The Most Important Treasure
by DreamchaserDarine (dazorkian@aol.com)
(Disclaimer: Suikoden, characters, and all related stuff is © KCET. This story itself, however, is mine. I hope you enjoy it!)
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Do you remember?
I do.
Sometimes when I look at you--free, so happily taken in with life--I remember, and it tears me up inside. To think that you could have never smiled again. How I left you there bleeding on the cold stone floor. I didn't know if I would ever see you again--and yet I left you there.
I was crying as I walked away. It seemed like forever since the last time I cried before then; it seemed like forever we had been tied up in fate's threads. Tears so long forced away escaped in multitudinous rivers, no matter how much I tried to hide them. At least that is proof of my humanity. But it isn't enough. Nothing will ever be enough. Because I left you there.
You had to, you would probably tell me if I asked you now. You had to call away your army, so we could escape. If you hadn't done that, what would have happened? But anyway, it's okay now. We're all okay now, and that's all that matters. So let's not think about it anymore.
But I can't just stop thinking about it. Were it so simple as that!--I would give anything to make these thoughts leave my head. Because I should have been there with you. But…I should have been outside. Damn it, I should have been in two places at once!
I know, I know. It's impossible. But still I ask myself, however futile the effort, for even after given an answer, the question still demands it. Why? Why couldn't I have?
When I start thinking about it again, you turn to me with your innocent eyes and ask me what's the matter. I shake my head and try to smile, telling you it's nothing.
But of course that's a lie.
How can you worry about me when I left you there? I'm not worthy of any of your kindness. I got you into a terrible war, turning your life upside-down. It wasn't just a year you lost--war takes away more than lives. I fought your brother--fought my best friend. People all over the country call me cruel, over-ambitious, scum, a tyrant. They spit when they pronounce my name. They're glad to think I'm dead, and with their words vengefully drive me over and over again into the dirt, dry and unforgiving as death.
Fate cannot be my excuse. For so long, I desperately clung to the lie that my actions would always be explained by the mark on my hand. I had to believe it--it was my justification. But now I have seen that one can never use the cruel puppeteer as a scapegoat--for the truly strong of heart can break from its heavy strings. I… wasn't strong. This rune did not give me that power I sought. No, a person is truly made no more powerful by sticking a rune in their hand. People can and will go on pretending it, but really, they're all fools. Me? Yes, me also. I was foolish and arrogant--more points for my list of accumulated sins.
But somehow…you forgive me. You don't care about it anymore. You care about me, with those innocent eyes. Me. For all I've done to you. For all I haven't done for you. Why? How? How can you forgive this…this monster, with his hands so red with other people's blood? So many nights I've spent wondering over the question burning in my soul, staring up at the unblinking stars. Sometimes I think to ask you…but, I don't want to bother you. You look so peaceful sleeping…. No, I don't want to bother you ever again.
Never mistake me. I'm so very grateful to you. Beyond words. To have people like you and your brother…it's more than I ever wanted. More than I ever deserved. And even though I may not be the right person to have it…I dearly cherish it. Now I know I would never betray it for anything. And someday, I'll make myself truly worthy of you. I promise.
…Back then…That treasure we found in the ruins…
What's most important to you? Treasure? Fame?
Your brother was right.
Yes…A family. My true family.
Thank you, Nanami…
Author's Note: I wrote this a while ago, and I realize it may not be terribly original or compelling…But for some reason, I do like it. Jowy is one of my favorite characters from Suikoden II. Rereading it, I see that it could be taken to mean Jowy has a romantic interest in Nanami, but I personally…really don't see them as a couple. I think sometimes friendship takes a back seat to romantic love in many stories, and…well, I want to put it in the spotlight for once. I would love comments! (The way I see it, my work on a story is rarely ever finished.) Thank you for reading!