Sooooo I've been planning this for a while, with the permission of my good buddy and soulmate CARVCEREDLUND to make an alternate ending to her fic Changing the Tune (which is a good read by the way way *hint hint*) where Luci does not kick the bucket and comes back hella fine and snarky as per usual! So like, if you haven't read hers first I suggest you do, and then come here and read mine, (hers is better but that's only because she actually planned shit out and stuff and I wrote this at 2 in the morning high on caffeine and decided to run with it), but like I can't make you do anything soooo...
Yea...
Anyway...
Here!
Gone, and he was never coming back. So many possibilities, so many things he could have affected, all extinguished as he exhaled one final time, surrounded not by his birth family, but rather by the family he had become a part of during the past week and a half. He never got to have his talk face-to-face with his father. He never got to resolve his stupid conflict with the brother he loves most. And now he never will.
"No!" A new voice entered the room. My voice. The three hunters looked at me in utter confusion as I pushed them out of the way so I could be at my son's side. "He can't be dead. He can't."
"Chuck?" I ignore the puzzled exclamation from Sam.
Death stepped back to allow me space to mourn. I loosed a cry of raw grief, taking Lucifer's limp hand and pressing it to the bridge of my nose. "I forgive you. I forgive you. My beautiful son, I love you too. Don't go. Come back." I looked up at the being who stole him from me. "Bring him back." The room shook with my anger.
"You know the rules." Death replies mildly, unafraid of my terrible power. "I cannot. And neither can you, not completely."
I know he's right, and I know it's my fault for not giving Angels souls, for not giving them the kind of back-up-drive that I created for humans. You could only try to copy what you remember of them. Like Castiel created his version of Gabriel (though Gabriel never truly died in the first place, he's too clever for that). The real Gabriel ran off to the other side of the universe, poking around at the other inhabited planets. If asked, this copy of Gabriel can tell someone that Lucifer killed him, but he'll know none of the specifics, for he can't know anything that Castiel doesn't know. Castiel knows what it's like to be dead, so he gave Gabriel's copy that same knowledge. He knows that Gabriel spent a lot of time with humanity, so he gave him a vast bank of pop culture knowledge, courtesy of the things he's heard Dean and Sam say. He knew Gabriel before humanity was created, so Gabriel remembers those things as well. Castiel wanted an ally, so Gabriel feels personally connected to Castiel more than he ever truly was. He's a good copy, but far from a perfect one.
Speaking of Castiel, every time I bring him back, (though he is far less complicated than my Archangels) he loses a bit more of himself that I overlooked, and perhaps it's my fault that he felt he had to go this far to overcome that sense of wrong-ness. Should I do it again, perhaps I will finally grant him a soul, so he loses nothing further.
But most of all, it's my fault for sending Lucifer on this path in the first place.
Still, I turned my rage elsewhere, unable to cope with the responsibility at the moment. "He wasn't done. Give what's left of him back so I can heal him!"
"He chose to pass on early, I was merely the door he walked through." Death intones placatingly. "I can no more bring him back than you can. You know this."
I rested my forehead on the still chest of my son's mutilated corpse. If I had only been a second faster after hearing his dying prayer. . . If I had been watching more carefully. . .
And then my mourning of my most cherished son is interrupted so rudely and I turn to glare at whomever would dare take this last moment I have with him from me.
Dean looks like a dear in headlights, eyes wide and mouth agap, he looks like if he could scream or as if he's trying to say something but just can't form the words the way he wants to.
I give him a strange look and turn to the next.
Sam isn't much better, though more controlled over his physical reactions, his shock is still clear as day.
Basically their both open books that I can read much to well for my own liking.
Death lets out a semi irritated sound and it turns my attention back around.
If one were to look in the room at that moment they'd agree that my shocked face resembled Dean's much to closely.
Lucifer's face is scrunched, contorted as if in some sort of pain, and he groans low and long.
"Does anyone have any Tums? I got some heart burn that's killing me."
His lips twist upwards with a wry grin and an eye peeks open to look over at all of us. A moment later and the second eye joins and he smiles completely.
"Why's everyone looking at me like that? Who died?"
And then he laughs.
It was a terrible joke and everyone else glares at him. I don't know if I want to hug himor smack him, perhaps both?
Lucifer dusts off the front of his shirt as he sits up slowly, watching in mild interest as dried blood particles float down to his lap and spill over on the fine carpeting under them. Chuck is there, and he knew why he seemed so familiar and though a part of him wants to reach up and punch the guy in the face, he can't, because rigor mortis can make a person so stiff.
It's not even funny.
Chuck's hovering, unsure as to how to respond to this new development. Death finds the entire thing amusing, as per usual, and stands with his cane in hand.
"They sent you back."
It's not a question and was never meant to be taken as one. Lucifer spares him a look and nods stiffly. Killer crick in his neck at the moment.
Ha. Such a jokester.
"Yep, saw Fate and Azrael, both said, and I qoute, 'No.' and boom," he flicks his fingers as if to motion to his entire body, "here I am."
He turns his icy gaze back towards his hovering parent a moment later and gives him a once over, "So you hid out in the form of a half ass second rate author?", there's a brief pause and he smirks again, "My life is an open book. But it's very poorly written and I died in the end."
Chuck doesn't look pleased with the joke and Lucifer assumes its still a bit too fresh but couldn't honestly care less at the moment. Dick sort of had it coming.
Dean looks torn between grinning at him and slapping him, or, as Gabriel would put it, high fiving him in the face. Gabriel. And by extension, Michael. Oh their gonna flip shit.
Lucifer interrupts him before anything could be said, finally shoving himself up from the couch, and makes a face at the sound of his back cracking so loudly.
"You know, according to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right to you? This mean's to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."
The oldest Winchester finally breaks from his revery and punches him in the shoulder, harder then one should, but perhaps he deserved it for passing away.
"Where'd you hear that?"
"Discovery Channel."
Lucifer smiles at him in his most innocent way, "Dean, when I die, will you read my Eulogy?"
Dean punches him again and he laughs. He turns to look back at the gathered folks, Death rolled his eyes and took his leave when it became apparent there was no one that was going to actually die today, Lucifer waved him off with a snip of 'rain check'.
In the corner of the room, Castiel groaned as he came to consciousness, Lucifer sauntered over as the other stood up shakily, before either Father or Winchesters could stop him, and punched Castiel in the face as hard as he could. Both were sent flying at the movement, Castiel from impact and Lucifer from momentum.
Castiel hit the wall hard and his nose most definitely did give a great crack, blood spewing down his face, his eyes staring wide up at Lucifer as the archangel stood before him, hands on his hips.
"That was for being a psycho douche nozzle! Like, get some therapy kid, calm the fuck down! And just what were you thinking taking those nasty things in! You don't know where they've been! Don't put them inside you! You could have killed someone!"
(I groaned, resisting the urge to pinch the bri-never mind. I love my son, I really do, Luci's great and he's making so much progress, but these were getting too much even for me. We get it, you died, stop making jokes about it! It's not funny!)
Lucifer left him sitting there on the floor, ignoring him again, for now, and turned his attention back to the others. He grinned wryly.
"You gonna be okay while I go freak Mike out? Dad? You gonna cry again? Someone please tell me that they got that on camera! You be okay? You know, while I am asking questions, I did see Hitler while on my short vacay in the Underworld and I got to ask, is he really that bad a guy? I mean, he did kill Hitler."
He grinned wickedly at them all and waved theatrically, "Anywho, gotta go, gotta big bro to freak out!"
Lucifer has never seen his brother cry. He didn't think Michael knew how to cry. So he did very much snap a picture of it.
(And he did show them to Gabriel later. They both shared a good laugh. Then Gabriel punched him in the face for dying. Gabe laughed at that one. Michael found the pictures but there had already been copies made.)
"I wanted to be a suicide bomber, or a martyr, but I just can't live like that."
Michael spun, his eyes going wide, and mouth falling open.
"Ha! I rose in one day! Beat that Jesus!"
It's like his older brother is completely frozen. Michael doesn't make a sound nor any sort of movement, and while Lucifer, before having made this much progress in what he likes to call his 'why not to destroy the world' lessons, would have considered rendering Michael completely speechless an accomplishment, he now finds it sort of offputting.
It just sort of unnerves him, seeing Michael appearing to be on the edge of either crying, again, or punching him.
Maybe a bit of both.
"Mike, I cross my heart and hope to die, that if you start crying again I will never let you live it down. Dad was bad enough, I mean 'wwaaaaaaaahhhh oh Luci, my favorite most awesome angel, don't leave me! wwwwaaaaaahhhhhh!' that was enough to last me one life time."
"Lucifer!"
Lucifer yelled as he was tackled to the ground by an energetic Messenger, dust flying up around them, "Gabe careful you might squeeze the life right out of me!"
He got a punch to the gut and he wheezed, "Not funny."
Michael nodded and waited his turn to draw their brother into an embrace, "I must agree, though it's not something normally stated in the same sentence as Gabriel's name, but he is right."
"Hey!"
"You have some explaining to do little brother."
"Oh come on! I'm gonna be long dead by the time I finish that story!"
They glared at him and he tried for a smile, "Too soon?"