Author's Note: Ok, i've heard Wonderwall four times today (four seperate times) and every time I do all I can think of is Nate. I'm not really sure why. maybe because he was an asshole last night, well, in my opinion. but I won't get back on that case again. stupid boys. ok, this is the real end of last night... least to me ;) thanks to Josie, who read it before I was finished with it, because she's the best... it's that simple (:. and on a side note, I think Maureen scared V a little last night but I have to say. I didn't think I was going to like her but I do. hopfully we get to see more of her and Tripp.

enjoy! review?

xoxo

Manda

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Standing in the doorway he watched her sound asleep on her side. Her body curled around a pillow as she crumpled herself nearly into a fetal position. She was just like a child when she slept, he'd observed it night after night for the past five months. Hours upon hours had been spent just listening to her breath. Even now he still couldn't take his eyes off of her, everything about her was different, everything about her freed him. Showed him that it was ok to be different, even if now that was even being tested. He wasn't sure how long he'd last in this in between that he felt, one of them would cave soon and that's what he was most afraid of. The last thing he wanted to do was break her down with his own falling, he loved her far too much to let any of that happen to her. He hated fighting with her, knowing that her position so stiff and ridged was because she was upset. He'd caused all of her pain, knowing that killed him.

"She's tough Nate, but she's not tough enough to deal with a broken heart again due to you. She's been my best friend since we were six years old. Since she used to pick up worms out of the mud and chase me around the play… I never mentioned that. What I'm trying to say is, in all the years I've known Vanessa you're the only one that's been able to break into her heart. She loves you, unconditionally. I don't think she can take you using her as another pawn in your games. She's not like the rest of them, she only pretends to be as tough as she comes off. You have no idea what you did to her tonight, how badly hurt she was. Then, you didn't even bother to look for her Nate."

Nate bowed his head as he listened to Dan talk, he knew every word of it was true. He still couldn't justify his reasons for taking Blair home before going to look for her. That was one of the worst things he could have done and he knew it. Blair and Vanessa hated one another. As much as he loved them both, in different ways of course, they didn't get along at the least bit. Vanessa had always been more suddle about it. Raising his head he looked at her, the street lamp outside was just enough to cast a small light on her face. he could see the smudged makeup lines down her cheeks. It killed him again to know that he'd once again caused tears to cascade down her face.

Backbeat, the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

"I don't deserve her. I know that every time I look at her. She's smart and funny, and she doesn't care what others think about her. She's not afraid to be herself, she's everything. And, she believes in me. I'm not sure why but she does. she doesn't even have to say it and I know it. I'm always sure she's going to be right there when I turn around. I know, I take her for granted. No matter how much I love her I take her for granted. I do, I love her. Yet the way I treat her sometimes… she doesn't deserve it."

When he glanced up he could see Dan's expression was saying everything out of his mouth was right and on key. He knew that, he hadn't expected Dan to try and make him feel better and he hadn't wanted it.

"I'm not going to sugar coat it, you're an ass."

Nate cracked half of a regretful smile as he nodded his head in agreement. It wasn't a joke he was trying to make out of it, it was just true. He really was. Anyone that knew Nate Archibald knew that he wasn't always one to have the right sense in things.

"I'm not going to deny that one."

Both boys nodded their heads as Dan started to yawn making Nate glanced at his cell phone to check the time. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning, to late really for any friendly conversations. Too late to solve anything for the night, besides by the looks of things she wasn't going to budge to wake up for anything.

"I should let you get to sleep, we are supposed to have classes tomorrow. Not that I think I'll be in."

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Dan stepped back out of the doorway so that Nate could get into the room. It had been a long day and he couldn't postpone the inevitable of seeing the bruise that would be on his face first thing in the morning. One thing he couldn't say was that Serena slapped like a girl. As much as he loved his best friend he wanted his bed back.

"She's not like most girls, I've known that since the day she kicked me in the head because I was too close to her swing. I get fifteen stitches in the side of my head and an annoying girl who's suddenly is my best friend and she's leaning over the table where the doctor and my mother are trying to calm me down and stitch me up. Mind you, she's leaning over the table with a video camera in her hand trying to get the whole thing on tape."

They both shared a silent laugh as Nate shook her head, he could see it. Seemingly fearless even when blood was involved, unusual and unique, his Vanessa. Now, all he wanted to do was hold onto her until the sun came up and her hazel eyes blinked open and narrowed at him in a glare as he knew they'd do. She wasn't going to be happy with him. Not even a Belgian waffle with strawberries and extra whip cream would make what her mood would be in the morning any easier, but, he'd try.

"Thank you again for picking up her cell phone. Went over to her place and Ruby… you know Ruby drunk enough to not be able to get off the floor without help. I was worried about her, I didn't know where she was."

Whispering Nate turned and walked further into the room kneeling down by the side of Dan's bed and moving a piece of hair out of Vanessa's face so that he could kiss her forehead letting his lips linger there for a few moments taking in the feel of her skin.

"I love you Vanessa"

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

He said quietly against her skin as he carefully stood up, picking her sleeping form up in his arms. She didn't wake up or move very much. Only to wrap her arms tightly around his neck letting her body cling to him as though for dare life. Turning around to head back out the door Dan had a few things in his arms.

"Take care of her, try not to hurt her anymore then you have Nate."

Like taking care of a child Dan placed the monkey stuffed animal on Vanessa and handed Nate her cell phone to hold onto.

"Jenny gave her three or four Tylenol PM's so she's sleep for a while so she's out till morning at least. She doesn't have to work tomorrow, my dad called and he said he's… preoccupied for the day. I think Jenny told him she was in bad shape."

Dan shuttered and Nate gave him a sympathetic look as they walked along to the door of the loft. Dan and Serena's issues were some that Nate was grateful not to have. Dan opened the door for them and Nate walked with Vanessa in his arms out into the hall.

"I'm taking her home, to my place. I won't be in tomorrow since it seems like you guys have drugged her till evening tomorrow. She'll be fine, we have some things to straighten out… I have some begging to do."

With a bid of goodbye Dan shut the door behind them and Nate managed to get her out to the warm waiting car he knew she's hate if she were awake. He would have taken the subway and he nearly had. but Maureen had met him at twelve, that's where he'd been for an hour and a half. Being lectured by his cousins soon to be wife. She's pointed the simple facts out to him. The facts that he'd been too stupid to see, he was attempting to run away from being in love with her. Twenty-five year old Maureen who he'd known since he was seven had been the voice of reason. It had nothing to do with how much she thought Blair was a stuck up bitch that was to full of herself to love anyone else. She hadn't said two words about Blair, she'd just pointed out the things about Vanessa that he already knew.

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

The way when she smiled or laughed or talked even his face lit up with happiness and pride that she was his. The way that even though she hadn't grown up with all of the legacies no one had even noticed, she'd made an impression on everyone that wasn't grandfather. Tripp and Maureen couldn't have been more delighted to be in the same room of her, she really was a breath of fresh air, just as Nate had always knew. He could still hear Maureen's voice in her head, "don't let them run your life Nate, don't break everything you love just to please them. Because your heart isn't the only one on the line, it's in that girl's eyes just how much she loves you. Written on her face every time she looks at you. She'd give it all up to make you happy, don't let her give up on you. She gives you a reason to not be the static ass your cousin can be at times. before you fall into that trap watch her plea her case. Have fun and be in love. Don't be afraid because by the looks of things and what you've both said every second of it is worth it."

At times Maureen had a soapbox she used even when it wasn't needed. She reminded him of someone else he knew sometimes. She'd persisted to tell him it was cold and late and he needed to pick her up in the limo so she wouldn't catch a cold, take her back to his house and hold her till she woke up and slapped him across the face as hard as she could just as she deserved to do. His face stung in anticipation of it. He smiled himself as he got into the car, her and held tightly to him. The fact that she even had the monkey with her said something to him.

The monkey had been a bribe to get her in a car to New Port of the weekend with him. She'd taken the bate as long as she got the stuffed monkey. How the monkey had gotten his name was another story all together. With the thoughts in his head he held onto her tighter and kissed her temple again closing his eyes against her head. He was finally at peace in the night, without the big constriction in his throat, she freed him as he'd told her before it was true, she really did.

"It's you and Me V, just you and me"

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how