So I got this crazy, hilarious idea in my head for a story like this so I typed it up and here you go. This is my first funny story and second overall. Yay:) So please read, laugh your butt off, and review.
Rusl: (Dreamily) Do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls? They say it's the only time when our world intersects with theirs.
Link: (Looks over) Who's they?
Rusl: The Cuccos man… They, they like say that, like they're like watching you man. And, and like they're wait' in to make their move, and, and stuff…
Link: (raises eyebrow) Okay there Rusl (Leans forward and smells alcohol and drugs) Nice…
Rusl: No, it's like not nice man… They're like gonna come and like, like eat you man. They're just gonna strike! (lunges towards Link)
Link: Okay, now you're scaring me. (Gets up) Let's get you home.
Rusl: Like, like no, man. We, we gotta stay and, like watch the dancing broccoli and, and like stuff… (collapses)
Link: Wow…
Later, after dumping Rusl off on his family, Link sat down to enjoy a scrumptious bowl of pumpkin soup when suddenly:
Fado: Hey Link! Could ya come and round up thems naughty goatses. Theys ain't listenings to me lately.
Link: (sarcastically) I wonder why? (goes other to window) Be there in a second
Once outside
Fado: Where done gone your horse?
Link: (looks over) Aw crap not again. (Runs off to Ordon Spring)
Ilia lovingly places her hand on Epona's muzzle. The sun is setting, casting a beautiful light on them. But it doesn't faze Link
Link: Ilia! Quit stealing my friggin' horse! God! You'd think the restraining order would work but no…
Ilia: (Teary eyed) I'm sorry Link. I just wanted to wash Epony! (Runs off bawling head off)
Link: Sheesh
Link rounds up goats and goes to bed.
The next day:
Talo: Hey Link!
Link: (Looks out window) What!
Talo: Come waste your hard earned money buying us a useless toy that doesn't really help you in your adventure anyway!
Link: (Annoyed) Fine! (Goes to Sera's Sundries)
Link: I'm buying the slingshot for the annoying kids
Sera: I'm so depressed
Link: Yeah, sorry about that, can I buy the slingshot.
Sera: Just so depressed…
Link: Just give me the friggin' slingshot!
Sera: So depressed that I can't reach two feet behind me to grab something because my little kitty ran away.
Link: (Annoyed) If I find your stupid cat will you give me the friggin' slingshot.
Sera: So depressed…
Link: (Goes outside)
Collin: Hey Link! I made you a fishing pole!
Link: Great! Give it to me then.
Collin: My mom has it…
Link: (Goes to Uli's house) Can I have the fishing pole that Collin made.
Uli: Oh I lost my baby cradle and I'm too busy cleaning up my husbands barf to go look for it!
Link: If I find it for you will you give me the fishing pole?
Uli: (Hears barfing sound inside house) That would be so helpful Link!
Link: (Begins looking for cradle while looking for cat.)
Hanch: Hey Link, look up there at that big bee hive. Sure would be nice to have some of that bee larva and strangely not the honey. (secret meaning: Go knock it down for me 'cause I'm too wimpy)
Link: Not now, I'm taking care of other people's problems
Jaggle: Yo, Link, look up here!
Link: Why?
Jaggle: 'Cause I'm bored and want you to play some music for me.
Link: (Climbs vines and plays music)
Jaggle: Yes, yes. Play my muscly slave play!
Link: (Launches hawk at Jaggle but misses. Hits bee nest)
Hanch: (faintly) Yay!
Link: (Jumps to other rock. Notices monkey holding basket. Plays music and makes hawk get basket) Finally! Wait, what the heck was a monkey doing with the cradle?
Midna: (pops up) I don't know (Link stares at her in horror) Oh yeah, I don't come in 'til later. Whoops (disappears)
Link: (Brings basket to Uli) Here's your stupid cradle
Uli: (Claps hands) Happies! A container for the barf! (savagely takes cradle and throws fishing pole to Link)
Link: This village is psychotic!
Link: (finds cat and goes fishing. Gets a bite and tries to reel it in but pole breaks) Stupid piece of crap (Spend 4 hours fishing with hands) Got one! (Cat steals it and runs to house) Hey! (Runs after cat)
Sera: My little kitty came back! You can have the half drunk bottle of milk!
Link: Ewww (holds bottle with two fingers) Alright give me the slingshot
Sera: Sorry the kids already bought it.
Link: What!
Sera: Might I interest you in some fresh fish we got in this morning?
Link: (Runs out door to his house.)
Rusl: Hi Link. I just delivered a massive chest to your tree house that's only entrance is up a ladder. (turns pale) Excuse me! (runs off)
Talo: You were taking too long so we bought it ourselves
Link: With what money? (Hears barfing sound)
Talo: Uhh, uhh. Magic Invisible Money! Yep, no need to check your piggy bank inside your house. We didn't take your life savings!
Link: Oh, Okay.
Beth: Anyway we're bored of it now. Go get the thing Rusl gave you.
Link: (Opens chest) Ooooh, it's a pretty, shiny, new… What the crap is this!
(Little window pops up onscreen saying it's a wooden sword)
Link: A wooden sword! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It can't cut anyth- (slices finger on seemingly smooth edge) …. Okay that's just weird…
Talo: Ooooh It was a sword!!! Show us how to use the "doesn't look like it but it is" dangerous weapon!
Beth: Yeah! Be all hot and show us the stab!
Malo: Pulease, the stab? Couldn't be anything simpler. (To self quietly) Not that I can do it myself…
Talo: No show us the Helm Splitter. Oh wait you haven't learned that yet. Okay, show us the jump attack.
(Link does everything the kids want him to do for over an hour. Finally as the sun sets:)
Link: Can't I just go to bed!?
Talo: No! Do as we say, or we shall sacrifice you to the Great Orochi! Oh wait, wrong game. Uhhh, we'll do bad things to you!
Beth: Now do a spin attack!
Link: (smirking) Do you really want me to do a spin attack?
Talo: Yes.
Link: Really?
Beth: (irritated) Yes!
Link: Really, really?
All three kids: YES!!!
Link: Alright! HYAH!!! (Does a Great Spin (how he knew that is anyone's guess) and chops the three kid's heads off)
Link: Hehe. (Pushes bodies into bushes. Whistles and goes home to eat scrumptious bowl of pumpkin soup.)
Stupid kids:) So, what'd ya think? If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them. I really like writing funny stories!