Hello. So, this is a Doctor Who fic, obviously. It's set in the time of Clara and the Eleventh Doctor, but there's a little TenRose involved. I actually don't know where I was heading when I wrote this, so just bear with me. Also, WARNING! It's a tad angsty.
Title: you can't forget (rose tyler).
Summary: "Clara picked a book off an old table. Examining it, she read the title. They were two words. And as Clara read aloud these two, beautiful, ominous words, she just knew she'd love the tale. 'Rose Tyler.' Clara read.She slipped out of the library."
Songs Used: I logged on to 8tracks and listened to this playlist called what do time lords pray to? It's really good, I'd suggest listening to it, actually.
Disclaimer: ladies and gentlemen, I am a giant DoctorRose shipper. If I owned Doctor Who, Rose would not be gone.
you can't forget (rose tyler).
by Everyone's a Mortal.
"It's dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing."
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife.
Clara's footsteps padded softly through the TARDIS, it's motor humming gently as a background noise to the thoughts of her mind. She walked on and on, looking for the room she wanted, passing forgotten science labs and old containers full of who-knows-how-old food.
When she found the room she had been looking to find, Clara smiled.
The doors were ajar, as always, and the smell of books wafted in the air, the best aroma in the world. Clara stepped into the Doctor's grand old library, full of books from every era, from every planet. Clara walked, looking up at shelves as tall as skyscrapers. She walked and walked and walked, thinking about what book she might find this time. There were shelves full of the history of England -maybe she'd read about King Arthur? Clara had always wanted to go visit the man himself, but every time she brought it up, the Doctor would shake his head, mumbling something about being on bad terms with the king's guardian, a man named Merlin.
She found the smallest corner of the room, where the Doctor kept all his favorite tales, and strode over to it. Clara picked a book off an old table. Examining it, she read the title. They were two words. And as Clara read aloud these two, beautiful, ominous words, she just knew she'd love the tale.
"Rose Tyler." Clara read.
She slipped out of the library.
. . .
The book was handwritten, with big, loopy writing, evenly spaced and wrapped in a leather cover. There was no author, only those two words, ringing like an old forgotten song. Rose Tyler.
Clara was reading when the Doctor strode in to the room he liked to call his living room. She sat on a worn couch, a forgotten tea cup resting beside her. "Hello." The Doctor said, and sat down next to her. His bowtie hung crooked, but then, it always hung like that, no matter how times she fixed it. "Whatcha reading?"
Clara ignored him, but he poked her side, causing her to look up, slightly annoyed. She'd just reached a good part. "I'm reading a book I found in the library, by your favorites section."
"What's it called?" He asked, peaking over her shoulder, glimpsing some of the words before looking at her and smiling slightly.
His companion shrugged, "Rose Tyler. I think it's about a Timelord, because his face changes at a certain point in the story, and he has a TARDIS. But, strangely enough, his name is never mentioned. And there's no known author. It's really very good, though, and I love the story between Rose and the- Doctor? Doctor, are you okay?" Clara peaked at her friend's face. Something had changed in his eyes; tears were brimming in them, a turmoil of emotions racing across his face, a whole storm of them. But then he looked up, suddenly, as if from a dream, and smiled at her.
"Yes? Hm? Oh, I'm fine. Just. Fine." As if feeling his wet eyes, he reached up quickly to dry them, but not before a few drops spilled out, rebellious and firm. The Doctor wiped them fast, hoping his young friend wouldn't notice.
Clara noticed.
"Was he?"
"Was he what?" The Doctor asked.
"A Timelord? With a TARDIS? Did he write this?" Clara put her hand on his, and he smiled, a sad smile.
"Yes. Yes, he did." The Doctor stood, turning away from her. He walked towards the door, and whispered those two words, as if they were the two most precious things he had ever heard. Maybe he thought Clara hadn't heard, but she had.
"Rose Tyler." he said, and walked out.
. . .
Clara was distraught. The man (whose name still had not been uttered) and Rose were stuck amidst daleks, fighting for the life of everyone. They'd just figured out how to beat them -suck them into a void, which, to Clara, seemed a plan worthy of even the Doctor- and were holding on for dear life (if they let go, they'd be sucked in to the void as well).
Then, suddenly, Rose's lever slipped. The Doctor watched, countless thoughts floating in his mind, as the love of his life reached for the lever, to close it, to ensure that the daleks and cybermen got stuck for good. She did it. Clara breathed a sigh of relief.
She breathed it too soon.
Rose's hand slipped. She held on to the magnet that tethered her to earth only by her fingertips, and her lover screamed at her, "Rose, hold on! Hold on!"
Clara continued reading, imagining the scenario unfolding before her. She saw Rose shake her head, saw Rose let go, and suddenly... suddenly, she was gone, about to be sucked in, the man screaming at her, no, not Rose, please if there is a God don't let it be Rose.
And it wasn't.
Someone grabbed her -Pete Tyler- and just like that, she was gone. Safe. Clara released her breath, reading that the void finally closed. The Timelord crept up to the wall, leaning his head against it, and Clara read what broke her heart, read what she could not believe someone had once endured. She read as the man cried, and repeated her name over and over again, unable to comprehend, unable to believe that he would never see her, never hold her hand, again.
She read as the man walked back to his box and stared at the room where they'd both slept; a mess of both their things, a beautiful chaotic mess. She read on as he screamed, screamed at the beautiful mess that was theirs, screamed at the unfairness of it all. Read as he sat down on their bed, a tangle of sheets, seeing all her things and wishing, wanting, her to come back. He sat there a long time, thinking about her, about that blonde girl who had saved him.
Then he got up, and closed the door to their room, vowing to never enter the bedroom that had once been his, and then theirs, ever again.
And Clara kept reading.
. . .
I watched as she walked towards me. Her hair was a bit longer, her eyes brimming with tears and beautiful, as always.
So beautiful.
Clara blinked back her tears, because this was it, the last chapter. The last goodbye. And she didn't want it to end.
There she stood, before me, one more time, my pink and yellow human, my lover, my savior, my best friend. She looked at me for a second, steadying herself, and I waited.
"Where are you?" She asked.
"Inside the TARDIS." I said, straining for a steady voice. "There's a tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."
Rose nodded, and I watched her gulp down her tears, strong as ever. "You look like a ghost."
"Hold on." I picked up my sonic screwdriver, hoping to make the projection better.
Clara took a moment to wonder if all Timelords had screwdrivers. That must have been the case. She glanced up to find her Doctor busying himself with TARDIS controls.
Rose took a step towards me, her hand reaching out to touch me face. "Can I...?"
"I'm still an image. No touch."
"Can't you come through properly?"
"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse." I said, shaking my head.
She smiled at me, then, a sad Rose Tyler smile, but real in all the right ways. "So?" She said, and I laughed, and she laughed too. Always could make me laugh, that Roser Tyler. No matter what.
I changed the subject. "Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"
"We're in Norway."
"Norway. Right."
"About fifty miles out of Burgen. It's called 'Darlig Ulv Stranden'."
I squinted, "Dalek?"
But Rose shook her head, "Darlig. It's Norwegian for bad. This translates into Bad Wolf Bay."
Clara almost choked, a little laughter escaping her lips as she recalled the tale of Rose, the tale that followed her all the way home.
"How long have we got?" She asked me.
"About two minutes."
This time her tears spilled freely, "I can't think of what to say!"
"You've still got Mister Mickey, then?" I asked. She knew, knew smalltalk wasn't my speciality, but I tried. For her. I'd try anything for her.
Clara laughed a little more as her mystery Timelord almost had a hearts attack at the mention of a fifth Tyler. Read as Rose told the Doctor about her working in Torchwood.
"Rose Tyler," said I, trying for a smile. It didn't feel quite right. "Defender of the Earth. You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead. Here you are, living life, day after day. The one adventure I can never have."
Clara blinked back tears.
"Am I ever going to see you again?" Rose asked, and I knew she knew, even before I answered. Brilliant Rose Tyler. Heartbroken Rose Tyler.
"You can't."
And I stood there, then, waiting for her to hate me. But she never did. That was the thing about Rose Tyler, see. She didn't know how to hate. When it came to the really important things, she was never selfish. She never yelled. She never held grudges. Rose Tyler was gloriously and completely human.
I broke her.
"What're you gonna do?" She asked me.
"Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Timelords."
Clara gasped. She looked up, at the Doctor, at his old bowtie and suit and ageless eyes. The last of the Timelords. But he couldn't be the same person; the man in the book had insane brown hair and wore a trenchcoat.
And yet...
"On your own." Rose said, and I nodded. "I love you." She said, and in that moment I would have done anything for her. If she had asked me, I would have broken through and hugged her tight, not giving a damn if the universe collapsed.
But she didn't ask, because she was Rose and Rose was human and Rose knew me too well.
"Quite right, too." I said, and hated myself, because I was being vain but I wanted her to see that it was okay to love me. It was okay because I loved her, too. "And, I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it: Rose Tyler-"
And she was gone.
Clara cried then, real, and long.
The Doctor cried, too. She just didn't see.
. . .
The last few pages were more of a reflection of what the man had written, and Clara saw that some of the inked words were slightly smudged, like someone had been crying when they wrote them.
Maybe they had been.
I don't know why I wrote this, honestly. Maybe in hope that I could store away my memories of her here. Maybe so I'd never forget her. Whatever the case, I wrote it. And here it is.
In the days after that I spent my weeks doing dangerous and reckless things. I would have drowned myself if I hadn't been saved by a woman called Donna Noble. Most important woman in the universe, that Donna.
She doesn't even know.
I saw her again, a few months ago. Beautiful and bright and lively, was she, my Rose Tyler. I love her, present tense, never to not love her. Perhaps one day I'll love someone else, but never as I loved her.
This is the last page, the end of our story. Rose is happy. She has a family. It's up to me to forget now. But I don't think I'll ever forget her, or how good she was to me. For me.
This is the story of Rose Tyler, and how she fell in love with a madman.
My name is the Doctor, and if there is one that you should know about Rose Tyler and I, it's this: She keeps me going when I don't think I can go anymore.
People think she's dead, but she's not.
She's very much alive.
Clara had stopped breathing when she finally read his name, the Doctor, and everything clicked into place. Screwdriver, TARDIS, regeneration. Clara glanced at her Doctor, another man, a different face.
She closed the book, and got up. "I finished." Clara said.
The Doctor stopped tinkering for a moment, before continuing on. "Oh? Was it good?" He said, straining for an indifferent tone.
"Doctor."
His hands dropped limply by his sides and Clara noticed they were shaking. "Oh, Doctor." She said, and rushed to hug him. "You don't have to talk about it."
"What do you want to know?" He asked, knowing he owed her that much. She had, after all, saved his life more than once.
Clara frowned, pulling away. "Why do you not go into your room?"
He blinked. "Because, Clara Oswald. It hurts."
She leaned against him, then, and he winced. It occurred to her that Rose must have done this, once. "I'm sorry, Doctor."
"She's happy."
"But are you?"
"I've loved others."
Clara recalled what his earlier self had said. Never would he love someone like he loved Rose Tyler. "Doctor."
She heard him sigh.
"Clara Oswald, in all my years after her, I have learned one thing: love makes you strong. But losing love makes you want collapse and never wake up. I love her, but I can never, never, see her again, and so I lock her away and try and forget about her, try and move on, try and live. It's the curse. Curse of the Timelords."
"Does it work? Forgetting?"
"When someone makes you better, makes you what you are, you can't forget them. No matter how hard you try." The Doctor got up, bowtie crooked again. "Wanna know a secret?" The man said, glancing at her, smiling a little bit, as if remembering times long, long ago.
"You can't forget Rose Tyler." He said, and went back to tinkering.
"There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love."
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife.
So, I wrote this. I don't know what I did with it, but I like it. Sorry for any spelling errors! Oh, and YES, I did slip a Merlin reference in there ;) .
I'd be very grateful for reviews, however long or short you'd like to make them.
Thanks for reading, lots of love to all of you.
-Lyn.