I don't own Soul Eater. I don't own Star Wars, which is referenced in this story. I'm not sure what brought this on, but…here it is. One-shot. Rated T for crude commentary and safety. And for my usual brand of craziness with every comedy. Enjoy!
On a sunny summer afternoon, Black Star and Tsubaki had nothing to do. Tsubaki suggested, "We could play basketball."
"Nah. It gets boring after a while," Black Star rejected the idea.
"We could knit," Tsubaki said after a moment of thought.
"Do I look old to you?" Black Star asked rhetorically.
"You don't have to be stereotypical about it," Tsubaki whimpered. She was quickly running out of suggestions. "We could…go see a movie."
"I guess," Black Star shrugged. "Let's look through a list of apartments during the coming attractions, though."
"What's wrong with our apartment?" Tsubaki asked curiously. She was very fond of the décor. It reminded her of home. She enjoyed the traditional and nostalgic aura of their home in Death City.
"It's so tiny! It makes Maka's chest look big," Black Star remarked bluntly.
There was suddenly a furious flurry of knocks on their door. Tsubaki scrambled over to the door to find Blair in her humanoid form, Soul, and a furious Maka. The shadow weapon kindly greeted, "Hello, everyone! Please, come in!"
"Thanks," Soul thanked passively with no evident emotion.
"Maka Chop!" Maka yelled as she hit Black Star over the head with a book. Black Star went down, but immediately shot back up.
"We were wondering if you guys wanted to hit the movies," Soul explained.
"Please come with us!" Blair begged cutely. "While we're out, we can look at men!"
"We were actually just talking about seeing a movie," Tsubaki informed them as she tried to ignore the fact that Blair wanted to look at men.
"I'm getting to a point in my life where I need more than just…fun. I want a man who can get serious," Blair swooned as she imagined her dream man. "A male calico with alley cat grit and a handsome face…"
"Male calico? Is that even a thing?" Soul asked with sudden interest, having never heard of such a thing before.
"Yeah, it is," Maka stated matter-of-factly. "But a calico cat being born male is incredibly rare because the gene that controls fur coloration is on the X-chromosome, and a calico cat needs—"
"Boring!" Black Star snored mockingly.
"In other words, that happening is a one-in-three-thousand chance," Maka summed up her explanation with an eyebrow twitchy with irritation.
"And if you want serious, stay away from Maka's old man," Soul advised.
"C-can we go now?" Tsubaki asked, trying to avoid conversation about Maka's father. Tsubaki had had a few small encounters with Spirit, also known as Death Scythe, here and there. He seemed nice those times. That is, until he found a female teacher and flirted. She was not quite sure what to make of the redheaded man.
"Let's watch a movie about ninjas!" Black Star suggested. "I'll make popcorn!" With that said, he ran to the nearest microwave. In other words, the microwave they had in the apartment.
"Black Star, I thought we were going to the movies, not watching a movie here," Tsubaki reminded him. It was in vain.
"Hey, whatever makes you comfortable is cool with us," Soul said coolly. Tsubaki sighed, letting Black Star do what he wanted. She thought her meister was a lovable guy…who, at times, acted like he needed to be put on a leash. Coming back in, Black Star decided to take it upon himself to pick out the movie.
"Oh! How about this one?" Black Star held up a DVD case excitedly and asked.
"'The Adventures of Mr. Mountain II'?" Soul tilted his head quizzically. "I've never even heard of the first one."
"That's because you have no taste, unlike me. I'm Black Star!" Black Star exclaimed.
A muffled voice came from one of the couch cushions. "I think you should watch a documentary on the history of symmetry." Everyone stared at the couch. Blair even released cat-like hisses at the cushion that supposedly spoke.
"Wait a second. I know those souls," Maka stated as her eyes narrowed. The ability to detect souls came in handy in scenarios like this.
"Our couch has souls and we had no idea?" Black Star tilted his head in confusion. "Are they Kishin souls, Maka?"
"Far from it…" Maka reported as she pulled the cushions off the sofa, revealing Death the Kid, along with his weapon partners, Liz and Patty. "What are you doing here?"
"Gallows Manor is being fumigated, so we've been living in the couch for the past two weeks," Kid reported flatly. "There are few places in the city that meet my standards, and my father said I couldn't sleep in the academy. So here I am."
"I'm so glad you didn't suffocate!" Blair exclaimed as she hugged Kid tightly.
"Blair, you're body is…" Kid said as his face was squished against her large chest, "perfectly symmetrical! Marry me!"
"Sorry, Kid," Blair apologized sweetly and let go. "You're not my type, but it's a sweet offer."
"Well, what is your type?!" Kid demanded.
"One in a million," Soul answered Kid's question with a flat tone of voice.
"Three thousand," Maka corrected her weapon partner.
"You know she's a cat, right?" Liz asked Kid, thinking that her meister went over the deep end this time.
The craziness of it all was more than Tsubaki could take. Thus, she used her trump card. "How about Star Wars?"
"YEAH!" everyone agreed to the suggestion.
"Best movies in the galaxy!" Kid thought aloud with vast excitement.
"You said it!" Patty exclaimed, seeming to agree with Kid.
"Popcorn's ready!" Black Star heard the microwave ding and ran into the kitchen as swift as lightning, or as swift as Spirit chasing a woman. "Speed Star!" he shouted upon retrieving an enlarged bag of popcorn from the microwave. He ran back in and toppled over the sofa. "Who put that there?"
"You're the one who wanted it there…" Tsubaki reminded him. She was hoping to watch a movie alone with him so they could spend some time together as weapon and meister.
"So, we've been thinking of moving," Black Star informed their friends.
"Why? This place is so cozy, and it totally suits you and Tsubaki to the letter," Liz gave her opinion as if she was a home connoisseur of sorts, if such a thing even existed.
"Wow! You think so?" Black Star asked as he started to reconsider. Kid got the movie set up.
"Yeah. After living with the king of OCD here, I've sort of developed an ability to match a home's décor to the resident's personality. I like how Maka and Soul's place is simple and down to Earth, yet not lacking anything," Liz explained herself and her opinion, along with giving another opinion.
"You won't think it's so simple when you see Blair's room," Soul snickered, which earned him a glare from Blair and Maka.
"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW…" everyone else said as one collective thought.
They were all soon silent as the movie started. They decided to watch them in chronological order in which the events occurred. In other words, they would watch the prequel, and then the original trilogy. Black Star had absentmindedly wrapped his arm around Tsubaki, which had filled her with happiness as pure as the driven snow.
Once movie night was over, everyone else was getting ready to go home. Tsubaki decided to get ready for bed, but she glanced at Black Star first. He was doing push-ups since the moment Soul closed the door behind him. With a smile, Tsubaki said, "Good night, Black Star."
"Good night. I'll be there in a minute," Black Star promised and did a few dozen more push-ups. "A bit of a light workout." He went into the kitchen and got a glass of water. To no one in particular, he said, "You know, I've got an awesome partner. The perfect partner for the man who will surpass any and all gods. That's right! We'll aim even higher!"
Tsubaki just so happened to have heard that. With a blush and a smile, she receded into the bedroom and waited for him.
The end
I know it wasn't much of a story. It borderlines absurdity, I'm sure. I just want to test this story out. As far as Blair getting a mate goes, that will probably be a crossover with another anime if anything at all. I did not have anything big planned, so here we are. Thanks for reading. I may come out with more Soul Eater stuff in the future. I don't know when. I won't make promises, but I will say that I hope I come up with something between now and the time I die.
Lord Death: And I will be waiting! Remember to eat your vegetables! Don't fear the reaper!
I love that song! I don't own that song. Blue Oyster Cult can be thanked for that song. Thank you!