Title: Costumer Conundrum

Author: FrostedMerry

Spoilers: Since I'm not sure where this AU will end, just consider all seasons fair game. This story starts in "The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition", includes a small snippet of dialog straight from DHJ and will continue to veer alongside canon mostly. Also AU for The Vartabedian Conundrum, Leonard did NOT dump Stephanie and while the date went well between Stuart and Penny, she didn't say Leonards name...

Summary: AU from within the Dead Hooker Juxtaposition; A new neighbor moves in, she's female so the boys are in, but is she another walk on character we'll never see again, or will she integrate with the group. Shenny, Raj/OFC, Leonard/Stephanie, Howard/Bernie

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters contained herein. I'm not making any money from this and no one else is either.

Status: in progress

Rating: PG so far, for possible naughty words.

Chapter 1 – Moving Day

The lobby, there are boxes everywhere and large men are carrying them up the stairs.

"Oh, no, the new ones, they're here," wailed Sheldon. "Stay calm, we don't know anything about them yet."

Leonard tries to reassure him, "What are you doing?"

Sheldon is shaking a box, "I'm checking for musical instruments. Does that sound like castanets to you?"

Leonard shakes his head, "The box says kitchen."

"So? Do cocaine smugglers write cocaine on the box?" Scoffed Sheldon.

They were interrupted by the arrival of a woman coming down the stairs. "Er, can I help you?"

Leonard looked up into the face of an angel. Of course Leonard pretty much thought the sun rose and set on even the most marginally attractive women, so she might have just been a woman in general, Sheldon sure didn't look impressed, but then what really impressed him anyway? "Oh er, we were just..." Leonard stumbled on the words, trying to think of how to explain Sheldon.

"I was looking for musical instruments," Sheldon told her, with a glare.

She glared right back. "Are you planning to rob me?"

Sheldon stood up straight, eyes gleaming with indignation, "Rob you!?" he sputtered.

"He's worried about noise," Leonard explained, "we're guessing you're moving into 5a? We live in 4a and well, he's nuts."

She quirked an eyebrow, "Nuts I can deal with. I have no musical instruments. Does that reassure you?"

"Not particularly," Sheldon admitted, "Do you have pets? Children? Tap shoes?"

She waved her hands in his direction. "Dude, chill down. I'm single, no kids, no pets and I don't tap dance. I can't make any guarantees, cause life you know, but I don't think I'm any noisier than any other people."

Sheldon was not mollified by this statement, "I'll be keeping tabs on you."

"Well that's not creepy or anything." She looked at Leonard, "Can you control him? Is he yours? You said 'we' about apartment 4a right?"

Leonards shoulders drooped, "We do live together, separately, heterosexually, together. But," his voice dropped down to a mumble, "I haven't really found much way to reel him in when he gets crazy."

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested," Sheldon broke in with a pout.

"Damn his Vulcan hearing," Leonard continued mumbling.

As they stood there, Leonard staring at his shoes, Sheldon pouting and the new woman shaking her head in confusion, a large man came down the stairs asking, "Joey, what's next?"

"Oh I think you'd best grab those two," she waved a hand towards a stack of boxes, "I'll take this one, it's fragile."

Leonard perked up, "I could carry something, I have to go up the stairs anyway."

"I guess, if you want to help, you could grab that box. Thanks, I'm Joey, by the way." She said waving toward another box.

"Leonard. Is me. I mean I am Leonard. That's my name. He's Sheldon. He doesn't really do social niceties." Leonard all but simpered.

"I beg your pardon," Sheldon interjected, as they started up the stairs, "I simply see no point in joining you in your constant search for carnal gratification. My mind is busy discovering the meaning of life..."

"42," interrupted Joey.

Sheldon's eyes bugged, "...and people say I'm bad with social niceties. There is no call for rudely interrupting me with inane book quotes. I am a theoretical physicist who is going to win a Nobel Prize someday!"

Penny is overhears as she exits her apartment, "There's my favorite wackadoodle! What's up guys?"

"Oh hi Penny. This is Joey, our new neighbor. I'm helping!" Leonard chimed eagerly.

"So you are. Hi I'm Penny, I'd offer my hand but yours are clearly busy. Who are your friends?" Penny inquired, ogling the unknown men who had just joined them on the landing.

Joey took in the look, "This is Matt and David, they're friends who helped me move from San Bernadino."

Leonard's face falls as he takes in Penny eyeing the two larger, buffer, handsomer men, "So uh, Matt, David, what do you do?"

One of the two answers, "We're MPs. We trained with Garcia."

Leonard had no idea what this meant, so he tried to bluff, "Ahh MPs, good, good. I'm a TP." He tried to puff out his chest, but it just made him wheeze, especially after walking up four flights of stairs.

Sheldon, being tired of this nonsense, heads into 4a. Penny discretely watches him go, not unnoticed by Joey, "So Penny, what do you do? I'm a costume designer. And to make time pass faster I keep rowdy kids in line at the roller rink."

Penny startles slightly, "I'm an actress. Mostly. I work at the Cheesecake Factory to pass the time til I'm famous."

The guys go down the stairs for the last of the boxes, while Leonard follows Penny and Joey up to 5a. "So I gotta know, do you know when the elevator will be back in service?" Joey asked, not seeing the guilty look on Leonard's face, for which he was thankful. "We still have to move my the big stuff; trying to drag it up the stairs is going to be craptastic."

"Oh ugh," Penny griped, "That thing has been out of order since I moved here a couple years back. You are not wrong about moving furniture up these stairs."

"Shoot, that blows chunks. Maybe I should hire some guys to come out and help." Joey grimaced, "Matt and David have to head out tonight, it was awesome that they wasted all their leave on me, gotta love them. Thank goodness they're single, I'd hate to have girlfriends tearing out my hair for taking their men away for them for the better part of a week."

"Oh I have some friends who would be happy to help." Leonard said, throwing Raj and Howard under the bus while they couldn't defend themselves.

Joey looked over her shoulder at Leonard as she walked through the door of 5a, "Oh that would be cool. You can set that box here, thanks." She set down the 'fragile' box on the kitchen island and glanced around at the stacks of boxes. Almost half were marked fabric or sewing, and they would need to be moved down the hall. "Say Leonard, since Shelton was so worried about noise, which room is his, the first or second?"

"Uh, it's Sheldon. His room is the first one," Leonard explained, "you aren't planning to deliberately annoy him, are you?" This last bit brought out interesting matching smirks on both ladies faces, which made Leonard squirm uncomfortably.

Joey grimaces, "I'm so sorry, I'm awful with names. Ask me about fabric and I can go on for days. Just give me a few goes and I should have it down. Actually I was just thinking that I should set up my shop in the back room then, just in case. I mean I've never had any complaints about my machines being overheard from any other place I've lived, but he kinda seemed like he had a bit of a stick up his butt, so..." She let the sentence trail off, seeing the looks on both faces. "So that's a yes on the stick, judging by your faces?"

Penny giggled, "Well I guess you could say that. He's like totally OCD and has schedules for his schedules. Don't ever ask, cause he goes on and on about everything."

Leonard really couldn't argue about that, "She's right, don't ask. It's easier for all of us if you could just ask us later. He has amazing hearing and if he hears you ask, it's all over."

Matt and David come through the door carrying the last of the boxes. Joey points to an empty area near the hall and they place the boxes there.

"Last things are the big furniture Joey, you want us to go ahead and start on them?" David asks her.

"Shoot no, we should eat first. I'm dying for a cheeseburger!" Joey exclaimed. Turning to Penny, she asks, "Please tell me you know where we can find food near here!"

"Yep," Penny said, "you could hit the Factory. Even Sheldon enjoys the cheeseburgers and he's anal about his food. It's not far, I can give you directions."

Leonard took this time to interject, "Should I see if the guys can come help with the furniture, they could come when you are done eating?"

Joey looked to Matt and David, who nodded, "Yeah totally. That would be awesome. Should I pick up some beers or something for them, for helping?"

"Oh yeah, we love beer. And drinking." Leonard bragged, "Because we're men."

Joey tried really hard not to laugh at the look on his face, but her friends had no mercy and snickered from the back of the room. Penny led Joey out to the hallway, giving her directions to the Cheesecake Factory, while Leonard trailed behind, trying to be one of the guys. Joey nodded her head as she jotted down notes on the back of her hand and then locked her door. "Thanks Penny." She smiled at them both, "Leonard we'll see you and your friends in an hour?" Leonard nodded vigorously in response.

Leonard stood on the landing watching the small group head down the stairs, quickly he whipped out his phone, "Howard, this is great. I met the new neighbor and I said we'd help her move some furniture so you gotta get Raj and get over here. What? No. Well I know we don't have a lot of upper body strength, but chicks don't just fall out of the sky. This is your chance to impress her!" They argued for a few more minutes before Howard agreed to come along with Raj in a bit. Leonard went downstairs to 4a smiling broadly. He found Penny pestering Sheldon about something. "The guys are gonna come help Joey move later, so we're gonna miss Halo." Leonard told Sheldon, wincing for the complaint he knew would be forthcoming.

"But Leonard, it is Wednesday night, we always play Halo after we got to the comic store! We should be leaving in 5 minutes. How am I supposed to go without you?" Sheldon wailed, he hated having his schedule compromised.

"Oh sweetie," Penny reassured, "I'll take you to the store this time, and then we can pick up dinner on the way back."

"I suppose that will be acceptable Penny. Go change your shoes, flip flops are inappropriate foot wear for driving." Sheldon pointed out.

"Yeah no. But I am gonna go get my purse, then we can go." Penny smirked. Sheldon barely managed to contain the stamp his foot wanted to do out of irritation. Penny always seemed to irritate him more than any other person in his social circle.

In the end Joey almost regretted letting Leonard bring in his friends to help. They were not particularly strong and the one whined incessantly, between hitting on her. The other was oddly silent, at first she thought he was deaf, but when she tried signing to him, he didn't seem to notice. The whiney one did notice and was quick to hit on her in yet another way. Later she'd have to ask Peggy, no, Penny, what was with the quiet guy, after all he was pretty cute.

Eventually, all the big stuff was in the apartment and in the correct rooms, the neighbors all left and she said her goodbyes to her 'boys' with hugs, tears(hers) and promises to visit whenever they could.

Joey looked around her full but quiet apartment. First order of business; find her stereo, working in the silence would drive her round the bend. She quickly found the correct box and had music streaming through the room. Night time was her time, she always did her best work at night. She opened all the windows and got to work.

It was daybreak when she finally called it quits and turned in. Hanging the black out drapes had been one of the first things she did in her room, before she even made the bed. Now she dropped her clothes in the hamper and crawled into bed.