Disclaimer: If JKR had meant for me to be a writer, she would've given me a better grip of the English language. There fore, I can't be her, which are a shame cause I could do with some of her gold. And now, on with the story.
Harry Potter and the Visit
Chappie One; Filius and I go Visitin'
Did ya ever have one of them mornings where the thought of eatin' yer own cookin' again will make you lose last nights cookin'? I were havin' just one of those mornin's so I headed up ter the Castle to break me fast. Weren't too many folks in the Great Hall since it were durin' the summer holidays, but I found me old friend Filius just sittin' down in his tall chair. I always knew Dumbledore had an odd sense about him, but ter assign Filius and I ter sit next ter each other at the staff table always makes me chuckle. One seat low and wide, the one right next ter it, high and skinny, even has steps up to the top!
After sittin' and greetin' the tiniest professor and helpin' meself to the house elves great cookin' I noticed Filius lookin' round, like he were checkin' if we were being listened to, and asked me if'n I'd visited little 'Arry lately. About dropped me spoonful of sugar I did, so shocked ter be asked about 'Arry right out here in the open, then I noticed I couldn't hear what the few others at the table were sayin' ter each other. Filius weren't checkin' ter see if others were listenin', he were preventin' it.
After recoverin' me senses, I shook me head no, "I can't really be missed in a muggle neighborhood, now can I?" I asked him quietly. He chuckled and agreed that I might be seen without a little help, and a little help were just what he were offerin'.
Ever since he helped me and the forest neighbors make little 'Arry Potter a blanket of protection back when 'Arry were orphaned, my respect fer the little professor had risen greatly, not that it were too low ter begin with.
Seems the Goblins had asked Filius if'n he had any contact with the boy since that night, and he thought that the two of us should make a visit to Little Wingwang (or whatever the town were called) together to gain some inside insight into what the child had been up to. I reckoned that were a brilliant idea and we agreed ter meet at me cabin an hour after we was done eatin'. Filius rubbed his hands together, and just like that, we could hear the other teachers chattin' about what were in that mornin's Daily Prophet. The man always amazes me with his control over his magic.
Some of ya might recall a story in the newspaper that told of me heritage. At least me ole dad had passed away long before that story came to be public, but now I guess its no secret that me mum were a giantess. I only bring this up so ya know that magic has kind of a funny reaction when som'mat is cast at me. Full giants are more resistant to spells than human witches and wizards, but several strong enough stunners will still knock 'em down. Now since I got a bit of both in me, giant and wizard that is, I have shown in the past a certain...unusual reaction to some spells. I figured I needed ter remind Filius about this so's he didn't turn me into an animal that only Xenophilius Lovegood would recognize.
When he were done laughin' like a loon when I told him that last bit, he took on his Professor voice and said "His daughter will be one of my ravens when she arrives here, so be nice!" Well I like old "Odd" Lovegood as much as the next wizard, but even Filius had to agree that "Odd were just that, Odd.
What Filius decided ter do fer me that day was ta change my size just like would be done ter the inside of a student's trunk, he would reduce the size of me body by increasin' the shortness or narrowness therein(*). I've told yer all before that I was never great shakes with magic, but reduce me size be increasin' me what? He went on about rules of magic that must have been discussed after I were expelled, cause I had no clue what he were sayin'. I trust him, so I let him get on with it. I should have known what with Filus bein' half Goblin would need ter do the reverse to himself ter make himself bigger, only he said som'amt about decreasin' his shortness ter make it work.
Me head felt like it were spinin' from all that, but when I looked down to say som'mat ter him, I were lookin' at his knees, he had grown hisslef an' shrunk me while I were still tryin' ter listen ter him. I looked in the mirror and was just about the size I were when I were eight or nine, not more'an six foot six I reckon.
"I'm half the man I used ter be!" I cried, turnin' and seein' that Filus was now twice the man he ever would be, doublin' his own size, so we were close ter the same height! We both needed a bit o' time ter get used ter walkin' on legs this new size but after a while we was spinin' our way towards little 'Arry usin' a Portkey the professor had made.
Little Wig Wam was just as creepy as it had been all those years ago when Albus I-need-more-titles-and-names Dumbledore had left 'Arry on the doorstep like so much muggle cottage cheese (cold, wet, lumpy, and about ter get curdled). Every house had a number on the front, makin' Filus think that since all the houses looked so much alike, it were the only way to remember where any of them lived. Them all being so similar, ya could hardly come up with names like wizards did fer their floo addresses. Names like the Burrow, or the Rookery, or me personal favorite, the Peacock's Perch! Really, who does Lucius Malfoy think he's foolin'? Peacock's Perch indeed!
Filius were still chucklin' when we spotted little 'Arry, but his laughter died in his throat at what we were seein'.
'Arry were pushin' what looked at first ter be a pair of wheels attached to a long handle, He were holdin' his hands almost straight up the air he were so short. Then we noticed the spinin' curved blades between the wheels. Little bits of green were jumpin' away from the blades,and we figger'd he were cuttin' the lawn. Anger flared next ter me and Filius clapped his hands, causin' the entire neighborhood ta have its lawns all mowed as well. How could anyone make a six year old child work like that?
What we hadn't counted on were 'Arry's reaction ta seein' all the houses now with trimmed yards. Panic were written all over his young face as he swept his head from side ter side, like he were expectin' ter be punished. He bolted toward the back garden, tryin' ter push that grass spittin' machine ahead of hisself. I raised me umbrella and muttered "Forward" just ter help the spittin' machine along. He jumped back as the thing jumped forward like it were alive. Filus froze its motion afore it could hit the shed door, which little 'Arry seemed relieved about fer some reason. 'Arry opened the door, pushed the spitter inside and shut the door behind him, closin' hisself inside.
Filius looked at me, and I looked at him, and we scampered. We both knew that som'mat were terribly wrong here in Little Whang Jhang. I asked about notice-us-not charms and Filius waved both his hands in the air and we moved into the back garden headed fer that shed with 'Arry inside.
After mosyin' to the door tryin' ta not look too outta place in the Dursley's back garden, I knocked lightly and whispered " 'Arry?" We got no response, so Filius opened the door slowly, 'Arry were hunkered down under a workbench, tryin' ter be as small as he could be. I knelt down, and had to pull Filius down as well, he weren't used ter bein' so tall. Didn't want ter frighten the boy any more than we already had.
" 'Arry" I started softly, "Are you alright?" "Ya looked fer a minute there like you thought you was in trouble or som'mat" At that point Filius started, I don't know...wiltin' sorta, shrinkin' I guess, not seemin so tall. He looked at me and winked. Winked? What did that mean? Did he think I understood why he were wiltin? Did he think I had a plan? I sat heavily on an upturned flower pot, watchin as Filius shrunk without 'Arry even seemin' ter notice.
Filius moved and unsized hisself so that when he sat next ter 'Arry under the workbench, they was about the same size as each other. His voice had gotten higher as he got smaller, so that when he spoke to 'Arry, he sounded as young as 'Arry's almost seven years. "Harry, my name if Filius Flitwick and this is my friend Rubeus Hagrid, we were friends of your parents". 'Arry looked even more scared after hearin' that.
"Uncle Vernon wont like to hear that". 'Arry said, shiftin' his eyes toward the back of the house. "He says my Da and Mum were drunk layabouts, killed in a car crash when I was just a baby and he and Aunt Petunia got saddled with me". " 'Arry?" I asked, drawin' his bright green eyes to me "Do you still have your blanket?" 'Arry jumped like a scalded cat, straight up so he hit his head on the underside of the workbench, and came crashin' down to land on Filius. The professor flicked his wand out and ran a few scans on 'Arry, then with a quiet "Enervate" he woke 'Arry up. "You do still have your blanket, don't you?" At 'Arry's uncertain nod, Filius smiled and relaxed a little. "And is the magic still strong on it?" he asked next. 'Arry's eyes got as wide as a Hippogriph's hips.
"Magic?" questioned 'Arry, "Uncle Vernon says there's no such thing as magic". "He says only freaks like me think there is such a thing, and that decent, hard working folks have to do just that, work hard to keep the freaks away". "I never knew what he means by that, and I'm not allowed to ask questions so he won't explain it".
"Not allowed to ask questions?" I bellowed, shaking the little shed we were inside of, and Filius stared at me to quieten down some. "But, how can yer find out answers if'n ya can't ask questions?" I continued quietly. Filius patted 'Arry's hand with his own, then asked "Do you feel better in the morning after sleeping with your blanket covering you?" 'Arry's face were bright red and his head hung low,but he nodded. "And do any cuts and scraps fade by morning?" Filius continued. 'Arry's head popped up quick like at that. He looked shocked. "How could you know that?" he asked, than clamped his hand over his mouth and ducked, like he were used to getting his ears cuffed from asking a question. Filius frowned and changed tactics. "Does your Aunt Petunia have the same lovely eyes that both you and your mum were given?" he asked. "My mum had eyes like mine?" 'Arry asked, those same lovely green eyes wide with wonder. Filius smiled and said "Yes, she did. Has nobody told you anything about your mum and dad?" "Just that they were freaks" said 'Arry, his head back down on his chest.
At that moment the back door banged open and we heard the shrill voice of Petunia Dursley "Boy" she cried "Where are you? The garden is mowed, now get back in here, you still have work to do". In the silence that followed I was sure I heard dogs blocks away howling from the high tone of her voice. 'Arry froze, knowing he were in trouble when Filius jumped up and pointed his wand through the little window in the shed and fired off a spell that seemed to confuse Mrs. Dursley and she wandered back inside with a look that said quite plainly, 'Why did I go outside?'
Filius was like a whirlin' dervish as he moved around the little shed, shrinkin' all the things inside till we could move around freely. Little 'Arry's eyes were lookin' ready ter pop from his sockets at all the magic on display as Filius transfigured three pots into bar stools and took a seat at the workbench. He patted the middle stool and invited 'Arry to "Have a seat". I lifted 'Arry up onto his stool as he didn't seem ter be able to move by hisself at that point, and settled meself down on the floor, not used ter being so small meself. Truth be told I were also afraid I would pop back ter me regular size. I didn't know how long Filius' charm would hold and I didn't want to have me head go thru the roof if I suddenly enlarged inside the shed.
" 'Arry" I confessed, "I were here the night you were left, and I can't tell yer how much I didn't want ter leave ya here, but since The Headmaster set it up, I really couldn't take yer away. Since Filius and I helped create your blanket, I knew it would help. I just never knew you would need even more help than that. Hasn't anyone been by ter check on ya over the years?"
"You made my blanket?" 'Arry asked, lookin at us both with wonder in his eyes. "Was that magic you just did?" he asked Filius. It seemed like he were goin' ter ask every question he could while he had the chance. "How did you know my mum and dad?"
"Can anyone do magic?" "Can I do magic?" "How did you make my blanket? And you said you helped make it, who else helped? Can I do magic, really?" "Can I turn Dudley into the pig that he is?" "Can you do it for me?" "How do you learn magic?" "You think I can really do magic?" Filius laid a hand on 'Arry's shoulder an' made calming noises. It seemed ter help as the question machine went into rest. In the quiet that settled I could still hear a few dogs howling from that 'orrible noise 'Arry's Aunt had made earlier.
Filius went all professor like and said "Let me reintroduce ourselves Harry, I am Filius Flitwick, teacher of charms and head of Ravenclaw house at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am also half Goblin. My friend here is Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds at the school. He knows more about magical creatures and how to care for them better than anyone else I know". He is half Giant, but I shrunk him down for todays visit. Well I were blushin like a first year givin' a speech ter the whole school. He went on ter tell 'Arry about all of the others that we helped make that blanket (see my published works for details) an' how little 'Arry hisself had helped, addin' his ligh'nin' bolt shape at the south point of the compass. Little 'Arry's big eyes got even bigger, he were lookin' almost house elvish with those big green eyes. Filius asked 'Arry if he wanted to try some magic. The young'uns head were bouncing up and down fast like and he looked even more house elvish. Filius placed a hand on 'Arry's arm and asked him ter calm down and concentrate. I noticed that little 'Arry were jumpin a little less each time the little professor touched him. He seemed surprised he weren't gonna be getting' hit, if only a little.
Filius spoke softly, telling 'Arry ter think about his blanket, think of how it comforted him when he were afraid or lonely. Told him to picture holding it in his hands and then thinking about it becoming invisible. "Now think about how the edges feel in your hands while you hold it up" he went on. "Can you feel the soft cool leather of the edges Harry?" Filius asked next, and 'Arry's little fingers kinda rubbed together, but not quite touchin', like there were something between his fingers. Filius then told him to picture it visible in his hands. Even I could see the concentration on his young face and suddenly he squeaked, and dropped the blanket onto the bench! I felt the collywobbles rumble down me spine. I had just witnessed a boy, not yet seven years old preform a summonin' charm, without a wand, from inside the house, without a wand. Then me senses caught up with me eyes,course it were wandless, it were accidental magic. Has ter have been, he didn't have a wand.
"how?" "How?" 'Arry asked, his eyes still glued ter the crumpled up blanket in front of him. Don't tell Filius I said this, but he looked like one of Santa's helper elves when he sprang up onto the workbench and danced a little jig. "Splendid!, fantastic!" he cried "Was that the first time you had something come when you called it?" he asked. "Other than your pet dog of course" he added. 'Arry looked up at that and said "Pet dog? Aunt Petunia makes me wash my hands at the hosepipe before entering her house if I even pat a dog on its head. She would never allow a dog in her house that wasn't Aunt Ripper's Marge" He blushed and said "the dog's name if Ripper, I call her Aunt Ripper, but only to myself".
"Aunt Ripper?, I mean Aunt Marge?" I asked, "Yer mum only had one sister, who is Aunt Marge?" The beautiful child grabbed up his blanket ter comfort hisself as he answered "Uncle Vernon's sister, she raises Bulldogs". The blanket seemed ter glow, and wrapped itsself around 'Arry's body, ta add ter the comfort. He told us how she wasn't even related to him, but she still had to call her "Aunt". He didn't seem ter like her very much, if at all. When asked, he told us that she had her own room upstairs, the Dursley's called it the guestroom, but only she ever stayed there. When she stayed she would buy Dudley gifts and glower at 'Arry, like she were darin' the boy ter ask fer a gift of his own. 'Arry had to clean up after her dogs, both inside and outside the house, as her purebred mutts didn't seem to be housebroken.
Filius and I stared at each other in shock. "Was it Dudley's birthday when that happened?" I asked. "Oh, no" he answered "She arrives with twenty pound notes sticking out of her pockets, and lets Dudley grab for them. She always has a creepy smile on her face as Dudley grabbed the notes". "She did give me a box of dog bones for my birthday last year. At least she told me it was my birthday, but how could she know when it is, I don't even know when it is".
"Thirty one July 1980" Filius growled. He had little whisps of smoke furlin' from his ears as he spoke. I have seen the little professor angry a few times in the fifty years or so that I had known him, but damn few times had I seen him mad enough to furl smoke from his ears! He turned to the house, held both hands out on front of himself and hollered "Accio All Magical Items". I weren't expectin' nothin' else since the blanket were here with us, but I jumped up ter open the shed door when we all heard the crash of breakin' glass from the house.
A shoe box, and a fancy vase rushed into Filius' hands. He set them on the bench, looked out the window, and mumbled "Repairo" at the two broken windows at the back of the house. One upstairs and one down. We heard a big 'Flump' in the backyard, and looked to see Dudley face down in the flowerbeds just under the recently repaired window. 'Arry asked "Dudley is a magical item?" "How can that be?" We were all wonderin' that. Little 'Arry peeked at the kitchen window only ter see his Aunt lookin' down at the snoozin magical pig of a son in her garden.
Filius studied the vase and scanned it, above the vase some Latin writin' floated and Filius growled again. "Aggression charms" he spat "Aimed at Harry" His face were lookin' more and more like his Goblin heritage as his temper increased. "With Dumbledore's magical signature on it" He flung open the shed door with a flick of one hand before he hurled that vase at the kitchen window, right at Petunia's face. When the vase hit the window, base first, Filius froze it in place, the glass formin' back up around it, sealing it half in, half out of the window. As we watched, hate, deep dark hate seemed to pour out of the top of the vase, splashin' down on Dudley's piggy head.
Filius then stormed from the shed and into the house. He soon returned with Petunia Dursley stunned and bound with ropes. He released the charm holdin' her up and she dropped onto her back, the vase dripping its vitrol into her mouth. She awoke splutterin' and spittin' the foul hatred from her mouth. As she spewed forth her special vile hatred it seemed to change from hatred and anger at 'Arry to anger and hatred of herself. Dudley started punching hisself, cryin' about all the times he had played 'Harry Hunting' and puchin' himself harder. He slammed his fat head into the side of the house, cryin' about the time he pushed 'Arry down the stairs and broken the smaller boys arm.
As I stepped from the shed I felt the charms fall away from my body. Regainin' me full height I snatched both of them muggles up and bum rushed the back door. The door was knocked clean off its hinges and crashed to the floor. Vernon Durlsey woke up beneath the newspaper he were nappin' under in the parlor and headed for the kitchen, hollerin' about what the freak had done this time and asking if Dudley was alright . He burst through the door from the hall and stopped dead in his tracks.
I'm sure I looked big enough ter fill the room as I held the other members of Vermin's family under each arm. I dropped them both and grabbed Vermin, draggin' him outside and gave him a nice long hold under the still flowin' vase o' hatred. He were yellin' and screamin' about all that he had done for the freak, until he seemed to shake all over and I dropped him into the pool of hatred that were created when the piggy cousin were wallowin' and ruttin' around in the mud.
I reached down and yanked him back onto his feet in one motion. I felt a crink in me back, how much did Vermin Dursley weight? For that matter,when did I start thinkin' of him as Vermin, and not Vernon? Ah well, its close enough and a better description for the big oaf anyway. I shoved him, hard, back into the house. He hit the kitchen table and it splintered from his weight. He lay in the rubble, cryin' at his actions toward 'Arry now that the hatred had been removed, and the charms on the vase broken.
'Arry led Filius into the house at that point and I could tell the child really wanted to ask a question, but his years of being beaten for askin' them held him back. I knelt down and said kindly "Its okay to ask yer question 'Arry, I think we are playin' this game with new rules now". I had misspoken when I said question, seems like little 'Arry had more than one question, lots more than one.
"Vase?" "flying shoe box?" "How?" "Goblins?" "Giants?" "Magical pig?" "What?" "Vermin?" "Why are those dogs whining?" "Blanket?" "huh?" "self rolling hand mower?" "flower pots to bar stools?" " You did MAGIC?" and he fainted. Filius grabbed him before he could land in the splinters left from the broken table and carried him into the parlor. I pointed my trusty pink bumpershoot at the three Dursleys and floated 'em after Filius and 'Arry. They didn't seem to appreciate me efforts. Honkin' and skwaukin' and oinkin', sounds like a barnyard in here, and oh, look the windows are open. Mrs. Nextdoor must be wonderin' what relatives the Dursleys have over today?
I parked the porkers on the sofa and then dropped the Giraffe into another chair. Filius and 'Arry sat on the loveseat and I took great pleasure in easin' me big frame into Vermin's recliner. He seemed just the type for a relcliner I thought, as the chair rocked back almost tippin' me arse over tea kettle. I slammed my feet back onto the floor, pointed me brolly at the base of the chair and said "Stay!" That seemed to have silenced the barnyard sounds as well as keepin' that ruddy chair where it couldn't do no more harm.
Filius noticed right away that 'Arry's blanket were glowin' and curlin' up and unravelin' and generally doin' what looked like a little dance of happiness at this new family dynamic. The professor placed the shoe box on his lap and asked Mrs Vermin what was inside the box to make it escape the upstairs bedroom earlier. She wept as she told us that it contained letters from Lily as well as their wands. She said that the wands just floated into her kitchen the same day that she found little 'Arry on the front doorstep. Filius slowly lifted the top from the box, only to have both wands float out and over toward little 'Arry. As he touched the longer wand, his da's wand, Mrs Vermin burst into tears and she rushed from the room.
We could hear clatterin' from the kitchen and I stood ter investigate. As I bent over ter fit through the kitchen door I wondered what kind of people had a door between the hallway and the kitchen. Then I saw the locks on the cupboard in the hallway, a little closet, under the stairs. I grabbed the kitchen door handle and the cupboard locks and ripped both them doors from their hinges. Too many closed doors around this place anyway I figger'd. When I saw the crib mattress on the floor of the cupboard and a few broken toys, I ripped the wall from the cupboard as well, looks like I'm an interior decorator today I mused.
The kitchen clatter turned out ter be Mrs Vermin rushin' ter make a cake, a cake of all things, like company were due in an hour. She pointed to a wall calendar and I saw it The date were 31 July! "Happy Birthday 'Arry" I howled as I ran back into the parlor. I told Dudley ter go root around in the shambles of that cupboard and bring me all the toys he found in there. The young porker were back in under four minutes, covered in plaster dust from the broken walls and handed me two broken toy lorries, one with five wheels, the other with three. He dropped a few books like he wasn't used ter holdin'books, and one busted crayon.