O Captain, my Capitan! This is a disclaimer...that I don't own DPS...

I like the metaphors (?) in this...do they work well?

Yeah, it's depressing isn't it?

I see you Neil. My memories of that night echo in my nightmares.

I remember you on the stage Neil, geez you were so happy; I'd never seen you more alive.

I know you went home after that.

I wished I could have said something. I wish I could've done something. I watched as your dad drove you away...and I did nothing.

I've heard gunshots before, and my unconscious mind imagines you, pistol to your head, pulling the trigger.

I lurch out of bed, in a sweat, and you're not here tonight, you're not here just a few feet away to whisper to me sweet nothings to lull me back to sleep.

Because this nightmare will not end, Neil, as much as I want it to.

It's like an endless movie, and I can't pause it and stop you from committing suicide. I can't put your smile, your laughter, our dates together on repeat. I can't skip your death all together like it never happened. I can't rewind all of time and save you, Neil.

It hurts.

It hurts that your gone, and there's this hole in my heart because that's where you were Neil. That's what you had.

You had my heart, Neil, and once you were gone you shattered it in your wake. Because my heart was tied to yours with shoelace-arteries that tie together our souls. And it was ripped from me, right through my chest, right through these rivets. Out of the seams, through the sole of my soul inside me.

I wish you hadn't left. I wish you hadn't left me.

It's a good thing I have sense in me, or else I would've taken the easy way out like you did, Neil. Sometimes I think how you could do it. Suicide is easy, isn't it? If you take your life isn't it cowardice? But you never did anything cowardly. So maybe I was a coward to let you go. And maybe you were brave to let us know just what your father really did.

I want to hate him. I really do. I want to blame him. But I can't. Because you never did, no matter what he said, no matter how many times the Poets and I told you to seize the day and tell him off.

You never did in life. Hopefully he got the message.

I will live my life Neil. I'll live it loud, and brave, and strong, just like you taught me. I will stand up...

Carpe diem, Neil. I will. I promise.

I could've been your life-preserver, Neil. I could have grabbed your arm, grabbed your father's arm, stopped the car before it left, I could of followed you home…

But I didn't. I wasn't a very good lifeguard, was I? In a way I still can be, though.

I couldn't save you, but you'll always be in my memory. Even if I have to take these nightmares every night, wiping away the tears in my eyes.

I'll do it Neil. I'll do it for you. If that's all that I can do, I'll do it. Because I'll never stop loving you Neil. I'll never stop.