Disclaimer: Any characters, places, storylines etc. associated with Once Upon a Time are not mine.
A/N: I just needed to fix this family before tomorrow's episode, which will undoubtedly be more than a little painful. Pretty dialogue-y, but I felt like Snow and Emma having a heart to heart was way overdue. Enjoy!
Not Quite The Dream
Emma sat and stared at the city lights, amazed, as ever, at how she could feel so alone in a town where she was surrounded by the family she was never supposed to have.
New York was still calling her name, in moments of panic, or doubt, and the only reason she was still here was because Henry didn't want to leave. It had all just seemed so simple then. And yes, she'd told her parents that Storybrooke was home, that they were home, and she stood by that, but that didn't mean home was a happy place right now.
Her phone lit up beside her, and she turned it over, not wanting to see who it was trying to reach her this time. She had what felt like hundreds of calls from her father, a few from their main line, and she'd even seen Killian's name a dozen or so times. The fact he'd managed to work the phone at all, let alone several times, was enough for her to know that they were worried.
She smiled briefly at the thought of Killian, the way he'd reached out for her today as she'd run away. Killian could go to NYC with her. He wasn't trapped in this place. Her, Henry, Killian. If only life was that simple.
Hours ticked by, and Emma remained in the car. It took a lot longer than this for her to get tired of this little thing. Many a stakeout had been spent in this driver's seat, and she'd slept in the back for days at a time before now.
The persistent phone calls had ended at least, a little while back now, as everyone presumably went to bed, ready to re-start their efforts in the morning. If she was honest, Emma was relieved that they'd given up for a bit. She didn't like that running away had consequences now. It made her feel guilty, because other people worried about her, and that wasn't something she'd had to think about in the past.
She felt just as guilty being around those other people though, because then she was the worried one. Emma felt like she needed to stay away for longer than a night. She needed to stay away until she learned how to control all of this, afraid to admit even to herself that maybe she'd never gain control of it.
Maybe she would be a danger to everyone forever.
One thing was for certain - she wasn't the saviour anymore. Now, she was the one this town needed saving from.
As the little clock in her car flicked to 2am, she realised she needed to make a decision on whether she was spending the night here, somewhere else, or whether she was going to face her house.
She just wasn't sure if she wanted to see everyone again just yet. The image she'd left them with was of a monster who couldn't control magic she didn't even want. Why people decided to learn this stuff was beyond her. And their faces had said everything. The way Snow had said her name.
Horror. Horror, and shock, and fear. Just as the Snow Queen had said.
Her phone lit up again, scaring the living daylights out of her. Checking the number, Emma noted, with some surprise, that it was not Killian's, but the apartment phone. She let it ring off anyway, uninterested in who was on the other end. Probably Elsa, reassuring her that it was going to be okay, or her father, who had definitely run out of battery on his phone by now.
Slowly the screen faded, and she breathed a sigh of relief, only to then be notified of the fact she had an answerphone message.
Well this was new.
Hesitantly, Emma unlocked her phone, wondering if there was actually something wrong this time. Perhaps the Snow Queen had gotten to Henry, or someone else was in danger, and she was needed. After all, she'd simply run off with no regard for the fact she'd allowed the most dangerous villain in town to escape. Hadn't spared a second thought to the fact she was sheriff.
Perhaps second most dangerous. At least the Snow Queen knew how to direct her power.
The message was short. There was a pause, and then her mother's voice was in her ear, surprising her. She was whispering, as if trying not to wake the rest of the house.
"Emma, it's m- it's Snow. I... I'm sorry. And I love you. Please stay safe."
It was simple, but it took her by surprise. She'd expected her mother of all people to demand her home instantly, want to know her exact whereabouts, and then launch into a pre-prepared apology speech. Instead, it sounded like Snow knew she wasn't coming home tonight. Nor could she expect her to, and nor could she blame her. She just wanted her daughter safe.
Emma put her phone away again and twisted the car's key. She wasn't spending the night in her vehicle, she'd decided, that was for sure.
~.~.~
Edging the door open as quietly as possible, Emma was so focused on trying to keep her feelings under control that she didn't notice anyone sat in the front room.
It had been a few hours since Snow had called. She'd been driving aimlessly round Storybrooke for a while, torn between a desire to go and fix everything, and a fear that she might cause even more damage. Now, the sun was rising and she'd decided that if she got back while everyone was in bed, she'd have a few hours to try and clear her head.
"Emma," Snow said softly, and her daughter jumped out of her skin.
She turned to face her mother, the surprise still on her face.
"Hey," Emma said slowly, unsure of how things stood.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Snow said, her smile sad, her face exhausted.
"It's- why are you still awake?" Emma asked, frowning.
"I wanted to stay up in case you came home. I'm glad you did."
"Sure," Emma said dryly. She hadn't really wanted to see anyone upon arriving back, least of all Snow. Her own mother had scolded her today for something she had no control of.
"Please don't go upstairs just yet," Snow implored, looking up at her daughter beseechingly.
"I'm really tired," Emma began, not wanting to talk.
"Oh, of course, okay. Goodnight."
Snow looked away, twisting her hands nervously. She was out of her depth. She didn't know whether she was supposed to beg Emma to stay and talk to her, let her apologise, as she so desperately wanted, or to just let her do what she wanted, wait for her to talk on her own terms.
The problem was, Snow wasn't sure Emma was going to want to talk any time soon.
"Night," Emma nodded, climbing up the stairs, her head spinning.
A tear trailed down Snow's cheek as her daughter walked away, one which she furiously flicked away. Tonight was not her pity-party.
She continued to sit there for a while, staring into space, thinking of all the times she'd imagined having her own family when she was younger. A man and a woman, still as in love as the first day they'd met, playing happily with their child, maybe even children, in a magnificent castle surrounded by a kingdom that loved them. Always happy, always smiling. Always loved.
Instead, she had a town that was falling apart from a new threat, a husband she was living in fear of drifting apart from, a daughter who couldn't stand to look at her right now, and a son she was terrified of leaving alone.
Not quite the dream.
Footsteps roused her from the daydream, and she turned, expecting to see Charming sleepily emerging from their room with an awake Neal.
To her surprise, Emma was wandering back downstairs, her jacket and boots abandoned in favour of an oversized cardigan. Snow rarely saw her look this soft, this open. It made her look younger, and another tear threatened, one she furiously fought to keep under control.
Figuring Emma wanted a drink or some food, Snow was taken aback when instead of turning into the kitchen, Emma silently curled up on the other end of the couch to Snow, hugging her knees.
They sat there in silence for a long, long time.
"I spoke to Elsa earlier," Snow offered up after it became clear Emma hadn't come to talk. "She told me about her powers, and how she'd had them for as long as she could remember, but she'd never learned how to control them. Her parents were afraid of her, and so was the rest of Arendelle."
Snow paused to glance at Emma, who had her head on her knees, watching her mother. She took this to mean that she was listening, so continued.
"The only person that wasn't afraid was Anna. Even when everyone else gave up, and even when Elsa hurt her, her sister wouldn't give up. And I realised, when she was telling me, that I should've been your Anna, but I wasn't. I wasn't, and neither was David. We failed you, just as we have so many times before."
Emma watched as Snow took a shaky breath, a tear falling straight on to her folded hands.
"When you arrived home, I was going to tell you that I wasn't afraid of you, of course not," Snow laughed humourlessly, shaking her head. "Couldn't lie to you though. Today, I was a little scared."
For a long time after that statement, Snow couldn't bear to look at Emma. She was afraid of her daughter. And she'd admitted that.
"I'm scared too," Emma whispered after a while, looking up at Snow with tear-filled eyes. Snow looked up, her face a mirror of Emma's.
They both smiled at one another briefly. It was ridiculous really, two grown women, both crying at four in the morning, but then nothing about them was ever destined to be normal. Emma moved as if she wanted to sit closer, but remained where she was, something inside holding her back.
Already knowing what was going through Emma's mind, Snow moved instead, huddling up to her daughter and placing an arm round her shoulders. Emma resisted at first, remaining in her defensive, balled-up position, then slowly relented, relaxing into her mother's arms, head on her shoulder.
"You know, Elsa also said something else," Snow said softly. "I asked her how she managed to control her powers, and she said that was down to Anna too, and that's why she needs to find her."
"Does Anna have something that I can use?" Emma asked hopefully. "Does she know some way I can manage all of this?"
"She does," Snow informed her. "Love."
Emma frowned.
"Huh?"
"She has love. Elsa is loved. And when she realised that, she learned how to get a hold on her magic. Learned how to be more powerful, how to control it, rather than it controlling her."
"Right," Emma scoffed, shrugging out of Snow's hug and standing up, wrapping her arms around herself. "Should've known you'd go all Enchanted Forest on me. Love fixes everything, got it."
"But it's true," Snow insisted, afraid that she'd just made a mistake. "And Emma, you have more than one person that loves you. You have so many. You'll work out a way to control it, I know you will."
"How can you be so sure?" Emma rounded on her. "I nearly killed my own father today-"
"And the other day you saved his life," Snow finished.
"That was lucky."
"Really? Because it seemed like today was just unlucky. Every time you've used your magic before, you've helped people. You saved Hook and Neal in Neverland, you saved Hook and Charming the other day, you've joined forces with Regina of all people-"
"But it's getting stronger, and I can't do anything about it."
"Those are someone else's words, because I know you can."
"Then how come you wouldn't even let me hold my own brother today?"
Snow closed her eyes briefly, and Emma shook her head.
"That- that's my problem, not yours. I panicked. And then I saw your face after everything at the sheriff station, and I realised you were panicking too. I'm so sorry, Emma."
"What if you're right though? What if I can't be trusted to hold him? What if one day, you decide it'll be easier to lock me up as well?"
"For starters, I don't think Hook would let us. And you can be trusted. Like I said, this is my problem. I'm- terrified of letting go of your brother for just a second," Snow said quietly, her tone of voice enough to make Emma turn to face her. "And I'm spending every moment of every day focusing on him, and because of that, I'm losing everything else. Your father is never here, trying to do my job as well as his own. I'm attempting to run a small town with a baby in my arms. I feel like I barely know my own daughter, after all this time."
"Mom-"
"It's true," Snow said tearfully, looking up at her. "Even since the curse broke, you turn to David before me. I try and look out for everyone else, and I end up leaving behind everyone that matters. I meant to stop it after the curse broke, after everything you said, but I haven't.
"And when I do try to step in, I get it all wrong. Charming warmed to Hook much faster than I did. I thought he was all wrong for you, when in fact, he's treated you better than anyone. I feel like I know less about you than when you first arrived in Storybrooke. And then I just find myself stuck, because every time I pay attention to you, I feel like I'm missing something about Neal, and I can't bear that either.
"I missed my chance to watch you grow up, so I tell myself that I should watch him grow up instead. Sometimes, I look at him, but I don't see a baby boy. I see a girl, with blonde hair, and bright eyes, and my heart, it hurts. But then I look at you, at the real you, and realise you're still growing up, and I'm missing that too. So I don't know what to do for the best."
Snow fell silent, closing her eyes again. Both women were exhausted, and now they felt drained too. Hesitantly, Emma sat back down on the sofa, pulling Snow close to her this time.
"Sometimes I think life would be easier if I'd never broken that damn curse," Emma cracked, and Snow laughed in spite of herself.
"Maybe."
"Do you really think I can learn to control this thing?" Emma asked, blinking and smiling to herself as steaming cups of hot cocoa appeared in both of their hands.
"I really think you can," Snow began earnestly, but was interrupted when the appearance of a huge puff of cinnamon made her sneeze. "With some practice."
"Sorry," Emma said sheepishly. "Overshot."
"You'll get there."
They sat quietly for a lot longer after that, drinking cocoa as the sun rose properly, flooding the room with daylight. At some point their positions shifted, and when Charming entered the room, he found his daughter lying across the couch, eyes half-closed, head in her mother's lap. Snow was absent-mindedly braiding her hair, looking just as tired.
He paused in the doorway, unsure of what had happened but relieved to see that Emma was home nonetheless. They both looked as if they wanted to sleep, but didn't want to miss anything.
"Why did you come back downstairs?" Snow asked softly. Charming frowned, not understanding the reference, but listening intently all the same.
"I don't know," he heard Emma reply. "Guess I realised that I could either sit in my room and feel sorry for myself, or I could go downstairs and sit with my mom, who wanted me there."
"Even though I'd behaved horribly?"
Charming winced, afraid to hear Emma's answer. She paused for a while before answering.
"You know, when I was a kid, I thought finding my parents would solve everything. I thought that if you had a perfect family, you couldn't have any problems. It was impossible. And over the last year or so, I've found out that you can have a great family, and you can still have all the problems in the world. So then you just have to decide whether you're going to face those problems by yourself or with someone by your side. And then you have your answer."
Her father was stunned. To hear her talk so openly, even if what she was saying were the clearly the thoughts of someone severely sleep-deprived, was rare.
"That doesn't mean I know where we go from here though," Emma tacked on.
"Well, I have a few ideas," Snow began. "Firstly, we stop treating your magic like it's a bad thing."
"Love conquers all," Emma said dryly.
"It does," Snow insisted. "And then we start trusting you more, and you start trusting us more. I accept that Neal doesn't need me all the time, and you accept that you need us some of the time, just as we need you. And you forgive me, for to- yesterday. Yesterday. Wow. Where did the night go?"
"I think the last of it disappeared along with our cocoa. And my dignity. I can't believe I'm letting you braid my hair."
"But it's so fun," Snow laughed, and it sounded happy for the first time in a while. Charming grinned.
"For you maybe. So, your ideas, are they where we're headed? That's what we're going to focus on?"
"Well, those, and the small matter of a mad woman running around town who knows far too much about you, and has the ability to control snow."
A/N: So that's that. At least they can be heading towards happiness in my head. I tried to keep it reasonably in character, but as with any fluff, Emma may have been a little OOC by the end, simply because she's not the fluffiest character. If you spot any mistakes, let me know, I just wanted to get this up before the episode. The past has taught me that if I don't publish things before the episode, it might cover it for me. For example, that time after 4.01 I started writing a fic about Killian getting frozen and Emma being unable to admit that she loved him because she didn't want to lose him, and being unable to control her magic. And then all of that, all of it, happened. Hurrah. I still kinda want to write the fic though - let me know if you'd like to see it at all. Anyway, I digress. I hope that if you love Charming Family as dearly as I do that you enjoyed this. Let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading, swans :) oh and if you ever have anything you want to see me write, I'll happily do it for you. Prompts are my fave.