Disclaimer: This work of fiction is just that - fiction. It has no bearing on the television show (now defunct) nor the actors whom gave life to the characters. I make no profit from this, only the enjoyment of writing it.
Warnings: This story includes discussions of child abuse - physical, emotional, mental - as well as cancer & cancer treatments. If any of that is a disturbing topic to you, please do not read this fic. Thank you.
"Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality.
All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration."
- Niccolo Machiavelli -
Nathan stared at the bed, one hand clenched while he ran the other over his face. He was glad Lucas was asleep; the boy's pain had finally abated with medical help and he couldn't figure out what they were to do.
For three months, Lucas had complained of headaches, abnormal bruising, swelling in his leg, and various other maladies that Kristin had dismissed as the flu or general ill care of himself. Then Lucas had collapsed on seadeck early that morning. It had been four hours before he'd been found by a scientist just coming on duty.
"I should have listened to him when he said it wasn't the flu," Kristin murmured, shaking her head. For the first time since she put on a lab coat, Kristin could feel the heaviness of the fabric and the pull of it on her clothes. It lacked the quality of a second skin that it'd always had before and she hated it.
"It's not your fault," Nathan responded in a whisper. He relaxed his hand and settled it on her shoulder.
Her own came up to touch his fingers. "Yes, but I should have done more. I just assumed his CBC was off due to a bacterium, not cancer." She closed her eyes and sighed, "I don't know how I'm going to tell him this. He's just a boy."
"Which is something I need to talk to you about," he said, gesturing back toward her office. He started walking. knowing Kristin would follow.
"Nathan..." She let the unasked question hang there, waiting, anxious and worried. Kristin knew Nathan had been charged with contacting the Wolenczaks to get permission to begin treatment. They couldn't possibly have said no.
"We have a problem. I couldn't get in touch with either Cynthia or Lawrence and I don't think they'll be calling back anytime soon." Nathan's agitation was obvious – Lucas was a minor and couldn't okay any treatment for himself, even if it would save his life; they needed parental consent.
Kristin immediately became angry. "So because they can't be bothered with their son, they're essentially denying him the chemotherapy he needs." She crossed her arms and glared at Nathan, as if he could change it. "What do you plan to do about this?" she asked.
Nathan pondered his options silently for a minute and when he could come up with nothing, shook his head. "I don't know yet," he admitted, because he really didn't. If they were to go ahead with the chemo and there was a complication, they could all find themselves with jail time because there wasn't any parental involvement. If they waited too long, the chemo would be useless.
For a long time they both stared at each other, similar thoughts running through their heads. Neither one of them noticed Lucas approach the room, didn't see him look confusingly between them until he asked, "I'm dying, aren't I?"
Nathan recovered from the surprise of his approach faster than Kristin and immediately opened his mouth to negate it. He stopped before he could tell Lucas that he absolutely wasn't dying, because Lucas was and it wouldn't help matters to lie. He thought how best to break it to the boy and settled on his usual method of playing father to Lucas. "You were right, kiddo, it wasn't the flu. Kristin and several other doctors have talked and they all believe that you've got cancer."
He hadn't been prepared for Lucas to lose all color in his face and tip forward.
"Easy, easy." Nathan gently helped Lucas into a chair while Kristin hurriedly rose and began to check him over. Lucas squawked at her actions, but Nathan knew it was all for show, as if pretending that everything was fine would make it so.
The blue eyes were pained and Nathan could see it, the depth of horror in them, and he reached out to settle one hand on Lucas' shoulder, "It's going to be alright, Lucas."
"Right. Because you managed to get through to one of my parents and somehow got them to give permission to have radiation or chemo or whatever. Everything is going to be just perfect," he spat back, anger and sadness mixed in his voice. Nathan simply glanced at Kristin with a look of bitterness.
Lucas' medical file had been wiped clean prior to his arrival on seaQuest, something Kristin had fought to locate. Nathan had needed to get involved before it was given to them and it was filled with notations – broken bones, illnesses, and procedures. The most minimal of data had been sent to them and that alone had been three folders worth. When questioned, Lucas had merely told them he'd been a clumsy kid.
Nathan and Kristin were sure it was something else. However, lacking any admission of abuse, they could do nothing about it. Lucas had to say something, but Nathan knew he wouldn't. Lucas didn't understand that it would only require some red tape and he could be declared a dependent of another or even emancipated.
Lucas shrugged Nathan's hand off his shoulder. He was trembling and damn it, he should be stronger than this, but he couldn't stop and he looked up at the Captain. His eyes were wide and sparkled with tears, "I don't want to die."
"We'll figure something out. I promise we'll figure something out," Nathan told him, sitting down next to Lucas. He reached out again, taking Lucas' hand in his and quietly asked Kristin to leave.
She hesitated, but the look in Nathan's eyes spoke volumes and she knew what he was going to do, what he was going to ask. Kristin touched Lucas' arm, reassuring him that they would find a way to get him well, and then walked out into the medbay.
"I have to ask you something, Lucas, and I don't want any of your standard responses, okay?" Nathan began, thinking of the anger that would most likely be thrown at him in the next five minutes. He knew Lucas would try to get away with one of his normal responses of being fine or nothing was wrong.
Lucas nodded, "Yes, sir."
"The level and frequency of the injuries in your file make Kristin and I think that maybe there was some other factor than you being accident prone." He paused, hoping that Lucas wasn't going to immediately contradict what Nathan had said. When Lucas didn't, he continued. "Lucas, did your father or your mother hurt you?"
The bluntness of the question was not what Lucas had been expecting. He recoiled as if Nathan's words had burned him and he started to get to his feet. "No. They never... I mean... I wasn't abused." The last word fell off his tongue, bitter and panicked.
"Lucas..."
"How could you ask me that? So what if I jumped out of a car or broke my leg six times and why the hell did you read that stupid file?" Lucas was just about screaming by the end, backing toward the door.
"I read it because we had to supply your birth date for one of those conferences and the group running the background checks found a discrepancy," Nathan told him as he moved to block the boy from leaving. "I know you're not sixteen, Lucas. Which means as of right now I could convince a court that your father failed to act in your best interests when he got you placed on seaQuest."
Lucas stared at him. "He never hit me if I didn't deserve it."
"Act as if what you do makes a difference.
It does."
- William James -
It took three days for Nathan to finally get through to Lawrence, having had to resort to a myriad of threats. He was not thrilled by Lawrence's reluctance to give permission for Lucas' treatment. But once he had it, Nathan didn't wait to pass on the good news to Kristin.
Then he called Admiral Noyce's office, glaring until Bill's idiot of an assistant patched him through. "Nathan, I'm a little busy."
"I have to talk to you. Now." Nathan leaned forward onto the wardroom table, making it clear that he wasn't going to hang up until he'd gotten to speak his piece.
Bill sighed and told whoever was in the room with him they'd finish up later. Once the door had closed, he looked back at Nathan, obviously preparing to reprimand his friend. His mouth snapped shut when he noticed the look on Nathan's face. "What is it?"
"I need some information about Lawrence Wolenczak."
Looking at him, Bill's face contorted as if trying to work out why Nathan was asking for such a thing. It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting it. Truth be told, Bill had known Lawrence was not Nathan's favorite person in the world. Nathan defended the man as much as he was required to by the rigors of his job, but Bill had always been aware that personally, Nathan thought he was a bad parent. Still, there was currently no reason to fulfill the request and he told Nathan as much.
"No reason? Bill, Lucas all but admitted Wolenczak has abused him! And considering the fact that it took three days to get through to him when he'd been left messages repeatedly that Lucas has cancer..." Nathan stopped his tirade, forcing himself to calm down and settled his hands back on the table. He'd been gesturing angrily at the man in a vain attempt to convey his frustration.
"Lucas has cancer," Bill's eyes widened.
Nathan nodded. He knew Bill wouldn't have known about Lucas' diagnosis; Bill didn't need to sign off on any medical requisitions and even if he had, the only thing in the form notes is what the medication or supplies were to be used for.
"Kristin ran the blood work four times to be sure and had seven doctors look over the x-rays." He slid into a chair. "He has Ewing's Sarcoma. He has tumors in his pelvis and left femur and there's a distinct possibility that it's metastasized elsewhere."
"Good god," Bill muttered. He was shocked, to say the least. "It took three days to talk to Wolenczak?"
"Three and a half if you consider I started trying to get through to him when we found Lucas had collapsed. I don't know, Bill, but there's been something that's made me uneasy about Lucas' entire situation since we met. Hell, the kid is only fifteen years old. That Wolenczak was willing to lie about Lucas' age to get him on seaQuest in the first place is abhorrent."
Finally convinced, Bill nodded. "I'll see what I can get for you. Tell Lucas..." He trailed off and Nathan nodded.
"I'll tell him. Thanks, Bill."
The transmission ended and Nathan was plunged into silence.
"Time, which changes people, does not
alter the image we have retained of them."
- Marcel Proust -
"So..." Lucas threw down a card. He was hooked up to not one but two IV drips – one for liquids and one for the Chemo. Exhaustion had become the norm for Lucas and he had taken to dressing in comfortable pajamas so he could fall asleep without changing clothes.
It had taken Bill almost a week to dig up all the information he could find about Lucas' father and another three days for Nathan to sort through it all. There had been sufficient evidence in the data to show neglect, something Nathan immediately showed Lucas.
Lucas, however, wasn't having it. He didn't want to press charges and begged Nathan not to do it in his stead. He'd told Nathan what would happen if they failed and Nathan couldn't bear the thought of Lucas being beaten again. Not when he was so sick.
"So what?" Nathan asked.
Lucas eyed him for a minute, and then asked, "Are you going to make me go to World Power?"
Nathan sighed, sitting up straighter and watching Lucas. Of course the boy would want to know if he was going to be forced back into his father's hands. Lawrence wasn't stupid and was quite aware of what Nathan had; he'd called and threatened to remove Lucas from the boat. It was through sheer luck that Nathan had been able to keep Lucas on seaQuest but Lawrence wanted to see his son.
"I don't know, kiddo. If we keep you here without cause, then he could take you off seaQuest all together and send you back upworld. At least if you go to World Power for a few days, Kristin can go to ensure you get your treatments and we'll be close by," Nathan told him, anxious still by the thought of sending Lucas back to the man that was clearly abusing him. "What do you want?"
"Well, considering that there's nothing you can do to keep him from taking me off seaQuest and you'd get into a lot of trouble if you tried, I guess I have to go." Lucas looked about ready to break into tears, something he absolutely did not want to do. Kristin had assured him that the sudden emotional changes and mood swings were all related to the medications he was on, yet it brought him no comfort for one reason and one reason alone.
Lawrence Wolenczak had taught him from a young age that boys did not cry. Crying in the man's presence always ended with something broken and usually that something was Lucas' arm. If he were to break down on World Power without Kristin there to be a buffer between him and Lawrence...
"Lucas," Nathan reached out to settle a hand on one of Lucas', being careful to not jar the IV needle there. "Did your mother ever hurt you like your father?"
Shrugging, Lucas nodded. He seemed to lose his words for a moment, before picking them back up and telling Nathan a myriad of things starting with his mother's favorite form of abuse. Cynthia Wolenczak-nee-Holt had a love for seeing how long her son could go without food, what lengths he would go to get something to eat, and sometimes how he'd recover from a beating without nutrition. He was a science experiment to her.
She'd been a socialite when she'd married Lawrence, but that hadn't meant she was without schooling. With a background in biology and psychology, Cynthia had found her child to be a source of entertainment, a thing to be studied.
"She didn't hurt me like dad did, Captain," Lucas finished with a shrug. "She was worse."
They finished their poker game in near silence, digesting what had just been said. Nathan needed the time to figure out what he was going to do because Lucas couldn't stay on the seaQuest forever, not unless he got the UEO and the court system involved. Lucas was trying to figure out how to run interference. He knew Bridger would want to help him –save him – from his parents, but all Lucas' father had to do was give a word and Nathan could be thrown off the boat, court-martialed or whatever. Still, Bill Noyce was the Secretary General of the UEO. He wouldn't allow the Captain to be removed, would he?
No, Lucas had to protect what little he had going for him.
He quietly said goodbye when Kristin chased Nathan from the room, demanding he leave Lucas to rest. "I guess we're both going to the power plant then?" Kristin asked after she'd fiddled with his drip.
"It's the best option," he muttered.
Kristin wished she could say something, but she knew she'd only try to make Lucas press charges. Instead, she looked over the IV for the second time and hummed to herself, asking if he was feeling any of the side effects normally associated with the chemo aside from the ever-present fatigue.
"A little nauseous," Lucas immediately replied. "And I think my hair is starting to fall out," He added reluctantly.
"I'll get you some Compazine." She briefly disappeared into the medbay and returned with the promised medication, dispensing it into the IV port and placing the needle in the sharps container. Kristin gave a small smile, trying to reassure Lucas and not really succeeding. "As for your hair, remember that sometimes the chemo just thins it. You might not lose it all."
Lucas shrugged. He was not in the mood to talk about his current state of health. He knew Kristin was just doing her job and needed to ask the questions she was, but he still wished she'd go away. It took a few more minutes of protective hovering before she did so and he was finally, blessedly alone.
It was a state he'd often found himself in. Solitude was not a stranger to Lucas Wolenczak and he wished it had the same warm feeling it once did, except his living on seaQuest had changed that. Lucas had grown used to having someone around, be they on his computer or a crewmember, and faced with going back to silence only made Lucas upset.
He wasn't happy when there was no one around and he wasn't happy when they were.
If everyone could only stop asking him questions, Lucas was sure he'd be fine. He could do anything when everyone just ignored the life he'd had before seaQuest; technically speaking, they'd ignored the signs of abuse before and praised him for his work, his genius. They'd loved him, Lucas knew.
The sudden burst of anger at the prying and questioning and general interference in his life made his hands clench and his mouth tight. If there'd been anything around to throw besides his IV poles, Lucas was sure it would have gone crashing across the room.
"Every decision creates ripples – like a heavy boulder
dropped into a lake. The ripples merge, rebound off
the banks in unforeseeable ways. The heavier the decision,
the larger the waves, the more uncertain the consequences."
- Ben Aaronovitch, Remembrance of the Daleks -
Nathan returned to medbay a few hours after being forced out, an assortment of things in his hands – Lucas' laptop, discman, and hyper-reality gloves. A mesh bag hanging off his arm contained games, music, movies, and a few other things Lucas would consider necessities. Basically, Bridger had walked in with a huge peace offering.
"What did you do?" Kristin immediately asked, knowing he had to have done something spectacularly foolish.
"Nothing. Why?" He tried to negotiate moving around one of the lab desks without dropping his load.
"Because you have almost half of Lucas' possessions and I don't think you did it for him, since you were the one to say he should focus on resting, not work. So I have to deduce it was something you did." Her arms crossed, Kristin wasn't budging from the front of Lucas' door. She wanted an explanation and she wasn't going to move until she had one.
Nathan sighed, "I may have called Bill again."
"And?"
"And he already had Cynthia Holt's file. He read it all before we talked and we decided that there is no way Lucas is going back to those people. Bill won't allow it and neither will I," he told her. The hyper-reality gloves started to slip down his arms and Nathan was forced to put them on one of the empty lab benches. He hemmed and hawed for a minute, trying to figure out the best way to break the news. Nathan settled on the truth. "I told Bill to start the paperwork charging them both with abuse and neglect. Lucas' medical file and the sheer number of times neighbors called the police to their house during his childhood, I know we can get a trial."
"I feel a 'but' coming on." She knew that despite the need in her to feel relief, Nathan hadn't told her the worst part of it yet.
"But in order to possibly get convictions, Lucas will have to testify. No vids. In person, in Hawaii, which means we'd also have to transport Lawrence to the trial."
"Oh good, so not only do we have to convince him to get torn to shreds by a legal team made up of the best lawyers money can buy but tell him that his monster of a father has to come on board seaQuest, his home, to go to the trial. Wonderful." She twisted a hand in her hair.
Nathan nodded and sighed. "Unfortunately. Bill is going to see if he can find another ship to do it, but the UEO wants World Power working and we're the fastest boat in the water. They're going to leave him there until the last possible minute, then we'll have to go at top speed to get there in time."
Kristin forced herself to not shout at him, knowing it wasn't Nathan's fault that the UEO was filled with bureaucrats and politicians. They continued to stand there for several minutes until Nathan moved to pick up the computer and other paraphernalia "We can't tell him yet," Kristin said finally.
He froze. "Kristin..."
"I know we have to, but not just yet. If we tell him now, before he finishes the first round of the chemo, he could become depressed, Nathan. It's hard enough keeping a cancer patient alive, but one who may want to kill themselves? If we can at least wait another week, week and a half, he'll be done with this round and the surgery and we can sit down with him," Kristin explained. "He's got to have positive things around him."
"He's going to be furious when we do tell him," Nathan pointed out. Lucas hated not knowing when something was going on that related to him; he didn't like when people had any amount of power over him. He could stand it from Bridger and Westphalen, sometimes Ben, but no one else had found their way through his defenses yet.
"He'll deal. I imagine he'll be more upset about the fact that he'll have to share the boat with Lawrence more than the fact that we kept this from him." She said the latter with a great deal of conviction.
Nathan simply nodded. He knew without a doubt that Lucas would be angry about being left in the dark -- that he would immediately go off on some tirade about not being a child -- but they would cross that bridge when they got to it. "Alright, we'll hold off on telling him until after the surgery, but I don't care if it's an hour after the surgery, Kristin, we're telling him as soon as he's coherent."
She nodded and he grabbed the laptop, leaving the rest of the technology on the bench.
"Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood."
- Marie Curie -
Nathan fidgeted while standing on the bridge, tapping his fingers on the comm unit. Everyone on the bridge knew why the Captain was pre-occupied; half of them were stuck on the same thought – Lucas was likely being prepped for surgery at that moment.
Everyone from Nathan to Ben to Ford had been banished from the medbay unless seriously injured so Kristin and Levine could prepare. The tumors in Lucas' body had to be removed before further treatments could be administered. It was something that made everyone nervous, especially those who understood that there was a significant risk that Lucas could die on the table.
Of course there were those among the newer members of the crew who didn't understand why the senior staff and much of everyone else were absentminded. They hadn't been on the boat long enough to get to know Lucas; they couldn't understand nor did they know the whole situation.
Still, no one dared do anything that could further upset the Captain or any of the senior staff. The senior staff, however, knew that of all of them, Nathan was the one who was the most worried about Lucas. He had tried to keep his mind in the game, but they all knew it was a lost cause.
"Sir," Ford broke into Bridger's reverie, "Perhaps you should go wait for Dr. Westphalen to call. I can handle the bridge."
"I'm alright, Commander," he responded, running a hand through his hair. "I think I'll go see how Admiral Noyce is coming along."
Jonathan nodded. He knew the Admiral had been working on getting a trial date set, but the fact that most of the abuse had taken place in Florida and New York had made for a hard time. Child Protective Services from both states didn't care if the UEO would ensure a fair trial with stiffer penalties nor did they care that Lucas had been abused on UEO property. They wanted to tout the Wolenczaks as an example, to show that no person of power was exempt from the rigors of law.
"Commander, you have the bridge," Nathan nodded as he stood and left. He slowly made his way toward the ward room, thinking over all the things Kristin had told him the night before. He feared for what they would find when skilled hands finally cut into the boy. Kristin had admitted that she thought the cancer had also developed in Lucas' spine, but couldn't be sure.
Nathan felt like someone had suddenly sucked all the energy from him. He felt tired and worn out, but he knew he couldn't just go off and take a nap. He had so many things to do – call Bill, talk to the command staff, and begin the paperwork for custody. Set up watches to ensure Lucas was never alone.
Kristin had let him know during the course of their conversation the night before that Lucas would, most likely, suffer some form of depression. It wasn't something she could say would definitely happen, but Nathan agreed that it was a significant enough risk. Lucas never did seem to do things by halves, making both he and Kristin nervous.
"Nathan? Nathan, are you alright?" Noyce asked, clearly worried, from the vidscreen.
Bridger was just a little startled. He never remembered dialing the Admiral, but nodded anyway, "Yes, just thinking about Lucas. I was hoping you'd have some good news for us."
"Yes and no. I was able to ensure that the trial would be held at UEO headquarters here, but the trial date is too soon. It's three months away and as far as I understand, Lucas will still be getting treated at that point," Bill responded. He shuffled through some papers and told Nathan the exact date the proceedings would begin.
"He'll definitely still be under treatment and I'm not sure Kristin will let him off this boat for anything at that point, even if it's only to testify." Nathan was actually quite confident Kristin would be keeping Lucas on seaQuest for however long it was before Lucas was recovered.
"I'll see what I can do about getting it pushed back, but I can't make any guarantees."
Nathan nodded. "Thanks, Bill," he smiled gently and ended the transmission. He was preparing to head back to the bridge when Ben knocked and entered the room. The younger man looked as bad as Nathan felt. Bridger waved him in. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"
"Sir, I was wondering... I mean I know..." Krieg stopped and ran a hand through his hair, "What do we do if the trial doesn't go in Lucas' favor?"
The question Nathan had been thinking about for weeks. He'd been privately running through hundreds of scenarios and ideas of what to do should that happen. So far, the only one that could possibly work best was to resign, take Lucas, and hide. Once Lucas was 18, he'd be free to choose to go see his parents or not and there was little the Wolenczaks could do after that. But the thought still lingered that seaQuest was Lucas' home and he wouldn't want to leave it.
"I don't know," he answered honestly. "Right now, I think we just have to keep our minds on what to do once Lucas' parents have their rights terminated. If that's done before I can get custody, then Lucas will have to be placed in a foster home upworld."
"Can't Admiral Noyce..." Ben looked surprised, as if Nathan hadn't already thought of asking his friend.
"He's already pulling a lot overtime trying to get the trial set up. I can't ask him to help with anything else yet."
His response clearly was not something Ben wanted to hear, but the Captain was the Captain and he had the last word. Lucas would follow the man blindly into death; Lucas trusted Bridger and Krieg knew he should as well. "Yes, sir," he nodded, adding, "I just care about him, you know?"
"I know, Ben. Right now, though, the best thing we can do for him is to keep as much of our doubts and fears to ourselves," Nathan said as he stood. "Especially today."
Ben chose to leave the comment alone, understanding that Nathan and Kristin intended to have a long conversation with Lucas as soon as the boy had recovered from the surgery. Ben sincerely hoped they were doing the right thing.
And so the man left, leaving his captain alone in the ward room. He had some things to attend to before Lucas woke and Bridger would likely not care, but it was the secrecy and rule-breaking that had always earned Ben one of Lucas' prized smiles.
Nathan grinned at Ben's hasty retreat. He knew what Krieg was doing, knew that without a doubt it would be something that normally would have made him cringe or dole out punishment. However, given the circumstances, Nathan let it go. He would need any help he could get keeping Lucas' spirits up after letting him know all the details of what had been going on.
"Do not anticipate trouble or
worry about what may never happen."
- Benjamin Franklin -
They didn't talk that night or the next, or the day after that.
During surgery, Kristin and Levine along with pediatric oncologists, Dr. Jessie Strong and Dr. Abbott Jones, had removed several tumors and discovered that there had been another tumor forming at the base of Lucas' spine. They had feared the cancer had perhaps spread and so inserted an IC line to more easily give him the next rounds of chemotherapy.
But in a true Lucas fashion, he'd tried to wake before the surgery was completed. The pain of waking before he was stitched and the meds he'd been given had shocked Lucas' system. Keeping him alive had been hard enough before the infection set in.
A staph infection had thrived in Lucas' healing incision, floating through his body and complicating matters further. When he eventually woke, Lucas was in nine kinds of hell – not the best state for a discussion of his legal status.
Fever chills, trembling, and the development of pneumonia made Lucas miserable, completely and utterly. Nathan tried to spend as much time as he could with the boy, but the fear that he too could become ill worried Kristin enough that she began to limit his contact with Lucas. Nathan fought it and then lost the day he, too, began coughing.
"Kristin..."
"Don't Kristin me. Despite how you behave sometimes, you are not a young man anymore, Nathan. If you catch his pneumonia, it'll hit you harder and longer than anyone else. We can't take that chance right now." She crossed her arms and leaned to the side in a fashion that said he'd not win the argument. "As it is, you could have it now. Won't know until the tests come back, but let's not take the chance, shall we?"
"Alright, but if he asks for me..."
She nodded, "I'll call."
Nathan left, on the hunt to find something to do that would take his mind off Lucas for a few minutes. He'd already called Bill to talk over an idea he had for how Lucas could testify without leaving the safety of seaQuest or having to set up a clean environment in a hotel room. He wasn't on duty for another six hours and Krieg lacked his partner in crime, thus no need to hunt out the man to discipline him.
He'd have headed to the moon pool to play with Darwin had the dolphin not been out to feed, and that left him with one thing – filling out the final forms needed to complete Nathan's petition for legal custody of Lucas.
Sighing, Nathan stepped onto the maglev and then off a few moments later, trudging to his quarters and the papers that had been sitting on his desk for two days. He'd been too preoccupied with Lucas' medical problems to even think about filling them out. His only breaks from sitting with the boy had been to work or sleep.
He zeroed in on the papers the minute he walked into the room, the white of the paper glaring against the dark wood of his desk. Nathan slid into his chair, calling up the Professor and greeting the hologram as he sometimes did, then launched into a long winded, one-sided discussion of all sorts of things that were worrying him.
The Professor managed to break in when Nathan stopped for a breath, "So you think that by adopting Lucas, you could place him in further danger?"
"Yes. I do," he responded, nodding. "I think that there are people out there who would use Lucas as leverage against me or other members of the seaQuest."
"And this would stop you from adopting him."
Nathan stood. "Of course it would," he said before pausing. It was more than just his fears for Lucas that was making the decision harder. "That and I don't know if I would be able to maintain any sort of professionalism should something involve him. If there were someone holding him, I don't know if I would be able to be the Captain in that moment."
"But that's what makes you different from others, Nathan. You act on instinct and heart." The Professor's bland look changed, just minutely. "The seaQuest would not be what it is if you were like all other captains."
He nodded and smiled, "True." He turned off the Professor, reaching for his PAL and contemplating a call to Kristin. A knock on the door distracted him; Commander Ford was there, dressed in his civvies and carrying a bottle of scotch.
"Jonathan," he greeted, waving the man inside before closing the hatch. "What can I do for you?" Nathan asked, fairly sure it was a social call that brought Ford to his quarters. It was something they tried to do once a month, a way of maintaining the relationship their command was built on.
They'd skipped it last month; a silent understanding that Lucas was more important at that moment, and though Lucas' health was still a concern, Ford knew the Captain had been dealing with more and more stress. Between doing his job keeping the peace and Lucas' various problems, Nathan was missing meals and was often tired when he was on the bridge. The crew was beginning to notice and it was hurting morale.
"Just thought we could have a talk, sir." He set the bottle down and settled into a chair.
Nathan grabbed two glasses and set them on the desk before sitting down himself. He poured the scotch and sipped it, letting a comfortable silence grow between them until Nathan decided to broach the subject they'd been avoiding. "I know you aren't happy about what's been going on with Lucas. I want to thank you for not taking it up with General Thomas or any of the others."
Ford gave a grim smile, "Sir, I want to thank you for going against me." He drank a bit from the glass and then continued. "I should never have asked for Lucas to be sent upworld. He belongs here and I'm sure if he'd been sent away the crew would be worse off than they are now. At least with him onboard seaQuest, they know the minute anything happens."
Nodding, Bridger put the glass back on the desk. "Which brings me to something else I want to talk to you about." He lifted the papers, "I was just talking this over with the Professor. I've also talked to Dr. Westphalen, Admiral Noyce, and Lieutenant Krieg."
"The petition for adoption," Jonathan murmured, taking them and flipping through them. "They're not signed."
The curious look the man shot at him made Nathan explain. "I've been a little...off lately because of these. I have a concern that perhaps custody of Lucas should be given to someone else. Dr. Westphalen, most likely."
"Cap... Nathan. There is no one Lucas would want to be his father more than you. He trusts you and loves you more than anyone else on this crew. Hell, he doesn't even tell Ben the things he tells you." Ford stood, reaching across the desk and picking up a pen.
Nathan sighed, "And should the situation arise where I perhaps put Lucas before the well-being of the crew?"
"That's what I'm here for," Ford extended the pen and the papers to him.
"It is not flesh and blood but the
heart which makes us fathers and sons."
- Johann Shiller -
"I can't do this anymore." Lucas shook his head, tears flowing down sweaty cheeks and Kristin felt her heart break a little more. She moved the washcloth across his forehead, hoping the cool water would help ease a little of his discomfort.
Within two days of forcing Nathan to limit his contact with Lucas, Kristin had begun to regret it. Lucas became increasingly more upset, which exhausted him and in turn made him more ill. She'd nearly called him down several times but managed to restrain herself; Nathan needed to remain healthy.
"Where's the Captain? I want the Captain," Lucas choked, his body trembling atop the covers. His entire body hurt and it took a great deal of effort to not start sobbing, though he couldn't stop the tears. "Please. I wanna see the Captain." One hand wrapped tightly around the open flap of the lab coat, Lucas looked at her pleadingly.
Kristin stroked his hair, "I'll go call him, okay?"
He reluctantly released her coat and Dr. Jones took her place. Jones was a strange man, Lucas had decided early on. Quiet until one got to know him, the doctor had made Lucas uneasy the first few times they were alone together. Then one morning when Lucas was feeling particularly down, Abbott snuck in a porno and the two had been friendly ever since.
"How you doing, Lucas?"
"It hurts in places it didn't before," Lucas whispered. Though feeling quite weak, he moved and tightened his hold on the blanket beneath him. "It hurts...there."
"Where?" Abbott asked, concerned. There was a fear the cancer had metastasized and spread, and if Lucas was feeling pain it was a distinct possibility that they would need to run a deluge of tests to see if it had.
"Down there," Lucas gestured toward his groin and grimaced.
"Lucas, can I look or do I need to get Dr. Levine?" Abbott wasn't entirely sure Lucas would allow him to do a physical examination of that part of the body, though he knew without a doubt that Lucas would never let Kristin or any other woman do it. A fifteen year old boy was already confused enough about sex and the body without a female doctor prodding their penis.
Clearly agitated by what was happening, Lucas didn't answer. He ran a hand over his face and more tears fell.
Kristin returned then, preparing to ream out the man for upsetting Lucas, when he told her what was going on. Her facial expression changed within seconds. "Lucas," she said as she moved to his side, taking his hand, "Captain Bridger is on his way down. Would you like us to wait until he's here before we decide?"
He nodded without hesitation. The Captain would understand; he could make everything better and Lucas had missed the man's near constant presence. "Please don't make him leave again."
Kristin sighed, "I won't." Despite wanting to keep Nathan away, Lucas' health had deteriorated once contact between the two had been limited. If the price to be paid for keeping Lucas alive was to put Nathan on medications to prevent becoming ill, then it was a small price to pay.
It was a few minutes before Nathan arrived in the medbay, passing all the lab tables and beds to enter Lucas' small room. Kristin took him to the side almost the instant he walked in and explained what was going on. She could tell the news upset him as much as it had upset her, but he understood the importance of getting Lucas to submit to an exam.
"Captain," Lucas muttered it, tiredly and he immediately reached up to grab Nathan's uniform. "Don't go. Please."
"I'm not going anywhere, kiddo," Nathan replied. "I'll stay here as long as you want. But first we have to deal with this pain you're having."
Lucas made a face. He looked absolutely pitiful with the reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Dr. Levine," Lucas said, just a little scared he'd upset Abbott with his choice. One look at the man let Lucas know that he hadn't made the man mad, and Lucas relaxed.
Kristin left, taking Abbott with her, and Lucas and Nathan were alone. They simply stayed as they were for a few minutes, Lucas still holding onto Nathan's uniform and Nathan combing the boy's hair with his fingers. Nathan broke the silence, voice just soft enough to not be overwhelming, "I sent the papers yesterday."
"What papers?" Lucas had closed his eyes and he didn't open them. Nathan knew Lucas was exhausted, but he just hadn't realized how exhausted he was.
"The petition for custody. For now, it will give me guardianship until the trial. Then afterwards... we sign a few more papers and I'll have adopted you." Nathan let a small smile slip when Lucas grinned.
Levine joined them then, looking far more serious than Nathan had ever seen him. He moved about quietly, letting Lucas get whatever rest he could before walking over and positioning himself at the side of the bed. He explained what he would do and told Lucas, "Anything that doesn't feel right, I need to know about. If I press into a spot that doesn't hurt but makes you dizzy or nauseous, tell me."
"Okay."
The smallness of Lucas' voice made the two men look between each other. They truly didn't want to cause the boy any more pain, but if the cancer hadn't spread, then they could all breathe a mite easier. Granted Lucas would still be in pain, but that could be medicated and they could continue to wait until the pneumonia cleared up to continue the chemo.
Lucas let go of Nathan's uniform as Levine shifted the bed, taking the Captain's hand and refusing to look down.
"Easy, kiddo. I know it feels strange." He reached for the washcloth and the tepid water, wiping down Lucas' neck. He could feel the tension thrumming through Lucas; having ones genitals moved about was not the most pleasant aspects of life, but it was something they all had to do at some point.
Levine carried on, gentling his ministrations when Lucas said he felt something, and when he was done, helped set the boy's clothes to rights. He sighed, "Lucas, I'm going to talk to Kristin and then we'll take some blood before we jump to any conclusions, but I want you to know that it's very possible that..."
Lucas stopped him. "I get it. Just... I don't want to think about it right now," he said, obviously saddened by the idea of the cancer having moved to his testes. It wasn't exactly something any man wanted to hear.
"Thank you, doctor. I need a minute with Lucas," Nathan told him, squeezing Lucas' hand and watching Dr. Levine leave the room. He helped Lucas to sit up and wrapped Lucas in his arms. "Easy. Breathe." He rubbed Lucas' back for a minute, until the boy had calmed some and then pulled back just enough to look at Lucas. "I want you to get some rest, alright?" He told Lucas, helping him to lie back again. "I'll stay right here."
"Promise?" Lucas mumbled, his eyes already drooping.
"Promise."
Nathan watched as Lucas slowly fell asleep, restless even as he began dreaming. Once he was sure that Lucas was not going to wake up any time soon, Nathan grabbed a thin blanket and spread it over Lucas before slipped out into the main section of the medbay to hunt out Kristin.
He found her in her office with Levine, the both of them going over blood work and x-rays and muttering things in doctorspeak. Nathan wished he didn't have to interrupt him, but he had a few questions himself that needed to be answered.
Clearing his throat, Kristin's head immediately snapped up and she groaned, "He just can't get a break. We've just been going over all the test results from the yesterday and there's a clear indication that the cancer has indeed spread. From the sounds of Levine's examination, it's not spread much beyond his left testicle, but I don't think that will be much consolation to Lucas."
"Most likely not," Nathan nodded. He stood for a minute, thinking, then asked, "What do we do now?"
"Now..." Kristin rubbed her forehead. "Now we hope that he gets better in the next few days so we can get him back on the chemo. If the treatment continues to work as it was earlier, then he may get out of this ordeal with his body intact."
She didn't have to say that if things didn't go according to plan, Lucas would be less one testicle and with a lot more emotional baggage than he already had.
"For the moment, I'm going to remain optimistic. He's done well so far with everything that you all have been doing," Nathan told her. He truly did hope that Lucas' response to the treatment continued to be good. It might have been exhausting for the boy and had horrendous side effects, but it had shrunk his tumors to about two-thirds the size they'd been before the surgery was performed.
He turned to go when he remembered the other question he'd wanted to ask. "Do either of you have an idea about when Lucas might be able to go down to the moonpool? I have a feeling he might do a little better mentally if he can get out of here for a few hours."
Kristin thought it over. It was rare that Lucas got to see Darwin; between the medications, the random bouts of sleep, and the rise in things like nausea and dizziness, Lucas hadn't been allowed to go far from the medbay. He asked about Darwin, but hadn't thus far broached the subject of seeing the dolphin. She glanced at Levine. "Let's see how he's doing tomorrow and we'll see. He can't go swimming just yet, but I can't see how it could hurt for him to put his feet in the water."
Nathan smiled, "I'll tell him when he wakes up." Then he turned and left, leaving the two to once again sort through all the papers spread out on the desk. He heard Kristin yell something to him as he walked away and he didn't need to ask what she'd said to know what she wanted.
"Dr. Jones, Dr. Strong, I think Kristin needs you in her office," he said as he passed the two and re-entered Lucas' room, glad to see the boy was still asleep. He had hoped Lucas wouldn't wake to find he was alone.
"Where'd you go?"
Or maybe he had. "I went to ask Kristin about getting you down to seadeck. Darwin misses you."
Lucas was still half-asleep and he didn't really comprehend what Nathan had said. He dropped back off into his dreams a few seconds later and Nathan sighed after settling into a chair, "Sleep well, kiddo."