As a big Office fan, I am very disappointed that the Office will not air thier Christmas episode.

So, I wrote my own.

Here it is, in all it's glory. I'm taking a break from the holiday hubbub at my casa to post this. Hope you all enjoy, and happy holidays!

On a final note, anything said here is not meant to offend anyone. I also do not own The Office or anything related to it. If I did, I would force Jim to come to work everyday without a shirt. Yummy.

(MICHAEL is sitting in his office wearing a Santa hat.)

TH MICHAEL: It's Christmastime again, and we here at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton are ready to get our party on. We have my lovely Jan's cooking to look forward to, and a party hosted by the Party Planning Committee, we've got Secret Santa again, and… (MICHAEL holds up a package of vodka) booze! What a great way to celebrate the birth of Santa Clause. (Beat as MICHAEL listens to something the camera man said.) Wait, what?

(OPENING CREDITS)

( SCENE: Some of THE EMPLOYEES are wrapping gifts, others working, and others chatting. JIM, after clicking out of his word document, goes over to PAM, who is sitting at reception.)

JIM: (Taking a jellybean.) What're you doing?

PAM: I am changing the office's outgoing message. Michael has given me a choice this year.

JIM: Oh, really? And what is that choice?

PAM: I can either say we're celebrating a "Christmas Balooza-fest" or a "Holiday Ho-Down".

JIM: Hmm… Well, Beasley, I am partial to the Christmas Balooza-fest because Ho-Down doesn't really even begin to describe how I feel about these parties. Balooza-fest just sums up all my feelings for these parties and more.

PAM: Plus, Balooza-fest just rolls off the tongue.

JIM: True, very true.

PAM: So, Christmas Balooza-fest? (JIM nods. PAM presses a few buttons on the phone.) You've reached the office of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton. Right now, our office is celebrating our Christmas Balooza-fest, so please leave a message. Or, if you know your party's extension, please enter it after the beep. Thank you. (PAM presses another button, and turns to JIM.)

JIM: Oscar-worthy. Really. (PAM and JIM laugh softly.)

PAM: (Sticks out her tongue.) Ha, ha.

(SCENE: Accounting. OSCAR leans over to KEVIN.)

OSCAR: So, who'd you get?

KEVIN: Meredith. You?

OSCAR: I got—

ANGELA: (very angry) Both of you, shut up. You are ruining Christmas.

OSCAR: God, Angela, give it a break.

ANGELA: No! I will not have you two ruining Secret Santa for everyone. Just because you have turned your back to God, Oscar, doesn't mean you can ruin Jesus' birthday for everyone else.

OSCAR: Actually, Angela, I'm catholic.

ANGELA: (beat) That explains so much.

(CUT TO: TH Phyllis)

PHYLLIS: Well, this Christmas, Bob Vance and I are going to visit Mary Vance and Bill Vance, his parents, along with his brother Earl Vance and his wife Kathleen Vance. I'll also see my little nephew again, Earl Vance Jr. Then, we'll head to Vermont to see his grandparents, George Vance and Sheryl Vance. It'll be Va-- great.

(CUT TO: TH OSCAR)

OSCAR: Gil and I are going upstate to visit his grandparents. I don't really want to go, seeing how I always have to wear a dress and put on a wig. (Beat.) Gil said he didn't want to kill his grandparents by telling them he was dating a Hispanic who was also a man.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK.)

There is the first part to my holiday episode.

To come: More booze, Toby killing Christmas, and Icky Thump!

Reviews, especially constructive criticism, are greatly appreciated. I love to know when people are reading my stories. It helps me with my horrible, horrible writer's block.