Question: What do you get when you cross Megavolt with a karaoke machine?
Answer: Tina Turner with a really spiffy hat and goggles!
***
"This is so BORING!!" Megavolt yelled. Quackerjack and Mr Banana Head nodded. A bubbly sigh of agreement came from the general direction of the fish tank.
"If this goes on much longer, my roots will fossilize!" Bushroot grumbled. All four sighed in unison.
After a few more minutes of sitting in silence, Megavolt said, "Remind me again… Why aren't we out robbing a bank or something?"
"Because it's not even noon yet. We work at night. How do you expect to rob a bank when your hair is made of ferns?" Bushroot answered warily.
"Or wearing a jester's cap," Quackerjack piped up.
"Besides, you could fry an egg on that sidewalk today," Liquidator added. "Or evaporate a puddle of water."
Megavolt considered this. "Oh," he said at last. They went back to sitting silently… or almost silently. Liquidator began playing a game that involved throwing the pebbles from the bottom of the tank into the air and seeing how many he could get to land inside the plastic treasure chest. Now the room was filled with the sound of splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… splash, plop, tink!… and if you think that's annoying to read, you just try **listening** to it.
When Liquidator tried tossing up multiple pebbles, Megavolt decided he'd had enough. "WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!!!" he yelled, leaping to his feet. Bushroot and Quackerjack looked at him startled.
"Make me," Liquidator said.
Megavolt wisely declined, choosing to save his revenge for later. But they were still bored out of their skulls.
"Don't you have some toys we could play with, Quacky?" Bushroot asked.
Quackerjack shook his head sulkily. "Negaduck took them all," he muttered. "Except my remote control car. You'll have to ask Sparky what happened to that." He glared at Megavolt, who sunk sheepishly further down into his chair.
"It's not my fault the experiment didn't work," he said. "And don't call me Sparky."
"Fine… Sparky."
"I said don't call me that!"
"And I said fine, Sparky!" Quackerjack giggled.
"Do you want to taste electrons?" Megavolt growled, his fingers glowing.
"Ooh, Sparky's mad!" Quackerjack cowered sarcastically. Megavolt prepared to zap him, but Bushroot held him back.
"Whoa, that's enough of that! There will be no sparking today… Sparky."
Bushroot, Quackerjack, and Liquidator laughed. Megavolt literally sizzled with rage.
"Fine!" he said. "You three can just rot here for all I care! I'm going out to have fun alone!!"
"Have a good time, Sparky!" Liquidator called. Megavolt stormed out of the room, followed by the sound of laughter.
***
When he stepped outside of the drab, run-down building, Megavolt brightened noticeably. It was a nice day. There had to be SOMETHING to do. He headed off in the direction of the park, ignoring the strange expressions everyone had on their faces as he passed.
"What to do… what to do…" he hummed as he walked. "Gotta be something to do… gads it's hot… what to do… what to do…" Unfortunately, the situation only got worse and worse once he entered the park.
Megavolt spotted a stroller on the sidewalk, and, deciding keep an amiable attitude, approached it. However, he was intercepted by the child's mother, who was wielding a very large purse and screaming "Get away from my baby you freak!!" Megavolt turned and ran. The purse-wielding mother chased him nearly a quarter of a mile, screaming all the way. She attracted an impressive crowd of curious children with water guns, who proceeded to chase him another half mile. Though he managed to dodge the moisture from the water guns, his luck ran out when he made the mistake of looking over his shoulder to see if the children were still chasing him. They weren't, but while looking backwards he neglected to see that he was running right into a fountain. His electricity shorting out as a result of that encounter must have been impressive indeed, for he got quite a bit of applause and about $2.34 in coins. After untangling himself from the arms of the stone duck in the center of the fountain, a feat which forced him to remove his battery-socket device, he decided Bushroot had a point about being seen in public during the day. It just wasn't as threatening to civilians. Megavolt was forced to leave his battery device behind when the crowd began to grow and close in, thinking he was a performer.
Over the course of the next few hours, Megavolt was chased up a tree several times: once by an overly friendly dog, once by another purse-wielding woman, and a third time by two children who wanted to play cowboys-and-Indians. All three times he was chased back down the tree by a psychotic squirrel he **swore** was following him. He was hit by flying objects of all descriptions-acorns, bread, a basketball, two baseballs, a rubber chicken, and a Barbie doll being only a few of them. He was knocked into a sandbox, a lake, and a patch of newly-paved cement (though his hands were protected by the gloves).
Finally, fate intervened and saved the now-powerless supervillian from further torture. Fate, in the shape of a ferret in a sleeveless, multicolored pastel dress with white seashells all over it. Alice Marten, his best friend in high school, discovered him unconscious in a trash can outside her apartment. Smirking, she shook his shoulder gently to wake him.
"You choose the strangest places to take a name, Sputterspark," she said when he opened his eyes. Megavolt looked up at her, more than a little startled.
"Alice! What are you doing here??" He squirmed, trying to get out of the trash can.
"I should ask the same of you." She put down her ever-present sketchbook and tugged him to his feet. "I happen to live here." She looked at him, barely suppressing her amusement at his predicament. "What **happened** to you?" she asked, chuckling.
"I came out to find something to do. The others were being mean and boring," he grumbled moodily.
"I'd say you found it," Alice said. She grabbed the sleeve of his yellow jumper, which was torn in several places, covered in sand and leaves, and still wet from being sprayed with a hose. "I'd also say you're due for a little fixing up. Come on." She poked his nose.
"Ow!" Megavolt covered his nose.
"What?"
"It got sunburned, I think," he said. Alice smiled.
"I've got something to put on that. Follow me." She led him up to her apartment on the top floor and pointed to the large black couch in the middle of the entrance room.
"Sit," she ordered. He obeyed. "Stay. Good boy." Alice went into the next room, grinning.
"That isn't funny!" Megavolt called after her.
"Sure it is, Sputterspark! You're just not looking for the humor." She returned shortly with a pile of clothing. She tossed it into his lap and pointed at the bathroom door. "Those are my cousin's. They ought to fit you. Take off that ridiculous yellow thing and I'll fix it for you while you get cleaned up."
Megavolt trudged into the bathroom, muttering grumpily under his breath. He threw the yellow jumper into the hall, along with his cement-covered gloves and worn-down boots. Alice heard the shower water start as she carried the abused costume to the kitchen.
She could do nothing with the jumper until it was washed, so she filled the sink with soapy water to let it soak a while. The boots and gloves were taken into her art studio. The cement was easy enough to remove from the gloves. Alice did a little quick thinking and determined that cleaning them would not be nearly enough. She prepared a mixture of rubber cement and blue dye, and dipped the boots and gloves into it. The treatment seemed fairly effective. She heard the door to the bathroom open just as she was hanging the last glove onto her drying line.
Alice stepped into the hallway. "Well, you look a hundred percent better!" she exclaimed to Megavolt. He was now wearing a pair of bellbottom jeans, a purple turtleneck, and a pair of multi-colored checkered socks. He still wore his goggles and hat, just to be defiant.
"Is my costume fixed?" he asked, sounding a bit like a whining child.
"The gloves and boots need to dry, and your yellow thing is being cleaned. Honestly, Sputterspark, you're just like a little five-year-old."
"Am not," he said.
"Are too. Now get your bottom into the living room. I'll make us some soup. Okay?"
"Okay," Megavolt grumbled as he flopped back onto the couch. "But I don't like tomato!"
"Quit whining and watch the television or something!" Alice called from the kitchen. Megavolt did stop whining, but he was fed up with electrical devices. He found instead something much, much more interesting to play with: Alice's sketchbook. For once, she didn't have it in the same room with her! He picked it up and began leafing through the pages. Of all the ways he could think of to describe his friend, "imaginative" was the one that leaped to mind first. Megavolt was no great art critic, but he was impressed with Alice's sketches. Her pictures showed real **motion**. It was as if the subjects would suddenly leap from the pages. Dancing gypsies, dancing foxes in a cloud of swirling bubbles, a penguin kissing the ghost of his dead wife, the inside view of a burrow of creatures Alice called "tibers": cat-sized creatures that resembled rabbits with small tufted ears and long tails. Megavolt smiled at a typical drawing of an alien about to smash a computer with a mallet, and laughed aloud at a drawing of a bobcat looking disgusted at the prospect of eating alligator tail!
Alice startled Megavolt out of his reminiscing over a drawing of their high school history teacher when she spoke up abruptly from behind him. "Having fun?" she asked. He jumped and spun around.
"Those are good drawings," he said. "Very good. I like the one with the alligator tail."
Alice set a tray of noodle soup and crackers in front of him. "Hold still." She dabbed some gunk from a bottle onto his sunburned nose.
"Hey, that stings!" he said.
"Just eat your soup," Alice ordered, taking her sketchbook away from the danger of being splashed.
"Aren't you having any?"
"Nah. I ate a while ago." She went back into the kitchen where Megavolt's yellow jumper had been washed and was nearly dry. She took it back into the living room with her sewing kit.
"Tell me what actually happened to you today," she said as she threaded the needle. Megavolt told her the entire story, playing with his soup in between sentences. Alice found the whole thing endlessly amusing. With their usual excellent timing, Megavolt finished the story and the soup at the same time Alice finished sewing his yellow jumper.
"Done!" she said triumphantly. Megavolt's eyes lit up.
"So can I put my costume back on now?" he asked hopefully.
"I'll see if your gloves and boots are dry yet." She went into her art studio, leaving Megavolt to wonder about the drying part. She came back with his gloves and boots, which looked better than new.
"Wow, what did you do to them?" he said.
"Trade secret," she replied, grinning.
"Ooh, I hate it when you say that!!!"
"Serves you right for trying to talk to me in science language. You know I don't understand that stuff."
"Aw…"
"Go get changed, you Sputterspark!" She shoved him in the direction of the bathroom.
Megavolt came out looking the same as ever, only without his battery. "I guess we'll have to go find that thing of yours," Alice said. "You really look kinda weird without it. No wonder you were chased by people who thought you were crazy."
"But I **am** crazy!"
"Oh.. yeah." Alice grabbed his hand and her sketchbook. "Let's get going then!"
"You like to say that, don't you?"
"What do I like to say?" she said as they slid down the railing of the stairway.
" 'Let's go,' or 'Follow me!' You say that every time I see you."
"That's because you never get moving. Now get!" She shoved him out the door. The two raced each other to Alice's car, which looked like a golf cart with a mini jet engine attached to it. And indeed, that is exactly what it was. They got in.
"Where to, Sputterspark?" Alice asked.
"I lost my battery at the park. You know that big fountain with the goddess duck in the middle of it?"
Alice laughed. "I know exactly the one you mean. You fell into that??"
Megavolt nodded. Alice poked his shoulder, since his nose was rather indisposed. "You're impossible," she said.
They found the battery still in the outstretched arms of the goddess. Retrieving it was a chore, since neither of the two friends wanted to get wet. They managed in the end to drag it out with a long tree branch. Alice dried it with a dishtowel-one of the many strange objects always present in her pockets-and helped Megavolt put it back on. There was no doubt he looked much more like himself.
"Now what?" Alice asked as they got back into the almost-car. Megavolt grinned.
"I have an idea," he said plottingly. Alice grinned back.
"A scheming sort of idea?" she asked.
"Yep."
"Ooh, I love those."
They drove off.
***
"So what are we doing here?" Alice looked around Megavolt's messy apartment. The various appliances, most broken, were certainly interesting, but completely beyond her comprehension.
"Recharging," Megavolt answered, shoving a large plug into the socket on the front of his battery device. "And getting that." He pointed to a CD player that had obviously been tampered with.
"What's that?" Alice inspected it curiously. There was a computer keyboard hooked up to it.
"It's a music machine. You type in the name of a song and it only plays the music without the voices."
"A karaoke machine," Alice said. "What are we going to do with it?"
Megavolt grinned. "Remember how we used to make up funny lyrics to songs?"
Alice was beginning to understand. "Oh, that is good… that is **very** good…"
Megavolt joined her beside the machine, his hat giving off a bluish electrical glow. "I love the smell of voltage in the evening!" he said. "Let's see if this thing still works."
Now recharged, Megavolt easily zapped the home-made karaoke machine to life. "Pick a song, any song," he chattered happily.
"Let it Be" Alice said. Megavolt typed in the song.
"Still into the classics, I see," he said. "Good taste. You always had good taste."
The machine clicked, whirred, and miraculously the music began to play.
"All-RIIIGHT!!" Megavolt slapped Alice a high-five. Or four in this case. He began to sing along.
"When I find myself in times of trouble, Alice Marten comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: Follow me! Wherever we are going, she is running right in front of me, yelling words of wisdom: Follow me! CHORUS!! Follow me! Follow me! Follow meee-eee, follow me!! Shouting words of wisdom: Follow me!!"
Megavolt pushed the stop button and the two of them laughed. "That's great, Sputterspark!" Alice said.
"You'll help me with my plan, then?"
Alice nodded. "Oh yeah. I wouldn't pass up a chance like this if you **paid** me!"
Megavolt scooped up the karaoke machine. "I'll direct you to our hideout," he said. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone where it is."
"No problem," Alice said.
They reached the run-down old building in no time As they snuck past the window, Megavolt glanced in. His three companions were still sitting, bored out of their skulls. Only they had rotated seating positions. Quackerjack was in the fish tank, Liquidator was in Bushroot's giant 100% organic flower chair, and Bushroot was hanging upside-down from the pipes.
"This is gonna be soooo good," Alice whispered as they snuck inside.
"You know the plan?" Megavolt asked, pausing at the door to their main room.
Alice gave him a thumbs up signal. "I got it if you do, Sputterspark."
"Good."
Alice scampered off to the building's large auditorium with the karaoke machine. Megavolt opened the door and strolled in. The other three looked up to him.
"Well look who's back!" Quackerjack exclaimed. "Sparky!" He giggled manically.
"Well I think you should be nicer to me," Megavolt said, "Considering the fact that I've found us some entertainment."
They all visibly perked up at the mention of entertainment. "Where is it?" Bushroot asked.
"She," Megavolt corrected.
"SHE?!" the other three exclaimed in unison.
"Megs, you old devil," Bushroot said, grinning.
"Yes, **she** is waiting in the auditorium." Megavolt stepped aside as three blurs of color shot past him in the direction of the aforementioned room. Megavolt followed. He found the trio of villains seated in the front row and eagerly awaiting the show.
"So where is she?" Liquidator called to Megavolt as he entered.
"Yeah, all I see is that weird-looking CD player. Don't tell me THAT'S our she!"
Quackerjack groaned. "That would be typical. A ma-SHEn. Get it?"
Bushroot and Liquidator groaned. Megavolt climbed onto the stage.
"It just so happens, this ISN'T her." He stuck his tongue out at the audience. "She's backstage, preparing for the show. This is our music maker. She'll be out in a minute."
"So who is this lovely maiden?" Bushroot asked, his eyes bright.
"Oh… an old friend of mine. You'll see." He typed in some instructions to the karaoke machine and ran backstage.
Quackerjack, Liquidator, and Bushroot waited eagerly. Entertainment was good, but female companionship was even better. "Maybe we should apologize to Megsie later," Bushroot said. The other two nodded, their eyes glued to the stage.
The machine made a quiet clicking noise, then music from a low base began to play. The song sounded vaguely familiar. It was not until about a minute later when they recognized it. A distinctly female voice sang out over the theatre: "You had plenty money nineteen twenty-two… You wouldn't be a'wanderin' now from door to door. Why don't you do right like some other men do?"
"Jessica Rabbit is a friend of his?!" Quackerjack said. "He's gotta introduce me to his circle!"
The song continued a few more notes, then changed abruptly. The same voice continued: "What would you think if I sang out a tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, and I'll try not to sing out of key!" Alice and Megavolt swung down from opposite sides of the stage.
[to be continued...]