a million times I have thought about getting married but I don't think it will ever happen to me----
a million times I have thought about him
a million different ways,
a million different
touches
looks
scenarios
tones
feelings
pains
pleasures
'in betweens'
a million different things I could say
and in what tone I say it and in what way I say it
And what if I said nothing?
Did nothing?
Would it matter?
Yes.
I think it would.
But when I obsess
I know I
start to (re)consider him as more than
an enemy
because who else would I consider
to be like a
partner
(in crime)
or like a
partner for a
(lover)
or maybe it's both
or maybe one day
a million thoughts will cross his mind
and convey in his eyes
like they do with mine
(but do i still hide it i do not know)
because what we have, has become
more than a dangerous child's game
and it involves a million solutions/problems/plots and a million
little emotions and actions and thoughts and
nothing will ever be solved
Until we stop and think about
it
a little better than
how we are used to doing it
and maybe we will see
maybe you will see
maybe i will actually believe in what i always wanted
humanity to believe
in
what i wanted to believe in
and its not a feeling
its not a million things
its quiet, silent
like a night disease
asleep, your sound, you don't feel it coming
only when its too late
And when it does. . .
It slips away
a million moments later
we're too shocked
I'm too shocked
to really feel it and though
it settles deep in our spirit
it still slips away
cause we're way too logical and dense
and angry and loud
and violent
To see a million things---
a million times I have thought about getting married but I don't think it will ever happen to me