Call me evil, but I'm back ready to make Ethan and Cal suffer some more! They might have driven off in a taxi together (obviously I don't know exactly what's in store for our favourite brothers) but in this story Ethan hasn't got off as lightly as we might be led to believe. I can't stop watching Born Lucky and The Last Call, mainly for the brother scenes (sorry Jeff fans - although I did find his funeral - especially when they all lifted their radios - incredibly moving). Anyway enough of my jibber jabber on with the story...the title may just give away the plot.

As always I don't own anyone that you recognise, I just like to dust them off to make them suffer some more!

Panic Attacks

Dr Ethan Hardy sat quietly at the breakfast bar in his new flat, sipping gently on a mug of tea, while staring out of the window as the new day dawned misty and cool. He was thinking about the fact that he was coming to the end of his first week back at work after the tragic accident he was involved in that had claimed Jeff's life. He shuddered as he remembered seeing the fire on the internet, guilt once again flowing through him - if he hadn't been driving...

"Morning sunshine," broke him out of his thoughts. His brother, Cal, who had been staying with him since he was released, meandered into the kitchen area, barely awake with his hair stuck up at all different angles, "You look rested," Ethan noticed, "Did you sleep ok?"

"I would probably sleep better if you had a proper bed in that spare room, rather than that lumpy sofa bed," Cal argued as he put some bread into the toaster.

"Hmmm," was all Ethan replied. Ethan knew full well what his brother was after, and while he was eternally grateful for everything Cal had done for him over the past few weeks, he couldn't quite make up his mind whether he could actually bring himself to ask his brother to move in with him, even though it was clearly what the older man was hoping for.

Ethan had drifted off back into his thoughts when Cal nudged him as he walked past him, "Penny for them," he said, with a slight grin.

Ethan looked at his brother, who was attacking his toast as if it was the last slice of bread on the planet, and felt a rush of affection wash through him, "It's nothing," he shook his head and looked down at the table.

"You disappeared into Ethan's world for a few there little brother, so come on, spill," he insisted, instantly concerned when the younger man began to drift away.

He watched his younger brother take a deep breath as if to ready himself, "I...I was thinking of maybe...driving into work today..."

Cal lowered his mug slowly, surprised by the revelation, "Ok...ok this is good...I think it's a good idea..."
"You do? I'm not so sure...but yet I know I have to do it sometime...it's just that..."

"I know...but it wasn't your fault and you do have to get back on the horse, so to speak, at some time. You can do this Ethan!"

"Do you really think so?" Ethan asked, uncertainly.

"Definitely," his brother told him.

"It's the last step in my healing process," Ethan watched his brother's expression change, "I'll be back to my old self then."

Anyone else wouldn't have seen the minute glint of disappointment in the older man's eyes, but Ethan did. But as soon as it appeared, it disappeared almost immediately, "Well better get ready for work then...so you're driving this morning then?"

Ethan tried to look confident, "Yes, yes I am!"

Cal nodded as he left the room.

Cal looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He knew this day would come because he knew that his brother would never give up on trying to get back to normal, even though he knew that Ethan must be churned up inside. But in the deepest corner of his mind, he had hoped that this day would never come, because he knew that once Ethan's confidence was back, his role would be redundant and Ethan would have no use for him any more. If he was being completely honest, he had really relished being needed by his brother over the last few weeks. Granted he wished it hadn't been because he had nearly died, but nevertheless, he had felt useful for once and had actually enjoyed not trying to get one up on him all the time. He had also cherished the time they had spent together since Ethan's release. They had been out for a drink a couple of times, had meals out together and actually talked...like proper brothers and he had loved that. He wanted nothing more than to move in with Ethan, after all he had a spare room, but he hadn't want to press the issue. He hoped that Ethan just knew and would ask him. He blew out a breath, rinsed his face, then pulled himself together ready to face the new challenge of Ethan driving a car again.

Ethan had watched Cal leave the room and immediately felt sad at the disappointment that he had seen fleetingly in his brother's eyes. He hadn't wanted to upset him. He was so grateful for everything he had done. If he hadn't have seen it with his own eyes, he would never have believed that the caring side of Cal actually existed...yet it did. Over the last few weeks, Ethan had dared to hope that his brother had actually changed and that they might develop a closer relationship like they had had when they were younger. He had been there for him every step of the way, above and beyond some would say...so why was it so hard for him to decide whether to ask him to stay or not? He had a spare room...the bills would definitely be easier if he had a room mate...so why?

'One thing at a time' he thought to himself, 'Let's get the car out of the way first, then I'll think about Cal.'

"You about ready Cal?" he wondered as he put his jacket on and reached for the car keys.

If his brother answered him he would not have known. As soon as the cool metal of the car key hit his hand, the whole world stopped. He stared at the key as if it was something alien. He felt his breathing start to quicken. He clenched his fist over the key and concentrated on breathing in and out. His breathing soon came back under control. 'Just a blip' he thought.

"Ethan?"

"Huh?" he was surprised to see Cal in front of him.

"You ready?" Cal's brow furrowed in concern, "You ok?"
Ethan shook his head, forcing a smile, "Yes, of course. Come on, can't be late."

Cal walked through the doorway first, turning slightly as Ethan locked the door, concern once again knawing at him as he saw the tremble in the brothers hands.

No more than five minutes later, they approached Ethan's car. The younger doctor pressed the button to unlock it. As soon as he heard the doors unlocking, he froze to the spot. A memory from that day bombarded his head - he unlocked the doors - he familiarised himself with all the 'doo-dars' as his co-workers took their seats - he was driving - they were arguing about which direction to go in - the noise...

"Ethan! Ethan!"

How had he got on the floor? Had he been in another crash? He must have been as his chest felt constricted, he couldn't breathe. What had happened?

"Ethan! It's alright little brother, I've got you," Cal's voice. Why was Cal there? Had he been involved in the accident?

"Oh...my...god...Cal...is he...are you..." why was the world spinning?

"Ethan!"

Ok, so this started life as a one shot, but I think it might end up being a little more than that! Is it ok?

I won't carry it on and on to much. He will probably have another attack and although I know they don't just clear up overnight, I certainly don't want to write chapters and chapters of the same, so next chapter will probably wrap it up, kind of.

Do you think that Cal will end up living with Ethan in the show? I haven't heard anything, but after last episode it just seemed to me quite obvious that that's what Cal would like - would make interesting viewing!

Anyway, please let me know what you think and I'll be back as soon as I can. Thank you in advance.