For the Bleach Big Bang: Bing 3 – Holidays. A HitsuMatsu one shot, prequel to my Bang fic, 'The Heist', which will be released 5 July!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Xx
…
Look at the Stars
The sky was clear tonight, not a single cloud covering the stunningly dark canvas. Pitch black velvet, littered with millions and millions of shimmering diamonds, and yet it was only the second most beautiful sight he had seen today. The first, however, was absent that evening.
Toshiro stared up at the night sky from where he laid on his back atop his office roof, his normally frowning expression completely peaceful, with each and every muscle in his face relaxed. It was a dishonest expression though, one that might fool anyone into believing he was perfectly satisfied with his situation. Underneath him – a checked picnic blanket, to his left – a full basket of wine and an assortment of Japanese snacks, and to his right – no one.
The cold December night air was sharp and biting against the captain's skin, forcing him to fold his arms and tuck his hands into the opposite sleeve, an action he had always done as a child and never quite grown out of. In the distance, gleeful sounds of delighted party-goers preparing to bring in the New Year and upbeat music echoing off the Seireitei walls found their way to Toshiro's eardrums. Head Captain Kyoraku had, of course, decided to throw what was being dubbed 'the party of the century' inviting not only all Soul Reapers across each of the thirteen divisions but opening the gates up to residents of the Rukongai in an effort to close the social gap between souls and Soul Reapers. It was… well, a work in progress still, but it was at the very least, a visible attempt to make improvements. Toshiro had forsaken the celebration however, not really finding himself in the mood to celebrate anything, especially a new year.
Why would he want to celebrate that?
Another year of afterlife, another year of loneliness.
He wasn't quite able to pinpoint when that had become an issue for him. There hadn't been a particular catalyst for him to care, it had just slowly developed over time. He got older, he grew from a boy to a man and now he had these adult, nay human, desires and needs. Somewhere between shooting up over a foot and starting to grow facial hair, Toshiro found he no longer cared for his nights of solitude in the empty and all too spacious Captain's Quarters. Once treasured alone time that he longed all day for was now something he dreaded each and every evening as he left the office. Waking up to a silent room, bare of any life but his own was bleak and Toshiro soon found each day becoming greyer than the last. Even the division hallways seemed to grow more and more hollow, despite the constant stream of working squad members. Toshiro felt his footsteps becoming heavier as time continued on around him and yet felt emptier inside as each sun rose and set. A dragon rumbled within him but Toshiro was entirely alone.
There was, however, one source of light in his life that Toshiro found himself gravitating towards. The ashen view he had begun to develop of his own world was interrupted by brightness, ironically in the form of his ash wielding lieutenant. It was like seeing the sun bursting through gaps in dark clouds after a storm, its' rays visible and shining down over a very lucky piece of land. That was Rangiku alright, the warming sun in Toshiro's otherwise cold, grim life.
She was the flame and he was the moth. It was taking all he had not to fly too close to her because he would surely be burned.
A woman like Rangiku didn't look twice at a guy like him. Why would she? She had beauty, elegance and charm; a formidable force both on the battlefield and in everyday life. She was his subordinate and yet he felt like he was the one looking up to her, even after he had grown to match her height, bar a few centimetres. They were close, of course they were, as a team and at times, friends, but there had never been a flicker of romance between them, not on her side anyway.
Toshiro had fallen from grace though, if only internally. It had been accident, he hadn't meant for this to happen, hadn't meant to fall for his lieutenant, but here he was, lying on the roof of his office on New Year's Eve, mere minutes from midnight and completely alone, pining after an unobtainable strawberry blonde who was out on a date with some Squad Nine asshole; the luckiest asshole in the world, in all the worlds.
The icy captain had been too slow; he had written her a note, asking her to meet him up on the roof that evening, his embarrassing attempt at asking her on a date, but before he could slip it to her, he had been informed by Captain Hisagi that Toshiro's lieutenant was on her way to the party with one of his men and would it be okay if Toshiro could follow them and take some pictures for the gossip article of the Seireitei News. The editor of that particular magazine was still defrosting in the office below.
"Fuck," the Captain laughed bitterly, blinking up at the stars. They, like his lieutenant, teased him – so beautiful, begging to be touched, and yet so out of reach.
Sitting up with a soft groan, Toshiro reached for the sake bottle he had temporarily abandoned. He touched it to his lips, hesitating a moment before dipping his head back and gulping down several mouthfuls. It tasted like shit. It did, however, warm his cold, dead insides so he couldn't really complain. Pulling the bottle back and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, Toshiro winced as the aftertaste of the wine lingered on his tongue. How Rangiku could drink this stuff regularly was beyond him.
"Not even using a glass, Captain," a voice behind him uttered softly, her familiar voice the most welcoming sound in his life, "colour me impressed."
"I don't need a glass," Toshiro muttered back, taking another swig, "you rarely use one."
Rangiku's chuckle was the most beautiful and melodic of sounds and yet it tonight held a tone of sadness about it.
"I found your note," she told him, voice soft, "I wish I had seen it earlier."
Turning his head only slightly, enough to see her in his peripheral vision, Toshiro saw her glance over to the picnic basket left untouched – minus the sake of course. She was wearing a beautiful kimono, and in his colours, no less; silver with a teal floral pattern starting at the right shoulder and cascading down the length of it. It was almost a betrayal when he noted that her lips were swollen from kissing and that cut him deeper than any Zanpakuto could. He shrugged, turning back around and not offering her any words, not letting her know how much he cared.
He felt her move before he saw her physical actions. He always felt her. No matter where they each were, no matter what time of the day, no matter what they were doing; he felt her. He felt her spiritual pressure, from decades of working together, but he also felt her warmth, coming closer and closer until she was dropping down beside him. She took the sake bottle from him and finished it off in a few neat gulps, dropping the bottle back onto the tiled roof. They watched, neither bothering to stop it as it rolled down the slope of the tiled roof and over the edge, the sound of smashing glass resonating from below.
"You're going to have to clean that up," Toshiro muttered a moment later.
"Tomorrow's problem," Rangiku shrugged, lying back on the thick blanket and staring up at the night sky.
Toshiro joined her, feeling the hard tiles below him even through the rug. His back would ache later but as Rangiku had noted, it was 'tomorrow's problem'.
They laid side by side in silence, both a little tipsy.
"Look at the stars," Rangiku whispered, her hand coming to rest above his wrist.
"They're beautiful," Toshiro murmured back. You're beautiful.
Her fingers burned his icy skin but Toshiro relished in the pain, anything to feel her touch.
"You didn't come to party," the woman beside him stated after another few minutes of silence.
"I didn't want to," Toshiro answered, emotionless.
"But I was there."
"You were on a date."
The slightest twinge of venom had laced that response which was entirely the result of the alcohol slowly burning down his inhibitions. He wouldn't have said that on a sober evening, too well trained in the cold art of stoicism to let dangerous emotion like that slip out either through his voice or his expression. Tonight was an exception though, and whether Rangiku had felt his bitterness or not, she kept silent.
It was obvious why he hadn't been at the party; he had gone to the roof to stew in his bitter disappointment. He had been arrogant to set up the picnic early.
"You could have come for me," Rangiku stated at last, her tone unreadable.
A shake of his head was his only answer. How could she expect him to follow her to the party – to her date?
An icy breeze passed over them, causing Rangiku to shiver and pull her hand away from his wrist in favour of hugging herself. She pulled her pink scarf higher around the back of her neck and rubbed her hands together to produce some friction borne warmth before rubbing her arms again. Toshiro sighed, sitting up a moment to shrug off his Haori before draping it over her shoulders, the only thing he could really do to help her, him being a spirit of ice and all.
A small smile broke out over the blonde's lips as she uttered a thank you. Toshiro nodded and lay back down beside her again, one less layer over his back but he didn't mind that. Many hated the cold, but not Toshiro. He never had either, not even before he had learned of his icy Zanpakuto spirit. Rangiku, on the hand, was a spirit of ash and fire and had the personality to match. She was his polar opposite in every way, and she was his everything.
Not that she knew that.
It was just another reason why she could never want him; ash spirits craved the warmth of the fire from which they were born, Toshiro was an innately conflicting soul, birthed from snow with a heart and blood equally as cold.
Allowing himself a sidelong glance at the woman beside him, Toshiro remembered back to how they met. He had been a child then and Rangiku only barely an adult, but the age gap between them eventually filled, as her aging grew slower and he caught up as his spiritual power did.
Steely blue eyes met his teal when they sensed his gaze fall on her. Rangiku smiled back at him with her special Toshiro-only smile; it was sweet and genuine and reserved for him only, unlike her wild and silly smile or her cheeky, up-to-no-good smile, both of which she was famous for.
The Squad Ten captain was shocked then, to feel the heat of her skin under his fingertips, this time realising it was he who was the one reaching out for her. It had been an unconscious action, likely fuelled by sake, which found his fingers intertwining with hers. He had shifted onto his side to stare at her, and she had mirrored his position. There was light behind her, coming from one of the guard station torches and it emphasised the line of her body and the luscious curve of her silhouette.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, not taking his hand back.
"For what?" Rangiku asked, voice matching his whisper.
He couldn't tell her what he was sorry for, instead simply rolling back onto his back with a long exhale. This time she did not mimic his position, staying on her side facing him. She pulled his hand up to her lips and kissed the dips of his knuckles, Toshiro's eyes fluttering closed involuntarily. Beneath her lips, his skin tingled. She kissed his knuckles again, and then back of his hand, then his wrist. Toshiro found himself humming contently without the consent of his brain.
"Why are you here?" the captain asked, curious now that he thought about it; she was back from her date remarkably early.
For that he was so incredibly grateful, knowing he wouldn't have slept at all if she was spending the night in another man's bed, or worse – in her own bed with another man. They did share a wall after all.
"I found your note," she repeated her earlier response.
"So you came back to the office before midnight on New Year's Eve, alone," Toshiro pointed out, "must have been a shit date."
"I wanted to be with you tonight instead," Rangiku murmured, "I always want to be with you."
"Why would you want that?" Toshiro raised an eyebrow, "Don't you get enough of my bad moods at work?"
"I think you're cute when you're grumpy," she chuckled and then after a small pause, she leaned in closer and whispered, "and sexy when you're mad."
That was worth a sharp inhale.
"How much have you had to drink tonight, Lieutenant?" Toshiro asked, voice warning.
"No more than usual, Captain," Rangiku teased.
"Then don't do that."
"Do what?"
"You know what," Toshiro snapped, looking away.
"Tell me," Rangiku pressed, leaning in closer again before Toshiro stopped her, pressing the palm of his hand into her shoulder and pushing her gently back away from him.
"That," he told her, "don't do that."
"Get close to you?"
"Play with me," Toshiro corrected, feeling annoying emotions rise within him, "play with my heart like a cat with its' prey."
"I am cat," Rangiku pointed out.
"And I'm a dragon," the captain argued, "Find out what happens when you poke one too many times."
Her lips curled into a satisfied smirk, "Yes, I've seen it."
"Ran, don't," Toshiro said again, this time his voice dangerously close to begging, a low he thought he would never stoop to.
"Then tell me the truth," Rangiku insisted, the playfulness in her voice gone, "tell me what you've been hiding from me. Tell me why you can't look me in the eyes anymore."
"I can't!" Toshiro exclaimed, throwing his arm over his eyes, defeated, "I can't."
Pathetic. That's what he was.
"Okay well I'll tell you then," Rangiku announced angrily, sitting up, "I fucking love you, okay?"
"Don't," Toshiro clenched his jaw, moving his hand to see her again, "don't play with me, Ran."
"I'm not playing, Toshiro. I'm in love with you," Rangiku snapped, "There, I said it. Don't you fucking accuse me of playing with your heart because if you knew me at all, you would know that I would never do that."
Clenching his eyes shut and shaking his head, Toshiro tried to push down the awful dizzying feeling. He hated this, he hated feeling but that was all he seemed to do these days. When he didn't respond verbally, Rangiku huffed and moved, standing to leave. He felt it, he didn't see or hear it, and when he caught her wrist, he had known where it was without looking.
Sitting up and holding her wrist, Toshiro held her in place. Rangiku didn't struggle, she waited, albeit impatiently.
"Tell me," Rangiku repeated, emphasising her words, her voice strained with emotion.
"I love you," Toshiro told her, voice thick.
Looking up at her with pleading eyes, begging her for mercy, Toshiro felt the walls around his heart cracking; the emotional dam he had built straining under the immense pressure.
Somewhere between a sob and a chuckle, a sound ripped from Rangiku's throat. He couldn't tell if she was happy or sad, or even angry perhaps. One hand remained locked around her wrist the other reached up for her elbow and he pulled her down to him.
"I love you," Toshiro whispered, not trusting his voice to be even at a standard volume right now, "I love you so much and it fucking hurts. It hurts, Ran."
"Why?" she asked, crouching back down beside him as he pulled her down.
"Because," Toshiro croaked, "because it's you and it's me."
"It's us," Rangiku smiled at him, her hands on either side of his face as she climbed into his lap, legs straddling his hips.
"We're fire and ice, Ran," Toshiro continued, arguing her point despite his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer, "you're perfection and I'm-"
"Also perfection," Rangiku cut him off, finishing his sentence in a way he definitely wasn't going to, "Opposites attract, remember?"
"But you-"
"I love you," Rangiku pressed, both with her words and her body, leaning into him and resting her forehead against his, "I told you that. I love you, Toshiro, I'm in love with you."
Her lips were mere millimetres from his and Toshiro stared at them, swallowing. She was in his lap, his arms were around her, and she was telling him that she loved him.
"And you told me you loved me," Rangiku breathed.
"I do," Toshiro whispered, eyes flicking back to her baby blue orbs, "more than anyone."
In the background, a chant started. Hundreds, if not thousands, of voices echoing around the Seireitei walls, originating from the First Division barracks.
"Ten!"
Rangiku closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Toshiro's.
"Nine!"
Toshiro pressed back, eyes also fluttering closed.
"Eight!"
They moved together, their lips eager to taste more. She was sweet of course, and fruity. He could still taste the sake on her lips, and he inhaled her signature scent that he had known for most of his life – tonight, it was infused with the fragrance of her favourite Living World perfume.
"Seven!"
Rangiku's arms wrapped around his neck and she shifted closer to him, lips never leaving his. Her body heat was radiating off her and scorching Toshiro's skin but he loved every second of it.
"Six!"
Toshiro's hands began to wander, fingertips dragging along the silk of the semi-formal kimono she had worn tonight and tracing the embroidered patterns. It felt nice, but not as nice as her bare skin would be, should he be so lucky to feel her like that one day.
"Five!"
A wet appendage on his lips asking for entrance had Toshiro opening his mouth to let her in. He was happy to follow her lead, being the far less experienced of the two.
"Four!"
She bit his lip softly, tugging it a little. Toshiro groaned softly and pushed back against her, a fleeting moment of confidence empowering him as pleasure shot up his spine.
"Three!"
Rangiku gasped at his push for dominance and Toshiro took advantage of the moment to let his tongue slip between her parted lips, exploring the inside of her mouth. Inside she was even sweeter and even warmer, sucking him in like a magnetic pull.
"Two!"
Toshiro had to pull back for air, not realising how breathless he could get from kissing, or maybe it was just kissing her? Rangiku pecked his lips softly before pulling back too, panting a little against him, her skin tinged pink.
"One!"
Slumping tiredly into him, Rangiku's head found a comfortable crevice against his neck as the first firework of the New Year burst up from somewhere inside the First Division and into the sky, exploding into a blast of red sizzles. Toshiro wrapped his arms around her and held her close as the second and third fireworks were released, exploding gold and purple.
They stayed silent, knowing they wouldn't hear much of each other under those deafening bangs anyway, and watched the fireworks peacefully. Toshiro still preferred the more permanent stars that reminded him so much of the woman in his arms but the bursting colours in the sky were gorgeous too, even if they fizzled away quickly.
It was a good distraction from his thoughts anyway, which were now more confused than anything, about what that kiss had meant for them, but it was a far lighter, far more liberating feeling than the pity party he had been throwing himself before she had turned up. In his arms, Rangiku sighed between firework explosions and nestled against him, her hand fisting his uniform. Toshiro reached back blindly, finding his Haori that had been discarded when Rangiku had stood to leave earlier, picking it up and draping it back over her shoulders. She seemed to hum contently at that and Toshiro felt, for the first time that night, a soft, and more importantly, genuine, smile forming on his lips. He felt, for the first time, that maybe this was something that could work for them.
Bulbs of light soared high up into the midnight sky like missiles, erupting and raining down glittering, colourful embers over the city. Eventually though, the fireworks stopped, coming to their end in a bold, brightly coloured finale. There were cheers and clapping as rejoicing friends, families and co-workers celebrated the start of the New Year together. They were sounds that Toshiro finally found beautiful, not saddening now that the light of his life was curled into him. For once, he saw the world more sweet than bitter.
"Look at the stars," Rangiku murmured, staring up at the sky as the residual smoke from the fireworks finally cleared, "they're so bright tonight."
Toshiro hummed in agreeance, rubbing his thumbs soothingly into her skin.
"They shine for you, Ran," he uttered softly, nuzzling his nose in her soft strawberry hair.
Rangiku tilted her head back to look at him, baby blue eyes soft and full of adoration, a happy smile on her face. Toshiro smiled back at her, feeling her hand reaching up behind his neck and sliding into his hair. She guided their lips together again in a short, chaste kiss.
"Happy New Year," she murmured when they parted again.
"Happy New Year," Toshiro grinned.
And for once, he felt like it would be a happy year.
…
Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah they were all yellow
…
Been on bit of a Coldplay kick recently, not going to lie.
Please review :)
PS: Counting Down Roses will be updated soon, I promise! Lethan and I have been crazy busy but we are getting there, thanks for being patient xx