A/n: I don't own any of these characters, yada yada yada. I'm hoping to updated quicker than usual. But I make no promises.
This is going to be based on Callie's journals. With some dialogue in between. Journal entries will be in italics.
Monday: Today, Timothy wants us to write about grief. I don't think I have the ability to write about that. Being in the system makes you learn to dehumanize things pretty quickly, so that you don't get hurt. But, Robert is still dead. It's weird to think about. I try not to. But, I can't. The other car he hit was Ana's and he was with Jesus and Mariana at the time, so when I look at the twins, all I see is Robert. I think Ana's baby is going to be okay, but Stef and Lena could just be telling us that out of hope, or fear, or whatever.
"Hey; love, you ready?" Stef asked, coming into Callie's bedroom. She was quickly followed by Lena, both of them in funeral clothes.
"Yeah, just give me a second. You guys don't have to go with me…this isn't my first funeral."
"We wouldn't dream of letting you go alone. It's gonna be hard, I don't think it's hit you yet that he's gone…sorry, that was a poor choice of words given the circumstances," Lena replied.
"Do you not want us there?" Stef asked.
"I don't care."
"There's gonna be a lot of people you don't know there. Don't you want support from your family?" Stef asked.
"You know else I don't know?"
"Who?
"The man in the coffin. He tried to get to know me, but I wouldn't give him the time of day and now he's dead."
"I think he knows you cared about him," Lena stated.
"Maybe. Let's go get this over this."
The funeral was weird. I didn't know anyone other than Jill and Sophia. I don't know Jill well enough to hold a conversation with her and even though her Dad just died, I can't forgive Sophia for screwing up my adoption. Does that make me a terrible person? Does it make me even worse of a person that I'm not reacting to my own father's death?
Stef and Lena tried to be supportive during the service, but I think they wanted me to cry. I just don't have it in me.
"How was it?" Mariana asked, coming into the bedroom.
"Fine. How are you?"
"Better. I saw Ana today."
"And?"
"She's good. Her baby should live too."
"Good."
"Do you blame me and Jesus?"
"For what? The car wreck? No not at all, why would I?"
"You just haven't really spoken to either us since…"
"Sorry, but I swear, I don't blame you, or Ana…things happened. I don't think it was anyone's fault.
"Good," Mariana said leaving the bedroom.
Do I actually believe that? That is was no ones fault?
Callie flung the notebook as hard as she could against the wall, Stef picked it up.
"Don't read that!"
"Wasn't going to. But please; love, don't throw things. I can't afford to replace a lamp. Okay?" she said putting the unread journal on Callie's bed.
"Sorry."
"You have every right to be angry. Do you want to come somewhere and chat, just the two of us? I know it's hard to get any privacy with siblings and two parents."
"Are we still gonna have two parents?"
"What do you mean?"
"We can all see it…you and Lena are having issues right now."
"We are. That doesn't mean we won't work them out and it certainly doesn't mean divorce. But stop deflecting the issue…you just went to your father's funeral, are you okay?"
"Yep. Fine."
"Why don't I call your therapist get you can appointment? I think it could do you some good."
"I'm fine."
"Callie…being emotional doesn't make you weak."
"I know."
"So let it out."
"I get he was my father…but how do you miss someone you didn't know?"
"You did know him."
"Not really."
"You weren't close…but that doesn't mean you need to leave all the emotion you are feeling to bottle up."
"Stef, I'm fine."