A/N: These are going to be totally random, and will more than likely be updated twice a week.

Just to cheer up Kaylah-bean.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the craziness.

-

How to Open Coca-Cola

His hazel eyes lit up instantly when he saw the bottle, a delighted smile crossing his lips. Without hesitation, he pulled out the change necessary to purchase the soft drink. After receiving the beverage, he took off running to find his brother.

"Matt! Matt!" Jeff ran through the hallways, smiling like an idiot and ignoring the curious gazes he was receiving.

He finally found him in the locker room, talking with Brian Kendrick, John Morrison, and The Miz.

"Matt, look what I found!" Jeff announced proudly, showing off his bottle of Coca-Cola.

Miz and Morrison snickered, Brian laughed quietly, and Matt cocked an eyebrow at his brother. "Jeff, are you on something?"

"No." Jeff stated while enthusiastically shaking his colourful head. "But it's an actual glass bottle. Of Coca-Cola! Dude, you can't just find these anymore!"

Matt went to go say something, but Morrison beat him to it. "Man, obviously you can, or else you wouldn't have one now, would you?"

This caused more laughter in the room, as everybody except Jeff started at the obviousness.

"Ha ha, laugh it up guys. I'll just go elsewhere and enjoy my treat then." Jeff left the room, dramatically slamming the door behind him.

Matt stopped laughing for a second, though a smile still remained on his face. "I feel sorry for the sap that has to get in the ring with a caffeinated Jeff."

The look on Brian's face immediately went from amusement to one of horror. "I'm the sap! Crap!"

It went quiet in the room for a moment before Matt, Miz and Morrison started laughing at the blonde's expense; Miz actually falling off the bench from laughing so hard.

-

Meanwhile, Jeff was pacing back and forth, wondering how he could have forgotten his Swiss Army pocketknife in the locker room. Without it, he was at a loss on how to open the bottle cap.

And there was no way he could go back in the room without getting picked on.

"Something wrong, Hardy?"

Jeff looked up to see Triple H standing there, a slight smirk on his face. "What do you want, Hunter?"

The older blonde's smirk grew a bit. "I'm just trying to be friendly, Jeff. So, what's bothering you?"

"I can't figure out how to open this." Jeff sighed, pushing back his multi-coloured hair. "You wouldn't happen to have a pocketknife or something, would you?"

Hunter shook his head. "Nope. But I do have..." He brought down the sledgehammer from his shoulder.

"I don't think –" Jeff started, but was cut off by The Game.

"Yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. Watch." He took the bottle from Jeff, ignoring the younger man's protests as he put it on the concrete floor.

With a manic look in his eye, Triple H raised his sledgehammer up over his head, bringing it down on the innocent bottle, which shattered into several shards, the carbonated liquid spraying and pooling.

"There ya are, Hardy." Triple H smiled proudly, bringing his Equaliser to rest on his shoulder.

Jeff looked in disbelief at the sticky mess. "Dude, how am I supposed to drink it?!"

"Drink it?" Hunter repeated, his eyebrows furrowing. "I didn't know you wanted to drink it; I just thought you wanted it open."

Sighing and rolling his eyes, Jeff walked back towards the vending machine to get another bottle of Coke, and hope to God that he found somebody with a bottle opener or a pocketknife.

-

He was beginning to believe that he was cursed.

Nobody had a pocketknife or bottle opener on them, yet whoever he asked was always willing to try to help. Always with negative consequence.

After Hunter, he had run into Montel Vontavious Porter. The Ballin' Superstar offered to help, and for once, Jeff was relieved to see the guy.

That was, until MVP tried using the edge of his bling to open the bottle, scratched it, and threw a fit that ended up with yet another innocent bottle getting smashed.

After that, it only got worse.

Ken Kennedy attempted to yell the cap off, only to shatter the glass.

The Great Khali, Big Show, and Mark Henry had all tried to use their strength to open the bottle, and all three snapped the fragile bottle.

Umaga tried giving the cap a Samoan Spike, only to lose his grip and drop the bottle.

Dave Finlay tried using his shillelagh to pry open the cap, only to break the entire neck of the bottle.

The worst, by far, had to have been his last attempt. Why he even though of The Undertaker was beyond him, but surely, Taker would have had something to open the bottle. Instead, when he asked the Deadman for help, the gong sounded, and the lights went out. When they came back on a few seconds later, he was gone, as well as the younger Superstar's bubbly beverage.

With a sigh, Jeff pulled out a handful of change. Looking at the vending machine, he noticed that it was down to the last bottle.

"Great." He muttered to himself, inserting the change and pressing the correct buttons. "Just fucking great."

Crouching down, he retrieved the Coca-Cola, and stood back up to come face-to-face with the Rated R Superstar, Edge. 'As if this couldn't get any worse.'

"Edge." He greeted monotonously, trying to get past the Canadian.

Edge smirked, barring Jeff's way. "In a rush, aren't we, Hardy?"

"Yes, now if you don't mind –"

Once again, Edge thwarted Jeff's attempt to leave. "But you see, I do mind. I heard that you're having a certain soda related dilemma."

"And what if I am?"

Edge pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, still smirking. "Ah, young Jeffrey, I wasn't finished. See, I also heard you've been going around, trying to get help opening your soda. And yet, you haven't even come looking for the Edgemeister."

"I- uh- I thought you'd be too- um- busy to help me out." Jeff lied. Truthfully, he hadn't even thought of him.

Edge chuckled. "Well, of course I was busy. But I wouldn't have turned down a soda problem. I mean, sodas rule."

Jeff bit his cheek to keep from laughing. "Alright. So will you help me?"

Extending his hand, the Rated-R Superstar motioned for the bottle. Warily, Jeff handed it over.

"Now, watch, because I'm only doing this once."

Jeff bit his tongue, not wanting to upset Edge by telling the guy he could only do it once. He watched intently, as Edge set up like he was about to do some great, near impossible feat. With a deep breath, the Canadian struck like lightning, twisting the metal cap off and letting it drop to the concrete floor.

"Voila!" Edge shouted, smiling like a fool.

Jeff's jaw dropped in disbelief, his eyes wide in shock. "Are. You. Serious?"

Edge gave a hearty laugh. "Dude, all bottles of soda are made with twist tops. What'd you think; they were made like beer bottles?"

Frustrated and flustered, Jeff turned his back to Edge and stormed off, muttering something about wasting perfectly good Skittle change.

With a shrug, Edge turned and headed back down the hallway, Jeff's Coke in hand, to where a small blonde stood.

"Did it work?"

Edge nodded, swallowing a large mouthful of his drink. "Like a charm. How'd you manage that?"

Brian smirked. "I threatened to set Jeff loose on any of the guys that helped him open the Coke."

Both men shuddered at the thought.

Jeff on caffeine was a cruel and unusual punishment that nobody deserved.