started, Sian and her mum took a seat in one of the booths along with Emily and Rita.
Sian instantly recognised the song as Howie Day's Collide. It was one of her favourites that both her and Sophie loved when it was released a few years back, and she felt her stomach flip as the Brunette entered her mind again. She'd missed her so much the last couple of weeks, and she felt so guilty for leaving the note in Sophie's room for the Brunette to find, without so much as a simple explanation for her behaviour lately. She'd only agreed to some along with her mum tonight 'cos she'd been told Sophie was away with Rosie, but she still wished she could see the Brunette and tell her everything, but that just wasn't going to happen.
As the first song came to an end and the people in the pub gave a small applause, Sian glanced around the bar again to see if she recognised anyone else that had come in, as it seemed to be slightly busier than usual. As she looked in the direction of the far side if bar which was nearest to where the band were set up, she saw a familiar head of thick brown locks making her stomach lurch as she tried to make out whether her eyes were deceiving her.
As a body moved out of the way, her face dropped as she saw Sophie, her Sophie, whispering in Ryan's ear as he changed his guitar. She saw him smile, the sly smile she always hated, especially when he was close to the Brunette, and he nodded before stepping back up on the small stage area.
She didn't want to be there in the first place, but seeing now, seeing for herself that what Sally had told her a few days ago about Sophie being with Ryan was true, she couldn't bare to spend another minute in the same place as them. Pushing herself up from the table, she grabbed her phone and stepped out from the booth.
''Sian love, where you going?''
''Sorry, erm… I gotta go.'' she croaked out as sniffed back the tears she knew were threatening to fall any second. She walked away from the booth, chancing one last look in the direction of the Brunette as she made her way towards the door. At that moment, Sophie looked back in her direction and their eyes locked for a moment before Sian quickly broke it, looking at the dark haired lad on the stage, before back at Sophie. She felt her eyes welling up and turned around, trying to push past a group of people blocking the doorway, trying to escape as fast as possible, making the Brunette frown as she watched her.
The next song started to play, and Sophie's eyes widened as she suddenly realised that Sian would be assuming the worst, having now seen Sophie with Ryan and being told they were together the other day as well.
''Sian!'' she called, trying to get her attention. ''SIAN!''
She quickly jumped up on stage and grabbed the mic from the stand in front of Ryan, making it squeal slightly and almost everyone in the place to turn and look at her.
''Sian Powers…'' she announced loudly down the mic. ''Don't you dare run out that door!'' Sian froze where she stood. ''I'm not letting you walk out on me again, not without letting me say what I have to say first.'' Seeing that the Blonde was no longer dashing for the door, Sophie handed the mic back to Ryan and jumped down from the stage.
''Soph please.'' Sian pleaded as the Brunette approached her. ''I'm sorry I left the way I did, but I can't do this right now.'' She took a step back, trying to keep a distance between them, making the Brunette's face drop.
''I'm in love…'' Sophie stated, looking at the Blonde in front of her. Sian felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach. ''I'm in love, and I haven't had my best friend around lately for me to tell her. We always told each other everything Sian''
She knew that Sophie was seeing Ryan, but love? ''I… I'm happy for you.'' She managed to force out, feeling like her throat could close up any second from sprouting such a lie. She shot a look in Ryan's direction, wishing at that moment that she could shoot fireballs from her eyes.
''It's not him.'' Sophie said with a smirk, seeing how Sian was looking at the lad behind her and knowing exactly what she was thinking.
''W-''
''It's you Sian.'' Before the Blonde even had a chance to ask the question, Sophie had given her the answer, as she watched her carefully for a reaction. The Blonde's eyes darted to her best friend's, as she tried to work out if her mind was playing tricks on her. ''I'm in love with you Sian…'' she said as she stepped closer to her. ''I have loved you for so long.'' Sian's looked back at Sophie's through her teary eyes.
''What?'' The Blonde was shocked at Sophie's admission, but as she looked into her eyes, she saw nothing but sincerity. ''Why… why did you never tell me?''
''I didn't know how to tell you, I honestly didn't know how you'd react, and I guess… I didn't want to risk losing you.''
''You'd never lose me Soph.'' Sian reached down and took Sophie's hand in her own.
''Really? Cos' lately, I've felt like you've been slipping away.'' Sian let out a small sigh, realising that Sophie had noticed how distant she had been. ''I thought I'd done something to upset you.'' Sophie continued. ''I thought that after you left my house that that morning, maybe you didn't want to be around me anymore.''
''I'm sorry.'' Sian sniffed back a small sob. ''I only did it becau-''
''I know why you did it.'' Sophie stated as she looked down to their connected hands and reached out to link their other as well. ''I miss you…'' She raised them up slightly and entwined their fingers. ''l miss my best friend… I miss seeing your face every day, I miss you phoning me at ridiculous hours of the morning just cos' you want to chat and I miss hearing your awful jokes.'' she giggled as Sian pouted. ''And I definitely miss that.'' Sophie said pointing to Sian's sulky bottom lip, watching as a smile started to form. ''That is definitely one of the things I've missed the most.''
''Why?'' Sian asked with a small smirk.
''Because… even though I know I can't, every time you do that… it makes me wanna kiss you.'' Both girls stayed quiet for a few moments as Sian felt the swarm of butterflies in her stomach increasing rapidly at Sophie's words.
''What makes you think you can't?'' Sophie broke out into a grin and glanced down to Sian's lips again, seeing her now biting her bottom lip, again something else Sophie loved about her. She lifted one of her hands to Sian's face and gently stroked her thumb over her cheek, before she slid her hand to the back of her neck as she leaned in and lightly pulled the Blonde closer.
Turning her head at a slight angle, Sophie closed the remaining gap between them and parted her lips a little as she ever so gently brushed her lips against Sian's, feeling her do the same.
Having the Blonde so close to her after wanting her for so long was making Sophie's head spin and she couldn't and didn't want to wait any longer. Pressing her lips firmly against Sian's, she immediately felt the Blonde respond by taking the Brunette's top lip between her own.
Moving her hands to Sian's waist, Sophie held her close and felt as two arms wrapped around her neck and tangled themselves in her hair, keeping her in place. Parting their lips a few moments later, they rested their foreheads together and both girls slowly opened their eyes to look at each other.
"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you… that was something I had no control over… I love you so much Sian.'' Sophie stated truthfully as she nudged her nose gently against the Blonde's.
''I love you too.'' Sian whispered.
Smiles formed on both their faces in the realisation of the moment and they both leaned in again at the same time, reconnecting their lips. They stood there, just the two of them in the middle of the dance floor as they held each other and savoured the feeling of the others lips on their own.
As much as she was enjoying kissing Sian, Sophie pulled away after a minute and leaned back slightly as she kept her arms around Sian's waist and waited with a small grin for Sian to open her eyes.
''What?'' Sian asked, as she wondered what Sophie found amusing.
''I'm happy.'' Sophie stated with a smile as Sian mirrored her expression. ''So… what does this mean? I mean, are we like… going out?'' Sophie asked raising her eyebrows in question.
''Sophie Webster, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?'' Sian asked with a smirk.
''What do you think?'' Sophie responded as she lightly squeezed Sian's waist making the Blonde giggle, and give her an expectant look as Sophie rolled her eyes playfully with a smile. She reached up and took Sian's hand from around her neck, linking their fingers and swinging them between them. ''Sian Powers, you're already my best friend and one of the most beautiful, caring, amazing people I know and I would love nothing more than for you to be my girlfriend…'' A few aww's were heard from the people around them as the girls looked at each other with smiles on their faces. ''Whaddya say Blondie?'' she asked giving the Blonde a cheeky grin.
''Yes!'' Sian squealed as she quickly leaned in and pressed her lips to Sophie's who jumped slightly, but soon relaxed and smiled into the kiss, as they wrapped their arms around each other holding each other as close as possible. The band started playing again and the two girls just remained in the same spot, holding one another as they began to sway to the music.
''I like this song.'' Sian whispered with a smile, as she kept her arms wrapped around the Brunette and listened to the cover of Dondria's You're the One, that Ryan had come up with at Sophie's request.
''I know… I like it too.'' Sophie mumbled against the Blonde's shoulder as they continued to move slowly together. ''You're the one.'' she whispered as she kissed her girlfriend's shoulder softly and held her tightly in her arms.