Chapter 1: I'm not tired…I'm tired.
I haven't slept in days, not really. Not for the lack of trying. Fifth year at Hogwarts was supposed to be better than Fourth year, Third year, ugh…it was supposed to be better than being at the Dursley's all summer. It just was. But it wasn't. Every night he revisited that graveyard, sometimes the image would change, they mutilated Cedric's body, or it'd be Ron's or Hermione's body I'd be bringing back, or the Dursleys would make an appearance. I had no respite in sleep. It certainly didn't help that everyone looked at me as though I were about to break. I probably did look like hell. I had tried using glamours but continuously doing so was taxing and I wasn't exactly in peak condition so I stopped trying. I knew that Ron and Hermione were worried. I know that the Weasley's were as well. The teachers talked when they thought I wouldn't hear. At least at the Dursley's they didn't care enough to notice.
We were at Grimmauld Place, whose décor didn't exactly help matters. I sat in an armchair with my feet up to my chest, sipping on some hot chocolate that Mrs. Weasley had passed out to us. It was soothing. The Ron, Hermione and Tonks were seated at one couch, the twins and Ginny seated on the floor at their feet. Remus, Sirius, and the Headmaster at another couch and Molly, Arthur, Bill and Charlie on the longest couch. Mad-eye had been standing in a far corner, far enough so he could examine the room as a whole yet close enough to listen to the conversation. And Snape, Snape was seated in an armchair at my right. So close that if I'd be stupid enough I could reach out and poke him without a problem.
I had tuned them all out at some point. My friends had been complaining to the adults that Umbitch…Umbridge was a menace who was not letting them learn any magic and that was doing her best to undermine anyone who stood up to her. The headmaster had been trying to reassure them and the others had taken turns to caution them from causing more trouble for themselves, even Mad-eye chipped in with his 'constant vigilance' speech. Unsurprisingly, Snape hadn't contributed but I had noticed he was paying close attention to everyone. I had been looking at him for a while before he caught me starring and glared at me. I didn't look away however and his glare hardened before his eyes widened slightly in alarm and he sprung to his feet and crouched in front of me.
I didn't move away from him and when he reach out to touch my cheek and forehead I couldn't help but lean into his cool hands with a sigh. He raised his wand and it seems he finally gained the room's attention. I winced when I heard a glass shatter. Sirius had sprung up, cup of tea forgotten and rushed toward Snape beet-red. Remus had restrained him immediately and everyone froze as I turned my face from Snape to them. Ron's eyes locked on his in horror. I felt wetness on his cheek and pressed a finger to it, was I crying? I looked down to examine it when I froze in fascination. It was blood. I was bleeding. That's what had alarmed Snape. Molly had tried to approach but the Headmaster held her back, he turned to Snape. "Severus was is it?" Snape waved his wand with one hand and held his face still with his other. "It appears as if long-term sleep deprivation, depression, fatigue, malnutrition, among other afflictions have caused his body to overexert itself and a vessel has burst. I can repair it but I unless something changes it will just happen again and perhaps he won't be as lucky and it'll be a blood vessel in his brain or heart."
That pronouncement brought on murmurs and I could distinctly hear Ron comforting Hermione, the twins reassuring their sister and Mr. Weasley gathering Mrs. Weasley close. I was still focusing on the blood on my finger when he felt it tingle and disappear, Snape had cleaned his hand. The headmaster was explaining how he'd have to be monitored, that he'd be given better care and I again didn't have the strength to continue listening. I don't understand why but I had the insane urge to be held. I've never been held and I'd come to accept that. Ron and Hermione would give me hugs, as would the others. Mrs. Weasley would give me strong embraces whenever she could and I knew deep down if I'd initiate one she wouldn't reject me. The other Weasley's would give me a clap on the shoulder as would the Headmaster, but never once did I recall someone holding me.
Snape made to stand up but I reached out and tentatively grasped his robe. He tensed and gave him an indescribable look but didn't remove his hand or rebuke him for his liberties. I realized that once again the others were talking about me. They were so focused on their conversation that they hadn't seen what our interaction.
"Professor." I whispered. It pained me to recognize that my voice was weak, unsure; a plea. For what, I wasn't sure. He waved at me to finish my now cool cup of chocolate, which I did without complain. He grasped a throw that had been on the armchair he had vacated and had me stand up. He wrapped it tightly around me and then examined me once more. Hermione had just finished saying, "…but he's so stubborn. No one can get him to do anything he doesn't want to do." That's when she turned and noticed me, tightly wrapped in a throw, head resting on Snape's arm, barely standing on my own two feet. I was honestly surprised that Snape had let me. I would have thought he'd shove me away at a seconds notice but perhaps it was because the Headmaster was there. I was still musing on this when he was nudged by the object of my thoughts. I looked up and he nodded towards Hermione, who had apparently gotten the answer to her unheard question. She smiled.
If I hadn't been so tired and hazy I would have questioned that smile, but I was and I didn't. The Headmaster was saying something about Snape being my guardian temporarily, and I being under his care until I'm better. Then it was too loud. People talked at once and most agreeing, some disagreeing and others like Sirius vehemently threatening. I unconsciously shifted closer to Snape, loosened my wrapping enough to allow my hand to reach out and clutch at the man's robes. The dark material surprisingly soft in his hands. I let out a soft whimper when the man detached my fingers from his arm but it ended when he held my hand instead, rubbing a soothing thumb in reassurance.
"Will you all cease and desist this nonsense." he drawled. "Mr. Weasley," he turned to Ron, "go and grab Mr. Potter's belongings. He will be returning to the castle with Headmaster and I." When the redhead didn't move, he snarled, "NOW" and the teen rushed to do what he was told.
"Now see here, Snivelous…" Sirius began but was cut off by the Headmaster before he could continue or Snape retort.
His usual calm tone was now sharp, his sparkle gone. "Harry is suffering, Severus can give Harry the care that he needs and is qualified to keep an eye medically."
I was wondering why Snape wasn't arguing as well. Why would he want to take care of me? I was the bane of his existence.
I must have spaced out once more because I vaguely recall being pushed through the floo and ushered through Hogwarts to the dungeons. I wouldn't be able to tell anyone how to get into Snape's quarters even at wand-point. I nodded a bit unfocused as the headmaster left us with a parting clap on the shoulder.
I could hear Snape sigh beside me. He hadn't let go of me at all throughout the trip. Now he did to raise my chin so I'd lock eyes with him. "Potter, you must stand up and let go of me." He spoke slowly as though hoping if he did so I'd be able to better grasp what he was saying. "I am going to transfigure your clothes into some sleeping wear." I looked at him in confusion. "Unless of course you'd like me to help you get dressed in your own clothes, the hard way." This brought me to a more awake state. I was about to retort that I could dress myself. I have been since I could remember. But I didn't when I realized I didn't have the energy for such a daunting task. He huffed, "I'll take that as a, no." With no more warning I found myself in black sleeping top with charmed white sheep and matching bottoms. I think he'd expected me to rebel at the childish pajamas but I was embarrassed to note I actually liked them. The little white sheep made soft noises as they moved around the clothing. I looked up with a smile to find that Snape had been observing me with an odd look. "Thank you." He gave a small nod. "No matter. Follow me."
He didn't acknowledge when I grabbed his hand. He just tugged me forward, showing where everything was located, the kitchen, the bathroom, his lab ("off limits" and added glare here), his room and finally arriving at the room that I would reside in for the time being. He mentioned it had been a spare bedroom that he'd never gotten around to turning into anything. As they walked in I expected to see cobwebs but found it in pristine conditions. It seems as though regardless if Snape was using it or not it was kept in top condition, I suspect the house elves helped more or less.
It was bigger than his bedroom at the Dursley's. It wasn't cluttered with broken discarded toys or books. If I closed my eyes I could imagine myself with posters on the walls and books on the desk as well as other knick-knacks to make it my own. But he shook that thought as soon as it approached. This wasn't his home. This wasn't even his room. It was Snape's. Oh god. It was then that I realized I was going to be living with Snape. The angry bat of Hogwarts. The one who always took Malfoy's side. The one who has tried to make his life a living hell since he started school. But also, his mind helpfully supplied, the man who had continuously saved his life and looked after him. As he was now.
"Don't bother unpacking tonight. It's late, or fairly early depending on your view on it. Rest and I shall wake you for breakfast." He moved to go then hesitated. He went to the bed, pulled back the covers and motioned for me to get in. I did and felt the soft bed welcome me. The heavy covers were pulled up to my chin and I searched his eyes. He looked to the side and said in an uncaring voice, "The dungeons get drafty and cool, you are not yet accustomed to it." He then added a warming charm on the bed as an after-thought.
As he was about to close the door behind him I called out, "Professor…?" He paused and left the door open a crack. His parting words were, "I'll be in my room shall you need me, and god help you if you decide to start wandering the halls at this hour. Sleep."
What a strange man. I was warm and comfortable and the knowledge that Snape was only a few feet away and the reassurance that if I needed him he'd be there in an instant was what lulled me into sleep. The deepest, calmest sleep I've had in a long time. So deeply was I under that I missed how Snape had come in to check in on must after just a couple of hours and reset another warming charm, leaving as though he hadn't been there, making sure to leave the door open a crack as he did so.