My Inner Fire
by Adrienne Valentine
Summary: Qara shares her thoughts on her power and how it has affected her.
Disclaimer: I don't own Qara.
I actually like Qara. I'm probably the only one who does. . I wanted to try and give a peek into her head. It's short and sweet, and I hope you all like it.
The wizard is a fool. He thinks that all of his books can teach him power. You know, maybe they can. Maybe he can learn the power I hold back from his books. He calls me foolish, he calls me irresponsible and he doesn't care what this all means. Responsibility? Sure, I unleash my powers more than wizards, but holding this all in... It's difficult. It's hard, but every day I feel my power coursing through me, burning through my body, ready to unleash itself. I'm being responsible holding it in so much! The fire... It tries to control me. No one else can understand it. The marks on my forehead, they aren't human made. I was born with them. That was my first clue. I haven't confirmed my suspicions, but I know.
My mother's grandfather was a dragon. A red dragon. It explains why my father never spoke of that side of the family. My Grandparents, even my own mother, I never met. My father claimed that she died when I was born. I've begun to suspect otherwise. I want to find her, to see if I can find out. I want to know how much my father lied to me about. None of them have bothered to ask why I don't choose to unleash my power so freely. My father. He forced me to go to the academy. I've found books of his... He didn't want a child. He wanted a great wizard. He didn't want me. He wanted some mindless fool. He wanted someone who obeyed his every command. When I was a child, I tried. I really tried. Every time I did something to try and please him, he got angry.
Oh, of course, he never hit me. He was too afraid that if he ever did that I would one day come for him and kill him. He was smart. When I got upset, my fires would unleash themselves and I would burn things. I never did it on purpose. I would become upset and things would just... They'd just catch on fire. Soon it happened around those I tried to make friends with too. They would become scared of me. They wouldn't so much as look at me. If they saw me, they'd run. I learned how to ignore them. I learned I didn't need people. Soon, instead of becoming ashamed of my powers, I became proud of them. I can't control them, not to the point that others talk about, but I can aim them. I can harness it enough that I won't hurt people. Not unless I mean to, that is.
The fire won't consume me. Not yet. At least I hope not. That bloody elf is afraid of the same thing that I am, but I won't admit to it. If I say it, it might actually happen. I don't want it to. I never want to be overtaken by my power. I want to control it enough so that I don't have to worry about it overtaking me. It was... It was hard to fight my own power when the Luskan bastards chose to make an animus, but it reminded me that I didn't want to be taken. I didn't want my fire to consume me. I will control it. No matter what they say, I will. I will learn to control it before it controls me.
Maybe then that damned wizard will learn to keep his mouth shut. I don't care who I have to burn. They've feared me, they've hated me, they've mocked me and they taunted me. I won't have it. I can control it. I will control it. They're just jealous that I can do more that the can. That no matter what else happens, I am and always will be more powerful than them. I will not be kind just because someone else thinks I should. I love the power that flows through me, but I will not let it control me. I am the fire. They will not put out my fire because they are afraid or they are jealous. I will not let them.