I was used to feeling lonely. As princess, my life was a matter of public affair, and it was always hard to find a space for a more personal and intimate life. When the time came for me to pick a mate, Creek was kind of pushed at me. Yes, he was sweet, and it's not like he was bad to look at, he could just be a bit much. Yet, it always seemed like my friends and my dad really liked him so when he asked me on our first date, I felt like I couldn't let anyone down by saying no. I realize my mistake only a few weeks in.
Creek was amazingly Zen. Always seemingly calm and clear headed. I only realized it was a show behind closed doors. I was isolated, and scared. The first time came as a surprise. A slap stung my cheek, and tears formed in my eyes as he apologized.
I am so sorry love. I don't know what came over me. He seemingly spat at me. All because I wanted to spend an afternoon alone with my scrapbooks. It has only gotten worse. These days resort to hiding behind the bottle. Dyeing my hair so nobody notices the grey highlights making their home in my vibrant pink strands. These days I felt so alone, I worried I was losing what was most important to me, my smile.
Again I felt the stinging of smacks against my cheek, this time it was different. This time I wanted to get away. I felt the blood trickle down my face as his closed hand connected with my nose. Who knows the cause. Maybe he didn't like the way I cooked dinner tonight., maybe he was just upset after a long day in the village. Tonight, after he fell asleep, I was getting away. Going into the wilderness to cry, to scream shamelessly over my fears and my worries. I was unconcerned that I would be found. The only troll who lives that far out of our little compound was Branch, a troll of grey coloring who was obsessed with our protection, or was it our demise? I don't remember. The last time I saw him was before I started seeing Creek. I have to admit, Branch intrigued me. He was a challenge, and a welcomed breath of fresh air to me. He wasn't a "yes" troll. As princess to the trolls, I saw a lot of "yes" trolls but Branch was different, and I could use some different.
Creek was finally asleep. After hours of lying in bed, listening to his incoherent mumbles about his life and my incompetence, he finally laid down. That's when I made my move. Not bothering to put on a jacket to fight the chill of the fall air, I sneaked my way out of the front door and took off into the wildness. I wandered for hours, afraid to stop, afraid to make too many sounds. With no specific route in mind, I found myself in a dense area of the forest, the moonlight barely making its way through the trees to light my way.
Having a hard time seeing my surroundings caused me to trip. My now raw ankle stung, as blood made its way to the surface of my skin. A too familiar sensation. My body trembled with anger, mostly at myself for letting it get this far, and the tears bubbled. Gasping for air between sobs, I let go.