Ok, so I know this story is too dark and horrible and saddening and I probably overdid it. I know I did, but I just couldn't get it out of my head till I wrote it down. I honestly don't know where all this… came from. I hope you endure it without hating me too much….
And I know it's out of Sam's character in parts seeing as to how her personality changed gravely throughout the series, I thought maybe there's room for a different personality in the past and events causing her to wanna toughen up and almost never let her guard down, except for this one night where she tells the story hehe…. I know she wouldn't have told them the story in such great detail but I just wanted to give a vivid idea of her past, though it's out of character for her to tell them all this in details. And I should mention, due to the reviews, that I consider Sam's mum to have died when she was around 18 or 19 (though it apparently isn't like that in the series).
There's cursing, violence and suggesting to different kinds of abuse
So enough with the talking, I hope you enjoy reading. Please give me your opinion cause I have never ever done something along these lines, so I really do wanna know what you think! Thank you!
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The Dark Ages
It was one of those magical team nights that made all their troubles melt away. It was one of those few nights were they didn't once think about earth's fate, the Goa'uld or any of their other general or personal problems. This night was all about laughter, games and jokes. It was a night to recharge. It was a night for fun…
"Take that Carter!" Jack threw the pillow in Sam's direction. When she ducked to avoid impact he decided to personally see to it that the pillow hit her, so he moved closer on the couch and smothered her with the pillow. She kept on fighting it and kicking him with her legs. As self defense she tried to cover his face with, the almost melted marshmallows in her hand, but as her face was covered with the pillow she couldn't quite see where she was aiming. To completely defeat her, her CO resorted to one of the most successful tricks in his bag: tickling!
He started tickling her in the stomach causing her to lower her marshmallow covered hands on her own t-shirt where he was tickling. And she was giggling breathlessly. The sound of her angelic giggle always made her whole team's heart's dance, that of her CO more so.
"Payback's a… Carter!" Jack teased pointing at her marshmallow tainted T-shirt.
"Why, sir. It was you who started it. And about payback….." she started her sentence with an innocent smile while batting eyelashes and ended it with a satisfied grin before she grabbing a large piece from the chocolate cake laying on the table and throwing it in the face of her CO, with one swift move.
"Mmmm, nice!" Jack said while licking the cake off his face.
She was relieved that he'd taken it as a joke for one and that he seemed distracted by the delicious cake, to forget revenge for two.
"I'd run if I were you, Carter. And fast" he brought her back from the relieved smile on her face. And with that they were running across her living room, with her screaming like a happy child and him threatening and laughing.
Daniel and Teal'c who had been in the kitchen preparing snacks, couldn't help but hear the sounds of fun outside. For fear of missing out on their share of laughter, they decided to first go join in the games then return to tend to the snacks.
"You ate the chocolate without us!" Daniel acted hurt. "Thank you very much!"
"Tough luck!" Jack nagged while running after his shrieking 2IC
"Keep laughing! But we're not surrendering our share without a fight." he threatened before joining in the race for revenge and chocolate.
"Indeed." Teal'c stated loudly before intercepting Jack from the other side.
Sandwiched between his two avengers, he tried a run for his freedom, but Teal'c had him pinned in his position, while Daniel salvaged eatable cake pieces from all over Jack.
"Mmmmm. Now that's what I call lucky." Daniel exaggerated his pleasure. "Wanna bite, T?" he said while giving his friend some chocolate remainder, not taking his revenge drenched eyes off Jack.
"Indeed, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c was showing his bright white teeth as he consumed the cake with satisfaction.
"Hey only I call him T!" Jack protested from where he stood trying to free himself from the Jaffa's grip.
"Daniel Jackson, too, calls me T on occasion, O'Neill." Teal'c stated while raising his eyebrow.
"He does?"
"I do."
"Oh!" Jack acted hurt for realizing he wasn't Teal'cs special one
"It's ok, sir. I still love you." she reassured jokingly.
"Why Carter, what would I ever do without you?" he asked dramatically
"You'd surely never finish a single crossword puzzle." she nagged while getting herself ready to run for her life.
"Why, you! You're just like them…" and with that the whole tram started running after each other in the living room of the team's scientist; the team's only female. The giggles and laughter could be heard all over the street.
They were having fun!
…..
After things has calmed down, they all went to get themselves cleaned up. Jack was last up to use the bathroom, as he'd need the most cleaning.
Daniel was resting on the chair fighting sleep away from his eyes.
Teal'c sat on the opposite chair, fully concentrating on the TV.
Jack had just come out of the bathroom, his towel wrapped around his neck.
And Sam was running her hand through her hair, before heading outside to join the rest of the group.
DING DONG
"Carter, you expecting someone?" Jack called, rubbing his hair with the towel.
DING DONG
"At this hour, I don't think so?" answered his 2IC who had arrived at the living room to check the door.
"Who'd show up at…. 1 in the morning?" Daniel asked incredulously while studying his watch
DING DONG
"Indeed."
"I guess, I'll go find out." she said heading to the door.
The door was not visible from where all three men sat and stood in the living room, but they could all see a small part of Sam's back as she reached for the door knob to greet her midnight visitor.
….
She was smiling happily as she headed towards the door, remembering the past events of the night.
The whole night had been just wonderful. And her CO had been more that perfect with her. He was like that sometimes.
Just when she'd thought that he no longer cared about her a lot more than he was supposed to, something would happen that would reassure her and remind her that they both hadn't forgotten just how special their relationship was. Sure her other teammates, her brothers, shared a special deep bond with her. Each one of them was so special for her that she couldn't bear a second without them. Both, Daniel and Teal'c provided her with something vital something she couldn't live without.
But with Jack it was a somewhat different bond; a not so brotherly one. Deep down everyone knew that. It was like the elephant in the room: they all knew it was there, but no one dared mention it. You only knew it's presence from little moments like the one they'd just had. You could could easily feel the skin of the elephant, when one of them was in danger. You could feel the protection of its strong body, when one of them needed a shoulder to lean on. You could smell its odor, when they both stole a deep peek in each others eyes, one that told them exactly what the other was feeling.
Yes, the bond, she shared with each member of her family, was there and it was strong.
…..
She had reached the door and opened it slightly, still smiling, as she slowly lifted her gaze from the ground to see who the uninvited guest was. She hadn't opened the door to the end and when she found out who was there, she kept it that way.
The smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes, were replaced by a look of sheer horror.
Her breath was caught up inside her throat. Her arms started to sweat. She wanted to run. She wanted to run inside the living room and throw herself in the arms of any of her teammates. But she was pinned to the ground. She couldn't feel her body. She just stood there staring at the face smiling viscously at her, while fear was eating her up.
"Hello, Sammy! You miss me?" the deep dark voice greeted
"Wha… what are you doing here?" she bearly got the words to leave her mouth, careful not to raise the attention of her friends.
"Didn't expect to see me again, did ya?" he smirked, clearly pleased with himself. "I bet, you missed me."
She just stood there.
"You not gonna invite me in?" he asked pushing the door open.
Sam's strong hands kept the door in its position, preventing the guest from entering.
"What do you want?" she asked threateningly. She had slowly regained some of her posture. She remembered she was an strong reputable Air Force Major, so she stood more surely.
"You thought you could get rid of me that easily, did you? You belong to me Sammy, remember?" he reminded her, while using more force to push the door open. She had to struggle to keep it closed.
"Get out." she ordered, not too loudly, still in fear to get anyone involved.
"I don't think so." and with one strong push he had the door opened and was almost fully inside.
"Get out! Get out! What do you want? Get out." she had started to shout, louder with every word; as she engaged her visitor, trying to push him out the door
….
"Wonder who's visiting Sam, at this hour!" Daniel asked his friends as soon as Sam left
"I do not imagine some one from Samantha Carter's acquaintances visiting her in such late hours of the night." Teal'c replied
"We'll find out soon enough!" Jack snapped, clearly still startled by the fact that his 2IC had been in her hallway greeting her midnight visitor for almost 5 minutes now. He felt somewhat jealous at her standing on the porch with a visitor, so late in the night. And what made him more jealous was that he could hear that the visitor was clearly a male, though he couldn't quite make out what they were saying. She was clearly keeping her voice down. She didn't want them to hear what she was saying.
"Get out! Get out! What do you want? Get out."
Their silence was interrupted with the shouts of their younger sister. She sounded clearly distressed.
Jack didn't even wait to look over at his friends to assess the situation. He was out there in the blink of an eye. Daniel and Teal'c following his tracks.
"Do we have a problem?" he threateningly looked at the intruder "You ok Carter?" he turned to his 2IC, concerned by the look of horror and hurt in her eyes.
"Who's that Sammy? Your boyfriend? I'm hurt!" the cold hearted intruder stated without letting go of her.
"DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM?" Jack repeated, while approaching him, shouting loudly.
"I think you do!" the intruder dared Jack.
Just as he was reaching his hands towards him to free Sam from his grip, Teal'c had already grabbed him by his shoulders and was now carrying him up in the air, towards the door.
"I think it is clear you are bot welcomed by Major Carter. I suggest you leave." Teal'c explained coldly.
"Major? Wow, I'm proud of you, Sammy slut. Seams like you're not such a piece of scum after all."
With that Teal'c let him fall heavily to the ground and Jack started kicking his abdomen.
"You son of a bitch. Who are you call…." Jack cursed
"Sir." she called. No response. "Sir?" she called more loudly, causing him to pause for a second and to turn to face her
"He's not worth it." she looked him deeply in the eyes
"He sure isn't Jack." a confused annoyed Daniel agreed. Though deep down he wished he could join Jack in his kicking.
"Indeed, O'Neill." With that Teal'c grabbed the intruder from the floor and threw him outside, closing the door behind him.
…..
She was trying to get to her room, before they could catch up with her and start asking questions, she never wanted to have to answer.
But of course, you don't always get what you want…
"So, Carter, care to explain?" Jack hasted to intercept her from the front, cutting her off from her room.
"Huh?" She asked turning around to avoid facing him.
"Sam? What was that?" Daniel joined in.
"N…nothing. It's nothing." She kept on moving her head away from their questioning eyes
"That was certainly not nothing, Samantha Carter." Teal'c confronted her.
"It's…. it's…" Her face was still showing the same horror signs as before.
"Carter? Who was that nothing of a creature?" Jack was starting to loose his patience.
"No one, sir." She mustered all her energy for the answer to come out as decisive as it did.
"Carter…" he turned again to be facing her and she lowered her gaze to the ground.
"Sir, it's just an old…." she swallowed "acquaintance, I haven't seen in ages."
"Carter?" he reached his hands to hold her by her shoulders and as soon as his hands touched her she flinched, jumping back.
"Sam?" Daniel moved closer "What's going on?" he too stretched out a hand towards her and got the same violent response.
"Nothing. It's nothing… I'm…. I'll just go make us something to drink." and she immediately disappeared into the kitchen
"Ca…." Jack started to call but Daniel's eyes stopped him.
"I think it would be wise to give her some time." Daniel explained after Sam was out of their voice range
"Indeed."
"But what the hell was that? She looked… she looked…. well if I didn't know any better I'd say she looked scared to death by this guy. The Samantha Carter I know never gets scared. Ever." Jack was alarmed.
"I agree, Jack. But I…" Daniel started explaining.
"And the way she pulled back when I… we tried to comfort her? What was that?" Jack was still lost in his own questions
"I know, Jack!" Daniel raised his tone this time to signal to his friend that he needed to hear him out. "And we sure will figure out what the hell was going on and what that…. idiot wanted from her. But I think it's wisest if we give her a few minutes to unwind before we start bombarding her with questions."
"I agree with Daniel Jackson. Samantha Carter needs some time."
"I'm not good at waiting. Not when I've seen how this bastard was looking at her, holding her…." and with that he was almost inside the kitchen before they could stop him.
…..
Sam stood with her back to the door, the coffee pot in her hand. It was obvious that she had been standing in that position since she entered the kitchen. She was looking at the ground, her figure unwavering.
"Carter?" he asked cautiously.
She instantly turned around with an agitated startle, his voice obviously waking her up from her thoughts. The pot was about to fall from her hands before she tightened her grip around it.
"Didn't mean to scare ya." he softly apologized.
She shook her head "It's ok.. I was just…."
"Lost in thought?"
"Uhu."
He didn't know how to approach her. She was clearly traumatized by the earlier visit. So he decided to take it slowly.
"So what are we drinking?" he asked casually.
"Coffee" she replied absentmindedly.
"Coffee at 1:30 in the morning?"
"To boost up our energy, before continuing the movie." she tried to sound as casual as possible, as so nothing had happened.
"Boost up? Carter, we oughta be checking out, soon, don't you think?"
"You're… you're leaving?" she asked, suddenly realizing that they were going to go home and leave her alone. Alone, in her house. All alone.
Her panic at the thought of being left alone, sent the coffee pot falling. The pot shattered loudly into pieces. At the impact of the pot with the ground she jumped back with a petrified scream.
"It's ok Carter, it's ok. It's just a pot. We'll clean it up." Jack tried to calm her down and extended a helping hand which caused her to shrink into herself and obviously agitated her even more.
The sound of the breaking caused Daniel and Teal'c to come into the kitchen, just in time to watch the horrified Sam evading Jack's hand and bumming into the cupboard in the process. She let out another scream. She was now cornered in the kitchen her three friends blocking her escape. To her, at that moment, they weren't her friends. They were a threat. And there was no escape. She started looking around in panic, searching for a way out. Her whole body was shivering and she wanted nothing but getting out.
"Leave me alone. Leave me alone." she shouted, tears threatening to fall down her face.
"Calm down Carter. Calm down. I'm not gonna hurt you. No one here's gonna hurt you."
"Yes, Sam. We're all your friends remember."
"No one here wishes you any harm Samantha Carter."
"Sir? Daniel? Teal'c?" she asked suddenly realizing who they were "I'm sorry. I'm… I don't know what's gotten into me." she didn't dare look them in the eyes. She remembered what she was doing a second ago, and the encounter that had caused her to do so. She was not going to let any of them see the shame in her eyes.
"We're here Carter. It's ok." Jack reassured, not making the same mistake of trying to touch her, again.
"Yeah Sam. It's ok. Just calm down."
"We're here." Jack repeated.
"You're leaving." she reminded him of his earlier words.
"We're not going anywhere, Carter. We're not going anywhere. We still have a movie to watch remember?"
She just nodded, not lifting her head from the ground.
"Indeed."
"You go ahead outside and I'll finish brewing the coffee." Daniel offered while giving Teal'c and Jack a look, telling them to take care of her and help calm her down till he came. Then he looked pointedly at Jack: do not attempt any stupid confrontation till I come.
….
"There you go, Carter." Jack handed his 2IC the blanket he'd just gotten from her closet.
"Thank you sir." she was feeling a bit better now and she could clearly contain herself "I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I just lost it for a second. I guess the stress of the week is catching up with me."
"It's ok Carter. No need to apologize. It's been a long week for all of us. Hell it's been a long month." Jack tried to sound as plausible as possible. He tried to make her feel, he believed her excuse, even though he didn't.
Daniel arrived with some new coffee in Sam's spare pot
"There you go." he handed each one his own mug, upon filling it, then positioned himself on the couch next to Jack. Sam was sitting on the chair closer to Jack, Teal'c on the opposite chair.
"So…" Daniel asked looking at his teammates.
"So…." Jack replied not knowing how to open up the clearly disturbing conversation topic.
Sam just continued looking at the ground, acting innocent. Though her nervously playing hands and her ever sinking head gave her away.
"Sam…." Daniel started and she didn't look up "You know we're gonna want to know what just went on." Still no response.
"Carter. This guy could have hurt you. How can we leave you alone when we know that this guy or anyone else can show up like that."
Her body shivered a bit at the word 'hurt you' but she still gave no response.
"We are only concerned for your well being Samantha Carter."Teal'c tried to explain.
"Come on, Carter. Who was this guy? You clearly knew him. You can…."
"Sam, we just wanna help you. We're your friends. You can tell us….."
"I know!" she interrupted "I… I know. I know you're my friends. I know you only wanna help. I know you won't leave me alone before I've given you an explanation. I know that. I… I just need some time. I just need to get myself together, okay. Can I at least get that? Please?" she exploded.
No one even dared reply. They just sat there waiting, not finding any words to speak.
Long endless moments of silence passed by.
No one moved, no one made a sound.
Sam nervously looked at her feet, that were restlessly changing positions.
Jack silently tapped his fingers, not lifting his eyes off Sam.
Teal'c steadfastly sat there, with a lifted eyebrow.
And Daniel lowered his head, trying to study her.
After a long tormenting while Sam let out a sigh signaling that she was ready to talk.
They all sat up in their seat in anticipation.
"I…. He…..ummmm… Its…" between each attempted sentence start was a long awkward pause. Sam was nervously playing with her hands, almost disfiguring them.
"It's ok. Take your time." Daniel reassured
"Ummm… He was….." then she immediately lowered her gaze to the ground again and started to slightly shake.
"He was…" and again there was this trace of intolerable horror on her face.
"God Carter. What is it? What did he do to you?" Jack jumped in unable to stand the terrified look on her face any longer.
This sent her sitting deeper into her chair, pulling away from them, and not looking up from the ground.
Daniel shot Jack a look and Jack immediately regretted the words that left his mouth. He just couldn't stand the way she looked and not knowing what was going on.
"He was my boyfriend." she said slowly without lifting her head.
The three men were looking at her awaiting the rest of the story, careful not to interrupt any further.
"It was just after my mother had died. My dad had taken a position away from home and Mark was busy being angry at the world. It was the summer and I was alone and bored. He was from around my neighborhood. He was about 5 years older than I was and worked in construction. He kept on showing up and being nice to me, when I was out shopping, jogging, doing the garden etc. And soon we had become close friends." she stopped for a breath. She had decided that the best way to do this was to get this over with as fast as she could, so she was speaking Daniel-speed and even faster if that were even possible.
"Soon after that we became a couple: I was alone and needed someone to be there for me, and he was the only one there." she hadn't realized she had lifted her head while explaining. She tensed as soon as she felt the eyes that were watching her in anticipation and quickly looked back at her feet. The next part wasn't going to be pretty.
"He started out your regular caring nice guy but mere days after we were together the mask started to fall and fast." she had her arms wrapped around her body to brace herself for the next part.
"A few days after we became official he wanted to… ummm…. get more…. intimate." her face was starting to burn red. "Of course, I refused, saying it was a too early. And that he was also drunk. I'd told him before that I didn't wanna see him when he was drunk. But drunk as he was, he surely didn't listen…." she tightened her arms around her body and sunk a bit deeper into her chair.
"He tried to convince me a bit but… but when I….." she stopped sick to her stomach. The guys sensing where this was heading, were sitting in a ready position, trying to nerve themselves for what was about to follow.
She took in a deep breath before she continued "But when I refused, he... decided to… go on without me. When I refused…" she hugged her own body even tighter sickened by the memory "….he went ahead and forced himself on me."
She was shaking now, trying to calm herself with her own hug. Her palms were sweating and she couldn't take her gaze off the ground. But even without seeing them, she could sense their hurt gazes burning through her.
"God, Sam!" Daniel stated compassionately
Teal'cs eyes were filled with pain for his friend "I am sorry, for what you had to endure Samantha."
Jack just gritted his teeth and clenched his fist, trying to contain his anger and pain. He didn't cease to study Sam for a split second.
Sam swallowed. If she were to get this off her chest, she would need to stay objective and not react to them.
"After that, it was sort of a habit. And when I tried to resist, he'd…. he'd just smack me till I surrendered." she paused in pain while touching her arm with her hand. "Then he decided that we're going to live at his grandfather's deserted cabin, claiming the weather was nicer there during the summer. And of course I wasn't to tell my family. And with that he took me there, to start a, so called, 'happy' life with him." she slowly tried to look up to see the reaction of her friends, but a second before she met the first pair of eyes, she couldn't bear it. She would continue as she had decided. Fast and contact-free.
"I must admit, when he was sober and in a good mood, he was nice to me, romantic and loving. But that usually didn't last long."
Jack let out a muffled word, that no one could make out. Sam stopped. Daniel and Teal'c looked at him. But clearly he was no longer aware of their existence and he wasn't even aware he'd let a sound escape him.
After a few seconds Sam continued.
"Of course, after we moved into the cabin, the nice side slowly began to fade. Before then he only used to…" she stopped in embarrassment "…hit me when I… refused to…." she swallowed "…sleep with him. But soon he started to hit me whenever I did something he didn't approve of…. If the food was burnt or not tasty, he'd backhand me across the jaw." she caressed her cheek with her hands "If his clothes weren't clean, he'd… whip me with his belt." she pressed her back to the chair, trying to smother the wave of overwhelming familiar pain "If his stuff wasn't where he liked it, he'd… cane me with his grandfather's favorite cane." she tensely brushed her arms "If….. well whenever something wasn't right he'd just let me have it one creative way or another."
"We should have killed him where he stood." Teal'c interrupted clearly emotionally stirred up by the abusive treatment his friend had to endure.
"We should have. He should suffer. He should… He should…." Daniel was so angry he wasn't even able to think coherently.
Jack just tightened his grip on the sofa arm and pierced the ground with his enraged gaze. He was so overwhelmed he couldn't react.
Sam found it better to go on with her painful story than to react to her friends "Of course, also when I used to disagree with something. Boy, he hated it when someone disagreed." she gulped at the recollection "I mean it's not like I had to say no or even discuss but if he said something and just sensed I didn't like it he'd just… strike me down where I stood." her whole body shuddered "In the rare occasion where I dared to say no… the night was… well the night was full of…." she almost choked on her own words as she gulped back her tears.
"Oh my god Sam. I… I… why didn't you try to escape or call your dad." Daniel couldn't keep his mouth shut anymore.
She nodded "Of course, I tried. I…. He disconnected the phone the second we got there. And at first he'd let me go do some shopping and so when something was needed and he was out working. I didn't dare try something at first. But soon after the… abuse started to become unbearable and I couldn't keep up with his… demands and the…. bruises started to show on my body, I decided to give it a try. One morning I left the house with the determination to never come back. But…. but to my bad luck, he saw me leave the grocery store and walk in the wrong direction. He…. ummm…. he approached me in the street and grabbed me by the hair and dragged me like… cattle, all the way to the house. There, he would strike me till I fell to the ground and then holler me back to my feet again to start all over, all day long." she turned her whole body to be facing away from all of them before she added quietly, as if to herself, while shaking her head "Of course I tried to convince him that I wasn't trying to run away but he just…" she shifted uncomfortably in her chair
Jack hit the table hardly with his fist, causing the mugs on it to almost float above it. This sent Sam flying even higher that the mugs, off her chair; her whole body jumped in a frightened shriek. Regretting that he'd let his anger slip like that and that he'd scared her the way he did, he tightly squeezed his hands together to suppress his rage.
She remained still afraid to even take a breath. The Colonel clearly despised her for how weak and broken she was, she thought to herself; he surely will never wanna look her in the eyes again.
Sensing how worked up she was because of Jack's outbreak, Daniel broke the silence "And of course, you didn't try to escape again?" he softly asked.
But she just shook her body without replying.
"It's ok, Samantha, no one here wants to unsettle you. It is just…" Teal'c started to apologize for Jack's actions
"It's just hard for us to hear how you….. and know that we weren't there to have done something about it."
Jack just looked her deeply in the eyes to express his apology and deep regret. Then he nodded for her to please continue, he nodded that it's ok.
"It's ok, Sam, you can continue. We will no longer interrupt I promise." he promised shooting Jack a look.
Sam slowly inhaled and exhaled before she continued "I no longer tried to escape." she looked in Daniel's direction to answer his question, yet she didn't meet his eyes "From that day on he kept me locked…" she squeezed her eyes shut as if to evade the prison from her memories "…like a dog…" she furrowed her brows "…in the cold…" visible chills were running down her dark figure "…damp basement, whenever he left the house." a shudder racked her whole body.
Without saying a word, Jack covered her shaking body with the blanket, that had fallen to the ground- during the course of the unnerving story. She jerked involuntarily as his hands touched her body. Both of them were evading eye contact during the whole encounter. It was his way of apologizing again; his way of trying to help her, though he knew he couldn't possible undo what had been done ages ago.
After Jack was back in his seat and she took a moment to calm her body and feel the heat from the blanket, she continued:
"He would only let me out when he was there. Soon after that he started knocking me around for no reason at all. He no longer only… beat me when I… did something…" she lowered her head more, if that was even possible "… wrong…. but he beat me just like that… for the fun of it… and so that I learn my lesson."
Daniel and Teal'c let out some angry curses causing her to pause. Afraid to look them in the eye she tried to choke back her shame and humiliation. She was almost giving them her back now. And though she wanted nothing more but to stop and go hide in her room, she also wanted nothing more but to get this off her chest. Even if she didn't want her friends to hear this and she couldn't get herself to let the words escape her mouth, she couldn't not tell them. She felt obliged to talk, to finally tell her dark story. So she spoke; she expressed what she'd been feeling deep down for decades.
"He called me his punchbag. He started insulting me for no reason at all. He treated me like dirt. Like a…" she winced "….dirty punchbag laying on the ground. He degraded me any chance he got. Sometimes… sometimes he'd punch me awake from my sleep…" at that she compulsory shielded her face with her hands in terror "…just so he could have some fun and workout. Why go to the gym, when I have my punchbag right here, he'd say with a large disgusting smile." the way the word 'disgusting' left her mouth, would've let them know how much she meant it, even if they hadn't seen her disgust- and hatred-drenched features.
"Soon I was so weak I could hardly stand up but he didn't care. He'd just hit me harder when I wasn't fast enough in tending to his needs. He would beat me up even worse when he would see that I could hardly move." she paused for a long unsettling while.
"What is it, Sam?" Daniel asked.
"Noth…." she tried to evade answering the question. she tried to evade continuing the story. Though she had to tell them, she simply couldn't. Maybe they've heard enough. Maybe the rest could to remain unsaid.
"There's clearly something unnerving you further, Samantha Carter." Teal'c interrupted.
"It's n…" she tried again.
"Sam! I think it's pretty clear there's something you're… hesitant to tell us. I mean what could possible be more…." Daniel stopped mid-sentence. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that.
Jack who had been too careful to avoid eye-contact the whole time, turned to face her and looked her directly in the eyes. His look was clearly urging her to continue her story and to not leave anything out. It told her that as much as he knew how hard it was for her to be telling them this, he wouldn't bear leaving without knowing the rest. He needed to know, what was possibly worse than everything they'd heard so far. Unable to defy the pleading order in his eyes, she took a deep breath and continued very slowly:
"After some time… I realized… I was…. pregnant…. I was carrying his child." again the wave of disgust ran through her features and her voice, as she touched her stomach "My own child, the one I was carrying within me, belonged to that….." she choked back her tears "I didn't know whether or not I should tell him. But I decided I should. I hoped that to protect his child he'd let me out so I could get physical care. So I chose a night where he wasn't in a very rough mood and decided to tell him." you could hear in her voice how hard it was for her to muster up the courage to face her boyfriend "He just listened to me as I told him that I was carrying his child…. His eyes started filling with rage and he balled up his fists." at that she ducked involuntarily "I ducked to shield myself from his punch, but… instead of punching me, he turned around and walked towards the door. I sighed in relief. I thought… I thought maybe this would soon be over…."
The tense shocked guys sighed in relief, too. It seemed like this heart breaking story might be over. It seemed like they would have to suffer the pain of their little sister, no more.
"But…. it wasn't… not yet…" she swallowed and hugged her stomach tightly while she pushed herself even further into the corner of the chair. "He reached for the baseball bat lying next to the door…. and without any warning…." the overwhelming recollection of her dread and agony caused her to stop. She hugged her legs tightly to her stomach to protect her body. Her whole body started to violently quiver as she continued, no longer able to hold back her tears "…he started battering me repeatedly on my stomach. He kept on smacking my child…. my child." loud sobs escaped her as she struggled to keep her breath under control "He kept on hitting me and hitting me…. till I blacked out inside of a pool of my own blood." As she couldn't endure the humiliation, their sorry looks and the Colonel's deafening silence and pain any longer. She decided to get this over with, before she escaped into her room, forever. She would tell the story to the end, so that she'd never have to go back to it again.
So she continued in her initial speed without pause:
"He must have thought I was dead, because he ran away and left me in the cabin. He was finally gone when I woke up in a hospital where no one knew me. It took me a month to recover. I told the police I was kidnapped only a week ago and that I didn't know who my kidnapper was. I gave them a fake name and with that I left the hospital no one knowing what really went down in that cabin." she paused "When I went back home I told my dad that I had run away cause I was depressed and that I was sorry. Relieved that I was alive and…." she swallowed "presumably well, he was just glad I came back home. And that was it. I never heard of him again and I never told a soul what had happened. I never told a soul; until tonight." she felt a burden fall off her shoulder. But at the same time she felt a huge weight fall over her heart.
"That's what made you join the Air Force." Daniel realized, not noticing he was talking out loud.
She nodded "That's when I decided to join the Air Force. To be strong and indomitable, tougher than any man." she shot a quick glance in Jack's direction, who was still staring at the ceiling.
"That's why you were so feminist at the beginning, always trying to prove yourself always staying on the top of your game." Daniel continued lost in his own explanatory stream of thoughts.
"I'm sorry. I'm….." though she was talking to all of them she was looking at Jack in particular.
That's when he stood up and headed towards her. She cringed as she saw him headed her way: He had been so silent during the whole story. She could see how hard he was trying to contain his anger, while she telling them of her dark past. She knew how hard he'd been trying not to let it show, despite of his outburst. What was he thinking? He was surely disgusted by how weak and cowardly she was, the same thoughts kept on running through her mind again. She is weak and cowardly, there is no doubt. He had every right to be repulsed by her. He clearly no longer respected her. No wonder he can no longer look her in the eyes!
So she found herself cringe as he approach her, she felt the air ball up in her throat.
When he reached her, he just opened his arms and gently, yet strongly, pulled her towards him in a protective, comforting hug. He cradled her head inside his neck and held her close to him. He wrapped her inside his arms to be able to protect her from her own fears; from her own dark past. He held her the best he knew how.
She started to shake violently, letting out all the emotions, she had been hardly trying to keep contained all night. Her whole body was shuddering at the touch of his embrace. He was giving her the sense of security she had been desperately longing for all night long.
"Shhhh… This is not your fault….. Do not apologize, Carter…. This is not your fault…. He can no longer hurt you…You have nothing to apologize for…. Shhhh….None of this is your fault, Carter…. You are nothing but weak" he kept on whispering softly in her ears as she whimpered faintly inside his embrace, trying hard to even out her breathing, while grasping for air "It's over, now…. You're strong… No one can ever harm you…. You're the strongest, brightest person in Air Force I have had the pleasure of serving with… It's not your fault…. You are this planet's most valuable resource…. Shhhh…. It's over….. We're here now, he can't touch you….I'm here, Sam…."
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Tonight, the elephant in the room had turned into a whole hoard of stampeding elephants.
And it isn't easy to settle them down!
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So? Please tell me what you think!