An Officer's Fall

Chapter 1

The Best Pilot in the Galaxy

The green lights flashing by outside the viewport only distracted him for a moment before his eyes moved down to the console right in front of him. The hologram showed the new Special Forces Tie Fighters in action, weaving in and out of the red laser beams the B-Wings were firing at them and still keeping up their formation. One of their own was brushed by hostile fire and veered off course. Major Poe Dameron felt his insides clench, as he watched the Tie turn around on its axis and then returning to the rest of the squadron to renew the attack on the B-Wings, apparently unhurt. The squadron's leader had returned and within a minute had blasted away two of the enemy ships, leaving only three remaining.

Poe's eyes followed the course the battle was taking from his station aboard the Starburst, a Resurgent Class Star Destroyer. Every little manoeuvre had been planned out and practised over and over again. The squadron's leader was the best they had and was able to control his pilots with ease. Those pilots out there were the best the First Order had to offer and probably among the best in the whole galaxy. Still he had to keep track of them. Of their movements and keep his eyes on the sensors' readouts at the same time.

As another B-Wing vanished in a blaze of fire, the Corellian vessel they had intercepted signalled their surrender. Poe still didn't take his eyes off the Ties herding the remaining B-Wings back to their ship. Beside him, Poe could see General Kafr smiling widely and, catching Poe's eye, nodded briefly.

"Well done," he said to no one in particular, probably just addressing the successful operation. Poe of course hadn't done anything but oversee the new machines in action and observe possible shortcomings in battle. He hadn't found any, just as he had expected. The test runs of the week before had been perfect and the pilots manning the Ties today had lived up to what had been expected of them.

Poe nodded and let out a breath, as Kafr walked past him, and he allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment, as he heard the General's order to the Ties' pilots to retreat. Only now did he realize that his heart was pounding wildly in his chest, while at the same time his thoughts went out to the Ties zooming back from the utterly defeated and disabled Corellian freighter as the Starburst's shuttles docked on its side to board the ship and confiscate anything of value. The Ties would be back soon. Poe watched them draw ever closer and finally enter the main hangar. Twelve Special Forces Tie Fighters returned to their stations without a single loss.

"Get your team together to prepare the readouts for presentation, Major."

Poe managed not to flinch as he heard the General's voice right behind him. He should have been prepared for this, but he wasn't. "Yes, Sir!" he blurted out without fully realizing what had been asked of him. With a jolt he pulled himself together. Now was not the time to think about anything but his job.

"Debriefing in half an hour." The General had moved to Poe's right and was glancing at the hologram with his eyes squinting.

Poe nodded, this time fully aware of the situation. The General had been in the Empire back in the day, had fought in the battle of Endor and been among the first at hand to form the new First Order several years later. He was among the more prominent members of High Command and Poe knew that just being allowed to serve on Kafr's ship, the command bridge even, meant that he himself must have shown some potential and was considered one of the best by the people who mattered. And he was determined not to let them down. "The presentation will be ready, Sir." Grabbing the data pad in front of him, he turned to look at the hologram again to initiate the transfer of data.

He had to focus. Keep his mind on the task at hand and not let himself be distracted. Taking another deep breath, he started comparing the readouts of today's mission with the ones of the test flights, the simulations and the pilots' performance. Working on this kept his mind focused.

Poe Dameron had been born two years before the Battle of Endor on a now deserted planet in the Outer Rim to a pair of Rebel fighters. Exactly six months after the Empire's defeat over the forest moon, Poe's father had been killed on a mission and Poe's mother, unable to control her anger at the senseless death, had thrown herself into a fight against the struggling Empire on her own, which she had been doomed to lose.

Today, Poe couldn't even remember her voice, but what he did remember was watching her being led away from him, never to be seen again, while a man in a dark grey uniform kneeled down in front of him to look him up and down. General Kafr had promised him that he'd be fine. Nothing would happen to him. Nothing at all. Four-year-old Poe had believed the man and had trusted him. Back then Poe hadn't been able to fully grasp what was happening to him of course. The only thing he did remember was a certain sense of relief of being free from his distant, somehow always slightly detached mother, while feeling this stinging, burning pain inside his chest at watching her go. Still… he hadn't been able to understand that his mother had inadvertently delivered him into the hands of her enemy.

Her enemy. Not his. Of course he occasionally thought of what his parents might say had they ever known where he was now or what had become of him, but that never stopped him. He was only doing what he thought was right and what he had learned after all. The First Order was doing its best to help the galaxy. To rid it of the dysfunctional New Republic. The Old Republic had failed by not being able to prevent the Clone Wars from enveloping the galaxy in chaos and destruction. Only the Empire had been able to reorganize everything so that no warring factions could start fighting each other. The Rebel Alliance had been the Empire's only real threat and, as it turned out, had caused the Empire's downfall. But the Order looked at it as a minor setback. Not the end of Emperor Palpatine's vision.

Looking at pictures of the Emperor made Poe slightly uncomfortable, but he attributed that to the sheer power the man had held before being betrayed by his loyal second in command, Vader. Poe of course didn't know the whole story but he felt like he didn't need to. The only thing the past was good for was to learn from it. To draw conclusions which might help him be a better version of himself in future. That was exactly why his position in the Order mainly included analysing flight data, devising strategies for improvement and giving feedback to the Order's engineer's if necessary. Not everyone could have done this job as well as him, he knew and he also remembered the day he had been put in special training for this precise job back at the First Order's military Academy, which he had joined as soon as he had been the right age. Until then he had been raised in one of the many orphanages the First Order ran for children whose parents had served the Empire and had perished before the signing of the Galactic Concordance, which had ended the war between the Empire and the New Republic.

General Kafr gave him only one look and Poe got up immediately. Connecting his data pad to the holo in the centre of the table took a while and he had some time to look around the conference room. Apart from himself and General Kafr, seven others had been asked to this meeting. Engineers, commanding officers and two more strategists such as himself. Safe for one, none of the pilots who had participated in this mission were present. He was the best pilot Poe had ever seen and he barely suppressed a smile as he saw him there sitting across from him, his reddish brown hair not really in order and the top button of his uniform open. Kafr hadn't scolded the man upon entrance, but Poe was sure the pilot hadn't heard the last of it. Maybe he'd be able to talk to him himself later on and remind him that in order to get the promotion he deserved, Morap Bendar had better adjust his appearance slightly.

Clearing his throat, Poe exchanged one more look with the strategists at his side. The woman and the man had been part of his team for a long time and Poe liked working with them. Their insights had made preparing for this moment a bit easier. "As far as we could tell," he began, turning on the holo, which immediately started projecting the three-dimensional image of the Special Forces Tie Fighter on eye level, "the new Ties responded very well to the real combat situation. The problems with the phase two inverter coils we encountered three days ago have been rectified and the deflector shield generator is working better against the B-Wings' fire than we would have anticipated. Lieutenant Bendar's fighter only veered off course for a moment upon impact without taking damage." He lunged into a recap of the battle that had taken place and then into the analysis. He had done this often. He didn't even remember how much time he had spent in conference rooms such as this one, on-board one of the fleet's Star Destroyers, one side of the room equipped with viewports looking out into space and a couple of officers following his every word and asking the expected questions at the expected time, providing Poe with the opportunity to talk even more and flick through the charts he his team had prepared and which he had looked over about ten times before proceeding to the conference room and the inevitable presentation.

When he was done, he turned to look at Kafr once more for a short nod of approval, before sitting down again and letting Kafr turn off the holo.

"Thank you, Major." Kafr held Poe's gaze for a moment longer, before addressing the pilot sitting right across from Poe. Morap caught Poe's eye and though his lips remained in the position they had held the entire time, his eyes showed the smile he was fighting back, making Poe's heart flutter.

Quickly Poe turned to look at his data pad again. The very fact that he was close to Morap wasn't unknown among the people assembled here. Personal contact wasn't forbidden, as long as it didn't interfere with their jobs and so far, Poe hadn't let that happen. Neither had Morap. Still. In situations like these it could be hard to not be affected by the other's presence.

"Lieutenant Bendar," Kafr began, "Do you have anything to add to the Major's presentation?"

Morap shook his head and folded his hands on the table top. "Not really, Sir," he answered. "It all went really well." There was a slight tremor in his voice, which probably only Poe could hear, and as Poe looked up he saw that Morap had gone slightly pale all of a sudden, his face almost stark pale against the dark backdrop of the black wall behind him. "The hyper drive was affected by that one hit we took, though. Just for a moment, but still." A narrow smile was playing on his lips and Poe could practically feel Morap's comment coming, before it actually passed his lips. He wasn't wrong. "Not that the hyper drive would be of much use if the fighter had already been blown to bits," he added and Poe swallowed hard. Shaking his head slightly, he caught Morap's eye, who quickly added something else: "Sir." What was wrong with him? Not that Morap had ever been particularly chatty in these kind of meetings, but today he didn't even really seem to care about anything but getting out of here.

Kafr's eyes narrowed for a moment, then he took a deep breath. "Fine." He told the engineers to look over the connection between the field generator and the hyper drive to see if anything could be improved, then he congratulated them all on their hard work and the successful mission, before dismissing them all.

Poe was on his feet, along with everyone else, but as he was farthest from the door, it took him a while to get there. He smiled vaguely at his team and when he saw that Morap had already left, he turned to look at them.

"Thank you for the statistics, Greggaleon," he told the brown haired woman at his side and threw her another smile, while the man to his left took out his datapad to check something on his schedule. His long, straight nose was practically all Poe could see, since Delaugh was so caught up in reading what the data pad was showing him.

"You too, Delaugh," he added, exchanging a look with Lieutenant Nella Greggaleon, who had only just graduated the Academy. Lieutenant Alexon Delaugh wasn't very talkative at the best of times, but did his work well enough.

Delaugh looked up at him and nodded briefly, before returning to look at his datapad again. "Our schedule says that it is time for dinner," he said matter-of-factly, addressing Greggaleon rather than Poe. She threw one more look at Poe.

"Sir?"

"Go ahead," Poe said, managing another smile. "You did really well today." He was sure that she'd do well in general. Her record was flawless and she was a hard worker. "See you tomorrow." He didn't even bother talking to Delaugh, who wasn't expecting Poe to say anything to him anyway. For some reason Poe didn't really mind that Delaugh always seemed to be out of touch with the world around him. Delaugh too did his work well enough and there was nothing to be criticized about him or his behaviour. He didn't seem to be interested in social interactions, but as long as he didn't offend anyone, or even the Order by that, Poe didn't mind.

The two members of his team left through the door as well to head for the mess hall. Poe himself wasn't hungry at all and decided not to follow them. He had a feeling that he was needed elsewhere, even if Morap hadn't exactly told him to follow.

"Do you have any idea, what is bothering the best pilot in the galaxy?"

Poe turned to look at Kafr. They were the only ones left in the conference room and somehow he couldn't help but appreciate Kafr's show of concern for Morap. He shook his head. "I don't know, Sir." He looked towards the door, bit his lip and then turned to look at Kafr again. "He flew well enough today."

Kafr nodded and pursed his lips slightly. His energetic chin seemed even more prominent now. "Talk to him, if you can."

"Yes, Sir." Kafr hadn't asked him to report what he found out. That was something at least, but he realized that from now on, because of his behaviour today, Morap would be closely watched. "Sir…", Poe began and then stopped himself, though he already knew that it was too late.

Kafr shook his head. "I have reviewed your file, Major," Kafr said, meeting Poe's eyes, who immediately stood up straight. His file… why would Kafr review his file?

"You are in line for a promotion, you know that, right?"

Poe shook his head. No. No, he didn't know that. And how in the world could he tell Kafr that he wasn't interested? And why did Kafr tell him that right now? "I don't know that, General."

"Well, you are. Your work has been excellent and I wouldn't be surprised if you really were going to go very far in the Order. But you should know that sometimes it is easier to let certain things go."

Poe felt his throat get awfully tight and his mouth was parched all of a sudden. He understood what Kafr was telling him and at that moment he realized that advancing in the Order didn't mean everything to him. Not if he had to leave someone else behind in the process.

"It is not my place to give you advice on your personal life, of course. But I think you should think this over."

Kafr's mouth twitched into a barely visible smile, before he nodded once more and then left the room, leaving Poe standing there in the conference room with his heart pounding in his chest. After a moment, he managed to pull himself together once more and head over to the transports. As soon as the sliding doors closed behind him, Poe let out an agitated sigh. The back of his neck was wet with cold sweat and he could feel a couple of droplets run down his spine. Finally, being alone, at least for a couple of seconds, he allowed himself to lean his back against the gleaming black wall of the transport and close his eyes for a heartbeat. He knew exactly what Kafr was asking of him. He knew that serving the Order meant sacrifice but he wasn't sure he could give it up. Giving up Morap to be allowed to serve the Order even more efficiently? It seemed impossible.

He ran a hand over his neck and blinked as the door opened once more, this time to the upper habitation levels. He had moved up here about two years ago. He was still living on one of the lower levels in a fairly small cabin, but he had moved up from the very bottom. Slowly but surely he had advanced in the Order's ranks, until this very point. This point, which may or may not be the end of the line for him.

As he approached the door to his cabin, he didn't meet anyone. Most people were probably at dinner or on their shifts and Poe was grateful for it. This day, which had started out so well with Morap draped over him, the other's breath running gently through his hair, had turned into a disaster within seconds. This one meeting had managed to throw him off balance, or rather Kafr's words had done that.

A wave of disappointment washed over him, as he opened his door and didn't find Morap waiting for him. Of course Morap had his own, slightly smaller cabin two levels down from his own, but that didn't mean that he necessarily had to spend the recreational time assigned to him there. In fact, Morap barely ever slept in his own quarters. Poe couldn't even remember the last time he had woken up without Morap by his side.

Sighing once again, Poe let his teal coloured command cap fall on the small desk by the door, enjoying the feeling of minimal freedom on his head. Running a hand through his hair, he realized that it was already growing out. Soon he'd have to get it cut again, before the curls started getting out of control. Looking out the small window, he crossed his arms over his chest, wondering when, or if Morap would show up.

He hadn't liked what he had seen. Morap, two years older than himself, had always had his problems at the Academy and had graduated last in his class. It wasn't that Morap was stupid, or unwilling to learn, but rather that he had his own mind, barely ever able to fit in. When Poe had met him during a training session of their age group fifteen years ago, he couldn't help but be impressed by Morap's ability to disregard rules and still get away with it by not ever being held accountable for his actions. During their time at the Academy they had become friends quickly. Poe, intent on serving the Order as best he could and Morap, unable to keep his mind focused on only one goal at a time, had made an unlikely pair of friends then. When Poe had graduated at twenty-two and had found himself on the Starburst as a young squad leader, they had met again and all of a sudden their friendship had turned into something more. Something more intense. More intense than Poe would have thought possible and ever since he had considered every day without seeing Morap even for a minute a complete waste. He knew that it was dangerous to let himself be controlled by personal feelings like that, but so far, until this day, it had never interfered with his devotion for his job. His job was his duty for the First Order. He and Morap both had this one duty in their lives and so far, they had been in it together, even after Poe had started climbing the Order's ranks and advancing, even overtaking the older Morap. Until this day…

Poe flinched, when the door behind him gave way. He turned around quickly. The only person who had the code for this door, apart from himself, was Morap and so he wasn't surprised to see his partner standing there in his light grey Captain's uniform, the buckle on his belt smudged and the collar slightly ruffled. At least he had gotten his hair in order.

"Hey,", Poe said quietly, as Morap entered, a tray in his hands, which he must have snuck out of the mess hall for Poe without anyone noticing. How Morap did these things was still a mystery to Poe, but he didn't ask. "I thought you'd be here."

Morap shook his head. He wasn't smiling. Usually he was. Not so today. He put the tray on the table, pushing Poe's command cap to the edge in the process, as the door slid shut behind him. "I thought you'd be at dinner," Morap answered, not looking at Poe.

"Like I said, I thought you'd be here." They weren't getting anywhere with this… Poe shook his head, approaching Morap and taking the familiar face into his hands. "You're not okay," he observed and brushed a strand of hair out of Morap's face. Morap's command cap wasn't really suitable for holding back the awful amount of hair Morap grew and Poe had to remind his partner constantly to get a haircut.

Morap sighed, wrapped his arms around Poe's waist and pulling him close, kissed him briefly. "Sorry," Morap murmured and then let go of Poe to sit down on the bed.

"Don't be." Poe managed a smile and started opening the top buttons of his uniform. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you? You flew great today. Kafr called you the best pilot in the galaxy after you were gone." He omitted to mention the other things Kafr had said. Now didn't seem to be the right time or place to discuss these things and he frankly didn't want to. The only thing he did want to do, was curl up in bed and turn on the holo to watch one of those mind numbing holo movies the First Order provided them with. He needed his mind numbed. Especially now.

He took off his uniform tunic and put it carefully on a hanger. The code cylinders were shimmering slightly in the light provided by the lamps overhead. Taking off his boots, he felt Morap's eyes on him. Slowly he turned around to face him. Morap was still sitting there in the same position, arms on his knees and eyes fixed on Poe.

"The new Ties are amazing to fly." It was the first sentence about the day Poe had been able to coax out of him, but Morap didn't sound like he really cared.

"You want to tell me about it?"

Morap smiled weakly. "You already know all about it, Major."

With a scoff, Poe sat down next to Morap and put a hand on his knee. "Not exactly," Poe admitted. "I have never flown anything. Just in simulations and you, my friend, know what I mean. I know the data, but I would like to know how it felt."

Pulling a face, Morap shook his head. "The flying itself is unbelievable," he said after a while and put his arm around Poe once more, pulling him close. At least he was talking, Poe thought, shifting slightly and wrapping his legs around Morap, who was always so wonderfully warm.

"The fighting…", Morap said, "not so much."

Poe swallowed hard and raising his eyebrows, put a finger under Morap's chin, forcing him gently to look him in the eye. "What's up, babe?" He tried smiling, but the smile got stuck on his lips as he saw the look on Morap's handsome face. The light brown eyes showed a sadness, which made it hard to breathe.

"My first real combat…" Morap said hoarsely and Poe nodded. Yes, that it had been. Other First Order ships had already encountered resistance, but this had been their first time actually heading out into the Outer Rim to intercept a freighter on one of the many trading routes into the Republic.

"Just a couple of smugglers," Poe said quietly. "We're just intercepting them, taking what we need to fight this war. No civilians were hurt."

Morap nodded, but he didn't look entirely convinced by what Poe had said. Ten years. They had been together for ten years now and though Poe had seen Morap in all kinds of situations, this was new. There had only been three occasions, when Morap had been inconsolable and had remained so for a couple of weeks and this look in Morap's eyes right there, had always preceded those weeks.

Poe allowed Morap to pull him closer, glad to provide him with much needed warmth and affection. His eyes closed shut as soon as their lips touched. Morap smelled good. Clean. After the mission had been completed Morap had showered and changed in order to be ready for the meeting in the conference room and Poe could still smell the standard issue shampoo and soap on him. He sighed against Morap's lips, relieved to find Morap still capable of this, and pushed his hand under Morap's opened tunic to feel the warmth of Morap's skin. He needed this. Needed this as much as Morap did. It felt like they were falling. Falling into a trap someone had laid out for them and nothing but one of them taking action would be able to break the fall.

When they finally lay next to each other, exhausted and out of breath, Poe closed his eyes and pushed all thoughts of General Kafr far away from him, while at the same time pulling Morap closer to him. They hadn't talked any more, instead doing nothing but enjoying each other's company and simply being together. Being one. Just as they had been these last ten years.

"Poe?" Morap whispered and putting an arm around Poe's waist to hug him closer to his chest.

"Morap?" Poe couldn't help but smile, as he looked down at Morap, whose lush hair was damp with sweat and sticking to Poe's chest.

"One of the pilots who got transferred here two weeks ago told me something."

Were they getting to the bottom of what was happening here? Was this what Morap had meant to tell him without being able to? "Today?" Poe inquired and Morap nodded.

"Yes…" he paused for a moment and took a deep breath before lunging into it, his right leg wrapped tightly around Poe's as if determined not to let him go. "High Command has started building this weapon. It's supposed to be called Starkiller Base. This one pilot has been on that Base. Training there, you know?"

Poe swallowed hard, finally starting to realize what was bothering Morap. "You shouldn't be telling me this," he whispered. In fact Morap shouldn't even know this probably. If one of the pilots assigned to his squadron started blabbering, he should be reported, but of course Morap had never paid too much attention to the rules. Poe's whispered plea didn't stop Morap now.

"It's a whole planet, Poe, a planetary super weapon. It has the power to destroy an entire solar system in one swift swoop."

Poe gasped despite himself. This was big. Huge! Bigger than anything he had ever heard. He was silent for a while. Trying to digest the news of s superweapon which was supposed to be even more powerful than the Death Star. And it dawned on him why Morap hadn't been able to keep this down. Of course he hadn't. Not Morap, who was more sensitive than anyone in the Order should be. Poe himself had trouble grasping what Morap was telling him here. "So?", Poe said after a moment. It was all he could think of saying. The only thing not incriminating him or Morap.

"What are we doing here?" Morap asked. "Helping to build that base… attacking smugglers to do it… killing people to kill even more people."

Poe bit on his lip, forcing himself to swallow down an answer Morap would hate to hear and which he couldn't quite believe himself. It needs to be done, he should have said. But he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to utter these words. "Morap…", he said again, unable to find the words that needed to be said.

"I mean-" Morap sat up with a jolt, the blanket sliding off his chest, "I mean… does it seem right to you?"

Poe sat up as well, leaning his back against the wall behind the narrow bed he and Morap had shared for such a long time. "I-" he stopped himself and shrugged. "I don't know what to say to be honest." Ten years. They had been in this relationship for ten years and for the first time Poe felt like he should have expected this to happen. Morap wasn't set out for this. Maybe this wasn't right. Morap being here, if it caused him this much distress. He stretched out a hand to put it on Morap's back, feeling a violent twinge in the pit of his stomach. Feeling as if the whole galaxy was slowly but surely drifting away from him.

"Do you ever think we could be one of those civilians?" Morap asked, "Just living their normal day to day lives? Having a family."

Poe swallowed and turned to look around the room. His home. The only place he had ever really known was this one. His place in the First Order. "I'd love to be with you forever…", he murmured, avoiding Morap's question and taking a deep breath to force himself to say the rest, "but our place is here. This is our home… your brother is here; I am here… where would you go?"

Morap shook his head and turned around to look at him, his eyes swimming with tears. "You could come with me…"

There it was again. That pain that felt like a punch in the gut. Like something was pulling at his insides. Twisting them.

Poe forced a smile. Whatever Morap was saying here, Poe felt like not even the ten years they had spent together, could make those words right again. Like they were ending something, without Morap meaning them to. Poe breathed heavily. He didn't want this. Didn't want this to happen. This to end. And of course it wouldn't. This wouldn't be over. Morap was sad. Reacting to what had happened today. Poe had learned that every individual reacted differently to their first combat. Everyone was different. Morap especially. "Where?", he asked again, smiling this time. "There is nowhere else to go."

One single tear ran down Morap's face, and as Morap leaned in to kiss Poe again, Poe could taste the salt on Morap's lips.

Two days later Morap was gone.