Chapter one – conflicted

A/N: Hi, it's me again. I had this idea for quite a long time and I really wanted to write it down so I did. I hope you'll like it. Please comment!

. . . . . . . .

The air was cold. The wind was shivering through her neck and throwing her hair backwards. The night was filled with traffic sounds, the big buildings were everywhere. It seemed like she didn't see and didn't hear a thing, she was deep in her thought. Even the coldness of the night did not bother her. Then she heard a door closing and she snapped back to reality.

She was in New York with The Charmings, Killian, Emma, Violet, her son and her sister and they all were in Neal's apartment, resting from the last hours' events. With everything that happened she didn't had time for herself to mourn Robin properly and she knew that putting her feelings aside will only cause problems in the future but she had no choice. Henry foolishly tried to destroy magic and she had to work with Emma to find him. She was tired of dealing with troubles all the time but it seems that Storybrooke's problems won't end in the near future.

Sighing to herself, she turned around only to meet Snow with two cups and a drink in the other hand.

"I thought you might want something to keep you warm" Snow said looking at her.

'actually' Regina thought 'the cold doesn't bothers me' but she didn't say it out loud instead she only replied

"You know I don't drink hot coco with cinnamon"

"oh, I know" Snow split into Regina's cup what seems like Killian's rum.

'wonderful, not only the one-hand-wonder came back but also his rum' Regina put her hand out of her pocket and pulled the chair that was close to her so she could sit down.

"Emma told me what's going on with you " Snow closed the bottle and put it back in her pocket.

'of course she did. You Charmings just can't keep your mouth shut' Regina kept in quiet, waiting for Snow to continue.

"you don't have to go through this alone" Snow looked at her in the eyes as she gave her the cup.

Regina looked down to her cup as she took it from Snow "Well, I afraid that I do"

Snow looked like she was about to protest so Regina continued

"if I want to keep The Evil Queen at bay, I have to open myself up for a life of pain and suffering" she stopped for a moment letting her own words to sink in. she was nervously playing with her figure at the top of the cup.

"and if I don't keep her at bay" Snow raised an eyebrow and Regina saw her disbelieve look, like snow was telling her 'really? I know you won't turn evil'

"Well that's just not an option" Regina finished

"There has to be something we can do" Snow said as always trying to find the third way.

'Oh Snow, hopeful as always. She has to learn that there are things that hope was not meant to be part of them. Or people for that matter.'

"there isn't" Regina cuts her off "trust me" she put her cup on the side table and continued "I even made a second wish in the fountain. I wished The Evil Queen away so I can be free of everything she did."

Regina stopped, she has to deal with the truth and covering this up won't help.

"I did" there was a silence. Snow saw Regina wasn't used to this kind of talks

"we forgive you, you know" Snow tried to offer her some comfort

Regina understood, but she did not forgive herself.

"problem is, as long as she's inside me it doesn't matter. Her baggage, her karma, call it what you want! will always be there"

Regina took back her drink. Maybe that rum wasn't useless at all

"just another useless wish" she said and took a slip from her drink.

"you want a fresh start." Snow said thoughtfully "I don't know for sure Regina, but maybe that wish can come true after all."

Regina lifted her gaze back to Snow 'what?'

"How?" she asked disbelieve

. . . . . . . .

"Jekyll said he did not know how to thank us but he found a way" Snow said showing Regina a syringe with red liquid in it.

"He grabbed this before we fled the lab. It's the serum that split him from Mr. Hide. He said there is enough left for another use" Snow finished and handed it over to Regina.

Regina took the serum and stared at it 'a serum that will split me from the evil queen?'

Emma saw the unsureness in Regina's eyes and said "you don't have to do this but we will be here for you if want us to"

Regina kept looking at the serum. Sure she wanted her evil past and actions to be gone but is this really the way? She can never make her past disappear because like it or not, it was what made her who she is today. And yes, her past might will hunt her forever but those were her choices back then and she must deal with the consequences on her own no matter the price. Thinking about it, was it really fair to blame Snow all these years for what she had done and how she did not think about the outcome of spilling her secret when she, herself right now dealing with the outcome from the things she had caused?

So with a final shake of her head she said

"No, I don't want to do this"

Snow looked confused "Why not? You said you want a fresh start"

"yes, but not like this. This isn't the way. I should deal with what I did not run away from it" Regina said and then took the syringe and put at her pocket in her coat she made a mental note to put it somewhere safe when they will come to Storybrooke.

"What are you going to do with it?" Emma asked Regina who still looked a little bothered

"I'll keep it safe" Regina replied and then she passed them both and went towards the door.

Silently following, Snow and Emma went down the stairs to Neal's apartment

"so are we ready to go back to Storybrooke?" Zelena asked. She could sense the tension between everyone.

"Yeah, I think it's better if we start moving" Emma agreed. She wanted to get back home. Funny that after all the places she had been now she considered Storybrooke as her home.

"So let's go" David said. He was most likely the only one who didn't get involved with the whole tense situation.

. . . . . .

They were almost in Storybrooke. Henry and Violet fell asleep hours ago, leaving Regina and Emma to themselves but the two didn't really had much to talk about.

Since Robin's death and Killian's returning to life it seems like every bit of friendship they had manage to accomplish over the years, ruined.

Emma was more than glad to have Killian back but she could not disagree that it seems like the universe was against Regina no matter what she does, and for that Emma felt guilty. She had promised Regina to give her a happy ending like everyone else but she had failed.

The ride to Storybrooke was quite, the kids asleep and each woman was left to her thoughts. Regina looked at the mirror and saw Henry's sleeping figure reflects in it. She wished she could have been a better mother for him but over the years the pain in her heart become unbearable. Robin's death was the last straw. There, she broke down.

With no barrier to keep the town away from the outside world, they could see the sign 'Welcome to Storybrooke'. As they crossed the town line Regina felt a rash of magic she did not expected to feel, since and the Olympian Krystal was with her and the magic of Storybrooke was contained by it.

As they got to the main street Regina could not but feel something was off, different somehow. Emma parked the car and when it stopped she sighed and said

"home sweet home" mean time as Henry and Violet woke up, Regina got out of the car and saw David, Snow, Hook and Zelena with the other car coming. Henry and Violet got out of the car and Emma who was already out locked the car.

"mom, I'm going to Ma okay?" Henry asked Regina

"of course" she smiled at him but felt nothing. It fit perfectly to her, she would go home and make herself a couple of drinks to relax from everything that happened lately.

"Thanks" Henry hugged her and walked to Violet who waited aside.

It was the middle of the day when they approached Storybrooke. The sky was blue although it was sunny the wing was very cold.

"oh mom" Henry called Regina. She already begun to walk towards the near ally so she could teleport herself to her house without everyone thinking she going back to be evil again. She had enough of it.

"Yeah?" Regina turned around to Henry

"What are you going to do with the Olympian Krystal?" Henry asked her

Regina knew he would ask it. She hoped he won't because it got her a little bit annoyed. She was surprised of herself and how she was behaving. Always, no matter what she was patient with him and now…

"Don't worry about that" she smiled to him "Go enjoy your day off school"

Henry smiled back "cool mom, I'll see you later. Love you"

"love you too" Regina replied but saying that, something was wrong to her.

. . . . . .

There it is again. Regina stood outside of her house and felt that odd feeling she did at the main street. Something was different. She pulled of her coat and jacked and now she was holding them both with her hands. She sighed maybe it just me and nothing is wrong she told herself.

Maybe she was still a little shocked from the idea of using that serum of Dr. Jekyll. Thinking about it now why the hell she would even consider to use it? It was horrible, why would someone will ever want to split himself to two? and Only because they cannot deal with their own problems? It's was absolutely careless, ridiculous thing to do.

She shaked it off her head and unlocked the door with the key that was under the carpet. She went in and now she knew something was different for sure. It was her house but it was wildly different, the decorating, the contains and there were many pictures. She closed the door behind her and went to hang her coat on the hook and there she saw a coat she knew that clearly was not hers, on it already. Even this couldn't have been an accident or a coincidence, she hanged her own coat on the hook and aside it her jacket too. she conjured a fireball and walked slowly and quietly farther into the house then she heard noises from upstairs she immediately shifted her gaze to the stairs and turn on her heels towards them.

As she moved she heard something had been dropped to whoever was there and she heard them cursing. She sped up her steps as whoever was up stairs walked to stairs as well and then they met each one stopped their own breathes. Regina visibly paled and her eyes widened, the fireball disappeared from her hand. She had to find her words, she could not believe her eyes were truly seeing clearly. 'no way!' Regina tried to tell herself but as the seconds passed and she was still seeing her standing on the top of the stair case causally wears.

"Mother?!" Regina finally found her words.