Moshi moshi, fanfiction dawt net! How are things? It's, heh... it's been a while. Honestly, I'm not actually finished this story yet, but in a week's time it would be a full year since my last update – perhaps best to put *something* out, eh?

So I saw Frozen recently – at least, I had when I began working on this – and wow, such movie. Disney has been knocking them out of the park of late, haven't they? Characters are funnier, effects are more breathtaking, and villains are getting a lot, lot sneakier! Heck, I can't even openly discuss Frozen's true villain, because of the whole [REDACTED] situation, which is a shame, since [DATA EXPUNGED].

All in all, it was difficult for me to choose a favourite character. Between the entertainingly energetic Anna, the charming and determined Hans, and the utterly badass Elsa, who could I pick?

The guard from Wesleton that doesn't have a moustache. That's who.

Wait, what?

On a second viewing, I happened to be watching this guy – who I have temporarily dubbed "Edward" – more closely. And holy crap, this non-speaking tertiary villain demonstrated a surprising amount of personality through sassy facial expressions alone. Ultimately, he won my respect, to the infinite chagrin of my Elsa-loving sister.

With that in mind, I have decided to write a little one-shot dedicated to this most minor of characters. Not unlike my first ever story on this site, a tribute to Link Deas, but hopefully a lot less stupid and terrible.

Enjoy.

The ship sailed slowly through the placid waters of Arendelle's principle fjord. Edward stood on the prow, taking in the picturesque views of the main town's colourful and sloping buildings, culminating in the beautiful, spired castle of the nation's royalty.

Edward tried not to yawn.

He had never been an architecture aficionado. For that matter, he had never had much interest in art of any kind. He would've described himself as a man of action, which was perhaps a sign that he was more poetical than he realized.

Such ideals against ideals alone had pushed him towards a career more suited to using one's fists as opposed to one's artistic sensibilities. Given Edward's disinclination to die of frostbite in a gods-forsaken muddy hole thousands of miles from home, he had ultimately given full military service a wide berth, and instead trained as a personal bodyguard.

Objectively, he knew that he was a fortunate man to receive a post with the Duke of Weselton. Subjectively, he was less certain.

Yes, all it really required of him was to stand around menacingly and not give the Duke any backtalk – two tasks he took to well, due to his naturally near-silent disposition. But there were definite drawbacks, mostly stemming from his charge's more eccentric traits. Still, it was hard to deny that it was an easy gig, and that it paid nicely for how little it demanded of him.

There was a heavy footfall behind him. Edward turned his head slightly to acknowledge the arrival of his colleague Warren. Warren was a heavy-set man who was almost as quiet as Edward, meaning that the two had easily formed a very efficient working relationship. Warren nodded to Edward, Edward returned the gesture, and the two settled into their usual state of comfortable silence.

"Arendelle," remarked Warren eventually, but with little interest. Edward grunted in agreement.

The ship continued to close in on the harbour, weaving around the multiple other vessels from various nations who were also present for Princess Elsa's imminent coronation. Edward scanned what he could make out of the other crews and their passengers, but did so knowing it was pointless. He hardly expected anyone to make trouble for the representatives of Arendelle's largest trading partner. His gaze briefly settled on the ship from Corona, his attention drawn by an exuberant conversation between a young woman in a purple dress and a man with dark brown hair. Given that this was the most dangerous thing he could see on any ship, he satisfied himself that the diplomatic mission would be as boring as he feared.

"Good morning, gentlemen!"

The two guards turned and bowed smartly to the Duke, who had finally emerged from his room. The tiny man pushed past them, looked at Arendelle briefly, and nodded to himself.

"Excellent! It seems I picked a most opportune moment to wake up," said the Duke in his usual bombastic manner. "Well boys, I hope you're prepared. I envisage that this is going to turn out to be a most interesting sojourn indeed."

Edward allowed himself the slightest roll of the eyes. If only.