Author: Emmie

Author: Emmie
Title: War On Drugs
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Ginny/Luna, mentions of Draco/Luna.
Rating: R to be safe - mentions of rape, character death.
Continuity: Early 6th year for the girls.
Disclaimer: Nothing you see here belongs to me.
Author's note: Based on the Barenaked Ladies song of the same title. Abusive!Draco makes another appearance. My fics are getting predictable.

Summary: After being attacked by Draco, a slightly less than mentally stable Luna finds herself in the care of one Ginny Weasley.

She likes to sleep with the radio on
So she can dream of her favourite song
The one that no one has ever sung
Since she was small

Luna lay on her bed, floating somewhere between dream and reality. Images flashed before her eyes, images of her and Draco. Talking, laughing, dancing, kissing. He had been here, she thought. They had talked, and kissed -- that seemed to be what they did these days, mostly -- and then...there had been a fight. Where had he gone? She had to find him, had to make it right. Then everything would be perfect again...

She'll never know that she made it up
She had a soul and we ate it up
Thrown away like a paper cup
The music falls

Slowly her mind cleared. She became aware of the tears drying on her cheeks even as blood dried on her thighs. She jumped up, pulled down the skirt that was bunched up around her waist, and glanced in the mirror. She did her best to straighten her hair and wiped the last of the tears from her eyes (have to look good, have to look perfect for him) before bolting out the door, trying to think where he would be right now

The only flaw in her detailed plan
Is where she wins back the love of her man
Everyone knows that he's never coming back

She made her way to the Great Hall, not sure what time it was. How long had she lain there daydreaming (wasting time, have to find him), anyway?) The Hall was empty, which meant not only had she missed him, she was late to class. Luna found herself nearly unable to deal with this, and just as she sank down on one of the long benches, preparing to dissolve into tears again, the bell rang. Startled back to her feet, she hurried out into the corridor. She caught sight of him in the crowd, surrounded by his Slytherin friends and admirers. He looked up, and she caught a flash of something in his eyes (love he loves me he loves me) before they went cold and distant as usual.

"Draco," she said softly, catching his arm, surprised at how normal her voice sounded, "can we talk?"

He took her heart and she took his name
He couldn't stand taking all the blame
He left her only with guilt and shame
And then she cracked

He stopped, stared at her, and asked coldly, "What could we possibly have to talk about?"

"Well..." (No it's not supposed to go like this he loves me) "About us. And...what happened."

"Nothing happened," he said, starting to push past her. "And there is definitely no 'us.'"

"What? But..." (He doesn't understand, have to make him understand) "Look, I just want you to know that I don't blame you. I..."

He turned then, anger flashing in his eyes. "No? Well, everyone else does. They've all been waiting for something like this ever since we started going out. Well, now I've proven them right, haven't I?" His voice dropped to a hiss. "Nothing. Happened. And if I were you, I wouldn't go about saying otherwise. That would be...very bad."

Yes. He could -- would -- make her life a living hell. Perhaps it would be a step above this moment. She would never have said anything anyway (my fault, won't tell, my fault) and started to say so before realizing he was already gone.

Class forgotten, she turned and stumbled blindly off, with no real clue of where she was going. She was blinded with memories - his hand slipping up under her skirt and she'd tried to stop him (why, he'd still be here, why) but found it impossible - and barely registered bumping into Ginny Weasley on her way up the stairs on her way to nowhere.

Reality, she decided, giving into the flood of memories, could wait.

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons
Haunting us to keep us company?

Something was wrong.

Ginny sat staring at the plate in front of her, not really seeing it. She was still seeing the look on Luna's face when they'd passed on the stairs that afternoon. Hurt, and sort of blank. Like she wasn't really there. Ginny had asked if she was okay, and Luna's silence had been answer enough.

Ginny had been thinking quite a lot about loopy, loony Luna Lovegood lately. There was something about her -- she was a little odd, yes, but Ginny suspected there was a lot more to the girl once you got to know her. And she had recently admitted to herself that, all right, maybe she did want to get to know the girl better -- maybe a lot better. But she had never quite known how to bring this up to Luna. Then Luna and Draco got together, which very quickly derailed any plans Ginny might have had of confessing her feelings. Not just because Draco was male -- after the previous year, Ginny was the first to vouch for the fact that that meant nothing -- but they seemed happy together.

Everyone had made a big deal of the relationship. Naturally no one paid much attention to Luna, but it was definitely strange that Draco was going out with her. The general opinion was that he was taking complete advantage of her, but Ginny didn't buy it. They seemed to be genuinely in love, or at least the rather advanced stages of like. Anyway, from what she did know of Luna, she doubted the Ravenclaw would allow anything of the sort. Though a bit dreamy, a pushover she was not.

But now Luna was walking around like a zombie, and she wasn't at dinner. Ginny glanced toward the Slytherin table. Draco was there, looking somewhat angry and, from what Ginny could see, not paying any more attention to his food than she was to hers. Something was definitely wrong, and while she knew perfectly well it was none of her business, she was going to do everything in her power to make it right anyway. Pushing her hardly-touched plate away, she stood and headed for the Slytherins.

"Draco."

He looked up. "What do you want, Weasley?"

"Where's Luna?" she asked in a conversational voice that was almost a joke -- she had never had a conversation with Draco Malfoy in her life, nor did she care to. Still, she didn't want to seem like she was accusing him of anything. Not yet, anyway.

Completely ignoring her attempt at amity, he sneered at her. "How should I know?"

"She's your girlfriend; I thought you might know why she didn't come to dinner."

"Not anymore," Draco said harshly. "I got what I wanted from her, and now I'm done with her."

Ginny stared at him in disbelief as the words sank in. "You really are an evil bastard," she hissed, all hints of friendliness gone from her voice as well as her mind.

He shrugged. "That's what everyone says, isn't it?"

"So you had to prove them right?!"

He shrugged again and looked away, staring off into space again. For a moment she softened -- there was something about the look on his face, it was almost...regretful. But it wasn't enough. She gave him one last utterly disgusted look before turning for the doors.

In the dream I refuse to have
She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath
We're left to deal with the aftermath again

She hurried down the empty hall, wondering what to do. Aside form her dormitory and the Great Hall, where would Luna be? Suddenly it hit her -- the prefect's bathroom. She didn't know where the sudden flash of insight had come from, but she went with it.

Entering the bathroom, she first thought no one was there. Then she noticed that the huge tub was full of water and a few scattered remnants of bubbles. Luna sat in the corner, her eyes half open, breathing slowly. Ginny could see her chest rising and falling under the water -- among other things. She found herself staring even as she rushed around the tub. "Luna?" she called. "Luna!"

"Hmm?" Luna opened her eyes fully. Ginny crouched down by the edge of the tub, noticing a fluffy blue bathrobe in a wrinkled pile on the tiled floor.

"Luna," she said again, realizing the girl's eyes had slid closed again. "Come on, get out of the tub." Ginny grabbed her and tried to lift her. The water was cold. Finally Luna moved to help Ginny drag her from the water, but Ginny was still doing most of the work. They both ended up sitting on the side of the tub, slightly out of breath.

Ginny started to get up to get the bathrobe, but Luna grabbed her wrist and looked her in the eye for the first time. She still looked dazed, but suddenly Ginny found it impossible to look away. Luna leaned in closer and while thoughts of how this was insane, how this couldn't be happening drifted through Ginny's head, Luna kissed her. As the kiss deepened Ginny was incredibly aware of Luna's arms wrapping around her, of the moisture of Luna's still-damp skin soaking into her robes, of the fact that this was everything she had wanted -- of the fact that something was still not right here. Why was Luna kissing her?

She pulled back, and Luna stared at her with those eyes that now looked even more out of it, like she wasn't really focusing on Ginny but seeing something entirely different, something only she could see. She wrapped her arms around Ginny again and laid her head on her shoulder. Just when Ginny had decided to go with it and worry about everything else later, she heard a soft murmur from the lips now pressed to her shoulder.

"Draco?"

On behalf of humanity
I will fight for your sanity
How profound such profanity can be

"No, Luna, it's Ginny," she said, trying to ignore the disappointment clawing at her insides. She gently tipped Luna's face up. Her eyes still had that distant, not quite there look, and Ginny was beginning to suspect that Luna was seeing something other than this room. She gently disentangled herself from the Ravenclaw's arms and retrieved the bathrobe. She got Luna to stand and wrapped the robe around her, feeling almost like she was dressing a doll.

"Come on," she said once the robe was on, "we have to get you back to your dormitory." She didn't know what she'd do then. Someone needed to know about this. Someone smarter than her, someone who would know what to do, how to fix this. Maybe she should go to Dumbledore. Lost in these thoughts, she didn't notice Luna backing away, shaking her head.

"No."

Ginny glanced up, surprised. "What?"

"I don't want to go back there."

"Why n--" Then it hit her. That was where Draco had -- she could hardly think it -- raped Luna. Naturally she didn't want to go back. And while Ginny didn't know what else to do, she liked the clearness that she could now see in Luna's eyes, and the fact that the girl was talking. She wanted to keep her that way. "Okay. Where then?"

"Your dorm?" Luna suggested, chewing on her lower lip.

It would be slightly inconvenient, yes, but it would work. "Okay."

They walked in silence to Gryffindor Tower. Ginny led Luna quickly through the common room, ignoring the stares from the few Gryffindors gathered there. Luckily, none of her roommates were in the dormitory. This would require explanations, which she could handle, but not now.

"Um, you can have my bed," she said, pointing it out. "I'll sleep in the common room."

Luna eyed the bed. "It's big enough for two."

Ginny remained silent. Was Luna asking her to stay? She felt a hand on her shoulder and a voice breathed in her ear, "Stay..."

Question answered. Of course, she really shouldn't. Wouldn't. It would be too much like taking advantage, considering Luna was barely lucid. She would -- "Okay," she heard herself say.

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons
Haunting us to keep us company?

"You need some pajamas," she said, eyeing Luna, who stood clutching the robe around herself." "I should have some that will fit you." She turned away, opened her trunk to find something for the girl to wear, and suddenly Luna's arms were around her from behind, Luna's chin on her shoulder, breath tickling over her neck. Ginny sighed. She really needed to go see Dumbledore as soon as possible. Luna was obviously not quite stable after Draco's attack. Wondering if it was all right to leave the other girl alone, she turned slowly. Rather than letting her go, Luna merely loosened her embrace so that Ginny turned within the circle of her arms.

"No, Luna, it's me, Ginny, remember?" Ginny searched her eyes, and strangely, found them still...awake.

Luna gave her a half smile. "I know," she said simply.

Won't it be odd
To be happy like we always thought
We're supposed to feel
But never seem to be?

Ginny blinked. "But...before..."

Luna smiled again, and Ginny melted. "I was...a little confused. Sorry." Her voice softened. "But you helped me."

"I'm trying," Ginny muttered.

"You always do. You're always nice to me. You're the only one who's always nice to me, do you know that?" She did not give Ginny time to answer. "And you're here." Ginny simply stared, and when Luna kissed her again, she responded, no questions this time. Somewhere in the midst of lips and tongues and the taste of Luna, she felt the robe slip away, and let it.

Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below

Ginny woke late the next morning to find the dormitory deserted. She was momentarily disoriented as the events of the previous night floated back to her like an exceptionally good dream. For a moment she thought it had been a dream and panicked; what was she doing sleeping when she should be looking for Luna? Then she caught sight of the fluffy blue bathrobe, still in a heap on the floor where they had dropped it. As soon as this registered, her anxiety melted away, replaced by excitement and hope. Dressing quickly, she hurried down to breakfast, wishing Luna had woken her.

They put a net there to catch their fall
Like that'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know
Is when nature calls you go

Luna perched in one of the Owlery windows. She had been here since early that morning, deciding that she rather liked it here in the cool quiet darkness. She was alone save for the quiet rustling of owlfeathers. That seemed to be where she belonged, though. Alone.

Luna knew that many of her classmates saw her as silly, childish. Perhaps they were right, but it had been a very long time since she had felt like a child. More than ever in this moment, she felt as if she had lived several lives' worth, experienced more than any of them, felt more -- a great deal of it in the last forty-eight hours.

It was good to just stop. Her thoughts, which for some time now had been racing around in circles had once again settled into their usual calm drift. Good to simply sit, and breathe, and be. She was surprised to discover how very tired she was.

A small smile touching her face, she pulled out the bit of parchment she had brought with her and began to write.

They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
What good is that
When you live in hell on earth?

Ginny wandered into the entrance hall after breakfast, feeling a bit lost. Luna had been absent from the Great Hall once again. Looking futilely around, Ginny decided she may as well return to the dormitory; perhaps Luna had gone back there.

Somewhere deep inside her, the feeling began to bloom again; something was wrong. She squashed it quickly -- what could possibly be wrong after last night? Everything was going to be fine -- and hurried up to Gryffindor Tower, sure she would find Luna waiting there for her.

Instead she found a roll of parchment, tied with a blue ribbon, waiting on her pillow.

When the very fear that makes you want to die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive
It's way more trouble than your suicide is worth

Having send Pigwidgeon with her note to Ginny, Luna considered the second piece of parchment she had brought. It had occurred to her to write to Draco as well. Something surprisingly bitter and vindictive in her wanted to blame him, to make him hurt. But in the end, wasn't enough to know that on some level, he would, perhaps did hurt? He had torn her apart, yes, taken her innocence, damn near taken her sanity with it.

But he had sent her careening toward Ginny, who had given it back. And in the end, yes, it was enough.

The parchment fluttered to the floor as Luna pulled out the last item she had brought with her to the tower. She caressed her wand absently, twirling it between her fingers. She paused, not in fear -- she felt no fear now -- but in disdain for the dramatic image of what she must do next. Finally she raised the wand, pointing it directly at her heart. A single muttered incantation and the world quietly exploded in a flash of red.

It was the color of Ginny's hair.

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons
Haunting us to keep us company?

Luna's note fell to the floor as Ginny turned, all color draining from her face, and ran, not knowing where she was going, only that she needed to be there now. It was not until she had nearly leapt through the portrait hole that she noticed Pigwidgeon fluttering about her head, trying to keep up.

"Go - away - Pig!" she gasped (somewhere private she's go somewhere where no one...not the bathroom again, but where?), "go back to the...Owlery!" Abruptly she turned and headed in the opposite direction, bolting up the stairs. The irony of it would not strike her until much later -- Pig, who always hung around too long, not knowing that his message had already been delivered, had in fact given her the most important message of her life.

And yet, somehow she knew, even as she stopped short in the center of the chilly tower room, panting hard.

A blonde figure sat propped in one of the Owlery's open windows. All was absolutely still for a moment and Ginny allowed herself to hope. Then Luna's wand, as though attempting to break the tense silence, fell from her lap and rolled across the floor with a sharp clatter that seemed to echo through her head, bringing with it the finality of that which she already knew. Slowly she took the remaining few steps to the window.

Luna's eyes were closed; she looked as if she were sleeping. Ginny lifted her body, still surprisingly warm and seemingly lighter than it had been the night before, and, resuming Luna's place in the window, cradled it in her arms. Others would come soon, she knew, but right now was their time, time that had been wasted for so long.

Won't it be odd
To be happy
Like we always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be?

Ginnylove,

Thank you.

Last night was the best night of my life. I'm only sorry that it doesn't change what I have to do this morning.

I love you.

Luna

Hard to admit
I fought the war on drugs
My hands were tied and the phone was bugged

Luna's father came to retrieve the body. Ginny passed him in the hall and knew immediately who he was; he moved with Luna's calm grace. Ginny thought he might also be the only other person in the school who came close to understanding how she felt: utterly alone, lost in a world that was moving too fast toward oblivion.

There was a memorial service at Hogwarts to which barely anyone went. The school seemed almost to forget Luna, the general consensus being that in the midst of war, the death of one (somewhat odd, really) girl, so weak as to take her own life, mattered little.

Ginny's friends allowed her her grief...for awhile. Many of those who didn't know what had happened that night (Ginny had a feeling Hermione knew, which meant if Harry and Ron didn't, they would soon enough) suspected. They left her alone for awhile. Then came the looks. First the commiserating looks, then the pitying looks, then the oh-look-Ginny's-moping-about-again looks. Ginny began to spend more and more time alone in the Owlery, perched in what she came to think of as Luna's window, staring out at the grounds. She didn't blame her friends; she knew that they didn't understand. Knew that they worried about her, alone up here. They needn't have, really; Ginny did not blame Luna for her choice, either, but it was not one she would ever make herself. Her life stretched before her, long, bleak, and empty, but she would live it.

And perhaps when she reached the end of that seemingly eternal path, there would be someone waiting for her; someone with blonde hair, pale eyes, and a half-smile that could make the end of the world seem all right again.

Ginny could hope, because, in fact, hoping was all she had left.

Another died and the world just shrugged it off...